Coming from September board...

marisadalziel · May 2015

I had deleted my profile the minute I found out but I feel like I just need to let my story out. May 20th I had called my doctor to just come in and get the results of my 20 week scan, came in the next day to be told everything was absolutely perfect and was 60th percentile.. She decided to just do my prenatal visit right then so I get on the table and she takes out the Doppler and nothing... 10 minutes of awful silence. She tried to be hopefully and called to book me an immediate ultrasound but I already knew what the case was having hope was just going to make it worse. I get to the ultrasound 20 minutes after and get taken in immediately and the ultrasound tech doesn't say a word just is making a ton of awful faces at the screen and turns everything off and tells me to go back to my doctor I obviously knew he couldn't see the heartbeat. So I go right back to my doctor and she confirms that they called and said they couldn't find a heartbeat and she tells me to go straight to labour and delivery at the hospital to speak with an ob. I get to the hospital and meet with everyone by then my ultrasound results had been sent over and I'm told there was no fluid around his head and no heartbeat.. Told I can take pills that moment to induce or wait and come back in the mornings. I come back in the morning and I get the pills was in labour for about 10 hours and he was delivered 9:52pm on May 22nd I was 22w 4days. I'm a mess I don't understand how this could happen if everything was perfect with him.. We're waiting for the autopsy report but I'm assuming it's going to come back as nothing wrong. My milk has come in and it's so excruciating and makes me so sad knowing this was for my son. Im only 19 and this pregnancy came completely unplanned and my boyfriend and I are in no way financially or emotionally ready to purposely try for a baby but now I have the biggest longing and emptiness. But I fear of this happening again when I do get pregnant I know I'll be considered high risk but anything can happen even knowing my babies perfect still won't mean I'm in the clear. I just don't understand at all I was so ready for this and I feel like I gave 6 months of my life for nothing I sacrificed my body, gained weight got stretch marks for no prize at the end. I stare at my stomach and I feel so empty I miss feeling his kicks every day so much. My boyfriend is more closed off and said he's trying to be strong for me but all i want to do is talk about it all day. I know it will get better I'm just so heartbroken. Thank you to anyone who took the time to read this

Noah may 22nd 2015

bntfroggie · May 2015

I am so sorry for your loss. I only knew my little one for 12wks, but I think I can understand the emptiness you are feeling because I felt it too. My Thoughts and Prayers are with you.

heyyitselliee · May 2015

On the 22nd may I was told my baby had stopped growing at 10 1/2 weeks, and no visible heart beat. I'm 18 and know your pain, I feel like after my surgery to remove everything from my uterus tomorrow, I will feel as though I will be empty, and lost even more so then I already am. I'm so sorry for your loss, my thoughts are we you and your family x

rachrobertson · May 2015

I am so sorry for your loss. I had a mc in my first trimester and that was hard after having seen a perfectly sized baby a month prior. You may come out of this with empty arms, but I hope you gain something from this horrible experience. For me, I feel more patient and not trying to control everything, when we try again, I hope I will be more relaxed knowing in time it will happen according to God's plan. This is still extremely fresh for you and the first week/s are the most difficult, but with time you learn to cope. The pain doesn't go away, you just learn to cope with it and function day to day. Just take one day at a time.

Goldsgirl9 · May 2015

I can't begin to tell you how sorry I am for your loss. You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers. I hope you find healing and some answers.

twointow83 · May 2015

I am so sorry for your loss

My first loss was at 20 weeks 5 days, so I understand the pain and shock- thinking things are going fine and you are "safe" only to discover that your baby has left this world all too soon. It's devastating. We don't know why our angel left us, but you may still find out. I wish there was a perfect thing to say to make it hurt less, and make you feel less cheated, but no such word or phrase exists. What I can tell you is that it does get easier with time. It may not feel like right now but it really does. As far as your body, try thinking of it this way- your baby made his/her mark on the world they only way s/he could. Each stretch mark is proof that they existed. Proof that a precious, albeit short life inhabited this world for a short time. (((HUGS)))

whit3183 · May 2015

I am so sorry, your story is truly devastating. It's not fair at all, and my heart is breaking for you.

Mamasan33 · May 2015

Ugh, this just tugs at my heartstrings.:-( So sorry sweet friend. Lord please help this sweet lady and her boyfriend as they grieve the loss of their son. Give them comfort in this season.

rachajoy09 · May 2015

May your precious Noah be at peace. There are no words that feel like enough, but I hope that you and your boyfriend can find some solace in your love for each other.