Community› The Bump Month Clubs› November 2015 Moms
November 2015 Moms
New Discussion

How did your baby's dad take finding out your pregnant?!?

oliveoil95oliveoil95 member
edited May 2015 in November 2015 Moms
I'm just curious if my baby's father reaction is justified. How did your guys take it?

I'm 20 and he's 19. I told him over a month ago I'm pregnant. He still hasn't told his parents. He told me it's none of my business when he decides to either. The only time I hear from him is when I call him first. And he wants me to keep the pregnancy as quiet as possible and not tell anyone.

He offers no support. Ive never seen this side of him. He's never hurt my feelings so much. I'm not sure if he hasn't accepted it yet or in denial. Should I give him more time to tell his parents? I don't think he knows how to handle he's going to be a dad.


I've given him 5 weeks to tell. He wouldn't even discuss the baby with me until I told my mom. Now it's his turn. He really doesn't want to go to court for child support. So I told him unless he tells his parents soon. They're going to find out he got my pregnant by a court date for child support. I don't like being so harsh, but I need help with baby that he helped create.


Did any of your men have a hard time with it too?
Report Reply to Post

Re: How did your baby's dad take finding out your pregnant?!?

  • nicolejudenicolejude member
    I am sorry you are going through this, @oliveoil95 . Mine was just outside the door when I took the test and didn't say too much of anything no matter how much I asked him to. I think it was a state of shock. After I was able to get a doctors appointment and we were able to hear the heartbeat he seemed to get excited. He told his parents rather quickly but on the other hand I'm unsure if it was so willing. But I noticed a BIG change in him after hearing the heartbeat and seeing it on the ultrasound. Has he had that experience yet? If not, it could be the game changer!

    Sending good vibes your way!
    Report Reply
  • Loading the player...
  • oliveoil95oliveoil95 member
    I haven't brought him to any appointments or anything. Haven't thought about it. All that's happened for him is me telling him im pregnant. I was thinking about getting a fetal Doppler for at home and showing him the heartbeat. But that's a good idea. It will make it more real for him.
    Report Reply
  • loveheatherbearloveheatherbear member
    Mine told me to get an abortion and haven't heard from him for three months. He hasn't told his family either & I want to tell them but I'd feel messed up .
    Report Reply
  • maura+cmaura+c member
    I would agree. Having the baby on screen and seeing this wonderful baby he created could help the situation. I think you should ask him to join you for your anatomy scan. Now, if he's unwilling to go then I would keep to your five weeks notice date that you gave him and hold him to child support. Babies are extremely expensive and it's not fair you have to go through this all on your own.. Hope he has a change of heart once he sees his baby
    Report Reply
  • lyankowilyankowi member
    Good luck with everything. Mine denied there was a line on the test, he said it was too faint to be positive so I took it again the next morning and the line was definitely there
    Report Reply
  • oliveoil95oliveoil95 member
    Sometimes we forget as women I feel that for a man pregnancy is completely different. They have no way of feeling connected before the baby's born. I'm trying not to get angry and give him time but it's so hard.

    I don't understand what's so hard about telling your parents you got a girl pregnant?!? If he was man enough to get me pregnant he's man enough to tell his parents and help me with the baby. He hasn't once told me he was going to leave and not
    Help financially with the baby.
    Report Reply
  • KatieSetlerKatieSetler member
    @oliveoil95 Are you two still together? Just curious.

    @loveheatherbear I know it's a tough choice, but maybe you should tell his family? I mean, if you want them in the baby's life, that is.
    Baby number 1 on the way!
    image
    Report Reply
  • urby87urby87 member
    My husband was NOT on board with his ex being pregnant.  He was very upset about it, as my stepson was conceived by accident after they had already broken up.  He didn't want to talk about it, and didn't attend the delivery.  His heart melted when he got to meet his son, though, and he has since been an active in his life.  His parents didn't know they were grandparents until after the fact.

    I can only imagine how difficult this must be for you, and I do hope things go more smoothly for you...
    Report Reply
  • emmybean123emmybean123 member
    My husband was so good. It was a complete shock to us ( we found out on our honeymoon!) and we went to an asda to buy a test because I'd been vomiting all day and he said he'd noticed my boobs were bigger. So we went to asda, I took a test and he waited outside. Initially at the positive our reactions were simultaneously "oh crap what are we going to do" because we live in a one bed flat etc and his parents are strict Christians and our marriage was believed to be under strict "no sex before marriage terms" so understandably these were our first thoughts, SO was quieter than me but we had a four hour car journey ahead of us. By the end of that car journey he was determined it was a boy, we'd decided on names for both a boy and a girl and made our plans to get a mortgage on a bigger place by 20 weeks pregnant! So he got happy quickly. But he dreaded telling his parents. If he'd of had a choice he still wouldn't have done. It was an awful event. But I'm glad it's fine and done now. I would support him if I were you. Help him to understand that his parents will get over the initial shock and in the end be thrilled at having a grandchild, especially if you two are trying to make it work. Supporting men that are in shock works far better than trying to force them to run into what's scaring them. Xx good luck! X
    Report Reply
  • Beck&babaBeck&baba member
    @oliveoil95 when I told the father of my baby he hit the roof. Told me to have an abortion and not to tell anyone. I was so angry at him for suggesting this as we already have 3 kids together. But this time is different as we are not together but sometimes still sleep together. What he failed to tell me was he didnt want to break the news to his new GF. He wouldn't tell his family so I called his mum and told her. He didnt like that either. He is now with someone new and seems ok with me being pregnant but the new gf is not. Eventhough he plays happy families with her and her child and left here a single parent to 3 kids, 1 on the way and a house to keep in check and bills to pay.My advice to u is keep doing what ur doing. Dont hang around for him to show an interest. Dont push for him to take an intrest coz he will rebel.He will come around when he is ready and if he doesn't, u know what u need to do. Best of luck to u hun. X
    Report Reply
  • VexyMommyVexyMommy member
    My ex had me take 5 tests before he believed me. The last two weren't the lines, they said pregnant on them. He then told me to get an abortion. My current bf didn't believe the line was dark enough on my first one and I took another the next day and we started making plans.

    Whether he tells his parents or not, he owes you child support. Depending on the state, you may not be eligible for public assistance if you do not file.
    June Siggy Challenge image
    Report Reply
  • amwright33amwright33 member
    lyankowi said:

    Good luck with everything. Mine denied there was a line on the test, he said it was too faint to be positive so I took it again the next morning and the line was definitely there

    Mine did the same thing. I took a digital the next day though. Hard to say it's negative when it spells pregnant. Lol
    Report Reply
  • sherainegordonsherainegordon member
    My boyfriend flipped out. Begged for an abortion. Wouldn't talk about the pregnancy or acknowledge it for months. I had to call his mom and tell her because he never would have (even though he normally tells her everything), he didn't want updates on the pregnancy, skips appointments, was not protective of me. He feels he's too young even though he's 26. I'm 29. We both have stable jobs. I also never saw this side to him until I got pregnant. I would have dumped his ass if I knew. He's slowly getting better about some things (molasses running uphill on a cold day slow) but he's making improvements. I hope yours does too.
    Report Reply
  • feebee21feebee21 member
    My husband and I have been married for a year and been together for 4 years. His parents are thrilled they are going to be grandparents but I noticed he's not so thrilled about being a dad. To him it's a huge change and he's kinda scared even if he didn't tell me but I know cause I know him that well .. He hasn't come to any appointments with me yet but I'm trying to get him to come to the anatomy scan in 6 weeks..I'm not mad at him, I'm trying to be understanding cause if I were man I think I would be scared to.. He will definitely fall in love with the baby after he meets it.. It's just different for us women cause the babies are in us..the connection is on. A whole different level..
    Give him sometime.. He is a teenager about to be a dad.. That is pretty scary for a teenage boy. It actually causes depression ( pschycological fact).
    It's not fair for you to be alone in this definitely, and you can go ahead and tell his parents too.. Just do what is best for your baby!
    Report Reply
  • makeoutside7makeoutside7 member
    I'm sorry you ladies are going through this with your baby's father. It's just sad to me that anyone would want to walk away from a human being that they helped create. My husband was so excited to be a father (we have been trying for a year). Parenthood is a partnership and honestly, if the other person is not on board, it's better not to have them in the picture. It will only be a constant negative force in your baby's life. Wish you all the best and that you make the best decision for you and baby.

      FTM due 11/06/2015
    Married 09/21/2013
    Report Reply
  • oliveoil95oliveoil95 member
    My situation is more that we were never together. Just "friends with benefits." Ive met his mom before and she knew who I was. But to just to tell his mom he got me pregnant. He's going to be in deep trouble. He just graduated college and was planning on moving down south. Then here I come telling him I'm pregnant. I guess I see why this is hard for him. He's been rude to me. But atleast I can say he's never once told me he was going to not provided for the child.

    I sort of feel bad because I've been holding court over his head so he will listen to me. I told him some lies so I could get more out of him. If I brought him to court right now I would only get $25 a month out of him. But if we have an "arrangement," I would get so much more child support from him. It's not like he can't do research on child support laws in New York. He just chooses not too and take my word for it.
    Report Reply
  • hermes1972hermes1972 member
    My husband was shocked that it happens so quickly . But it's his and mine first baby . He is already 42 years old so it's about time:). He comes on every single appointment and when the last time we saw a baby at 13 weeks he had proud look at his face .he told me now instead looking at the cars he looking at the strollers :)..., I think for every man it's a shock but then when it's getting more real they will accept the idea ... Good luck
    Report Reply
  • newmommyashsuenewmommyashsue member
    Im sorry some of you ladies are not getting the support frim your partners that you need. My husband of 2years-been together for 8 knew before i did and brought home a test like u should take this. I wad only a day late but he just knew.we went to one dr app to hear the hear beat,and we told our family right away.now he seams to forget im hormonal,hungery and tired as he like to bitch and is getting on my nerves but their all different. We been togerher a long time and were trying but even he doesnt have the same intrest as i do..i cant stop reading or talking about it and i know hes getting tired of that cuz he always seams so disinterested when i talk about the grown and my bodie changes. Bit hell come around as i get closer. If i were you honey id tell his perrents my inlaws have been verry helpful and are so excited.besides if he dont like it whats he gunna do leave..like he already has.hope he comes around.
    Report Reply
  • boni6109boni6109 member
    edited May 2015
    Mine was super excited since he been wantr
    The baby so i hope thing get better for you
    Report Reply
  • mmk29mmk29 member
    My husband was super excited and talks to my belly at night. I'm sorry you're going through this but I agree with previous posters that the last thing you want to do is lie. Invite him to the scan, but it really seems like the two of you need to just sit down and have a very serious conversation about support and how much he wants to be in your child's life.
    Report Reply
  • ElleMF728ElleMF728 member
    DH was thrilled both times though very surprised.  Both boys were conceived during the "maybe, we should sort of start talking about possibly having a baby" phase so it was pretty quick.  He is very supportive of me and takes care of our son so that I can frequently take some time for myself.  

    I just don't get the whole "give them time" and "cut them some slack" mindset, these men are adults and they shouldn't need their wives or girlfriends to hold their hands like small children whenever something unexpected happens.  Tell them to grow up, be a man and stop being selfish, immature babies...they are going to be fathers in a few short months.  Why should anyone expect or allow them to take care of an infant if they can't even take care of themselves.  How on Earth are they going to handle it at 3AM when they haven't slept in 3 days and LO is gassy, hungry and refusing to sleep for more than 15 minutes at a time? Seriously, the baby is still on the inside right now...this is the easy part!!! 

    If he can't, or worse won't, give you the support you need now what makes you think is will be willing or able to give you the support you need in the delivery room when s*** gets real? 



    Report Reply
  • Ceridwen77Ceridwen77 member
    I've been married for almost 5yrs. We were trying to get pregnant and it took about 6mos. He was so excited when I told him. Loving the look on his face at our ultrasounds. It's been great.
    Report Reply
  • oliveoil95oliveoil95 member
    Honestly the only lie I told him was that if we go to court they will drug test him and raise support if its positive. If we go to court now I only get $25 a month. I have to pay for everything else on my own. Rent,daycare,bills,food,clothes,nursery items,diapers etc.

    Him only paying me $25 a month will allow him to still pay for all his drug habits and partying. While I'm up here struggling. I won't even be able to eat most days. But he will still have enough to buy his Cocaine, Molly, Weed and Alcohol.My family can't afford to help me. And he won't tell his parents I'm expecting.


    All I wanted out of him was to stay here and help me so I could finish my Certificate and get a better job and provide for my child. But he won't do it. After I finish my certificate he can move away I just need help for a
    Little while. He acts like a year is to long for him to wait.
    Report Reply
  • oliveoil95oliveoil95 member
    This pregnancy was a mistake. But I've changed so much and it's for the better.

    I was on birth control and never missed a day. I even took Plan B less than a day after conception. I did everything I could do. This baby was obviously meant to be. I accepted
    It and now he has to too.
    Report Reply
  • oliveoil95oliveoil95 member
    I agree with you guys. I was going to tell him child support is still expected but he can't be doing drugs like that. I will say thought that none of these drugs are an addiction that he can't function without but I do know he does them if he's partying. And I don't think it's right for him to be able to occasionally buy those drugs but not give me support for his child.
    Report Reply
  • abrink63abrink63 member
    kmkrushi said:

    mmk29 said:

    oliveoil95 said:

    Honestly the only lie I told him was that if we go to court they will drug test him and raise support if its positive. If we go to court now I only get $25 a month. I have to pay for everything else on my own. Rent,daycare,bills,food,clothes,nursery items,diapers etc.

    Him only paying me $25 a month will allow him to still pay for all his drug habits and partying. While I'm up here struggling. I won't even be able to eat most days. But he will still have enough to buy his Cocaine, Molly, Weed and Alcohol.My family can't afford to help me. And he won't tell his parents I'm expecting.


    All I wanted out of him was to stay here and help me so I could finish my Certificate and get a better job and provide for my child. But he won't do it. After I finish my certificate he can move away I just need help for a
    Little while. He acts like a year is to long for him to wait.

    This changes things. Get out now and do not let a man addicted to serious drugs near your child. Paying child support will not keep him from doing these things, more likely those things will keep him from support. They also create a dangerous situation for you and your child.
    I agree. It sounds like you've done some of your homework regarding child support laws in your state. Do you know what the regulations are for receiving government assistance? It may be enough for you to distance yourself from him and his dangerous habits. Drugs change people and his party habits don't show he's ready to be any kind of a father. I'd let him move and perhaps file for child support when he has a job where ever he's moving to.

    You can do this without him. And it will be a happier healthier environment for your child.
    This. I think you're in a situation that government assistance was created to help. You want better for you and your child, and you're working toward being able to get a better job.
    Report Reply
  • taykerslaketaykerslake member
    I was on birth control and no whew near ready to have kids when I found out I was pregnant so we had decided originally not to keep baby, but a few days later after thinking long and hard about the decision we both came to the conclusion that we couldn't bear to go through with an abortion. My fiancé is my number 1 cheerleader through this pregnancy since and he worries more than i do about ANYTHING and EVERYTHING that seems abnormal. He's so excited and it's such a relief when he tells me he can't wait for baby
    Report Reply
  • VexyMommyVexyMommy member
    Talk to a family law lawyer about child support and custody. Consultations are free with many lawyers. For some reason I think you said you're from N.Y. I think the child support amount odds probably significantly higher than $25 even now. Apply for food stamps, Medicaid, WIC, welfare, and public housing. Turn this situation over to child support services and write this boy off. He will only weigh you and your child down. You can not change him and will only succeed in hurting yourself and your child if you try to make this work.
    June Siggy Challenge image
    Report Reply
  • MercyC1130MercyC1130 member
    ScarReallyDidIt said:
    Sunday UO: this is why I believe in the following for better family structure and support: Dating - married - then baby

    Most defiantly not always the case. Fun facts: About 50% of kids get to see their parents get divorced! Then, if that is not bad enough, about half of those kids get to watch a second marriage divorce! Lol. Actually, the words "see" and " watch" do little to describe what many kids experience when their parents divorce. Granted, some divorces are amicable, understood, and accepted. Not all. To me, marriage says little to nothing about the state of a family structure. Divorce lawyers are a dime a dozen and the process, albeit pricey and occasionally time consuming, is easier than ever! Marriages that do not end divorce also do not, most defiantly do not, equal happy and balanced family structure. Maybe some couples try counseling? Even with counseling however, a good percentage of those couples also separate. Okay, I am starting to ramble... What I am trying to say is that, especially now a days, marriage is not vital to a healthy family. Love, honesty, communication, respect, and any other awesome adjective you can think, are the true relics of a better family structure. A legally binding contract does not provide those things, people do. True, marriage makes it more difficult to leave when the going gets rough, but a cheater or a liar or a thief does not abide by the rules of marriage regardless. When you fall out of love with someone and want to call it quits, with or without marriage you are probably going to do so. If not, then you get to be one of those bitter unloving couples, and that is also unhealthy. On an aside, what about gay couples who in some places are unable to get married? Does that necessarily make them unfit to be parents as well? No. Marriage does not equal love and does not equal more stable or supportive family structure. To be clear, I am not against marriage. It is a beautiful concept. However, it has been devalued by many. It is what you make it though, and if it means something to the individual, then that is what matters.
    Report Reply
  • MercyC1130MercyC1130 member
    ash413 said:
    50% divorce rate is LONG outdated statistic and has decreased significantly. You also cannot tell me that getting pregnant with a guy you've dated for 6 months is a better alternative. While I am not necessarily saying you have to be married there should be a significant commitment from both parties prior to choosing to repeoduce.

    I did a bit more research and you are correct that that statistic is no longer valid. I found a site that has detailed information that seems much more legitimate. It is true that divorce rates have seen a decrease, however, to say that 50% is way off from truth is also untrue. I read that "2/3s of marriage will not result in divorce". So still about 30% can be expected. However, statistics are an odd thing that can be bent this way or that. All in all however, you are correct; divorce rates have shown to be decreased. This said, nothing I suggested should have been interpreted as to be able to assume that I would think dating for 6 months then having a child is a good alternative to marriage. Nothing I said could or should have pointed you in that direction. It not one extreme or the other; marriage or unwed and hasty baby making. Lol. So once again you are correct! I truly cannot tell you that because I did say or imply that! As for commitment, yesyesyesyesyesyesplease! I suppose even before love and all that heartwarming stuff, commitment should be foreground in the decision to reproduce. Unfortunately that is not always the case, but the same could be said with or without marriage. On an another aside, because I sure do love those random thoughts, you also cannot tell me that getting married to a guy you've dated for 6 months is a better alternative. Or maybe you could? I've heard crazier things.
    Report Reply
  • thefithuntressthefithuntress member
    @oliveoil95 I'm the product of a single mama who raised me without my father. He was a liar, a cheater, and conned a lot of women. You and your baby don't need the heartache. You're a strong young woman and you're working your ass off. You two are too good for him. :)
    Report Reply
  • kcannon7511kcannon7511 member
    That was my biggest fear ever getting pregnant... but when i told my man he was head over heels waaaay more excited than i was lol Idk every guy is different
    Report Reply
  • ks24119ks24119 member
    My DH talks to our daughter daily - good morning and goodnight. Very sweet
    Report Reply
Sign In or Register to comment.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards
"
"