Morbid thoughts?

Niikki65 · May 2015

This is my first pregnancy. My DH and I have been trying on and off for 7 years, last year found out I have fertility issues. I was diagnosed with benign tumors of the pituitary gland. Anyways found out I was prego 6 days before my missed period. But I'm still in shock and don't believe it, even after my Dr has told me so. My problem is all I can think about is me possibly having issues and having to choose between my life and my unborn baby's life. I've already told my husband that I will have a living will wrote up stating the Dr is to save my child's life over mine. I have recurring thoughts daily that I will miscarry, and then dream about it at night. Am I being crazy or am I preparing myself for the bomb to drop. I can't even be excited because I'm so worried..

mum2b1986 · May 2015

Hi,

This is my first post on here. I don't have health issues that I'm aware of but I can relate on the thoughts of miscarriage.

I had a miscarriage in March this year and found out 10 days ago I'm pregnant again.

Every day I wake up in tears as my symptoms are so mild and paranoid it will happen again.

I hope that when you have your 12 weeks scan it will ease your mind. And try to stay positive xxx

Niikki65 · May 2015

Good morning

Thank you for the reply. I'm sorry to hear about your miscarriage. I can't imagine the pain and agony it caused. I pray that you don't have to go through that again. I will have an ultrasound done tomorrow, due to some spotting and previous health issues. When do you go the doctor? I haven't had any symptoms that I can chalk up to pregnancy, which scares me too. I would much rather have symptoms cause that lets me know something is going on..

DjinnaG · May 2015

Lack of symptoms doesn't mean anything. I had plenty with my first pregnancy, but no embryo. This time, not much beyong bigger boobs and bloat, and we saw the heartbeat at 6 weeks.

It's hard not to stress about another health issue coming up when you've had something like tumors, even if they were benign - do you think you're more worried about a completely unknown health issue rearing its ugly head, or your previous one switching to something more dangerous? I'm high risk for multiple reasons, and I've found that it helps to break things down into things I can do something about, and things I can't, and try to focus my worry on the ones I can do something about. I can't do anything about my age, I'm not going to worry about that. But, I can do something about my clotting problems, so I focus my worry on making sure that I take my extra folic acid, give myself my shot on time every day, and stay as active as possible. You can't do anything about a health condition that you don't know exists, but you can do something about staying as healthy as possible to try to grow a healthy baby, and keeping up with other doctor visits to make sure that things get addressed. When you feel like you have some control over something, even if it's only a little bit of control, it's less panic inducing even if it's still worrisome.

Good luck! And I've had my living will set with prenatal specifications since before we even started TTC. It's important to be clear about that when it's at all possible, that part's not morbid, but practical.

mrsbongo · May 2015

Hi! This is my first post. It's the first one I read that actually felt like someone was thinking like me. I have the same issue. I have little to no symptoms and have very morbid dreams about miscarriages and the thought crossed my mind at least once a day. I'm 8 weeks and 4 days. First dr apt tomorrow so we will see. I've struggled with anxiety and pancreatic issues my adult life so idk if that has anything to do with it. But my hubby tells me to just try to focus on the positive bc I can't control the negative. What is going to happen is going to happen. I hope everything works out for you.

Knottie1452445632 · May 2015

Ahh bless you it's so emotional being pregnant and this is no 4 for me (unplanned) and I am still worried about miscarriage, something being wrong with the baby etc. I even think up odd scenarios where we all die or baby dies or something crazy like that. All I can say is welcome to motherhood

We never stop worrying and running crazy scenarios through our heads to do with our children. I hope that offers some comfort. I also have had bad dreams recently but nothing specific - still I wake in a cold sweat - it all goes with the hormones I guess. I had this before with my son so perhaps it's a boy again this time

- I also have two daughters (I don't recall it with them). Anyway, I guess what I'm saying is it is a variation of normal and I bet if you speak to other mums with kids they'd feel or have felt the same at some point. The only thing I will say is please talk to your midwife/dtr etc as you could have depression in pregnancy. I had post natal depression after my son and it manifested itself with OCD thoughts of bad things happening to family members (mainly the baby) and how id break the news to family members! It was horrific. Please seek help - even a talking group or a close friend who's willing to listen will do you the world of good. A final note omega 3 has changed my life - it's well known for easing depression symptoms (mine have practically been eliminated). I take natures sunshine high strength omega 3 - 1000mg every day (2 a day in breast feeding). I am happy to report than in my last pregnancy (baby is now nearly 1 ) I had NO PND

Anyway good luck and always share your emotions it's amazing how much better you can feel. Good luck - you are not alone xxxx

ChrissyD1203 · May 2015

@Mumtobe+4 I saw you mentioned OCD in your post. I was just wondering if you had OCD beforehand or it first developed after pregnancy. I have struggled with "bad thoughts" OCD on and off since I was 7 (I am 30 now). For the past several years it has been very mild, but one of the things I am concerned about is how it will affect me after I give birth when my hormones are crazy.

AmeliaKris · May 2015

Hi. It sounds like you might have some hormone related anxiety. Talk with your Dr about it. I have it only when I have big hormone shifts. You are not alone and its completely normal. What helps me is daily exercise, eating healthy, deep breathing, and journaling. Hope it gets better.

Karenin · May 2015

Hi,

I'm so sorry you are feeling this way, and for what happened in the past. I have dealt with panic disorder and OCD for years so I understand intrusive thoughts. My only advice is to make sure you have a great support system right now, whether this is a temporary issue or a new manifestation of things you have dealt with before (if you have OCD). Your SO, friends, a counselor if you need one, and your OB. My OB was incredible when, during my first pregnancy, someone very close to me died and I was terrified my emotional state would harm my baby (stress responses to grief like rapid heart rate, no desire to exercise, etc). They have dealt with the fears of patients with much less to actually worry about than you. Take care of yourself and ask for support as you need it.

thebeefamily · May 2015

I have to admit that I'm having the same thoughts. I don't know if it's the pregnancy hormones or the five years I spent TTC, but I keep thinking I'm going to lose this baby. No matter the morning sickness or lack of bleeding I'm convinced something will happen and this will all be over.

It's normal to have anxiety as long as you realize that's all it is. Women do miscarry everyday, but just as many (more than likely) give birth to healthy, term babies.

Knottie1452445632 · May 2015

Hi, yes I guess I've always had OCD thoughts but they got worse after having the baby and I was finally diagnosed. They sent a councillor who saw me every day for 2 months I think. It was a massive help and talking to her got things into perspective so I could deal with it myself a little while later. Sleep is also a massive one / rest when you can and try not to worry about what will happen after the baby arrives as what will be will be - no point adding stress as that's bound to trigger your OCD. As another lady said get a support network and take care of yourself. The good news is you can get through it as we all have

Stay positive and keep safe xxx

Niikki65 · May 2015

Thank you so much ladies for all the responses. I was actually able to see my dr yesterday because I was so worried, so he got me in a day early and did an u/s . I'm really lucky with him he actually delivered me.

He has seen me grow up and once it was time I've always went to him. He said everything looks great. Now I have to wait til June 24 but hopefully I will keep calm. Hope all of you are doing well. Thanks again for the input

laschub · May 2015

I'm kind of in the same boats. My thoughts aren't morbid or anything, but I feel like I'm forcing myself to assume that I will miscarry, and if I don't, then it will be such an amazing surprise! I am 34 with no known fertility issues. My DH and I got pregnant on the first try notwithstanding my longstanding history of long cycles (35 days) and very short luteal cycles (8 days). I always figured that I would miscarry once or twice due to my short luteal phase (although I know that there are many views on how big of a problem short luteal phases are). I'm 5 weeks today by my calculation. I can't use the old "first day of your last period" trick to calculate my due date since I have such long cycles, but I was tracking my BBT every morning and thus I just dated back two weeks from my ovulation date (I don't know anyone who has a perfect 28-day cycle!). Anyway, I'm with you guys. My thoughts are negative when they shouldn't be, but I can't help it. It's as if I am preparing myself for a MC so it won't be such a shock or tragedy if it happens. I'm glad I'm in good company!

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