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30 weeks and boyfriend doesn't want to have sex

Knottie1453843914Knottie1453843914 member
edited June 2015 in August 2015 Moms
ill try to keep this post short. I've never posted anything on here but I don't feel like any of my friends will understand being none of them are pregnant. But last night my boyfriend told me he doesn't want to have sex with me until after the baby is born. I kept telling him the baby is safe but he doesn't want to cause he doesn't want to hurt the baby. My doctor even told him it's completely safe until the day up to birth. I feel like he's not being faithful to me as well. I found sexual texts to another girl he knows, that he swears was from her ex who got ahold of his phone while he was at the bar. but he's always got his phone with him and I saw the times on the text messages and they don't add up. He changed his phone passcode. I found new pictures of his "member" in his phone that he hasn't sent to me. He turns his phone away from me if he's texting someone. if his phone goes off nothing shows as a notification in his lock screen.(we both have iPhones). Another day he told me he was going to his friends who lives in the same town as us but he has his facebook set up to let his friends know if he's close by. It said he was 30-40 minutes polar opposite of where he said he was going to be. Plus before I left I went outside to tell him good bye cause I was going to my moms. I found him deleting texts and then he got out of his messages so I couldn't see. another day, out of no where, he tells me his buddy from the marines is in town and is about to be deployed again. He wanted to go see him. That it was just gonna be the two of them and I got home from my moms and I noticed a new razor blade on his razor in the shower so I know he shaved his down stairs area cause he shaves his face in the mirror. Plus didn't come home until almost midnight. He will also make comments about other girls in front of me like "she's sexy." And so on. And I don't like drama so I agree with him. I sit and say things like "it's okay". "Go hang out with your buddies." "I know she's just a friend." Now I feel like maybe I'm too nice about stuff and that I should put my foot down. But I don't wanna seem like the crazy, bitchy, can't do anything pregnant girlfriend. I feel like I've given him too much freedom and if he is cheating that's why. I allow him to have his freedom because once the baby is born it's a completely different story and life.

We work opposite hours so I never know if he's honestly at home or if he is cheating while I'm at work. I feel really hurt and confused. I'm not sure if it's the pregnancy or if he really is. I just needed to vent and maybe get someone else's opinion. That's all.
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Re: 30 weeks and boyfriend doesn't want to have sex

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  • itsdanikelitsdanikel member
    I'm so sorry you are going through this right now. If you have a gut feeling and the signs are there say something. You are not crazy call him out and if he gets super offensive then he is totally guilty. You don't deserve this and no need to have extra stress on you and your precious one. Men can be total pigs and sometimes you just have to be blunt and call it like you see it. Hope this works out for you dear.
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  • GirlOnTheBeachGirlOnTheBeach member
    My guess is that he is definitely cheating. His saying he doesn't want sex could be an excuse not to tell you if he's caught some kind of std. If he has, he knows you'd have to be treated and you'd know about his indiscretions.
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  • mrieemriee member
    Yer he sounds like he's cheating which is horrible but you don't want to risk having sex atm anyway incase he gives you something. You need to confront him about it because once the babies born you'll have no time. My husband hasn't touched me since the test came out postive so I know how you're feeling in that sense. If you feel like you two could work this out stand up to him and make it clear he's being a dick. If you think the relationships not worth saving I'd at least wait till after the babies born. Whatever happens good luck.
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  • holli0801holli0801 member
    I'm really sorry you are going through this. Like pp said, pregnancy may make you emotional, but it doesn't make you stupid. You're right to think something is going on. And honestly, that's a lot of stuff. I wouldn't believe him. I would also not have sex, in case he has been sleeping around. You don't want to risk anything that could harm you or the baby. He needs a reality check and needs to grow up! This isn't your fault. You sound like you have been more than reasonable and supportive of him. I'd say.. Give him a chance to be a good dad when baby arrives, but you may need to cut the loss of the relationship.. at least until he can be honest, and if he is willing to really work to fix things
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  • Knottie1453843914Knottie1453843914 member
    Thanks guy. I know I'm not stupid but i always try to talk to him to figure stuff out. It doesn't go far. I just sit and say it's okay and it's fine. I'm too much of a push over with him. I don't even know how to confront him cause I'm afraid it's gonna end up in an argument and as I said I hate drama. Apart of me feels like what if I really am over reacting and I leave and he really wasn't cheating. Like yesterday he saw a chick drive the same thing he does (trailblazer ss) but in white and he was like "I'm gonna go over there and talk to her!" Of course I said "I don't care" when I really did but I didn't wanna start a fight. Maybe I should start doing these things back to him so he knows how it feels like talking about other guys and going up and talking to them. I know that's spiteful and immature but I know he would be pissed.
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  • CarelessDiva89CarelessDiva89 member
    edited June 2015
    Everyone has given you really good advice! Being pregnant doesn't make you stupid. It definitely sounds like you know what's up & you need to call him out on his bullshit. Also it's not your fault for him choosing to cheat! We all have choices in life & he is clearly not making the right ones.. I agree with previous pp's on not having sex with him anyways if he's been unfaithful because you don't want to catch something. I'm so sorry your going through this especially when your pregnant. It's not fair & it isn't right. Stand up for yourself & your LO. You both deserve so much better. So I would definitely have the I'm not stupid conversation & tell him to lay it all out on the table & then tell him he has the choice shape up or ship out if you are WANTING to fight for this relationship.. otherwise like @Miz_Liz said kick him to the curb! (Because she is so right when it won't get any easier when the baby comes) Also don't let him put the blame on you or your pregnancy! Good luck
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  • SaratiffSaratiff member
    Starynightsky24 said:

    I would have packed my bags and left. Definitely not pregnancy related at all. I'd let him know when visiting hours are at the hospital and tell him to call before he comes. Sounds like he needs a reality check.

    This and tell him your lawyer will be contacting him for child support.
    Daisypath Anniversary tickers
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  • ElleMF728ElleMF728 member
    You seem to be focusing on small things like him saying other girls are sexy or talking to someone with the same car.  What you should actually be focusing on is him texting other girls, lying about where he is going and sending D pics to people other than you.  

    To be honest, I wouldn't even worry about trying to discuss it with him too much.  Any man that would continuously cheat on his gf who is 30 weeks pregnant with him child and treat her with so little respect is not worth having.  This is not a man you can depend on for support, cut your losses.  Having to parent a newborn is tough enough without also having to parent a disrespectful man-child who refuses to grow up and act like a man who has a child on the way.  

    If he can't put your child's best interest (ie a father who isn't a douche canoe) before his own selfish wants and desires now, what makes you think he would be willing to do so in the future? 
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  • nakoppelnakoppel member
    Whether you leave or not is up to you, but I will say whether this relationship works out or the next one you have to learn to stand up for yourself. It doesn't have to be drama as you say or even confrontational. But you have to respect yourself enough to say 'this makes me uncomfortable and I'm either going to need you to stop or come to some kind of compromise with me about it'. If he's a decent guy when you stand up for yourself he won't think your being 'crazy' or starting drama he'll just wanna talk. You need to talk to him, yeah it may end the relationship or it may cause an argument but how can you move forward if you don't open the lines of communication?
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  • kedbachkedbach member
    Miz_Liz said:

    I'm going to give you some tough love here. First, I think you need to ask yourself why you are even sticking around? If it is just for the baby's sake, do yourself and the baby a favor and don't. Nothing you have said about him makes him worth staying. I understand you don't like drama, but to ignore the obvious signs that he is cheating?? I don't mean this to sound rude, but if you need to come to a public forum to find out if others agree he is cheating, then you already know the answer. I am sorry, but I wouldn't care if the man was a super model, I have too much respect for myself to allow a man to treat me and my unborn child that way. I would kick his butt to the curb and get a lawyer, it isn't going to get easier once baby is here.

    This is exactly what I was going to say. If he's acting this way now, it will only get worse. It's simply disrespectful and no one deserves that. Please stand up for yourself and do what's best for you and baby. It doesn't seem like an ideal home for your baby to be raised in, and he definitely doesn't seem like a legitimate father figure, no matter how badly you want him to be.
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  • HarleenQuinz86HarleenQuinz86 member
    Ditto everything @Marissalynn0620 said. I spent almost my entire you'd adult life with the wrong man. Marissa's story is very similar to my own except my ex and I have two children together. I was so afraid and convinced no one would want me then something happened and someone that was a close friend became more. He genuinely loves me and my children. He treats them like his own. Oh and my ex? Yeah he hasn't changed at all, has a new gf but still hits on other women and wouldn't be surprised if he cheated on his gf also.
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  • breezymeema7breezymeema7 member
    edited June 2015

    @Marissalynn0620 <3

    Edit: Lol...that up there ^^^ was supposed to be a heart. I hope the sentiment translates without a cool emoticon.

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  • missmarissa711missmarissa711 member
    breezymeema7 said:

    @Marissalynn0620 <3

    Edit: Lol...that up there ^^^ was supposed to be a heart. I hope the sentiment translates without a cool emoticon.

    <3;)
    Always hold on to hope ❤
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