Husband?

s&jeggerton · May 2015

Maybe this post will come off as whiny or maybe it's all of the pregnancy hormones talking, but I truly feel my husband and I are headed in different directions. This will be our first baby, it was planned, prayed for and we even endured a miscarriage to get to this place. At first my husband was excited, asked about our baby, cared how I was feeling, helped me out w/ household chores, and occasionally brought home flowers just because. Lately he hasn't asked once about our baby, calls me lazy, never helps around the house, has made snide comments about my appearance, and has been horrible to be around. He is just plain rude most of the time. He refuses adamantly to do any kind of shopping for baby and tells me all of the time how wasteful w/ money I am saying that having a baby will only cost a couple hundred dollars. But he has no real idea about what anything costs. Last week he got drunk and rolled his 4-wheeler but, I'm "a nagging b*tch who just can't get over it, whats done is done". I've told him umpteen times how his behavior is ruining our marriage and how unhappy he is making me, but nothing has changed. I told him today that if he wants to keep going down this road I will leave him and that if he doesn't want to change his behavior, it's over. He wasn't affected at all and merely told me that he is not "changing who he is". I just want my old husband back

I don't understand this new person and how he could throw away everything like it means nothing to him.

Knottie86476496 · May 2015

Did he do these thing before the pregnancy. If this is all new maybe he has some fears and is acting out. It can be scary for a guy especially since they don't get to develop a relationship with the baby while your pregnant. Dont get me wrong, im not saying the way he is acting is OK but it could be a fear reacrion. On the other hand, if he was like this before, I wouldn't want that as my babies role model.

amberrmariee20 · May 2015

Sounds like maybe he's unsure about how the two of you are going to continue to be the same after baby. However relationships don't get better after baby's born, it can add a lot of stress to a relationship, maybe sit him down and have a talk, I know sometimes it can be hard.. But it's the only way to know what's up with him ! Good luck !

s&jeggerton · May 2015

I've tried the whole sit down and talk. It always goes the same way.,... me asking whats wrong. him: nothing, me insisting I know something is wrong because of how he has been acting. Him insisting that "I'm no fun anymore." and that "i'm hard to be around" Me angry because it is his behavior that is the reason I'm probably no fun to be around. Honestly, I don't even want him at the doctors office for the gender reveal.

Cupcakesandquilts · May 2015

Sounds like you guys could truly benefit from couples counseling. He has some good qualities and you miss those. It's possible that there are major miscommunications going on or that you both feel differently about baby coming. Having a neutral interpreter could help a lot.

LiveNLove44 · May 2015

It sounds like a really emotional situation, pregnant or not, and like something that you do need to talk about. You just mentioned that sitting down to talk with the two of you doesn't work well, so perhaps you two need to take the next step. Seeking professional help is not a sign of weakness, and it can really help equip you both with tools that are useful throughout your marriage, not just in times of challenge and change. If he isn't interested or he is unwilling to seek professional help in your marriage, I think I'd be inclined to be very transparent with him. I would let him know exactly how I am feeling and how I am recognizing the struggle in our marriage. I would also set up a place where I can go to stay in order for us to have some time and space to reflect on what we need in our marriage. I'm not saying you have to leave to make the time and space, but it can help some people to recognize what they want/need. I encourage you to be honest with him about what you're feeling. Avoid being accusatory and own your reactions and feelings.

Events like having a baby tend to bring out a lot of emotions in people, and often we can't predict how even those who are closest to us will respond. My husband went through a myriad of emotions when we were expecting DD. There was even one fateful day where he had too much to drink when I was out of the house for the day (and he was alone). This was SO out of character for him and I was baffled. I cried and cried, and I feared that I had lost the man I married. I was so scared that I was in it alone and that I was going to have to leave him and raise our new child on my own. It took a lot of reflection and conversation before we came to a point of understanding one another's process. He knew immediately that what he had done had shaken me to the core, and I lived on the edge a bit for months thereafter. I didn't know how he'd react when she was born, but I knew that he and I were in this together. He is an amazing father, and we are expecting our second. I think the transition of going from no children to one was more than DH had anticipated, and he needed to process it differently. He loves me deeply, as I love him, and we learned a lot about each other throughout that process!

Carmofrap · May 2015

There are two sides to every marriage. If you were happy before then maybe you need to stop focusing on "your" side and take a look at his.

Husband?

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