BTDT Moms what did you do?!

Maggies0670 · May 2015

I am a FTM and I am wondering how the first few hours after the baby is born works or how it worked for you Mom's who have BTDT.We agreed that while I am pushing it will only be my Husband in the room. However our parents will be there waiting to meet the baby right after. I have Been reading about skin to skin contact right after birth and then attempting to breastfeed within the first hour. I want our parents to be able to meet the baby as soon as possible but I would also like this skin to skin contact and privacy to breastfeed. My question is do you let our family come in and meet her right away and then ask them to leave again while I breastfeed? What did you Moms do as far as allowing family in the room after birth? When did your parents first hold the baby? It will most likely just be our pRents and my sis in law.
Thanks for any help, advice, or experiences

Lalala2326 · May 2015

I had a c-section, so it was a bit different, but we had family wait a few hours to come to the hospital. I wanted that privacy, time to get settled, and time to breastfeed first. My c-section was scheduled for 7 and we have them come at noon. We will likely do the same this time.

benmel31 · May 2015

We did not have anyone at the hospital. We called afterwards and then both sets of grandparents came. It gave us a couple hours alone.

bpwife&mama · May 2015

I would give it some time before you let grandparents in. My hospital wouldn't even allow visitors in for a few hours to allow all of that to happen. They also got me up, using the bathroom, and showering. You'll want some time before visitors show up.

laurasuzanne2006 · May 2015

I wouldn't want people waiting for me to have a baby....we would call after when we wanted them to come

pabeybaby · May 2015

Definitely gonna be following this board.

This is something I've been thinking about a lot. This is our first baby and my parents are going to be eager to be there, my in laws have btdt and know the need for space and privacy. My own parents do not. My dad was even offering to drive me to the hospital when I go in labor. I was like um no thanks! Luckily hubby has a couple weeks off school around the time I'm due, so my plans are to get settled in before we make any calls. But I'm still debating on how long to wait to make those calls.

mikeandjenn · May 2015

Big family and my LO was the first grandchild on both sides. Everyone wanted to be there. After I got cleaned up MIL and mother came in, I think one of my SILs came in too for a quick look at the baby. Then they left and let us get acquainted and do skin to skin. It satisfied them and then we did get privacy until I was ready again. It was fine with me! Not stressful at all. This time I'm delivering at a birth center and only MIL and my mom and sister and SIL will be there. When I'm ready for them to come in they will, I'm over being seen bear chested after breastfeeding LO. The rest of our family will wait until we get home, we only stay at the birth center about four hours after birth and then get to go home. Wooooo hoooooo!

Maggies0670 · May 2015

This sounds most similar to what my situation will probably be
Thank you for relieving some stress it's probably not worth worrying much over I guess they will not come into the room until I am ready. My in laws live 3.5 hours away so we will prob call them when we get to the hospital and I don't mind them waiting in the waiting room but maybe I should just make it clear to them that if they do wait at the hospital they will not see the baby until after akin to skin and breast feeding is established
I don't even mind my mom and maybe MIL being there while I breastfeed but that after I get established and know what I am doing lol.

ann_jeremiah · May 2015

Take that hour or longer to yourself.... The room (and you) will need to get put back in order anyway. They also won't necessary know that that hour is happening.

hclzmm14 · May 2015

We let grandparents come the next day and I regretted it so much. They never want to leave and all you want to do is shower, sleep, or spend time with your baby. In my opinion they can wait. I am the one that spent ten months making this child so they can surely wait two days and come to the house where I can go to another room to feed baby and have quiet time if needed.

cosplaymom · May 2015

My parents and in-laws were in the waiting room, I was exhausted and took the time to let the nurses clean things up, then I nursed and we had to get moved to the post-partum room. Really it is all a blur to me because I was exhausted and focusing on baby. My mom tells me they had to wait 3-4 hours after the baby was born before they were allowed in. By then I was settled in the post-partum room and wanting a nap and I could have cared less, lol.

Do what you want to do. Take the time you need to get comfortable again and bond with baby because as soon as the grandparents arrive they will want to hog the baby! By then you want it to be a relief to get some rest, not something that will annoy you... After all you just did all that work and have barely had much time to hold the baby yourself!

breezymeema7 · May 2015

I've never had a baby in the same town as family so we've never had to deal with this. This time though family will be within the same city. I plan on calling them when I go to the hospital to give them a heads up and then calling again when we are ready for visitors. I've always nursed baby right after delivery so I expect to welcome visitors 2-3 hrs after birth. Should be enough time to nurse, nap, and shower.

jenandbrett · May 2015

My family ignored our wishes and were in the waiting room for hours and hours while I was in labor. After I had her, I got cleaned up nursed and had a few minutes for just us. Then they came in. I don't know how long they waited, but they were just fine. Don't be afraid to be honest, but kind.

Thj417 · May 2015

Our options were limited... Labor did not progress, and baby's heart was decelerating so they refused to induce medically. My mom was the one that took me to the hospital but she went home that night to stay with our foster kid (17 yo girl!). They scheduled me for a csection, came ahead of schedule, so my mom was walking in the next morning just as they were rolling me out of the operating room!! I do believe my husband and my mom held my baby before I did, LOL! We did skin to skin and nursing within that first hour too though! It was a whirlwind. Nursed 13 months so far but he's probably going to get the boot in the near future.

Best advice - always be prepared for the unexpected. Things may not always go as planned.

ammc07 · May 2015

DH and I set a rule that the first two hours after birth were just for the three if us (me, dh and new baby). It pissed a lot of people off and created hard feelings. Actually some of our family even refused to come to the hospital at all to visit. It really hurt my feelings that they were being so childish and selfish but I wouldn't have changed it. Those were two great hours for us to bond as a new family. I was able to get baby to latch and didn't have to pass her around.

amybabbay · May 2015

I'm a ftm and me n my partner have decided that he will be the only one in the room and after she is born we are going to wait an hour or two before anyone meets her so we having bonding time and time for me to recover shower etc

sjra1028 · May 2015

Husband and I have been discussing this too. I don't want his family to be there for a few hours. My family will be travelling a few hours. I'm having a c-section so I'm going in on a Friday and being discharged on Monday. So everyone will have plenty of time to visit us in the hospital. I'll be BF so I don't want his family just hanging out in the room. They're very open people and I can just picture my BIL's GF insisting on staying in the room to "help." Not gonna happen!

AshleyM0125 · May 2015

Our nurses were great! We told them that we wanted some time for just us and they were the bad guys to our families. The nurses told us they didn't mind at all and they told our families it was hospital policy so we didn't seem like we were rude. We were able to stay in the recovery area as long as we wanted and I was able to do skin to skin and nurse and just rest for a while before having to deal with the 30 or so people that were waiting for us. Just ask the nurses about it. I'm sure they won't mind one bit!

Boslove · May 2015

Im hoping to have a better labor this time around. DD had the cord wrapped around her neck so the nurses had her for a while, my blood wouldnt clot so I had a team working on me. By time DD was brought to me, The drugs to clot my blod had me feeling very loopy. I had SO and both moms in the rm. I would have it the same again except my mom shes too nervous and stressed me out, she will be watching DD.

This time I want to do Skin to Skin right away and delay cutting the cord. We will c what happens.

lilhoek · May 2015

Go with your gut! I honestly could not wait for our families to meet my babies! They waited in the waiting room and as soon as I was cleaned up and had plenty of time with my boys, they came in. My favorite picture from this time is both of our moms meeting the baby for the first time. I am overwhelmed every time I look at those pictures by the joy on their faces. It also isn't that much of a hardship waiting in the waiting room with family and being excited to meet the baby- I have been on both sides. I echo what pp poster said- make your wishes known, but be kind. No one will remember how long they had to wait, but they will remember if you are unkind about it.

malisaann · May 2015

The only person who knew I was in labor was my sister, and that's because she lived with us and was there when my water broke. She was sworn to secrecy to not tell anyone because it was late in the night and we didn't want people staying up, waiting for news or coming to the hospital and waiting for who knows how long.

We told our families after baby was born, cleaned up, I was cleaned up and had ample time to try to breastfeed. My family showed up about 2-3 hours later since they had to drive an hour and LO was born at 4 am.

My advice would be to express your wishes ahead of time and don't let anyone feel badly about them. This is your first time meeting your baby, if you want that to be a special time between you, DH and your baby, that's your decision.

Perfect Sonnet · May 2015

In my experience, there was a lot of stuff that happened after the baby was born that took up a lot of time. After the baby comes out, the medical team gets all of the baby's stats and checks things out and takes care of you (takes needles, catheters, placentas out, stitching you up, etc.). While all of this was going on they had me do some skin-to-skin and start attempting to breastfeed. After some time (maybe an hour or two?), I was moved out of labor and delivery and into my post-partum/recovery room. To me, that is the perfect time to have family and friends visit. Everything is all cleaned up and you've met your baby.

Maggies0670 · May 2015

That is so sweet I love how you put that. What a special moment. Did you get any skin to skin binding time and privacy to breastfeed?

dkizz82 · May 2015

Our hospital doesn't allow anyone to hold baby except mom for the first two hours of her life. I am so grateful this is a rule so I don't have to make this decision.

tarheelgirl8 · May 2015

dkizz82 said:
Our hospital doesn't allow anyone to hold baby except mom for the first two hours of her life. I am so grateful this is a rule so I don't have to make this decision.

How interesting! Does that include dad? I completely understand that they want to encourage the baby's natural instinct to breast feed, but I think this would be absolute torture for my husband!

dkizz82 · May 2015

tarheelgirl8 said:

dkizz82 said:
Our hospital doesn't allow anyone to hold baby except mom for the first two hours of her life. I am so grateful this is a rule so I don't have to make this decision.
How interesting! Does that include dad? I completely understand that they want to encourage the baby's natural instinct to breast feed, but I think this would be absolute torture for my husband!

You know I hadn't thought about that but DH will get to hold her! There is no way I could take that from him! I was just glad because of in laws. Ha!

jessandandy09 · May 2015

I always do immediate skin to skin and nursing. Then I birth the placenta and get stitches if needed. So yeah, I wouldn't call my folks in yet. S.O. can go out and announce the birth if the rest of the family is at the hospital and let family know how you are doing. They can then grab a bite to eat or something before they come meet your baby.

schup156 · May 2015

I definitely wanted the first few hours to be just my husband and I with baby. For my in-laws, my daughter was grandchild number 12 and they didn't visit until she was about a week old I think (both of our parents live about 3 hours away). This was my mom's first grandchild, so there was definitely no way she was waiting that long. I just told her from the beginning that we'd give her a heads up when we got to the hospital (but that she shouldn't start driving yet!) and then give her another call after baby was born. That way we were guaranteed at least 3-4 hours of time before visitors started showing up. For me, that time was definitely needed. I was able to shower and get cleaned up, have bonding time with baby and husband, and breastfeed without the added pressure of visitors. Once my parents arrived, I was feeling great and excited to have them meet their granddaughter!

pabeybaby · May 2015

dkizz82 said:
Our hospital doesn't allow anyone to hold baby except mom for the first two hours of her life. I am so grateful this is a rule so I don't have to make this decision.

My hospital does the same thing, they call it "kangaroo care" but I'm not really sure why. And I second the "grateful this is a rule so I don't have to make this decision" part! Lol. And DH gets to hold her after I do, and I told him he can hold her as long as he wants. I don't want him feeling rushed to pass the baby around.

dkizz82 · May 2015

pabeybaby said:

dkizz82 said:
Our hospital doesn't allow anyone to hold baby except mom for the first two hours of her life. I am so grateful this is a rule so I don't have to make this decision.
My hospital does the same thing, they call it "kangaroo care" but I'm not really sure why. And I second the "grateful this is a rule so I don't have to make this decision" part! Lol. And DH gets to hold her after I do, and I told him he can hold her as long as he wants. I don't want him feeling rushed to pass the baby around.

Exactly! His sister is already like, "I'm taking that Baby the second I come in the room!" I love my SIL but hell no! We just won't let you in the room. Haha. She is jealous because my sister will be in the delivery room with me.

puccagirl77 · May 2015

We had grandparents come in for literally one minute and then they came back the next day for some Quality Time.

I hadn't really thought about it, but I might discourage them form waiting this time. They live really close, so we can always just call them when we are ready for guests. It was nice to have them come and visit and distract me when I was in the early stages of labor, but we sent them out when shit got real.

chavemann10 · May 2015

My experience may or may not be helpful. We both have very open families (except my dad, but he's weird). Anyways, my FIL was actually with me when they made the decision to do my emergency c-section last time, so he called my MIL and husband who then called my parents, siblings, and sibling in laws as well as my best friend. I woke up to everyone taking turns coming into my recovery room. I was more interested in my baby than the family, so while they talked to DH, I breastfed with whomever was in the room. My BIL and Dad were the only 2 who opted to leave the room. I didn't mind them there at all, and apparently they didn't mind me carrying on about my business. I delivered in the evening though, so by 9pm everyone was gone and I was finally able to move my legs and I got the privacy I needed to shower and potty and everything else. It worked perfect for us.

hollyberri · May 2015

My MIL was present in case any complications happened so there would be someone there for DH. She is also a pro and had been at a number of different births. This time I think we will also have DD there for the birth of her sister. I still had skin - to - skin immediately after birth but she was gasping for breath and jaundiced so they took her from me for 2 hours to run tests, hoping that doesn't happen this time.

Savanna111911 · May 2015

This is something DH and I have been talking about a lot. It is our first baby and the first grandchild on both sides, so needless to say all grandmas and grandpas, aunts, uncles, and greats are pretty excited.

I feel pretty strongly about my skin to skin time as well as the breast feeding time and DH is very supportive.

My parents live about 2 hours away, but his parents live about 15 minutes away. I think for right now we do not plan to let them know when we are laboring at home, but will let them know when we head to the hospital. Our plan is to encourage them not to rush to the hospital and just assure them that we will keep them in the loop. But knowing both sets of parents I'm guessing we won't be able to keep them away.

I don't plan on having anyone back there but DH though, even during the earlier parts. I hope to go without drugs (but I am open minded if I need them!) and I don't know how supportive either mom would be of that goal. I'm afraid they would be more distracting than anything.

After the birth I would like to wait until I get maybe an hour of skin to skin, DH gets whatever time he needs, and until after she nurses. I know I won't be comfortable nursing in front of people and I don't want to feel rushed. Ideally our parents won't come to the hospital until after she is born so they wont have to wait out there forever but that aspect is out of my control.

Our hospital has said they can run interference but that we will be more successful if we let the family know ahead of time what our plan is. I know that won't be an easy conversation but it is one we hope to have soon just so no one is surprised.

Another point of advice our hospital suggested was having one person as your point of contact that you can keep posted on the progress. That way you or your coach won't have to be fielding calls and texts all day. Basically you just have one family member that you update every so often and then they update everyone else.

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