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He's driving me crazy!

MandersLuv17MandersLuv17 member
in Pregnant after a Loss
I feel like my husband isn't being supportive AT ALL. We had a loss in Feb and just found out we're pregnant again. He hasn't asked me how I feel ONCE, not physically or emotionally. When I say that I'm tired or feel nauseous I get no empathy whatsoever. Just now he made the comment "you're being a real hypochondriac about this pregnancy." I don't complain much at all. I also work full time as an Army Officer, he lost his job a few months ago. I feel like that put less of a strain on our relationship than this! I just want him to be more supportive of what I'm dealing with and what I'm going through. Every time I bring it up its because we're fighting about it. I asked him to quit smoking and gave him info about Tabacco cessation classes and he hasn't even scheduled anything. Sorry- I just need to vent. Anyone going through anything similar or is my husband as much of a jerk as I think he is?
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Re: He's driving me crazy!

  • thepanicosthepanicos member
    MandersLuv17 said:

    I feel like my husband isn't being supportive AT ALL. We had a loss in Feb and just found out we're pregnant again. He hasn't asked me how I feel ONCE, not physically or emotionally. When I say that I'm tired or feel nauseous I get no empathy whatsoever. Just now he made the comment "you're being a real hypochondriac about this pregnancy." I don't complain much at all. I also work full time as an Army Officer, he lost his job a few months ago. I feel like that put less of a strain on our relationship than this! I just want him to be more supportive of what I'm dealing with and what I'm going through. Every time I bring it up its because we're fighting about it. I asked him to quit smoking and gave him info about Tabacco cessation classes and he hasn't even scheduled anything. Sorry- I just need to vent. Anyone going through anything similar or is my husband as much of a jerk as I think he is?

    I'm sorry for your loss, we experienced one in March. I'm 6w now. My husband didn't believe I was pregnant until he saw the sono. He's not supportive at all either. I've been laying around with just no interest in doing much at all. He thinks I'm just being lazy.

    My husband at least, I'm not sure if yours is the same way-- but he doesn't understand how much love I already feel for this baby, because he isn't carrying it.

    Support to you. Stay positive
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  • PlainJane8350PlainJane8350 member
    I'm sorry for your loss...and your husband! My husband and I fought more when I had the miscarriage and over trying again than we do now. If he's anything like my husband, then what you're doing with is his inability to process the emotions he felt after your loss...and most guys would be a mess if they lost their jobs, but even more so with a pregnant wife i.e. more responsibility. Don't get me wrong, my husband and I still fight. Venting to my friends (who can relate) helps. My husband will talk to me eventually, I just have to wait it out! Do whatever you can to distress. Will he rub your feet even if he's mad?
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  • MandersLuv17MandersLuv17 member
    edited May 2015
    Thepanicos-
    I feel like men just don't get it. He's slowly coming around I just wish he would be a little more "oh let me run out and get you pickles and ice cream.." Does that make sense? He finally read the baby book I got him and he's started helping out around more around the house. I just wish he'd ask how I was feeling more you know?

    And I really wish he'd quit smoking!

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  • MandersLuv17MandersLuv17 member
    PlainJane-

    I know I'm probably not taking his perspective as much as I should. He's been coming around- I posted the above comment right after we had a fight and before we made up.

    After I miscarried I went back to work earlier than the doctor told me too because I felt like he was guilting me about it (even though he wasn't working). It took a big toll on me and later he told me he thought that me getting back to normal would help- it didn't.

    Now I'm pretty anxious in general and I just wish he'd be aware of that and a little more empathetic. Like I work all day- I'm exhausted when I get home, I wish he wouldn't ask "what's for dinner?" As soon as I come in! I mean he doesn't work so why wouldn't he be able to figure out something??
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  • PlainJane8350PlainJane8350 member
    Trust me, I was no better. I was actually worse. Much worse. I was just trying to make you feel better by offering possible explanations. Venting is the only thing that made me feel better (and not kill my husband) and he still frustrates me sometimes, of course. Here's my email if you ever want to vent or just distract yourself: plainjane19792001@gmail.com. I still email back and forth with my friend from college, but especially when I'm upset with my husband.

    If you're working and he's not, then I'm at a loss at to why he can't cook dinner. I'm on "coach potato rest" right now and when I started it, my husband claimed that he didn't know how to make a...grilled cheese! No, that wasn't a typo. A grilled cheese was too sophisticated for him to wrap his head around.

    My husband's not the best at receiving what he probably takes as criticism, but do you feel comfortable asking your husband to handle dinner since he's not working? I feel like anyone not working should do that, male or female.

    P.S. I hope you had a fun Memorial Day and thank you for your service!
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