baptism — The Bump
August 2015 Moms

baptism

We scheduled our LO's baptism already due to my pastors limited availability. It's coming up in October. Trying to make some plans and figure out a lunch venue and food ect.. my MIL made it pretty clear that her family invites aunts, uncles, cousins, 1st cousins to events like this. Due to both our very large extended families, if we did this, we would be inviting just about 100 people to our baptism. This 100 is literally aunts, uncles, cousins and their kids! This is nuts!!!! It would cost us over $1200 for a baptism luncheon plus I'd be out on maternity leave and on 1 income! I don't want to be the only one in the family to break the "rules" and just invite our "small" list of 40 people (our parents, siblings, grandparents and aunts & uncles)...but i also don't want to have an obnoxious 100 person guest list for a baptism. Advice?!...

Re: baptism

  • I would explain to MIL budgetary concerns and if she wants to pay for it, great. If not, you can always invite everyone to the ceremony but not out to lunch later! You could just limit lunch to immediate family, and let everyone else do what they will about food.


    emmacake08ammers0318
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  • Don't have a luncheon.
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    PixelPosyemmacake08Seh1145forjules
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  • I think it's fine to just say that the baptism is xxxx date. Unless your mom plans on paying for it....I'd make no mention of a meal.
    BabyFruit Ticker
  • Don't do a lunch. If someone feels the need to entertain, cake and punch might do the trick.
  • That's about how big ours is
  • If you don't cut down the guest list, can you just do coffee and pastries instead of a big lunch?
  • We ran into this with DS baptism, we ended up hosting the lunch at the church following ther service, it was open to our whole parish plus guests (about 240 people) I made the lunch the day before, popped the hams in the oven early that morning and asked some church ladies to put it all out.
    Alternatively we have been to two baptisms were we paid for our lunch at a local hotel. The hosts had a large party room and the cake and coffee covered. It was fine.
  • Could you make it a pot luck?
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  • Thanks for answers I do appreciate it, but not having a luncheon in WAY out of the question as is just serving cake. It would be very tacky if we didnt. How to you invite guests to a private event, where giving a gift is typically customary, and then send them home with no food?! I'd be pissed if I were a guest attending! If its bad that I'm not inviting the WHOLE family to the baptism and celebration afterwards , it's really bad that I wouldn't be serving my family a meal. The baptism is a private service at my church, at 11am on a Saturday...usually about an hour long, ending close to noon, how do you NOT provide lunch for guests whom are all family ?! That's really not a valid option.

    My question still remains, do you risk pissing off family and invite only those immediate 40 or do I just cave in and invite the 100 per my MILs "request"? Trust me that we're doing this the cheapest way possible at my church's dining/banquet facility (100 ppl) with food catered in... or at my parents home (40 ppl)

    This is our first child I want a nice baptism and a proper celebration, it's his/her first very special "public" day and I feel that it should be celebrated properly, not cheaply. There's a difference in inviting 100 people and spending 1,000 and inviting 40 people and spending much less, or inviting 100 people and being tacky and cheap.



  • Think of the stress and guilt level- if only inviting the 40 will = guilt from the rest but inviting all will = stress which are you more willing to take on?

    By my figuring you are thinking 12$ a head- maybe go for lighter food choices and reduce your cost a bit. If your church has a ladies auxiliary they maybe willing to make tea sandwiches ect for a smaller fee.

    If it was me I would suck it up and invite everyone, and make it clear the need to RSVP for lunch not just show up.
  • So I guess I would ask your husband his take because it's his family. If he feels it is better to invite them all then I would just do it. If he feels the 40 is okay I would talk to your mother in law. Tell her you would love to host everyone but it's a financially difficult right now but you are willing to try and make It work. Maybe she would offer to help out?
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  • We are having a large get together after our baptism too, and to cut on budget we are only providing beer, wine, and are doing hors d'ouerves instead of doing a full luncheon. Good luck! We know how demanding family can be!!
  • I agree with some PP - do a lighter lunch. Maybe croissants with a lunchmeat platter and a few types of salads...or you could ask some people to bring side dishes. Then just have ice water and iced tea or something simple for drinks. I don't think anyone would be offended by that and hopefully it would keep your budget lower.
  • I would just invite the 40. Explain to your MIL as pp said that you just don't have the budget for more. Again, if she offers to pick up the tab for the other 60 great, but you've got a lot of expenses coming up, and i wouldn't want to go in the hole because extended family needed a nice lunch catered!


  • Saratiff said:

    So I guess I would ask your husband his take because it's his family. If he feels it is better to invite them all then I would just do it. If he feels the 40 is okay I would talk to your mother in law. Tell her you would love to host everyone but it's a financially difficult right now but you are willing to try and make It work. Maybe she would offer to help out?

    This. If it's important to him, I'd make it work. Or MIL can pay for the extra if she wants to.

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  • Personally I would do just a cake and coffee, but note in on the invitations so people know what to expect. That way they can not come if they are really going to be offended. I don't think it's tacky, I think it is smart considering financial situations.

    But if that really isn't an option I would invite the 40 people. Tell MIL as much as it was a very hard decision inviting the other 60 is just not an option because of your budget.
  • What about a "pot luck" luncheon?
  • I'm in a similar boat, only the 100 "immediate" family would be all my husbands! All my family is in Europe. (Although I am already grimacing at the thought of our upcoming dual with MIL as always about me inviting my 10 close friends and their spouses - she never understands they are my 'family') I understand the no light lunch. Try a potluck. Some family members should be willing to understand and help?
  • mrsb30mrsb30 member
    KyNo0405 said:

    Thanks for answers I do appreciate it, but not having a luncheon in WAY out of the question as is just serving cake. It would be very tacky if we didnt. How to you invite guests to a private event, where giving a gift is typically customary, and then send them home with no food?! I'd be pissed if I were a guest attending! If its bad that I'm not inviting the WHOLE family to the baptism and celebration afterwards , it's really bad that I wouldn't be serving my family a meal. The baptism is a private service at my church, at 11am on a Saturday...usually about an hour long, ending close to noon, how do you NOT provide lunch for guests whom are all family ?! That's really not a valid option.

    My question still remains, do you risk pissing off family and invite only those immediate 40 or do I just cave in and invite the 100 per my MILs "request"? Trust me that we're doing this the cheapest way possible at my church's dining/banquet facility (100 ppl) with food catered in... or at my parents home (40 ppl)

    This is our first child I want a nice baptism and a proper celebration, it's his/her first very special "public" day and I feel that it should be celebrated properly, not cheaply. There's a difference in inviting 100 people and spending 1,000 and inviting 40 people and spending much less, or inviting 100 people and being tacky and cheap.



    I think the responses about not providing lunch come from different experiences with baptism. In my denomination baptism is not a gift giving ordeal. It's done at a normal church service, when the individual makes a commitment to following Christ and chooses to be baptised. Typically you invite family, maybe everybody goes out to lunch or you invite them over, but it's not an expensive ordeal. I really don't have any advice, but I hope it all works out for you!
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