How is the father of the child acting?

msbrowntown11 · May 2015

Hi everyone! I am 22 years old, and the Babys dad is 23. This is both of our(s) first child, I am 8wks. I have been with my boyfriend for four years, and this was an unplanned pregnancy. some days he is completely into the pregnancy and openly talks about it and shows interest(very rarely).other days is very negative towards me and seems to avoid me; he has even suggested an abortion, but abortion is not a option for me. I know that he is scared and/or confuesed and has expressed that to me a few times. Im really worried he's not going to stick around or be interested... any thoughts or simular situations?

PrimRoseMama · May 2015

Sounds like the average twenty-something. Was the pregnancy planned?

amm0512 · May 2015

Even with planned pregnancies, many parents are scared and confused. If you truly think he will not be there for you once the baby is born, you need to decide if you can handle a baby on your own.

msbrowntown11 · May 2015

I am a liscensed massage therapist, he is a certified welder, and we make decent money and rent our own home.. I think that I could do it on my own.... But ovbiously something I dont want to do. and yes this was unplanned.

MollyA1011 · May 2015

I am married and this is also my first child and my husband acts the same way... Sometimes. We have talked about trying to get pregnant in the past but we kind of let that go so this was a huge surprise. He's never brought up abortion but he's also not being how I thought he would be. He gets very excited and then other times he acts like I'm not pregnant. Im sure the men are still in shock as well as we are. I feel like it doesn't hit them until they can physically see a change with us or even maybe it takes them until baby is born. And it's frustrating to us because we can see and feel so many new things going on now. Maybe tell him how you feel when he brings up abortion and give him time to let it all settle in. I myself have had periods of time where I feel like I'm not as excited as I should be. I think it's anxiety and fear. Best of luck to you!

xxarlannaxx · May 2015

Men have a tendency to react like this when finding out that a baby is on the way. They want to be happy and supportive and excited, but babies tend to really freak them out, even for planned pregnancies. Sometimes it's hard for them to grasp the fact that it's actually real, and then when it settles in that IT IS real, panic sets in and as we all know men sometimes are not the best with expressing their emotions. They don't want to say the wrong thing, they don't want to come off the wrong way...they really don't know what to do. This is not always the case, but more often than not, it is. It can be frustrating, and sometimes it can make the woman feel like he's about to bolt for the door if he is not "over the moon" or at least smiling at the word pregnancy. That might not be the case, as women we have to be patient. I do believe that you should voice how you feel when he brings up abortion, you are entitled to share how you feel at any time and you should. It's already a confusing and emotional time for both of you, and I think both of you have to be sensitive to what the other might be feeling or going through at that time. Don't panic, you guys of been together for a long time, you guys both have good jobs and a home, maybe he just needs a little reassurance. The best of luck to you both!!

PrimRoseMama · May 2015

msbrowntown11 said:
I am a liscensed massage therapist, he is a certified welder, and we make decent money and rent our own home.. I think that I could do it on my own.... But ovbiously something I dont want to do. and yes this was unplanned.

Give him time. He might surprise you.

msbrowntown11 · May 2015

Thank you all for the feedback, and comments. It was really helpful!!!

mrsgetz4000 · May 2015

I'm truly blessed, I married my high school sweet heart and he is over the moon. Unfortunately he is unemployed but starting a new job soon but he's been helpful around the house and helping take care of our three dogs.
Sorry your boyfriend is being difficult, if the word abortion came out of my husband's mouth I would probably punch him. Best of luck to both of you and your little blueberry

msbrowntown11 · May 2015

Oh I wanted to punch him! lol he's just not interseted at all.

sam301 · May 2015

Forced abortion... Then accepted I was keeping the baby... Then found out I was having twins, went into panic mode... Left me... Then forced abortion again. I'm 8 weeks with twins, single and preparing to do it on my own. Do what's best for you and your baby... Abortion wasn't an option for me.

jonesl12 · May 2015

My DH is nervous and excited at the same time. We just built our home and have yet to finish furnishing it much less start a nursery. Needless to say we have a lot to do so I'm nervous as well

LeeBabe91 · May 2015

I'm 24 and my child's father is 31, we have been together 3 1/2 years. He acts this same way, although he never suggested abortion because he is strongly against it he has acted non Chalant about the subject and other times he's way into it. I sometimes wish he was excited all the time like myself but hey I won't fault him for it he will come around and he may even surprise me big time when our bundle finally comes.

groovylocks · May 2015

Right now? Your boyfriend's not ready. That's pretty clear. And it is what it is. That doesn't mean he doesn't love you or the baby or is going to leave. It means he's not ready and would rather the situation have presented itself later in his life. That's all.

Think about this. Were YOU ready? I mean when you found out, were you happy or terrified? Our child was planned and i was terrified and even a small part of me regretted it. So it's ok to feel that way even though you know you're going to love this little thing more than you could ever love anything.

xxarlannaxx · May 2015

The father of my child is so excited, but I also feel like he's overly stressing himself out. He is always working, his regular job and then he'll take on any and all side jobs as well (which he seems to find one nearly every day). I understand he wants to be prepared and have extra money, I highly respect and am proud of him for that, he just never takes a break and I'm only just about to be 8 weeks. He's excited about ultra sounds and doctors appointments etc and he can't wait until we start setting up a nursery. He's always telling ME to relax, and basically not do anything! Don't lift things, don't over-think, don't stress over anything.... but he won't let himself relax in my eyes which makes me feel bad. I am so grateful that he's so supportive, caring and helpful but I feel he also is going a little over-board and needs to take a breather himself. He seems so excited but scared to death at the same time, it's got to be rough on him. I just wish he'd calm down and realise he's going to be a terrific dad and doesn't need to stress THAT hard. Anyone else's man going a little crazy this way???

msbrowntown11 · May 2015

It super nice to hear everyone's outlooks & situations; very helpful. thank you so much. i just feel as though my boyfriend absolutly does not care. he reminds me everyday by cutting me off when i talk about it. telling me he doesnt want it... so i just dont talk with him about it any more. I am very happy & excited regaurdless of his support. but when I do think about it it really upsets me....

MrsJG3 · May 2015

I'm sorry girl! That sounds really hard. Hopefully as time goes by he will come around. Maybe take him to your first u/s. Seeing that tiny heartbeat may help. Best of luck to you all.

MrsReese28 · May 2015

This is our second and some days he is really excited and then other days he starts getting whiney about his gym time. Its the exact same thing he did with our first. Keep in mind that he is 38. Men are strange about babies. Give him more time.

raeee22 · May 2015

Well I'm 21 my boyfriend is 22 ,we have also been together for over four years, and this our first baby as well. At first he was more excited than I was. Than I think things started to get real for him and he had completely switched up on me for a second. So I just gave him some time and space to get it together and were fine now. However this is a life changing situation so I was kinda waiting for him to freak out. So don't feel bad, just stay positive. Things are going to be crazy and weird, I feel like there kind of supposed to and especially when it's an unplanned pregnancy. Everything will be okay !

sgraham1589 · May 2015

Hi! My boyfriend is the same way. We've known each other for 6 years... Wait he chased me for 4 years and have dated for 2... We didn't plan this but it happened and it is my first but his second and he has totally changed on me he's being very mean and heartless he keeps saying I'm not telling u to get an abortion but something's don't have to be said to understand them. I know how you're feeling and as said before just make sure that keeping the baby is the best decision for you. I'm keeping my baby and honestly my baby isn't a choice for me but a man is... I hope things get better for both of us!

shirebaby · May 2015

I'm doing it on my own too, it's scary but I'm ready

SagitAdventure · May 2015

I expected my boyfriend to freak out. One thing mentioned in the first conversation was, "I need a life insurance policy." He's showing me tons of signs he's in it for the long haul and has been awesome. Even though I totally expected the worst and keep getting surprised by his positive attitude. Granted, I'm 30 and he's 33, but this is the first for both of us.

Wanted to share a favorite quote of mine, "A woman is a mother the moment she finds out she's pregnant. A man is a father the moment he holds his baby."

Two different perspectives!

trishopkins · May 2015

Mine was more mad and scarred basically wanting me to terminate since he has a small child of his own and knows how hard it is.
I want this baby and ether he'll turn around and change his mind or that is it.

mirandalora · May 2015

Girl, yes I am also 22. My boyfriend is 31 . when I found out I was pregnant he broke up with me twice! He has not been supportive about the baby at all. He comes to the sonogram and pouts the whole time after. It's depressing and stressful.

skiiqueen24 · June 2015

I have an unplanned pregnancy with my friends w benefits. I use that term cautiously since we have been good friends for 5 years at work and are both not seeing anyone else or have been since we started hanging out. I am 34 he is 29. I have never envisioned marrying this man but I do care for him and love his company and I believe he feels the same way about me.
This situation between us with this pregnancy is challenging though. He doesn't want to talk about it. He says it is still 'too early'. I am 10 weeks so I think things are established enough to at least talk logistics. I need to plan how I can afford this baby - what he will contribute financially (child support), how often he is going to see the baby, and what can I rely on him for, if anything. He hasn't been there for me as a loving boyfriend or husband or partner would be ; helping w fatigue or nausea or being concerned about my well being, so this has been sad to experience and made the first trimester quite hard. He is there when I text him and we see each other several times a week, but I don't know what is to come. I am feeling very insecure and whenever j bring up planning for baby or ask him his thoughts or what he sees or wants, he says it is still too early. I am very stressed about money and childcare and how to raise his baby on my own.

skiiqueen24 · June 2015

*this* baby on my own. I am very happy and excited yet terrified same time.

brimck10 · June 2015

I'm 23 & the baby's father is 21. He broke up with me 2 days after we found out i was pregnant (which I still cry about) and he has yet to explain truly why he made that choice. Other than our relationship he has been amazing & is very excited about the pregnancy !

EvaD84 · June 2015

I found out i waS pregnant 5 months after our wedding. Hubby was so excited and kissed me on my the cheeks right away. But hubby is financially and career wise successful.

A 20 something yr old finding out he got a girl pregnant can alot of times scare the bilogical dad away becausr he isn't mature or responsible enough. This doesn't apply to all 20 something year olds.

My hubby has been extremely supportive. He was married before and divorced his ex because she didn't care about him or their kids and wanted to spend all his money. He never had a normal experience like new parents should have.

So our 1st baby together is the 1st experience he will have of doing baby shopping, going for ultrasounds and dr appointments etc. we've been very casual about this pregnancy because we definitely were trying for kids and were emotionally prepared for it.

I always believe no matter what hardships come your way, its to make you stronger and able to deal with things better so accept the good and bad, hard and easy, expected and unexpected.

What confuses me about your situation is your bf broke up with you after finding out you were pregnant but is supportive of the pregnancy. So either he doesn't believe you have sexual chemistry to sustain a relationship, or he's escaping some responsibility.

groovylocks · June 2015

My husband is giddy and likes to tickle my belly when I get cranky and say "who's got your belly?" It's cute.

Mamabeagle · June 2015

EvaD84 said:
I found out i waS pregnant 5 months after our wedding. Hubby was so excited and kissed me on my the cheeks right away. But hubby is financially and career wise successful.

A 20 something yr old finding out he got a girl pregnant can alot of times scare the bilogical dad away becausr he isn't mature or responsible enough. This doesn't apply to all 20 something year olds.

My hubby has been extremely supportive. He was married before and divorced his ex because she didn't care about him or their kids and wanted to spend all his money. He never had a normal experience like new parents should have.

So our 1st baby together is the 1st experience he will have of doing baby shopping, going for ultrasounds and dr appointments etc. we've been very casual about this pregnancy because we definitely were trying for kids and were emotionally prepared for it.

I always believe no matter what hardships come your way, its to make you stronger and able to deal with things better so accept the good and bad, hard and easy, expected and unexpected.

What confuses me about your situation is your bf broke up with you after finding out you were pregnant but is supportive of the pregnancy. So either he doesn't believe you have sexual chemistry to sustain a relationship, or he's escaping some responsibility.

Thanks for telling a super long story about yourself and then making one comment about her that isn't even accurate. He didn't break up with her, hence she keeps calling him her "boyfriend".

xxarlannaxx · June 2015

Mamabeagle said:

EvaD84 said:
I found out i waS pregnant 5 months after our wedding. Hubby was so excited and kissed me on my the cheeks right away. But hubby is financially and career wise successful.

A 20 something yr old finding out he got a girl pregnant can alot of times scare the bilogical dad away becausr he isn't mature or responsible enough. This doesn't apply to all 20 something year olds.

My hubby has been extremely supportive. He was married before and divorced his ex because she didn't care about him or their kids and wanted to spend all his money. He never had a normal experience like new parents should have.

So our 1st baby together is the 1st experience he will have of doing baby shopping, going for ultrasounds and dr appointments etc. we've been very casual about this pregnancy because we definitely were trying for kids and were emotionally prepared for it.

I always believe no matter what hardships come your way, its to make you stronger and able to deal with things better so accept the good and bad, hard and easy, expected and unexpected.

What confuses me about your situation is your bf broke up with you after finding out you were pregnant but is supportive of the pregnancy. So either he doesn't believe you have sexual chemistry to sustain a relationship, or he's escaping some responsibility.
Thanks for telling a super long story about yourself and then making one comment about her that isn't even accurate. He didn't break up with her, hence she keeps calling him her "boyfriend".

I'm pretty sure she was referring to the post above hers. The comment right above hers clearly states that he broke up with her 2 days after finding out she was pregnant.

Mamabeagle · June 2015

xxarlannaxx said:

Mamabeagle said:

EvaD84 said:
I found out i waS pregnant 5 months after our wedding. Hubby was so excited and kissed me on my the cheeks right away. But hubby is financially and career wise successful.

A 20 something yr old finding out he got a girl pregnant can alot of times scare the bilogical dad away becausr he isn't mature or responsible enough. This doesn't apply to all 20 something year olds.

My hubby has been extremely supportive. He was married before and divorced his ex because she didn't care about him or their kids and wanted to spend all his money. He never had a normal experience like new parents should have.

So our 1st baby together is the 1st experience he will have of doing baby shopping, going for ultrasounds and dr appointments etc. we've been very casual about this pregnancy because we definitely were trying for kids and were emotionally prepared for it.

I always believe no matter what hardships come your way, its to make you stronger and able to deal with things better so accept the good and bad, hard and easy, expected and unexpected.

What confuses me about your situation is your bf broke up with you after finding out you were pregnant but is supportive of the pregnancy. So either he doesn't believe you have sexual chemistry to sustain a relationship, or he's escaping some responsibility.
Thanks for telling a super long story about yourself and then making one comment about her that isn't even accurate. He didn't break up with her, hence she keeps calling him her "boyfriend".

I'm pretty sure she was referring to the post above hers. The comment right above hers clearly states that he broke up with her 2 days after finding out she was pregnant.

Exhibit A on why quoting and @ posters is so helpful. My bad.

Life is Exciting · June 2015

I'm married and this was planned, but my husband is hot and cold about it too. he was the same way with DS. Once he heard the heartbeat, he started to feel more connected to the baby and once we knew the gender, he seemed to feel even more connected to baby. He was super supportive during labor and is a great father.

I hope the same will be true for your BF. Hopefully he just hasn't had the opportunity to connect with the new baby yet. My recommendation would be to bring him to all your prenatal appointments, especially the ultrasound ones, so he can hear the heartbeat and see the baby. That way it will feel more "real" to him and he can start to build that connection.

If he doesn't end up sticking around after all of that, be strong. You can handle the baby on your own. Lean on your network of friends and family and get involved in a local new mom group to make friends with kids the same age. If he leaves, make sure to file for child support early because it can take a while to get through the bureaucracy before your checks start coming in.

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