Losing Hope on Getting Pregnant

Roxiedl85 · June 2015

HELLO ALL,

     I FOUND OUT THAT I WAS PREGNANT IN JANUARY HOWEVER I HAD A MISCARRIAGE A COUPLE DAYS AFTER I FOUND OUT I WAS PREGNANT. I WAS DEVASTATED BECAUSE I NEVER HAD A CHANCE TO HAVE EVERYTHING SINK IN. I'VE ALWAYS WANTED TO BE A MOTHER AND MY HUBBY AND I DECIDED TO START TRYING....LITTLE DID I KNOW, I WAS ALREADY PREGGO.
     FAST FORWARD TO 5 MONTHS LATER TO JUNE 2015, NOW THAT IS ALL I THINK ABOUT. I AM PRETTY MUCH OBESSESSING OVER GETTING PREGNANT NOW. I CAN'T ENJOY IT WITH MY HUBBY. AND WHEN I DO GET MY PERIOD... I START GETTING A LITTLE DISCOURAGED.

     DOES ANYONE HAVE ANY ADVICE ON WHAT TO DO? I AM GOING TO BE 30 YEAR AND I WANT TO HAVE A BABY SOON. =(
******CAPS BECAUSE IM USED TO TYPING CAPS AT WORK, ITS EASIER TO JUST KEEP IT CAPS******I AM YELLING******

FemShep · June 2015

You're very young and you have lots of time. It can take a healthy, normal couple 12 months to get pregnant. Read Taking Charge of Your Fertility if you haven't yet so that you better understand the science behind your body and conception.
ETA: Also read the "If you could tell a newbie anything" post at the top of the page; it's full of helpful information!

Roxiedl85 · June 2015

thank you so much !

LaLuna15 · June 2015

Hello! First of all, so sorry for your loss. I agree with PP - I know 5 months feels like a long time, but a healthy couple only has a 20% chance of conceiving each cycle. My advice is to take some time to lurk around here (the newbie thread is a great place to start) and read Taking Charge of Your Fertility.

mrsgillham14 · June 2015

Sorry for your loss. I had a MC in March so I understand the pain and wanting to get pregnant as fast as possible

It can take a healthy couple up to a year of well timed sex to get pregnant. Are you charting your cycles (temping, CM, OPK's) to determine if you are hitting your fertile window? If you aren't, you could be missing your fertile window completely. All the sex in the world means nothing if it isn't well timed.

I know 5 months seems like a long time, but you aren't going to get much sympathy on here. Many of the women have been trying for over a year and are going through intense fertility treatments.

As far as the depression, you should probably see a mental health profession for that. Like I said, I understand the pain of the MC, but if its sending you into a depressive state, that isn't healthy. It's one thing to be disappointed or sad when your period comes, its another to be depressed.

Please lurk and read up on how this board functions. Pay close attention to the guidelines and "If you could tell a newbie anything". You may want to pick up a copy of "Taking Charge of Your Fertility" by Toni Weschler to understand your cycles. It is also highly recommended that you use proper grammar by not capitalizing every word of your post. It makes it seem like you are yelling, which is rude.

Good luck.

redshoes2015 · June 2015

WHY ARE YOU YELLING AT US??

Everycol0r · June 2015

Alright so, I first want to say how terribly sorry I am about your loss. I've not been through that and my heart genuinely goes out to you.

Now, I want to say that 5 months of trying does not equal infertility. Please, pull yourself together. As a person who has gone through 16 consecutive months of TTC & 28 cycles TOTAL, 5 months is teeny tiny.

You are allowed to be sad & disappointed every AF you get, every BFN that pops up but you need to take the time to learn about your body. If you do that, and say, start temping, the despair you feel every month will not be nearly as bad as the constant symptom spotting game where you build yourself up to get a BFP & then get your menses, before coming crashing down.

Also, try not to write in caps. It was kind of hard to read your post.

Emillz5 · June 2015

PocketFullofShells said:

redshoes2015 said:

WHY ARE YOU YELLING AT US??

I didn't want to say it...

DontMakeMeAdult0903 · June 2015

I'm sorry for your lost. As the PPs said, please don't type in all caps. If you're suffering from depression get help before trying to conceive. It's important to be healthy so that you can be there for that child.

WaitingMay14 · June 2015

I think if you feel something's wrong especially with a previous mc, I'm
so sorry, you could seek a Reporoductive Endocrinologist's (RE)help.

I went only after 7 months and in glad I did. Do what feels right, take it easy and seek help if you're depressed.

Edit: RE spelling typo

GrumpyCatSaysNo · June 2015

WaitingMay14 said:
I think if you feel something's wrong especially with a previous mc (so sorry ) you could seek a Reporoductive Endocronigists help.

I went only after 7 months and in glad I did. Do what feels right, take it easy and seek help if you're depressed.

Wut?

Roxiedl85 · June 2015

OK then

Everycol0r · June 2015

Depression is a serious mental illness. You stated that your depression kicks in. Hence my verbiage of pulling yourself together. It wasn't to be mean, it was to enforce the fact you can do something to help get through these rough times.

If you do not have depression & just suffering from sadness, don't use that terminology. Everyone will worry about you, as they have already expressed their concern for your mental wellbeing. I thought that was great encouragement.

You'll find plenty of sympathy here for your loss. It is a terrible & tragic thing to have to experienced. And my heart extends to you for such a heavy thing to bare. You however won't find sympathy complaining about being discouraged of TTC after 5 months and not having once offered support to any other women going through the same thing on this board.

Everycol0r · June 2015

Roxiedl85 said:
OK then

I knew I should have quoted you. It is rude to delete your original message.

Roxiedl85 · June 2015

Well I'm new on here so I haven't really figured it out. Never really posted...or did extensive research..the rules or regulations on here...I didn't know there were rules...but thanks anyway

JP927 · June 2015

Roxiedl85 said:
Wow...never going to these things for help...some people are very harsh. And the all caps.. I'm just use to typing on my computer at work with all caps.

And maybe I should have been more clear about my post... I am able to pull myself together and find hope. Just sometimes is difficult. But to say I'll find very little sympanthy here is not a good way to encourage peopleto ask questions and reach out.

Thanks but no thanks

Oh hi, you must be new here. I've just read through every response you were given and fail to see anything that was "very harsh". These women just gave you a bunch of kindly-meant advice on how to better understand your body and how to maximize your chances of getting pregnant, and minimize uncertainty about your cycles. You came here basically demanding support from this community and now because you didn't receive the special type of support you're apparently looking for your going to throw it back in their faces? Not cool, OP. You clearly need to lurk more and get a better feel for the tone of this community.

Everycol0r · June 2015

@JackieP927 for the win on quoting.

Roxiedl85 · June 2015

Never did I demand. But thanks ...

Everycol0r · June 2015

Roxiedl85 said:
Well I'm new on here so I haven't really figured it out. Never really posted...or did extensive research..the rules or regulations on here...I didn't know there were rules...but thanks anyway

That is why it's recommended, highly, to lurk before posting. By lurking you learn the board etiquette as each board has its own unique flavor. Though dirty deleting is frowned upon by every board on this site.

JP927 · June 2015

Everycol0r said:

Roxiedl85 said:
OK then
I knew I should have quoted you. It is rude to delete your original message.

Oh you mean the one I just quoted?

My first QFP, yay!

Everycol0r · June 2015

JackieP927 said:

Everycol0r said:

Roxiedl85 said:
OK then
I knew I should have quoted you. It is rude to delete your original message.
Oh you mean the one I just quoted? My first QFP, yay!

Roxiedl85 · June 2015

Hmmm.. Mean girls arent you... Bye now

Everycol0r · June 2015

Roxiedl85 said:
Hmmm.. Mean girls arent you... Bye now

I'm glad you find not getting the answer you want "mean". I'm sure RL interaction is working out fabulously for you.

Roxiedl85 · June 2015

I don't take kind to people who repost what I say and then use them to poke fun...I'm pretty sure people male fun of you all the time... Sorry

Mel90412 · June 2015

Roxiedl85 said:
Hmmm.. Mean girls arent you... Bye now

[-X Nobody was mean to you. In fact, it looks like you were even offered guidance and support from total strangers. But it's cool if you want to leave because you didn't get the answer you were looking for here. Bye

>-

JP927 · June 2015

Roxiedl85 said:
I don't take kind to people who repost what I say and then use them to poke fun...I'm pretty sure people male fun of you all the time... Sorry

Everycol0r · June 2015

Roxiedl85 said:
I don't take kind to people who repost what I say and then use them to poke fun...I'm pretty sure people male fun of you all the time... Sorry

Repost what you say? It's quoting you, so that way you know which statements of yours I am responding to. There's a quote button, see it? It is a great tool for communication.

People can make fun of me all they want, it's rude of you to say that though. Especially after offering you sincere advice.

PrimRoseMama · June 2015

Roxiedl85 said:
Wow...never going to these things for help...some people are very harsh. And the all caps.. I'm just use to typing on my computer at work with all caps.

And maybe I should have been more clear about my post... I am able to pull myself together and find hope. Just sometimes is difficult. But to say I'll find very little sympanthy here is not a good way to encourage peopleto ask questions and reach out.

Thanks but no thanks

I'm honestly curious, please forgive me, but I must know what profession allows all caps? I would never have been allowed to do this in a professional capacity. :-??

I think you are misunderstanding what folks are saying, hun. TTC for 12 months is average. If you are TTC at 14 months or 24 months? Yes, I could see depression. However, getting this upset when you are still within the medically accepted range of average? It seems a little over-reaction-ish.

What exactly were you hoping for? I'm sorry for your loss, but medically, you are not even considered struggling yet. That's all. It wasn't said to be harsh or discourage you. It is simply the truth.

redshoes2015 · June 2015

Mmkay. Bye.

nlwz123 · June 2015

This was...a mess.

mrsmommya · June 2015

styler91 · June 2015

@Roxiedl85

I just want to give my sympathy out for your loss. MC can be tough to get through, though I am not speaking from experience. I do believe though, that speaking to someone about it - either your husband, friend, or a therapist, can help in coping (though, not forgetting that precious one).

Advice for obsession on Pregnancy - do your best not to obsess - that just makes things worse. Of course, that is easier said than done, I know. But like a few ladies on here have already said - 5 months isn't too long just yet.

I do think that since you have already gone through a miscarriage, that you should see an RE, to make sure you don't have a hormone imbalance or something that could have caused it (you don't want to have another, only to find out later that you may be lacking a certain hormone ). I am not sure what exactly an RE can/will do for you, at such an early stage in the TTC process, but since you have experienced complications already - they might be of some help to ease your mind about it all.

Again, I am sorry for your loss, and I wish you all the best in this journey!

BlueWaffleSpeshul · June 2015

Well, that escalated quickly.

OP, your responses haven't exactly earned you any points, but for the record, I was 31 when I had my son. There isn't a magical age limit. Yes, fertility decreases as you get older, but you're not considered AMA until 35. As has been suggested, lurk, read the newbie thread, check out resources on charting and temping. If you get to a year and still can't get pregnant, look into a reproductive endocrinologist.

BlueWaffleSpeshul · June 2015

styler91 said:

@Roxiedl85
I just want to give my sympathy out for your loss. MC can be tough to get through, though I am not speaking from experience. I do believe though, that speaking to someone about it - either your husband, friend, or a therapist, can help in coping (though, not forgetting that precious one).
Advice for obsession on Pregnancy - do your best not to obsess - that just makes things worse. Of course, that is easier said than done, I know. But like a few ladies on here have already said - 5 months isn't too long just yet.

I do think that since you have already gone through a miscarriage, that you should see an RE, to make sure you don't have a hormone imbalance or something that could have caused it (you don't want to have another, only to find out later that you may be lacking a certain hormone ). I am not sure what exactly an RE can/will do for you, at such an early stage in the TTC process, but since you have experienced complications already - they might be of some help to ease your mind about it all.

Again, I am sorry for your loss, and I wish you all the best in this journey!

Most won't do any testing until three consecutive losses. There's no reason to see a RE yet. She is still young and should try for a year before seeing one, unless she experiences repeated losses.

WaitingMay14 · June 2015

BlueWaffleSpeshul said:

styler91 said:

@Roxiedl85
I just want to give my sympathy out for your loss. MC can be tough to get through, though I am not speaking from experience. I do believe though, that speaking to someone about it - either your husband, friend, or a therapist, can help in coping (though, not forgetting that precious one).
Advice for obsession on Pregnancy - do your best not to obsess - that just makes things worse. Of course, that is easier said than done, I know. But like a few ladies on here have already said - 5 months isn't too long just yet.

I do think that since you have already gone through a miscarriage, that you should see an RE, to make sure you don't have a hormone imbalance or something that could have caused it (you don't want to have another, only to find out later that you may be lacking a certain hormone ). I am not sure what exactly an RE can/will do for you, at such an early stage in the TTC process, but since you have experienced complications already - they might be of some help to ease your mind about it all.

Again, I am sorry for your loss, and I wish you all the best in this journey!

Most won't do any testing until three consecutive losses. There's no reason to see a RE yet. She is still young and should try for a year before seeing one, unless she experiences repeated losses.

I'm sorry but I totally disagree with this statement I saw a RE at 28 after 7 consequitive months of trying because I knew something was wrong. A RE will see you to do a work up and if everything is "normal" will refer you back to a ob if additional treatment is not required. If I waited for 3 MC's or s full year I would not have began treatment or even began to understand what we going on in my body. Maybe my situation is the exception but I think it's ok if a RE will see her that she gets a work up to ease her mind.

Just my opinion...

TheBorg7of9 · June 2015

There's no reason to see a doctor until you've been trying for one year. However, if you are not getting your period or have some other health problem, then of course you should see your doctor. But why go in for painful, invasive and expensive testing if your issue is just that you need to wait another couple months?

Also, miscarriage is extremely common. Most women who have had successful pregnancies have also had at least one miscarriage. There's no reason to have additional testing after one miscarriage.

BlueWaffleSpeshul · June 2015

WaitingMay14 said:

styler91 said:

@Roxiedl85
I just want to give my sympathy out for your loss. MC can be tough to get through, though I am not speaking from experience. I do believe though, that speaking to someone about it - either your husband, friend, or a therapist, can help in coping (though, not forgetting that precious one).
Advice for obsession on Pregnancy - do your best not to obsess - that just makes things worse. Of course, that is easier said than done, I know. But like a few ladies on here have already said - 5 months isn't too long just yet.

I do think that since you have already gone through a miscarriage, that you should see an RE, to make sure you don't have a hormone imbalance or something that could have caused it (you don't want to have another, only to find out later that you may be lacking a certain hormone ). I am not sure what exactly an RE can/will do for you, at such an early stage in the TTC process, but since you have experienced complications already - they might be of some help to ease your mind about it all.

Again, I am sorry for your loss, and I wish you all the best in this journey!

Most won't do any testing until three consecutive losses. There's no reason to see a RE yet. She is still young and should try for a year before seeing one, unless she experiences repeated losses.
I'm sorry but I totally disagree with this statement I saw a RE at 28 after 7 consequitive months of trying because I knew something was wrong. A RE will see you to do a work up and if everything is "normal" will refer you back to a ob if additional treatment is not required. If I waited for 3 MC's or s full year I would not have began treatment or even began to understand what we going on in my body. Maybe my situation is the exception but I think it's ok if a RE will see her that she gets a work up to ease her mind. Just my opinion...

The standard is a year if you are under 35, or 6 months if you are 35 or older; or as mentioned, three consecutive losses. I don't see the purpose of using the doctor's time and resources in this case; yours might have been a different story.

kosmo86 · June 2015

@Roxiedl85

I am very sorry for your loss. If you haven't yet start charting using Fertility Friend and start temping. Temping is the easiest way to find out when you ovulate. Also get your SO involved in the process of tempting, charting and learning about how to TTC. My DH is very supportive and has learned a lot.

** Note: many jobs that work in data entry use caps to standardize data.

ecmb · June 2015

Roxiedl85 said:
HELLO ALL,

     I FOUND OUT THAT I WAS PREGNANT IN JANUARY HOWEVER I HAD A MISCARRIAGE A COUPLE DAYS AFTER I FOUND OUT I WAS PREGNANT. I WAS DEVASTATED BECAUSE I NEVER HAD A CHANCE TO HAVE EVERYTHING SINK IN. I'VE ALWAYS WANTED TO BE A MOTHER AND MY HUBBY AND I DECIDED TO START TRYING....LITTLE DID I KNOW, I WAS ALREADY PREGGO.
     FAST FORWARD TO 5 MONTHS LATER TO JUNE 2015, NOW THAT IS ALL I THINK ABOUT. I AM PRETTY MUCH OBESSESSING OVER GETTING PREGNANT NOW. I CAN'T ENJOY IT WITH MY HUBBY. AND WHEN I DO GET MY PERIOD... I START GETTING A LITTLE DISCOURAGED.

     DOES ANYONE HAVE ANY ADVICE ON WHAT TO DO? I AM GOING TO BE 30 YEAR AND I WANT TO HAVE A BABY SOON. =(

******CAPS BECAUSE IM USED TO TYPING CAPS AT WORK, ITS EASIER TO JUST KEEP IT CAPS******I AM YELLING******

I think this has been said already, but PP meant you won't get sympathy for going 5 months without getting knocked up, not that you wouldn't get sympathy for a MC. You will get plenty of sympathy for a MC because they are horrible and several of us have felt that pain (myself included). I am very, very sorry for your loss.

Unfortunately MCs are very common and one is not a reason to seek help from an infertility specialist. I am still trying to get pregnant again after my MC and am in my 6th cycle TTC after my loss.

Honestly, the fact that you got pregnant in the first place is good news. This means that you can get pregnant and that you're not likely suffering from some issues like blocked tubes, etc.

I really hope you take the advice given to you and read TCOYF (this book helped me immensely!), temp and chart your cycles. There is so little we can control in this whole process, so we can only do so much and for the rest we're just along for the ride.

Want a personalized experience?

Losing Hope on Getting Pregnant

Re: Losing Hope on Getting Pregnant

LFAF Summer 2016 Awards:

Choose Another Board

Search Boards