Community› The Bump Month Clubs› July 2015 Moms
July 2015 Moms
New Discussion

Safety at the inlaws

LeannFranLeannFran member
in July 2015 Moms
So my inlaws continue to make DH and I feel guilty about the amount of time they see DS. They live about 25 minutes away and DH and I both work full time. The only time my parents see him is if they happen to be in the area and ask to swing by. We also go to the same church as my parents.
Anyway, MIL keeps asking when DS can come to their house for the day. Here are some reasons why we haven't allowed them to take DS for a day without us: their stairs to the basement have an old banister that DS can squeeze through and is so loose a rail could break, outside there are cement stairs that go down about 8ft to the basement that are not fenced in, there are two large ponds on both sides of their home.
It's not a safe place for us to leave DS and when it comes to his life I'm not willing to negotiate. They can be made all they want but unless there are some major improvements he will not go over unsupervised by us. His life is too precious. Thoughts? Am I being irrational?
image Lilypie Maternity tickers Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers Daisypath Anniversary tickers
Report Reply to Post

Re: Safety at the inlaws

  • confuegosuzyconfuegosuzy member
    We just don't leave DS with my in laws because we don't like them. It's your kid, so you don't really need to justify it to anyone.
    Report Reply
  • Loading the player...
  • MEXARABMEXARAB member
    I would never leave my kids with my in laws but they also never make an effort to come see her only if we take her over. Mind you they are a block away. But they just don't care to take care of her. Anyhow would yours be willing to fix that stuff? Or you just never talked to them about it. But if your not comfortable with it then oh well. Always go with your gut.
    Report Reply
  • LeannFranLeannFran member
    @MEXARAB we've brought up our concerns multiple times but it continues to fall on deaf ears.
    image Lilypie Maternity tickers Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers Daisypath Anniversary tickers
    Report Reply
  • CANTW82BMOMCANTW82BMOM member
    FTM here. I wouldn't leave my LO anywhere I didn't think he would be safe. What about allowing them to spend the day (or a few hours) with him at your house? At least you know he would be safe.
    Report Reply
  • MEXARABMEXARAB member
    That's on them then! I know if I had grandkids I would do what ever needed to be done to see them. Especially when it comes to safety.
    Report Reply
  • oneblessedmessoneblessedmess member
    LeannFran said:

    @MEXARAB we've brought up our concerns multiple times but it continues to fall on deaf ears.

    Then the ball is in their court. If they bring it up again you or DH can just reiterate your concerns and state that until those concerns are addressed, your son will not be at their house without your supervision. The end.
    Anniversary 
     
    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
    Pregnancy Ticker
    Report Reply
  • mnj05mnj05 member
    I'm in the same boat except my husband isn't on board. He doesn't see some of the things I do and I found out last night that my inlaws lied to me about my son's whereabouts when they kept him for us a couple of weekends ago. They were not to leave my house but did anyway and lied to my face.

    I've got to find some way to show DH just how disrespectful and irresponsible that is but I'm not optimistic that will happen.

    Stand your ground and if your husband is behind you, it should make that easier to do.

     imagePhotobucket

    TTC #1 since 3/2011
    DX: anovulatory and severe MFI
    DH is a testicular cancer survivor
    IVF#1 w/ICSI lupron, gonal f, ovidrel
    ER 6/15/12 6R 6M 6F! ET 6/20/12
    Beta #1: 154 Beta #2: 509 Beta #3: 7326
    Baby Boy born 3/1/2013
    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker

    TTC#2: 6/2014 all testing came back normal

    IVF#2 (#1 for LO#2) 9/2014 - 17R 10M 10F 4 blasts frozen on day 6.

    FET #1 10/15/14 - Beta #1: 216  Beta #2: 823


    Baby Boy born 7/10/2015


    Report Reply
  • LittleRueLittleRue member
    I've always let me kids go to my inlaws (my parents have passed away). They're grandparents that love my kids not high school kids trying to make a buck. And they were also able to successfully raise a man I wanted to marry and make babies with. We have never doubted the level of care and attention they would provide in our absence, in my opinion it's much better than an over crowded daycare or a babysitter. Good luck with your family and in law issues, I guess i am blessed to have loving inlaws.
    Report Reply
  • wheresilenceismusicwheresilenceismusic member
    I grew up in the country, so the safety issues you see at your in-laws don't register as concerns to me.  I would be fine with leaving my children in a place with cement stairs, old staircases, and ponds ---- *as long as they were always closely monitored.*  I grew up in much worse conditions and turned out just fine.  

    but I agree with everyone else:  your son is yours, not theirs.  Though they are grandparents, they have no "right" to him.  If you've talked with them about your concerns, then they need to fix what you have asked them to.  Case closed.
    Report Reply
  • LeannFranLeannFran member
    Thank you everyone! I don't feel so crazy @-)
    image Lilypie Maternity tickers Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers Daisypath Anniversary tickers
    Report Reply
  • kmhefner01kmhefner01 member
    Nothing wrong with being a mama bear. I'm very protective of my DD especially around my parents as they have no respect for my boundaries. My kids will never go to their grandparents without supervision but this is mainly because of substance abuse issues. What ever your reasons, YOU are the mama and ultimately it's your job to protect them babies. You don't have to compromise because your are worried about feelings being hurt. There are nice, tactful ways you can voice your concerns, but, as others have said, balls in their court if they want to make the changes necessary for you to feel safe leaving your son with them.
    Report Reply
Sign In or Register to comment.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards
"
"