Good to know that if you have a boy, he'll be born with the JOB of "balancing everything out at family functions."
Wow, It never ceases to amaze me how people can take things completely out of context. Thank you for your skewed and ridiculous perspective on a comment made jokingly.
I don't feel like it was out of context at all. The context was, "Coming from a family with 9 girls and 1 boy, yeah I want a freaking boy.
I'm surrounded by girls and my tolerance for emotionally charge BS is
done for." So sorry, I don't buy that the comment was made jokingly.
Good to know that if you have a boy, he'll be born with the JOB of "balancing everything out at family functions."
Wow, It never ceases to amaze me how people can take things completely out of context. Thank you for your skewed and ridiculous perspective on a comment made jokingly.
Totally understand this. I'm the only girl in my family (besides my mom) and it's just so boring! I get what you're saying.
I don't even know where to start or if I should. I think I'm going to just leave it at:
I am a woman that has been on this board for sometime now. I'm still around because DH and I are going to be trying again for a healthy baby. There are a number of women on this board that I've grown to truly admire and feel attachment to.
After losing three in a row, I can tell you that I would give my right arm for a healthy baby. I'm certainly glad that you feel that you can come around to the idea of having a healthy baby that might not be the sex that you originally preferred.
Congratulations on your healthy baby! I hope that you truly enjoy every minute and try not to blink… They grow up so fast!
I think your feelings are normal and natural ... I also don't think it's something to be embarrassed about or to feel shamed for. Gender disappointment is a real, but very taboo topic for some reason.
The issue is timing on this one. Posting a gender disappointment thread right after a loss thread is in poor taste and shows a lack of respect for the community and the moms that are participating in it.
I think it's natural to have preferences of what sex you'd want your baby. Some people have preferences some don't. At the end of the day we all just want a healthy baby. OP, my best friend was also disappointed when she found out she was having a boy - her father was not in the picture and she was raised around a lot of women and girls and a sister. She was terrified she wouldn't know what to do with a boy. 2.5 yrs later and she says she wouldn't change her boy for the world. And to add to that, she's had another boy since then. She was the girliest girl I know and is now raising two sons and wouldn't have it any differently. She loves the idea of her sons having a brother close in age. So i know you're worried, but you'll be ok I promise.
What I really don't get is "family pressure" to get a certain sex for a kid. I mean what the hell is that? What do they think the "pressure" is going to do? Force a certain type of sperm to fertilize an egg? I really don't get it - unless you do IVF and preselect the sex of the fertilized egg (which by the way none of my friends that did IVF chose to know what the fertilized egg was at conception), the rest of us have no control.
Ladies, how about we all take a moment and remember that we're all hormonally out of whack right now? No need to attack one another. I mean, for real, she's allowed to experience some disappointment, since she's probably also crying when her SO eats the last of the ice cream, or cuz she's sick of being nauseous and vomiting all the time. It's normal for us to get upset about things that wouldn't bother us when we're not pregnant balls of raging hormones. Let's all calm down. As someone said earlier, it's not like she said she's getting an abortion cuz it's a boy.
And yes, I've had a loss and didn't have the easiest time getting pregnant. So it's not like I don't understand why some of you were upset by her comment. There's just no need to treat her like crap because she had a reaction she very well may not have had if she weren't pregnant!
Thanks for the encouraging words! While I won't allow anyone to shame me for being honest with my feelings, I will definitely acknowledge the given perspective in regards to loss and being grateful for the healthy child we've created. So thanks again for the perspective and encouragement, it's exactly what I needed this afternoon. I guess I'll start pinning cute baby boy things now to get more excited!
honestly, big girl panties are useful right now. it's completely natural and normal to have a preference in the sex of your child and it's completely natural and normal to be a little bummed that it isn't the sex you would have preferred. sure it may sting to hear someone vent when you've experienced a loss but your experiences aren't the experiences of another.
With my last pregnancy I shed a few tears when we found out it was a girl... DH almost did too lol.We already had two girls... I was thankful she was healthy but had my heart set on a boy. Now I dont know what I would do without her. This time around we are having twins and both of us are totally prepared to hear we are having more girls lol. I'd love a boy but am thankful for healthy babies. I dont think your reaction is wrong at all... once the shock wears off you will embrace it!
Every child is different. The sex of your child determines only one thing, the equipment they'll pee with. You should not parent a child differently because of his/her genitalia.
Ladies, how about we all take a moment and remember that we're all hormonally out of whack right now? No need to attack one another. I mean, for real, she's allowed to experience some disappointment, since she's probably also crying when her SO eats the last of the ice cream, or cuz she's sick of being nauseous and vomiting all the time. It's normal for us to get upset about things that wouldn't bother us when we're not pregnant balls of raging hormones. Let's all calm down. As someone said earlier, it's not like she said she's getting an abortion cuz it's a boy.
And yes, I've had a loss and didn't have the easiest time getting pregnant. So it's not like I don't understand why some of you were upset by her comment. There's just no need to treat her like crap because she had a reaction she very well may not have had if she weren't pregnant!
OP, I really don't think you had bad intentions here of hurting anyone whom has miscarried or has a child with abnormalities. And I do feel as though feeling like "oh man, I wanted a girl!" Is an ok way to feel at first. But nothing to be seriously upset about. I think you are thinking too much about yourself and not the baby. Your baby is healthy. For me, a healthy baby means a happy mama!
I believe this is totally normal when you have your heart set in what you want. My sister in law cried for a week when she found out she was having a boy. I immediately was judgmental and couldn't understand how she could feel that way....until I got pregnant again!!! I want a girl so bad so we have one of each. I tear up thinking it could he a boy...I literally just too the baking soda test for fun, and it said boy...and I immediately got upset. Which I feel terrible about. But I know regardless of the outcome I will love that child with every fiber of my being, just as you will!!! Good luck and congrats on the good results!
As many of you have mentioned of course a healthy baby is most important to all of us. I don't fault the OP for her feelings on being disappointed in finding out she's having a boy. I did IVF to get pregnant, so obviously I had fertility issues. People always ask if I want a girl or a boy and I say "of course I just want a healthy baby but if I HAD to choose the sex I would pick a girl". I'm very close to my nieces and have them over often for sleepovers. I have no clue what to do with my nephews. I know I'd figure out what to do with a boy but I relate better to girls. To the OP- a friend of mine cried with disappointment when she found out she was having a boy (she already had a daughter) but the minute they put him in her arms she fell in love instantly. I'm sure you'll be the same way!
Please note that I am about to make a very generalized statement(rant?) and it does not apply to every response I've received. It goes for other threads that I've read recently too. Some of you were able to be supportive while expressing your opinions regardless of them aligning with my own. Many responses were haphazardly thrown in with no regards to the human being on the other side of the screen, be it myself or another commenter. I do not think emotions are to blame, in my opinion no one is a completely different person due to emotions, merely an exacerbated version of themselves. I was merely trying to contribute a thread of value to myself and apparently others who have had similar feelings or a valuable retort to contribute.
It's so unfortunate that people are offended by the thread as if I timed it inappropriately along someone else's thread about loss. As far as I am concerned any thread that brings about discussion should be welcome any time.
We all need to make an effort to check ourselves before we respond. Try to speak with compassion when you're responding to someone, try and maintain your own dignity when you make an effort to participate in a conversation, and above all else recognize that we are all here for the same thing: support. I want a group that I feel safe sharing and discussing my opinions, controversial or not.
Basically, some of y'all are sassy as shit and I don't know if this place is for me after today.
I get the disappointment, i do but not everyone is here for support. This is or can be a fun and entertaining place to be. A lot of stuff is eye roll worthy and I knew before I read this thread that it was likely not going to go over well. But stick to your guns and own it.
I just want this baby to be healthy and stick!!! I have 4 of each and let me tell you each sex has their difficulties. I had a boy first. I was 17. Had zero idea what to do. But together he and i learned. And he is now 20 and such a sweetheart and so awesome to see how he turned out! Honestly...you get what you're given and if you're lucky enough to have a perfectly healthy baby...the sex shouldn't matter. I am grateful this baby is sticking so far. But very excited for the tie breaker lol
Congrats! Wow some of these comments are very aggressive. I wish people wouldn't project their views/opinions on others based on their tragic experiences. It's perfectly normal to have some disappointment at first. I am certain you will fall in love with your beautiful baby boy! Congratulations again.
You choose to "complain" about not getting the sex you preferred, while being insensitive to the fact that many women including myself have been trying for years to get pregnant and am grateful that I finally am. Also it's insensitive to the women on here who have experienced a loss, and in some cases multiple loses, so don't expect people to not jump down your throat! In the future have some consideration for your audience. >-
It always irritates me when people say that... "be happy your baby is healthy!" DUH!! I'm not a complete monster! I didn't say I was going to have an abortion if I didn't get a boy. I'm still allowed to be upset that I didn't get the gender I preferred. Seriously, I don't judge anyone by the way they feel about certain things and I expect to not be judged in return. But I guess that's too much to ask of some people. Coming from a family with 9 girls and 1 boy, yeah I want a freaking boy. I'm surrounded by girls and my tolerance for emotionally charge BS is done for. I want an active, happy, bouncy, exciting baby boy! I need something to balance everything out at family functions.
The "be grateful" comments do get a bit old, but boys come with plenty, PLENTY of emotionally charged BS. Trust me on that one. Hell hath no fury like a boy going through puberty, lol.
You choose to "complain" about not getting the sex you preferred, while being insensitive to the fact that many women including myself have been trying for years to get pregnant and am grateful that I finally am. Also it's insensitive to the women on here who have experienced a loss, and in some cases multiple loses, so don't expect people to not jump down your throat! In the future have some consideration for your audience. >-
And in all fairness this is the currently pregnant dec 15 board, this isnt posted on a pgal board or tttc board. Ffs, there is so much projection going on and the op didnt come across as ungrateful for her healthy child.
You choose to "complain" about not getting the sex you preferred, while being insensitive to the fact that many women including myself have been trying for years to get pregnant and am grateful that I finally am. Also it's insensitive to the women on here who have experienced a loss, and in some cases multiple loses, so don't expect people to not jump down your throat! In the future have some consideration for your audience. >-
The title is abundantly clear what the discussion is about, if anyone felt the topic is insensitive or offensive than it would behoove them not to participate. With that being said, as I previously mentioned I do appreciate the perspective that I gained regarding those who have experienced loss and I will certainly think twice of my venue before discussing a taboo topic, as this obviously isn't a safe place to do so.
@babyking1214 , I think you've done a great job of eloquently expressing yourself and broaching the topic was brave! I've often wondered about my feelings when we find out the sex. I think the OP was an excellent example of a thought-provoking thread starter. Hoping this thread wasn't too discouraging for you! I appreciated reading the supportive responses that shared similar experiences.
You choose to "complain" about not getting the sex you preferred, while being insensitive to the fact that many women including myself have been trying for years to get pregnant and am grateful that I finally am. Also it's insensitive to the women on here who have experienced a loss, and in some cases multiple loses, so don't expect people to not jump down your throat! In the future have some consideration for your audience. >-
And in all fairness this is the currently pregnant dec 15 board, this isnt posted on a pgal board or tttc board. Ffs, there is so much projection going on and the op didnt come across as ungrateful for her healthy child.
How do you that there isn't anyone on here who is due in December and has previously experienced a loss?
I'm not the only one who has expressed that OP should not complain about the sex of their unborn child. But that's just my opinion which I am entitled to, as are you, correct?
The responses given on the posts I have been a part of today have convinced me that this is definitely not the site I would like to be a part of. A little understanding goes a long way! I don't agree with a lot of stuff people say, but I would never attack them for the way they feel about it. Everyone is different and those differences are what make us human.
I have 2 boys and this is our last baby and i am hoping for a girl. Of course above all i want a healthy baby regardless of sex. But i think that goes without saying. If i find out this baby is a boy i will need to take some time to grieve the mother daughter relationship i have been yearning to experience again since losing my own mother at 16. I dont feel like that makes me a bad person. I am entitled to my own feelings! I love my boys and will love this baby no matter what the sex!
Thank you for sharing. I don't know the sex of my baby but I do hope for a girl. I think it is totally normal to have hopes, and to be disappointed when reality does not match up with those hopes. Your feelings are valid and I appreciate you broaching the topic. My sister was disappointed for a very short time when she found out she was having a boy. But she wouldn't trade him for the world and loves that boy with all her heart. She got used to the idea within a week and forgot she even wanted a girl, she was so excited for her boy. She found out her second is going to be a girl (yes we are pregnant at the same time!) and she is over the moon with excitement.
You choose to "complain" about not getting the sex you preferred, while being insensitive to the fact that many women including myself have been trying for years to get pregnant and am grateful that I finally am. Also it's insensitive to the women on here who have experienced a loss, and in some cases multiple loses, so don't expect people to not jump down your throat! In the future have some consideration for your audience. >-
The title is abundantly clear what the discussion is about, if anyone felt the topic is insensitive or offensive than it would behoove them not to participate. With that being said, as I previously mentioned I do appreciate the perspective that I gained regarding those who have experienced loss and I will certainly think twice of my venue before discussing a taboo topic, as this obviously isn't a safe place to do so.
It's not that this isn't a safe place, it's the manner upon how you choose to discuss the topic, of course people are going to respond negatively to a topic that sounds so "ungrateful" .....yes I said ungrateful. >- Was not my intention to start a pissing contest, just to make awareness, that's all. Not to offend anyone.
You choose to "complain" about not getting the sex you preferred, while being insensitive to the fact that many women including myself have been trying for years to get pregnant and am grateful that I finally am. Also it's insensitive to the women on here who have experienced a loss, and in some cases multiple loses, so don't expect people to not jump down your throat! In the future have some consideration for your audience. >-
And in all fairness this is the currently pregnant dec 15 board, this isnt posted on a pgal board or tttc board. Ffs, there is so much projection going on and the op didnt come across as ungrateful for her healthy child.
There are ladies who are currently active on this very board who have had m/c.
You choose to "complain" about not getting the sex you preferred, while being insensitive to the fact that many women including myself have been trying for years to get pregnant and am grateful that I finally am. Also it's insensitive to the women on here who have experienced a loss, and in some cases multiple loses, so don't expect people to not jump down your throat! In the future have some consideration for your audience. >-
And in all fairness this is the currently pregnant dec 15 board, this isnt posted on a pgal board or tttc board. Ffs, there is so much projection going on and the op didnt come across as ungrateful for her healthy child.
How do you that there isn't anyone on here who is due in December and has previously experienced a loss?
I'm not the only one who has expressed that OP should not complain about the sex of their unborn child. But that's just my opinion which I am entitled to, as are you, correct?
Well, I do know there are women on this board who have experienced a loss or multiple losses, as I am one of them. I've experinced a chemical pregnancy and a horrible ectopic only a few months ago . So not only do I know how it feels to lose a baby but I know how it feels to have a child taken from me. My experiences are not that of the op, so why hold her to that? We know her intent and it was not malicious. Sure it can bring certain feelings to surface but my burden I carry has nothing to do with her, therefore I dont hold her responsible.
The responses given on the posts I have been a part of today have convinced me that this is definitely not the site I would like to be a part of. A little understanding goes a long way! I don't agree with a lot of stuff people say, but I would never attack them for the way they feel about it. Everyone is different and those differences are what make us human.
I think most of the frustration on the post has been directed at your choice of commentary NOT the OP. the OP has handled herself eloquently and acknowledged the other posters regardless of whether or not their opinions agree with hers. perhaps you should take a moment to learn from her ability to hear differing opinions and react maturely and humbly.
You choose to "complain" about not getting the sex you preferred, while being insensitive to the fact that many women including myself have been trying for years to get pregnant and am grateful that I finally am. Also it's insensitive to the women on here who have experienced a loss, and in some cases multiple loses, so don't expect people to not jump down your throat! In the future have some consideration for your audience. >-
The title is abundantly clear what the discussion is about, if anyone felt the topic is insensitive or offensive than it would behoove them not to participate. With that being said, as I previously mentioned I do appreciate the perspective that I gained regarding those who have experienced loss and I will certainly think twice of my venue before discussing a taboo topic, as this obviously isn't a safe place to do so.
Op Kudos to you for having the guts to say that and then learn from others where they have suggested to put more thought into what you are feeling and saying. I can see how you are still thankful for a healthy baby first and foremost. These topics always go over like a ton of bricks until you get to know each other. (And even then they are hard)
Now I don't like "disappointed" or any other downer or negative term in regards to a happy, healthy baby. And it isn't fair to those who just want that.
I remember being caught off guard when I found out I was pregnant this time, in shock and a little "not ready". (And my heart goes out to those who try, try, try and have been unsuccessful or had losses. It makes me feel horrible and selfish that I even had to take a minute to say... "Ok we can do this!") But any chance to carry a child and add to my family, especially when you can confirm happy and healthy... I welcome and love tremendously!
For the mom who said she will be angry because you are disappointed in the sex... Shame on you. In a thread on this page a mom is heartbroken.
Thanks for your honesty! That takes a lot of courage and I for one won't shame you for it by telling you you should feel grateful (or other bulkshit).
I got pregnant thru IVF and had chromosomal testing performed on the embryos prior to transferring one into my uterus. I did NOT want to know the sex ahead of time (wanted to leave it to fate) but, once pregnant, I wanted to know what we were looking at.
Actually I felt sure it was going to be a boy and for a number of reasons was really attached to that. Well... it's a girl! I had a brief mourning period and now am so genuinely pleased and happy it's a girl. In fact I'm so glad that's what I'm having!
Give yourself time and allow yourself to have the feelings that you do. Shit works itself out. XO
@babyking1214 Just want to second what a few PPs have said and that while personally, I would be ecstatic to even make it far enough to find out the sex and just want a healthy baby after my previous loss, I can understand the *brief* disappointment of hoping for one sex over the other since it seems like it'd be easier for us women to connect with a daughter. As long as you are able to embrace the healthy baby boy and love him just as much as a girl, that's all that matters. I think if you spend some more time on this site you'll see that this may not have been the best place to post about such a "petty" disappointment, but I really appreciate the grace that you've taken the critiques with. Honestly, my response probably would have been much harsher if you hadn't shown that maturity and had instead instigated the drama further, so props to you for how you've handled it.
I find it interesting that OP was simply trying to express feelings I'm sure many woman have, yet so many of those who responded completely made this whole thread about their own issues and disregarded the initial intent of why the OP put herself out there. When it was just originally posted me first thought was "here we go again" :-@ and just waited for the rather selfish replies to roll out. And they did. I'm fairly sure the OP didn't have these feelings to lessen anyone else's struggles with having a healthy pregnancy so why the need to even go there? The aggressive responses are the main reason I just avoid participating in a lot of potentially-heated threads. What's the point? I don't need the drama and neither did the OP. Maybe we all should stop taking other women's feelings so personal and just allow her to feel what she feels. Being judgmental is not a very attractive quality. Just saying.
Maybe we should shame the women that don't feel that loving bond right after birth? Or perhaps we can just shame the ones that feel a little disappointed in the way their birth went but still resulted in a healthy baby. No, even better, how about we shame the ones that complain of swollen ankles at 40 weeks in the name of those premie moms that didn't get to make it past 30 weeks? Fuck, the list goes on and on.
I grew up with two sisters and had the same intuition that we were having a boy. When it was confirmed at our ultrasound that we were having a boy, I was slightly disappointed at first. My so is now 22 months and I wouldn't trade him for the world. I seem to be able to relate to boys better than girls. He's the most kind, loving 22 month old. Now I'm pregnant with our second and have the same intuition - boy. Everyone asks me what I want and to be honest, either is fine. God knows what He's doing. When your son is born, you will fall head over in heals love with him. I did with mine.
Maybe we should shame the women that don't feel that loving bond right after birth? Or perhaps we can just shame the ones that feel a little disappointed in the way their birth went but still resulted in a healthy baby. No, even better, how about we shame the ones that complain of swollen ankles at 40 weeks in the name of those premie moms that didn't get to make it past 30 weeks? Fuck, the list goes on and on.
Or the ones who are "disappointed" with the December birthday.
Re: Gender Dissapointment
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Totally understand this. I'm the only girl in my family (besides my mom) and it's just so boring! I get what you're saying.
I am a woman that has been on this board for sometime now. I'm still around because DH and I are going to be trying again for a healthy baby. There are a number of women on this board that I've grown to truly admire and feel attachment to.
After losing three in a row, I can tell you that I would give my right arm for a healthy baby. I'm certainly glad that you feel that you can come around to the idea of having a healthy baby that might not be the sex that you originally preferred.
Congratulations on your healthy baby! I hope that you truly enjoy every minute and try not to blink… They grow up so fast!
The issue is timing on this one. Posting a gender disappointment thread right after a loss thread is in poor taste and shows a lack of respect for the community and the moms that are participating in it.
And yes, I've had a loss and didn't have the easiest time getting pregnant. So it's not like I don't understand why some of you were upset by her comment. There's just no need to treat her like crap because she had a reaction she very well may not have had if she weren't pregnant!
It's so unfortunate that people are offended by the thread as if I timed it inappropriately along someone else's thread about loss. As far as I am concerned any thread that brings about discussion should be welcome any time.
We all need to make an effort to check ourselves before we respond. Try to speak with compassion when you're responding to someone, try and maintain your own dignity when you make an effort to participate in a conversation, and above all else recognize that we are all here for the same thing: support. I want a group that I feel safe sharing and discussing my opinions, controversial or not.
Basically, some of y'all are sassy as shit and I don't know if this place is for me after today.
And in all fairness this is the currently pregnant dec 15 board, this isnt posted on a pgal board or tttc board. Ffs, there is so much projection going on and the op didnt come across as ungrateful for her healthy child.
How do you that there isn't anyone on here who is due in December and has previously experienced a loss? I'm not the only one who has expressed that OP should not complain about the sex of their unborn child. But that's just my opinion which I am entitled to, as are you, correct?
Well, I do know there are women on this board who have experienced a loss or multiple losses, as I am one of them. I've experinced a chemical pregnancy and a horrible ectopic only a few months ago . So not only do I know how it feels to lose a baby but I know how it feels to have a child taken from me. My experiences are not that of the op, so why hold her to that? We know her intent and it was not malicious. Sure it can bring certain feelings to surface but my burden I carry has nothing to do with her, therefore I dont hold her responsible.
Now I don't like "disappointed" or any other downer or negative term in regards to a happy, healthy baby. And it isn't fair to those who just want that.
I remember being caught off guard when I found out I was pregnant this time, in shock and a little "not ready". (And my heart goes out to those who try, try, try and have been unsuccessful or had losses. It makes me feel horrible and selfish that I even had to take a minute to say... "Ok we can do this!") But any chance to carry a child and add to my family, especially when you can confirm happy and healthy... I welcome and love tremendously!
For the mom who said she will be angry because you are disappointed in the sex... Shame on you. In a thread on this page a mom is heartbroken.
I got pregnant thru IVF and had chromosomal testing performed on the embryos prior to transferring one into my uterus. I did NOT want to know the sex ahead of time (wanted to leave it to fate) but, once pregnant, I wanted to know what we were looking at.
Actually I felt sure it was going to be a boy and for a number of reasons was really attached to that. Well... it's a girl! I had a brief mourning period and now am so genuinely pleased and happy it's a girl. In fact I'm so glad that's what I'm having!
Give yourself time and allow yourself to have the feelings that you do. Shit works itself out. XO
Just want to second what a few PPs have said and that while personally, I would be ecstatic to even make it far enough to find out the sex and just want a healthy baby after my previous loss, I can understand the *brief* disappointment of hoping for one sex over the other since it seems like it'd be easier for us women to connect with a daughter. As long as you are able to embrace the healthy baby boy and love him just as much as a girl, that's all that matters. I think if you spend some more time on this site you'll see that this may not have been the best place to post about such a "petty" disappointment, but I really appreciate the grace that you've taken the critiques with.
Honestly, my response probably would have been much harsher if you hadn't shown that maturity and had instead instigated the drama further, so props to you for how you've handled it.
When it was just originally posted me first thought was "here we go again" :-@ and just waited for the rather selfish replies to roll out. And they did. I'm fairly sure the OP didn't have these feelings to lessen anyone else's struggles with having a healthy pregnancy so why the need to even go there?
The aggressive responses are the main reason I just avoid participating in a lot of potentially-heated threads. What's the point? I don't need the drama and neither did the OP. Maybe we all should stop taking other women's feelings so personal and just allow her to feel what she feels. Being judgmental is not a very attractive quality. Just saying.