Miscarriage

DDG02 · May 2015

Saturday evening I began having severe lower abdominal pain with some vaginal bleeding so I went to the ER. After an abdominal ultrasound (that showed nothing) and urine/blood tests, I found out I was pregnant but miscarrying in the same sentence. I just had my period 2 weeks before (surprisingly) so wasn't expecting to hear those words. Now I don't know how to feel. Am I allowed to feel? Am I allowed to cry? Trust me, I've cried. But not in front of anyone other than my husband. I'm afraid everyone else in our family won't understand. I don't know what else to expect. Im no longer cramping/bleeding, so is that it? Is it over? Just like that? It wasn't a planned pregnancy, and I couldn't of been more than 4 weeks (according to the hCg level) but still I was pregnant and we would've been surprised but thrilled! It would've been our third. I've always said I wanted 3. Can someone reassure me, tell me their story? What else to expect? I've just got so many things going through my head and feeling so many emotions and I don't know who else to talk to. Thanks

BostonBaby1 · May 2015

First so I'm so sorry that you're going through this! I just had my second MC about a week ago. This one was twins and we have lost one baby at about five weeks. Lost the other one at nine.

The first MC was on March 2 following around of IVF. We were only four weeks and maybe one day. I don't think that being earlier on in your pregnancy makes it necessarily easier. I would imagine that the same would hold true for not knowing that you were pregnant until you found out that you were losing the pregnancy. With our twin, we didn't find out that it was even there until we knew it was gone. I was still extremely sad about that, I was trying to focus on the baby that was still there. Now that they are both gone, I'm grieving for both.

So the point that I'm trying to get to is this... Even though you did not know that you were pregnant until you found out that you were miscarrying, that does not negate your feelings of loss and the pain that is in your heart. To tell you the truth, some of my family has been extraordinarily unsympathetic to our losses. It's best not to expect anybody else to validate your feelings. The only thing that can lead to is disappointment and more pain.

My best advice to you at this point is to go ahead and grieve. If you push it off, it will come back at a later point in time anyway. It is okay to cry, it is okay to scream… Whatever you need to do to make yourself sleep at night.

twointow83 · May 2015

Yes, you are definitely allowed to feel! You may not have had a chance to bond but you still experienced a tragic loss

(((HUGS))) As far as feelings, whatever you feel is normal. You could feel anything from shock and grief to feeling like you body betrayed you, and so many other things as well. We all grieve our losses differently so there is no set "normal" (although if it becomes an issue interfering with your everyday life for an extended period of time, please see your doctor). There are certain commonalities, such as many, if not most or all, women wonder why. Some are lucky and are able to find out, many are not

BUT, there is no wrong way to grieve. I'm sorry for your loss and welcome to the group (((HUGS)))

whit3183 · May 2015

You are definitely allowed to feel sad and cry. Even though you didn't realize you were pregnant, you're totally justified in feeling disappointed. I can tell you that with any miscarriage, regardless of the circumstances, there are A LOT of emotions.

knrickert · May 2015

You're allowed to cry...a lot if you want to and need to. Remember that there is no "wrong" to feel. Speak your thoughts on here if that's what helps you. That's what I've been doing since I think it has been helping me to vent to people that "get it"...no one wants to be a part of this club, but trust me, we understand. Thoughts are with you and hoping that you find peace.

DDG02 · May 2015

Thanks everyone for all the support. It does help to have others to talk to about all this. Sorry I've not replied sooner. I had to go to the doctor Tuesday to have another u/s and have my hCg levels checked again. They had dropped and the u/s didn't show anything so no procedure was needed. I went back to work Wednesday and Thursday, which were busy days, so that helped keep my mind off everything until I found out a fellow employee said she was pregnant which sent a new wave of emotions that had me running to the bathroom with tears in my eyes. (She didn't know about mine) I never thought I would feel so many emotions at one time like that! I am so very happy for her because she's experienced 2 miscarriages in the past, but it still just made my heart ache... I was finally able to talk to my mom and other family members about it. My aunt had a still birth at 7 months and my mamaw had 2 miscarriages when she was young, so they've been very supportive and understanding. My biggest fear is that I'll forget. I know that won't be possible, but what if I do? I want to forget the pain bu not my baby, make sense?? Anyway, I didn't mean to ramble... I'll continue to be praying for you all. I have been since I've posted on here. I was in a really low place that night I posted, my lowest really, but the Lord has helped me through this week and given me some peace. My favorite bible verse has always been Proverbs 3:5, Trust in the Lord with all thine heart and lean not unto thine own understanding. I know my baby is in heaven and I'll see it again one day and that makes heaven even sweeter! Thanks again for listening!

rachrobertson · May 2015

@DDG02 idk what kind of music you are into, but matt hammit has an album he wrote when his wife was pregnant and they weren't sure if the baby would survive birth with his heart defect. There is a song on there called 'let go'. It is a good listen and reminder that God is in control, even if we don't know his plan. Praying for you!

Jackie9568 · May 2015

I am going through something very similar right now and just wanted to let you know that I can relate a lot to the ways you are feeling. My husband and I found out on Tuesday night that we were pregnant for the first time. It wasn't necessarily planned, but I had a feeling and tested early (before I missed my period) and it was positive (3 tests). I went through a ton of emotions because I wasn't sure if I was ready and we we have a big out of state moved planned for the fall, but ultimately we were thrilled. We even told our families and a few friends even though we knew it was early (4 weeks 2 days), but I figured I would tell all of those people if anything bad should happen anyway. I went to the doctor on Friday to get a blood test for confirmation(supposed to get results Monday) and Saturday morning I started spotting when going to the bathroom. I panicked and called the dr. And she told me to monitor it and that there wasn't much else to do, but come in on Monday and get my levels checked again. As the day went on, the bleeding got worse and I started passing clots. This is still happening today and while it's not confirmed by a dr. yet, in my heart I know our baby is gone. I have been going through the most crazy roller coaster of emotions over the past day and a half. I feel such a strong sense of loss which is surprising to me since we only knew I was pregnant for about 4 days, and like you, I'm wondering if I'm allowed to feel so completely devastated about something I wasn't necessarily trying for, or something I didn't even have time to really start processing my feelings about. Part of me feels like if something was wrong it wasn't meant to be and its ok it will happen again when the time is right but the other part of me wants to lay in bed and cry all day (currently doing). I'm also terrified that something is wrong with me and the next time I'm pregnant this is going to happen again. My husband and family and friends are supportive but it's hard to explain to them the complicated emotions I'm feeling right now. It helped me to read that someone else out there was going through something similar (thank you) and I hope my story will help you or someone else experiencing the same things. Hope you are feeling stronger each day

aspenwads · May 2015

I went to the hospital yesterday afternoon with cramping and light bleeding. I'm around 10 weeks pregnant. I spent hours waiting and doing tests only to find out that my baby was right along schedule; only it showed no signs of a heartbeat. I am devastated. It's nice to know I am not alone in this. Truly. I have so many emotions rolling through me and my body is still reacting as though I'm pregnant. It's just.. really rough right now.

kimey1 · June 2015

Sending you hugs @Jackie9568 and @aspenwads - it's really a roller coaster and it hurts because the pregnancy symptoms don't go away until after passing the clots. I think it took me a week, for some it takes more than that.

Hope you get all the support from your SO and family and friends.

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