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November 2015 Moms
AshleeRenee31
member
To end engagement or not
AshleeRenee31
member
Hey ladies,I'm in one of those classic relationships where I've been with my so off and on for almost 10 years. He became a stepfather to my daughter when she was only 3 months old and then we conceived my now 7 year old son a year and a half later. To make a long story short we were broken up for a few months at the end of 2014 and got back together in Januray of this year. I wanted to give it another chance sine my ultimate dream is to have my family together. He propsed in February and in March I ended up pregnant with our second child together. The problem is he is always working on and off I had to come back to my moms because we had to move out of the apartment we were in. He always makes promises about what he is going to do and always falls short. Now he is pretty much expecting me to once again get us back into a place or thats what it seems like. I'm a nurse and am saving up money. Should I just get over trying to make things work and move on. I'm just scared I guess this will be my third child and i'll basically be a sinlge mom and im also thinking about moving to a whole other state but I feel selfish leaving he's a good father but is a shitty provider.
Best Answers
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modanz1 member
I was with a guy like that for 7 years. Good guy, shitty provider. I worked two jobs to keep the lights on while he went from job to job, never staying long and spending most of the money he did make. I walked away from him and never looked back or regretted it for a minute. I decided that I would rather live in a cardboard box than be with someone who didn't make me happy. I have an amazing husband now who would walk through fire before he saw me suffer or want for anything. Only you can decide what's right for you & your kids, but my personal opinion is that if a man truly loves you, he will work his ass off to ensure that you have everything you need and deserve. (And you should do the same for him) That's what love is, putting another's happiness over your own. When both people in a relationship do that, both are happy. When only one does it, it tends to fall apart. Good luck.YCSWU
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thefithuntress member
First off, good on you for having a career and wanting to make your own money to support your children!
I don't know much about on and off relationships with the father of my child but I am the product of being raised by a single mom without my dad in the picture. If you want to be with your fiance because he makes you happy and treats your kids well that's one thing. However, staying simply to keep your family together isn't crucial to your children's wellbeing. They just need stability and love aside from the necessities.
I'd take a good hard look at the pro's and con's of your relationship to make a final decision. Have a talk about ALL of the finances. Tell him how you feel about your relationship-you guys need to be a team and make the final call together. If he is a good father you two can always work out co-parenting. Good luck to you and your family. -
MargaretC5 member
Wow I feel like you just wrote my life story. Walking away from that relationship was one of the hardest things I have ever done. I remember when it was truly over, I was sitting on my couch one night and suddenly realized I was at peace. It was a beautiful feeling and I knew I had done the right thing, but while things were failing and he kept promising it would be better I could not see the light at the end of the tunnel.modanz1 said:I was with a guy like that for 7 years. Good guy, shitty provider. I worked two jobs to keep the lights on while he went from job to job, never staying long and spending most of the money he did make. I walked away from him and never looked back or regretted it for a minute. I decided that I would rather live in a cardboard box than be with someone who didn't make me happy. I have an amazing husband now who would walk through fire before he saw me suffer or want for anything. Only you can decide what's right for you & your kids, but my personal opinion is that if a man truly loves you, he will work his ass off to ensure that you have everything you need and deserve. (And you should do the same for him) That's what love is, putting another's happiness over your own. When both people in a relationship do that, both are happy. When only one does it, it tends to fall apart. Good luck.
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VexyMommy member
This is a similar situation to what I am in with my guy. We are in couples counseling. It has helped us communicate, but it hasn't changed who he is. He's a good guy, but I'm tired of being Wendy to his Peter Pan.
In my case my bf is also disabled and has been trying to get disability for the past 3 years. I don't understand how he thinks he can take care of a newborn when he swears he's too ill on many days to handle simple household chores like laundry or the dishes.June Siggy Challenge
Re: To end engagement or not
I'm so grateful that I have an SO that is the complete opposite. He has helped care for my DD since she was three. As partners.
Only you will really know what to do. Try counseling. In my case it didn't work. But, hopefully it will for you
Wow I feel like you just wrote my life story. Walking away from that relationship was one of the hardest things I have ever done. I remember when it was truly over, I was sitting on my couch one night and suddenly realized I was at peace. It was a beautiful feeling and I knew I had done the right thing, but while things were failing and he kept promising it would be better I could not see the light at the end of the tunnel.
I know that peaceful feeling. Like you can breathe for the first time in so long.
Good luck!