Still not ready to announce and stressed out!

jaybee1111 · May 2015

I am 16 weeks and I am still not ready to announce to public! I only told my immediate family and my best friend. I have been out of work the last week and I am out this week. Originally I was supposed to go on vacation but once I was diagnosed with a hematoma/blood clot, I cancelled the trip and decided to stay home to rest. I am supposed to go back to work next week and I plan to announce the pregnancy then. Some of my co-workers already guessed that I am pregnant but noone asked me to my face so I have not said anything (they talked behind my back and one of my co-worker told me).

I went to an ultrasound yesterday and OB said the blood clot is still there (although the size got smaller) and she wants to be out of work for at least 2 more weeks until my next ultrasound. So that means I HAVE to call my boss and tell her. And that means the rest of my co-workers will know something bad is happening to me.

I can't help it but I am just not ready to tell. I suffered a MC in Jan and I am now at a higher risk for miscarriage because of the blood clot. I didn't want kids growing up and I was pretty vocal about it. I changed my mind last year after my beloved mom passed away and I got to spend a lot time with my niece and nephew! I didn't tell my co-workers about my change of mind because I wasn't sure if I can conceive being in my late 30s. They had harassed me in the past for not having kids and several co-workers (all in their early 30s) had kids last year without any complications. I am sure they will talk behind my back once they find out about my complications now - partially attributing them to my "old" age. I read that you can get blood clot at all ages, but being in an advanced age does poses higher risk generally.

I plan to just tell them the reasons I need to stay home. I don't think I can hide it anymore but I am just stressed out about this. I suppose my biggest fear is if this pregnancy does not work out, I have to face them and I know they will pity me and tiptoe around me when they talk about their kids (which is all the time). My hubby doesn't understand why I would care about this but I can't help it. He has a positive outlook in life (which I admire) and he is convinced everything will work out. I think the MC took away my innocence of the pregnancy.

What would you do if you are in my shoes? Tell everyone the truth (about the blood clot and pregnancy)and pray that the pregnancy would work out? That's what I am planning to do although I don't know how to tell them since I am not going to be at work for at least couple more weeks. Part of me wants to just go back to work and tell them just the pregnancy and not the blood clot, but I don't want to jeopardize my baby. I know this is silly but I am stressed out

RaisingJulian · May 2015

Honestly in my opinion I wouldn't tell them anything if they're just going to talk behind ur back!! The only persons business who u should telL is ur boss so u can get the time off. Otherwise it's none of there concern. They're going to talk behind ur back either way. The girls at my work do constantly (I'm only 20 and this is baby #2) but I say if u want a family and can afford it then good for u! It's no ones business but urs. Enjoy ur pregnancy. Don't worry about what others think/say. Btw I'll be praying for u that ur blood clot goes away so that its one less worry on ur mind!

sarahsnowball · May 2015

I understand why you want to wait and you have very right to wait a bit longer. I think you should tell your employer exactly what is happening and make it clear that you are not ready for your coworkers to find out. Your employer should not be divulging ANY of your medical information to other employees. All they need to know is that you are 'sick' and signed off for two weeks.
Once the two weeks is up you might even feel more secure in the pregnancy, and you might feel more ready to tell everyone. Good luck.

VexyMommy · May 2015

You need to tell your boss at a minimum as it's an HR issue with you needing to take a few weeks off of work because of complications. You can ask her/him not to tell people the nature of your illness and based on standard HR procedure that wish should be followed. It may also be a HIPPA violation if your boss tells others about your medical history.

Whether you tell your co-workers when you return to work is up to you. If they are as nosy as you say, be prepared with an answer you are comfortable providing when they ask why you were out or make mention of your bump and ask if you're pregnant.

thegingeravenger · May 2015

I'm 100% with PPs on telling your boss now and making sure to mention that you don't want your coworkers to know. That being said, I would tell your coworkers when you get back. It's MUCH harder to talk behind people's backs and spread gossip when the person who the gossip is about turns out to be the one sharing it

Plus even if your coworkers are catty, there are very few people nasty enough to talk smack about a woman who had a medical issue during pregnancy.

jaybee1111 · May 2015

Thanks for all your reply. I definitely plan to tell my boss because I needed the time off. She is not good in keeping secrets even though it may be a HIPPA violation. I will tell her not to say anything but I don't count on it. Even if she doesn't say anything, It's a small office and people do talk and I know they will reach out to me to find out what's going on when I am at home. I suppose I will decide then if I want to say anything.

I am one of the few people who do not have kids in the office. Most of the ones are now much older (late 40s and 50s) so it's no longer an issue for them. Of all the younger people in the office (30s), I am the oldest among them and the only one with no kids.

I know this is silly and it's the least I should be worrying right now but I can't help it. I need to tell myself over and over again to focus just on the baby.

Thanks for all your input. I appreciate it

VexyMommy · May 2015

We all have social issues we get upset about. It's not the same for every woman and the fact that this is one of yours is no big deal. I work with almost all guys so I felt a little weird announcing at work too. Now the guys (some of whom are stereotypical engineers and lack decent social skills) are asking me if I'm REALLY pregnant since I'm not showing much yet. lol.

sarahsnowball · May 2015

People love to gossip, and a pregnant coworker is a usually topic that's easy to gossip about. But when your coworkers find out about the problems you have been experiencing during your pregnancy they may well surprise you with compassion and understanding. They are all parents, so they will all be able to empathise on some level.

Pontot31 · May 2015

Can you just tell HR? While I have told my boss my HR rep told me I don't have to tell anyone anything. I can go through her.
And she can just tell my boss I am on leave until further notice.

Tracy1111 · May 2015

I had two miscarriages, this is my third pregnancy. I'm 16 weeks. I was (and still am) reluctant to tell people in case something goes wrong. I work in a male dominated environment and wasn't expecting a lot of support. I've drip fed people my news one at a time as I didn't want a big announcement. I was absolutely shocked by the happy and emotional responses I've had so far. One guy wanted to hug me and almost had tears in his eyes! The women have been really supportive too. Some had guessed as my belly is so bloated and they had been talking about it, so I faced them straight on and told them. I'm still worried what will happen if I lose it and how I will tell people. It's really difficult and I completely understand where you're coming from, but there is a chance you will be pleasantly surprised by the support you get when you tell people.

jaybee1111 · May 2015

Talked to my boss today. She was very supportive and offered to allow me to work at home in the time being. What a relief. Probably need to deal with nosy co-workers on Monday!

cbolton19 · May 2015

jaybee1111 said:
Talked to my boss today. She was very supportive and offered to allow me to work at home in the time being. What a relief. Probably need to deal with nosy co-workers on Monday!

That's awesome! I work in a small office too. It makes the dynamics so much more complicated, especially with nosey/gossipy co-workers. It's hard for me and I take everything that happens to heart. I have been so much sicker this pregnancy because of this sort of stuff at work. I hope things with your coworkers ends up ok and you can ignore what they say. It's you and baby that matter!

ash413 · May 2015

I understand the position you are in. This is my 3rd pregnancy, first 2 ended in a Mc before 7 weeks. I have seen our the HB 3 times now, so while I'm optimistic, I am still very hesitant to tell anyone.
I just recently told my boss and coworkers.
however, that was due more to the fact I work in pharmaceutical research lab, and wanted to be aware of any compunfs that came in that I should avoid.

FilbertTree · May 2015

Kind of in the same boat here, too. This is also my third pregnancy, my second ending in mc at about 7 weeks just before Christmas. Im now 17w4d and was beginning to feel a lot more confident about this pregnancy until my quad screen results this week showing high risk for Downs. Right now there are 4 people in my life who know; my beat friend, our mums, and one of my bosses. My boss keeps asking when Im planning to tell co-workers. She's my work-mom and she's incredibly excited for me, but right now I actually need to not "be pregnant" at work, I need that mental escape. Plus my coworkers already think that my boss favours me (she does, but its because I do my job well, the customers love me, and I dont create drama) so I really dont need to deal with any extra nonsense from them. And my other job, my boss and coworkers can be very catty and judgey, so they dont get to know yet because I dont need to feel like the subject of gossip in our tiny small business (especially as we've worked together in this and a previous business for about 4 years, and in the past Ive been very open about not wanting any more babies ...but my circumstances changed and my feelings did a 180.) Ugh, Ive rambled a bit there, sorry. Basically, I completely understand, and we just have to do what's best for us...

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