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FB etiquette

Cook3133Cook3133 member
edited June 2015 in November 2015 Moms
Freind of mine decided to congratulate me on my newest baby on FB, and note she didn't see the announcement picture. She did this on my wall. HELLO you didn't see an announcement because we haven't anounced it on FB yet!!! Our close friends and family know and those who see my growing belly and have figured it out know. But at 17wks we still haven't anounced it on FB. My husband actually just told his family last week. We have a lot of distance family and friends we haven't told yet.

This is my 4th baby and I know people are going to think we are crazy for having another (all 5 and under) So I was going to try and wait until 20wks to do it.

But seriously send someone a PM don't post it on their wall! Especially if you see NO mention of a baby ANYWHERE! Is it just me or is that a lack of common sense?? I really wanted to call her an idiot but was nice about it and just deleted it and sent her a PM.

Ok rant over :)
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Re: FB etiquette

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    Cook3133Cook3133 member
    edited June 2015
    Sorry that was auto correct.

    I guess I see it differently, if I hear something second hand I tell that person in private if I don't see anything publicly posted. I don't know I guess I see it as respect for other people.
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    VexyMommyVexyMommy member
    I agree it was very socially awkward of the person who posted on your page.  But that's the thing with telling people things.  You can't control what happens to it from there. 
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    Cook3133Cook3133 member
    Oh I agree, I know I can't control who tells who after we tell them. But telling someone in person is different than positing it publicly on FB to me. Especially when someone states they didn't see it announced. Thats where frustration was.

    And I don't find it creepy at all to check someone's FB first to see if they have mentioned anything on a big announcement; engagement, babies, a new house, ect..
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    Cook3133Cook3133 member
    Never thought of that. Thanks @wulfpackgirl
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    Lynnie1027Lynnie1027 member
    As others have said it's hard to control what happens to information once you release it. If the people you told first hand were not told that you did not want them to tell other people or to post it on social media, then it's unfair to get mad at her. The person you should be chastising is the one who gave this person second hand news to begin with. Even then, if you did not tell/ask them not to tell other people, you're not in a good spot to be mad. I understand you're upset because you're not ready but people don't always do what we expect them to do.
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    Pontot31Pontot31 member
    wulfpackgirl said:

    When we started telling people before announcing on Facebook I changed my settings so no one could write on my wall for just this reason.

    We also did this as I got closer to my due date last time to keep people from asking if she was here yet and also to keep people from saying congratulations on there before we had announced her arrival ourselves.

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    missphilmissphil member
    I understand- I don't intend to announce on facebook at all because I'm pretty private on there. I'm just hoping no one writes on my wall, but if they do I will just delete it asap and PM the person explaining why I deleted their post. It is common sense as you said, but accidents happen and I don't really blame people for that.
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    Cook3133Cook3133 member
    I stand by my moment of frustration. Is it a huge deal to me? No. I was respectful to her in my response. Call me old school, personally I just respect people's "big news" even if it's not the norm. I don't think people should have to be told not to put certain things on FB publicly, but that's just me :)

    Just wanted to vent, now wish I hadn't :)
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    ashleywuliashleywuli member
    Cook3133 said:

    I stand by my moment of frustration. Is it a huge deal to me? No. I was respectful to her in my response. Call me old school, personally I just respect people's "big news" even if it's not the norm. I don't think people should have to be told not to put certain things on FB publicly, but that's just me :)

    Just wanted to vent, now wish I hadn't :)

    I would personally be upset. Why didn't she come directly to you with your news? If you didn't post it on there, it was obviously for a reason. Sorry you're dealing with this. I would block people from posting on your wall until you decide to tell the big news! I guess I also understand where you're coming from because this is also my fourth. We have only told family and a few friends.
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    crysgxcrysgx member
    I agree with you OP, I would have been upset also. I changed my settings before telling immediate family and sure enough I received a few Tagged notifications of MIL and SIL posting the news. The changes allowed it to be hidden on my page, which turned out great. I don't plan on announcing to FB world at all, but I understand that with everyone sharing the smallest news ever (lunch pics etc) baby news will be hard to not spread. Eek! Good luck!
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    Cook3133Cook3133 member
    @Pontot31 That's a good idea! Never thought about it for the arrival announcement!

    This is our 4th and my oldest is just over 5, honestly this has never been an issue for us with the first 3. I didn't even realize but with some of them I didn't post I was pregnant on FB until 18-20 wks and we told people we were preggo right away! This time around we just started telling people.
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    EMLarieEMLarie member
    wulfpackgirl said:
    When we started telling people before announcing on Facebook I changed my settings so no one could write on my wall for just this reason.

    I did the same thing. There is also a setting where you can preview and accept/reject timeline posts and comments before anyone else can see them. This way people can still write on your timeline for other reasons but you can filter them.

    OP: I would be frustrated too if I were you. Actually, I was you when my sister outed me to my family when I was like 4 weeks along. I didn't get a chance to make a special announcement to them when I was ready. Now sharing on FB is all I have left!  

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    olga1311olga1311 member
    I think the key problem is that you assumed that your friend will act in a given situation just as you would. Its obviously your prerogative how to handle things on FB just remember everyone has their own opinion of what's acceptable to THEM on fb. You are holding off on announcing and might not announce on fb at all, while someone cant imagine not posting an announcement for her friends to see. Just dont expect your friends to read your mind about this issue! Your friend is not an idiot and is not disrespectful, she just views fb announcements differently then you. Tell your friends not to say anything publicly about your pregnancy and then your problem will be over with. Or disable wall comments
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    SoFlaMommie1128SoFlaMommie1128 member
    That is ridiculous and inconsiderate. You can just disable wall comments. My husband and I did for this exact reason. We specifically told certain family members (who would do something like this) that we weren't announcing on social for a while, and to please save any comments to our wall or on Facebook until after we've announced the news there publicly. Especially because I haven't officially announced at work yet.
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    dsty1213dsty1213 member
    My mother is notorious for over sharing on FB. She even posted when she had a pap. I believe it said something about rewarding herself with a lime tea. Gross on all levels. Anyway, bc of that we had to specifically tell her not to say anything now and, we plan on waiting a few days after the baby is born bc of the weird identity theft. Crazy what conversations we have to have now. It scares me the convos we will have to have with these babies.
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    Ceridwen77Ceridwen77 member
    I think it's ridiculous, but I'm not surprised. When we were only telling certain people the news I was extremely explicit about who they could/could not talk to. Unfortunately common sense isn't very common. Sorry your announcement was screwed up.
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    knolliepollieknolliepollie member
    Similar thing happened to me. We had to tell my DH's family earlier than I wanted to because we were seeing them and me not having one of my FIL's famous dirty margaritas would have been a dead giveaway. Then not 10 minutes after we tell them (granted I'm only 8 weeks) one of my SIL posts my sonogram photo on IG! I was so taken aback. I'm with you, I feel like it should be common sense that if I haven't announced it then you have no right to announce it. Due to her spilling the beans...all this distant family on his side knew long before they were due and heard it from her and not us. 
    I feel like this is becoming a common problem and common sense isn't so common anymore. Make that common courtesy too! 

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    rmbuchholzrmbuchholz member
    I totally understand why you would be frustrated, I would feel the same way. I do see it as common courtesy, but I've realized what I consider common courtesy is not always actually common. Changing your wall settings would probably help, and I've realized that when people break what I consider to be obvious rules of etiquette or courtesy, they usually aren't bad-hearted or selfish, they are just clueless to what I personally consider to be normal and obvious. I can get frustrated easily when I feel like people are inconsiderate or don't extend the same courtesy to me that I would to them, but I've also realized that there are things considered obvious to others that aren't obvious to me. I try to switch my mind from frustration mode into the way I want someone to think about me when I make a mistake that is considered obvious to them. Anyways, that's just my two cents. I'm sorry that that happened to you, I totally understand, it's discouraging and feels like either your privacy was violated or like your special moment got stolen. We had some miscommunications with our parents and so they started making announcements at church, in meetings, at work, amongst their friends (who are the parents of many of our friends) before we were able to finish telling people - so that was a bit difficult for us at first, but we also know that they are just super excited (first grandchild for both sets of parents, and they are best friends with each other and share many of the same friends). Your situation is different, though, to have someone you didn't even share your news with blow up your spot like that. Good luck with everything!
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    ASalton1ASalton1 member
    Omg I know! My step sister just had her first baby (a little boy) and when I congratulated her via a FB post, some of my close family members who know I'm pregnant left comments like "you're next" and "we can't wait until November for his cousin to arrive". I deleted them and had to send a PM to each of them to tell them we haven't announced it yet!!! It's common sense people! We are waiting until 20 weeks to share it on FB because we want to tell his kids (two from a previous marriage) first after we know the sex of the baby. Drives me crazy!
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