Cheating..advice??

MasonsMommy&exp1 · May 2015

Okay so i know this isn't a relationship forum but i literally have no one else to talk to. I just found out today that my SO cheated on me six months ago for 2 weeks with his ex of 6 years. I know that it's true by what she told me and the details. But i call him at work to ask him and he swears up and down he didnt (I know he is lying) but I don't know how to get him to be honest about it? The ex even told me about how much he loves me and our little family and that she was sorry but I just don't think I can stay if he won't tell me the truth. He just screams and makes me feel like I shouldn't believe anyone but him. What would you do? P.s. great time to find out about infidelity!

Ckorines · May 2015

Trust your heart. It won't steer you wrong. Good luck.

mom3babies · May 2015

There's no way to make him be honest if he doesn't want to be. You just need to do what's best for you and the baby

mrsjones1012 · May 2015

Are you sure she's not just a drama starter? Maybe she's just vindictive and destructive. Why would she choose now to tell you this information?

Agree with PP- trust your heart and really do some thinking. You'd hate to throw it all away based on what she says on the chance that it's not true. You need to do what's best for you and your baby.

Good luck dear.

sschwege · May 2015

So sorry you are going through this!

Why do you feel it's important to get him to admit to it? If you know he did it then what's the difference?

amhoover88 · May 2015

I'm sure there's more to the story but it would make me question her motives of why she would be telling you this now, 6 months later?

mandalynn814 · May 2015

Like pps said, it makes me wonder why the ex would bring it up now. Are you absolutely positive?

I would always do what's best for you and the baby. Does he send up any other red flags? Has he lied to you before?

I'm so sorry that you're having to go through something like this right now!

AmyPrieto14 · May 2015

Sorry your going through this, but if you are 100% sure he cheated its once a cheater always a cheater. You can forgive, but never forget. I've been cheated on by my ex in the past. Like you I wanted him to admit it.. But he never did. I found out myself he did it more than once.. Stay strong. I know this has to be so stressful especially while pregnant. He's not worth lossing the baby over trust me. *hugs*

MasonsMommy&exp1 · May 2015

Now it's letting me reply. Stupid app argggh. The ex told one of our mutual friends that's how i found out. I can forgive him if he's honest but if he lies how would i ever know if he is being honest in the future. She even said he ended it because he loves me and his family but why would he do it in the first place?

mirrenrue · May 2015

He is probably scared to lose you so he won't admit. For her to say he stopped because he loves you, puts it in perspective. He doesn't want you to leave him, and he probably thinks you would if you knew. If you want an apology and to move forward and that's why you need to hear it from him then tell him that. I think he is just ashamed and scared.

MasonsMommy&exp1 · May 2015

I've told him I only want to know the truth and that I would stay if he told me. It just hurts that he wanted this baby and then cheats with her right after we find out I'm pregnant. I don't wanna leave because he literally is my everything and my son calls him daddy but I don't wanna get hurt again. I can't even look at him since he has been home because it makes me feel sick to my stomach to know that he says he loves me but hurt me in the worst way possible and to find out this close to my due date. Ughhh life isn't fun sometimes! !

mers90 · May 2015

Honestly, I would just leave. You can't say he's your everything when you have children! Your children should be your everything. If he cheated and won't admit it chances are that he'll do it again. If you leave him he might admit it and fight for you and never do it again, if he doesn't he's not worth it, specially because you're pregnant with his child! ... but you're the only one at the wheel right now, if you let it go he'll see how easy it is for him to cheat and lie to you. And remember that however you let your relationship be right now is how your children's future relationship's will be, if they see it happen then they'll probably do it too.

MasonsMommy&exp1 · May 2015

Of course i meant besides my babies.

zmombie · May 2015

Personally... I don't do well in relationships.. I always find the guy that cheats and if he don't admit to it.. I leave anyways. I don't like these games.

Um anyways! If she told you stuff that you know for sure he cheated on you, then you deserve better! I'm told that cheating isn't the worst thing.. And that it can be forgiven.. But I can't forgive that. If your married.. That's possibly another story.. Man I don't know. If you want to work things out, try calmly talking to him about it. Tell him your willing to work thru it.. But if he's just gonna shut down and scream at you.. There's nothing to save. If he wasn't doing anything wrong he wouldn't be so defensive.

Numajawara · May 2015

Marriage counseling perhaps?

PCU215 · May 2015

This is going against the grain here, but honestly I think you should talk to either a counselor or perhaps a spiritual advisor on this. You are getting opinions all over the board and unfortunately people are going to project their personal experiences on you. This is some heavy shit, and while people may be well intended I dont nessesarily think they know the whole situation (how could they by a short paragraph summing up the problem.) I am not trying to tell you what to do, but think you would be better served talking to someone trained to deal with these type of issues. It's very easy for someone to tell you stay or go, but they aren't the ones that will have to live with your decision. I wish you the best of luck.

MrsJIsbell · May 2015

I completely agree with PP, counseling is the way to go if you want to continue in this relationship. With that said, if he's not willing to admit to it then I don't see how you would start counseling.
You need to talk to him calmly and tell him that you already know he did it and the only thing you're interested in is healing the relationship to move forward as a family. If he refuses to accept any wrong doing then I would just move on (if you're 100% sure that he cheated).
I don't know the whole story or your history together but I feel for you.
I was once in a relationship with someone who I was sure loved me and bc of that I also tried to save that relationship when he cheated. He cried and looked ashamed and sorry about what he had done. In the end he may or may not have loved me but he cheated on me another 2 times. The last time he met some one while I was 3 months pregnant (with a baby HE convinced me to get pregnant with) and on a 17 day vacation with my grandma. When I got home he asked me to move out and told me he had met some one and he deserved to be happy. He said that bc of our past (his cheating) our relationship wouldn't have the chance to be as good as this new relationship may become. (I ended up losing the baby due to stress)... This changed me completely, I have never tolerated cheating again and now I feel like if they can do it once they can do it again..... I'm not saying that is the case for you but if this relationship you're in has a fighting chance he NEEDS to own his actions, apologize to you, and agree to do the work out will take to right the wrong (counseling).

butterfly061583 · May 2015

I believe you should both attend professional counseling to get help on this situation. Honestly I would never make a life altering decision based on the opinions of members on a forum. You really just need to sit down and have someone with experience in this area assist you from a professional stand point. Also people can be vindictive and people lie and he could be actually telling the truth, men and women make up stories all the time. I think you need to get to the root of it before you end things on the off chance that this woman is just trying to destroy things.

KatyB86 · May 2015

Always go with your gut feeling it is always right.. If you think he has and are willing to forgive him for it, tell him you don't want to finish things but need answers. He maybe getting so angry because it's his defence because he thinks if he tells the truth he'll lose you.
Hope it all works out for you xx

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