am I selfish?

sydneybibi · May 2015

my husband has some friends whom I prefer don't come around of child, most of which are just getting out of jail/prison, some are females that just never liked me for unknown reasons. what should I do? we've discussed that I don't want these certain people around our baby and he doesn't take it too well. I need advice, tia

Saratiff · May 2015

I dunno I wouldn't go out of my way to make it easy for them. What is your husbands connection with these people? If i didn't want them around my kid I wouldn't ask them to babysit. Or if they were coming over I would put the baby to bed before they show up. I think the bigger issue is what is your husbands connection to these people and why is he okay with your child being around them and you are not?

Thj417 · May 2015

wss ... If they do show up after baby arrives and you aren't able to put baby down for a nap - Insist on them washing hands and either putting on a clean shirt from your stash or cover with a blanket.

Continue to discuss topic with your husband - state your feelings and concerns, why you don't like these people etc.

Miz_Liz · May 2015

Thj417 said:

wss ... If they do show up after baby arrives and you aren't able to put baby down for a nap - Insist on them washing hands and either putting on a clean shirt from your stash or cover with a blanket. Continue to discuss topic with your husband - state your feelings and concerns, why you don't like these people etc.

I did not get the impression that OP was stating that these individuals are physically dirty, so don't think a clean tee shirt or a blanket is going to help them. I was more under the impression that they aren't the type of individuals she wants influencing her child's life since they clearly have made some poor decisions to land themselves in prison in the past. OP, I guess it would really depend on why they were in prison and what kind of people they are today. I know someone who was in prison in the past and he is now clean and very responsible, but not everyone is able to get their life under control like he did. If they are involved in drugs, violence, etc., then no, you are not being selfish, you are being a mom. Hard to say 100% without the full back story though.

fionalouise007 · May 2015

I agree with @Miz_Liz.. You're not being selfish you're being an instinctively concerned and protective Mother.

Seed0824 · May 2015

I wouldn't let them come over if you aren't home but if they are still your husbands friends it's hard to say they can't come see your husband. You're not being selfish.

aleecats · May 2015

Seed0824 said:
I wouldn't let them come over if you aren't home but if they are still your husbands friends it's hard to say they can't come see your husband. You're not being selfish.

I disagree if it's for the benefit of the child; my fiancés brother is a sweet guy, but he's also making poor life choices right now including heavy drinking and using drugs, he's irresponsible and refuses to do anything about the poor place he's left himself in over the last year or so and I've told my fiancé unless he cleans up the only time he'll see our baby girl is in the hospital, and that I only agreed to because I know he won't show up to a hospital high or drunk, after that it's no visiting until he's sober. As hurt as my fiancé was he understood because it's his child's safety, and that's his damn brother. OP you should seriously talk to your husband and let him know why you feel the way you feel and come to a compromise about these people but if your really against having them around your child put your foot down, you need to do what's in the best interest of your child not your husbands feelings.

5forjules · June 2015

These are your husband's friends!! You are married to him and clearly know about the people he associates with. Surely you are not going to stop them from seeing your child. I would have thought about this prior to conceiving. How patronising!!!!

cseley321 · June 2015

Pick your battles on this one. If it's just one or two of his friends that REALLY bother you, I would make it a point to try and make yourself and the baby scarce on the days/times that they come around. Otherwise just make sure that you are present to look over the baby while the friends who are not so bad are around.

My husband has a few friends that I worry about, excessive drinking, cussing, etc. I do not want to come between their friendship, but if it gets too bad then i'll just go find an errand to run with the baby or ask them to tone it down. I do not want to tell my husband who he can or cannot bring around though and if I felt that any of these people were a serious threat to the well being of a baby, then I would imagine he would be on board with keeping them away.

am I selfish?

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