GTKY: Morale Booster!

redshoes2015 · May 2015

Maybe it's just the holiday weekend, or maybe it's because of other things... (Lord, watch me get in trouble just for that phrase!), but it just seems kind of down on here the past few days!

So, let's have some fun and laughs! What is the most awkward/funny thing to happen to you during sexy time with your DH, sig. other or anyone else?

Mine:

DH was FINALLY going down on me (he was super shy about this when we first started dating), pauses for a long time and says "Uh, you have some toilet paper stuck down here."

cattlebride · May 2015

When we found out that sex can cause extreme milk leakage our first time post partum. Dh was like "what is that"?

And I'm pretty sure its slow because of other things. Lurk threads last answered by bump admin

PrimRoseMama · May 2015

We discovered that any warming gel makes me break out in awful hives & pain. X_X

[Deleted User] · May 2015

Lol You ladies are amazing.

I don't have anything too crazy, probably only things that happen to most other people (especially if you have dogs...)

One memorable thing was right in the middle of banging I realized that it felt... a little different. A little too good. The guy pulled out and realized my vag had gripped onto the condom and had taken it right off him. I couldn't reach it (short fingers) so he had to go in there and retrieve it, while I was flipping out and feared having to go to the doctor or something.

tigerfish227 · May 2015

cattlebride said:
When we found out that sex can cause extreme milk leakage our first time post partum. Dh was like "what is that"?
And I'm pretty sure its slow because of other things. Lurk threads last answered by bump admin

Loss mentioned and tmi warning

At least you were post-partum... About a month after my mmc we were having sex, I was on top and he was grabbing my boobs. He stopped suddenly and proclaimed "your boobs are leaking!" I was mortified and confused. I had to fight back tears. I was 12 weeks when I had my d&c. I had never leaked while I was pregnant so this was a first for me and a total shock! It took me a bit to recover but we did end up finishing having sex.

missteacherlady16 · May 2015

antoto said:
Lol You ladies are amazing.

I don't have anything too crazy, probably only things that happen to most other people (especially if you have dogs...)

One memorable thing was right in the middle of banging I realized that it felt... a little different. A little too good. The guy pulled out and realized my vag had gripped onto the condom and had taken it right off him. I couldn't reach it (short fingers) so he had to go in there and retrieve it, while I was flipping out and feared having to go to the doctor or something.

With my last serious bf before DH, this happened all the time. I'm just going to think it's because I am really tight and not that he had a small wiener.

I giggle every time I queef. DH totally doesn't care and I know it's just trapped air but it's embarrassing no matter how much I rationalize with myself.

Other than that I can't think of anything too ridiculous

Everycol0r · May 2015

The dog's kennel is in our bedroom & once when we were having sex she farted really loudly. I couldn't stop laughing.

Also, I went to tell him I loved him mid hump & got something stuck in my throat & it came out super deep & manly.

chichiphin · May 2015

College. Couldn't find the condom after, figured it was in the sheets somewhere. Nope. Found it in the toilet after peeing the next morning. I almost threw up.

KaaaaaatieRN · May 2015

When I was 7 or 8 months pregnant, my husband was going down on me and I was really into it... Then I farted. He stopped without saying a word and slowly lifted his head so I could only see his glaring eyes over my massive belly. I still laugh when I think about it. Hahaha

Dubs5253 · May 2015

missteacherlady16 said:

antoto said:
Lol You ladies are amazing.

I don't have anything too crazy, probably only things that happen to most other people (especially if you have dogs...)

One memorable thing was right in the middle of banging I realized that it felt... a little different. A little too good. The guy pulled out and realized my vag had gripped onto the condom and had taken it right off him. I couldn't reach it (short fingers) so he had to go in there and retrieve it, while I was flipping out and feared having to go to the doctor or something.
With my last serious bf before DH, this happened all the time. I'm just going to think it's because I am really tight and not that he had a small wiener.

I giggle every time I queef. DH totally doesn't care and I know it's just trapped air but it's embarrassing no matter how much I rationalize with myself.

Other than that I can't think of anything too ridiculous

Hahaha the queefing gets both of us every time. The first time it happened, the look on his face was priceless. We were still in HS and I was trying to be all sexy by leaning back while I was on top (which resulted in me squeezing my abdo muscles) and I ended up letting out the longest and loudest queef ever. He looked horrified.

redshoes2015 · May 2015

I'm dying laughing over here!!!

Queefing is the worst!! Such an awful sound every time!! I don't know which is worse, the sound it makes or just the word "queef!"

mcmurray33 · May 2015

redshoes2015 said:
I'm dying laughing over here!!!

Queefing is the worst!! Such an awful sound every time!! I don't know which is worse, the sound it makes or just the word "queef!"

Oh I completely agree! I also hate it when there is too much.... um..... personal lubricant. DH is always so proud of himself, "I rocked your world". It is SO embarrassing!

kmcc14 · May 2015

These are great! We tried having sex on a dining room chair. It felt amazing, and we were getting really into it. Aaaannnd then we heard a very loud cracking noise. We totally caused a stress crack in one of the chair legs! We were laughing so hard we couldn't finish. We still have the chair, btw.

LoveLucy0413 · May 2015

Hilarious to me when doing missionary... and we really get into it... and our chests rub together and make a farting sound. Happened a couple nights back. Was soooo hard to stay in the mood. No wonder we usually stick to doggy style

LOL

redshoes2015 · May 2015

kmcconnell22 said:
These are great! We tried having sex on a dining room chair. It felt amazing, and we were getting really into it. Aaaannnd then we heard a very loud cracking noise. We totally caused a stress crack in one of the chair legs! We were laughing so hard we couldn't finish. We still have the chair, btw.

This is so awesome!! I would giggle every time someone sits in that chair!!

allieinbetween · May 2015

PrimRoseMama said:
We discovered that any warming gel makes me break out in awful hives & pain. X_X

Yea, definitely this. KY "tingling" lube lit my crotch on fire so bad I even debated pouring milk on it to get it out. Definitely decided to never spice things up (pun intended) with lube ever again.

allieinbetween · May 2015

KaaaaaatieRN said:
When I was 7 or 8 months pregnant, my husband was going down on me and I was really into it... Then I farted. He stopped without saying a word and slowly lifted his head so I could only see his glaring eyes over my massive belly. I still laugh when I think about it. Hahaha

This seriously made me laugh for at least a couple minutes straight! You win.

MrsDepo · May 2015

I tried to pour sangria on DH's chest and then lick it off all sexy like. Needless to say, it went everywhere (who knew wine was a liquid?) and made a huge mess all over his bed

Knottie9325840 · May 2015

We have an antique style bed that has the wooden slats holding up the box spring and mattress.... well one night he was on top and we were moving around and hadn't noticed those boards had shifted. Things were going good until the whole top right corner of the bed fell like a see-saw with the bottom left corner way up in the air! His head slammed into the headboard and mine into the wooden floor below. Lol Its not really an embarrassing story, but we still laugh about it and complete thorough bed slat checks!

)

Alyeena · May 2015

@Knottie9325840

I used to have a bed like that a long time ago. And this kind of thing would happen to my ex boyfriend and me xD I always laughed so much!!

cattlebride · May 2015

Sorry to hijack the thread @Alyeena how do you pronounce your name? I've been lurking baby name boards and love names that start with vowels. Plus good to see a fellow TTC lady with some sense!

YouHadMeAtMeatTornado · May 2015

Everycol0r said:
The dog's kennel is in our bedroom & once when we were having sex she farted really loudly. I couldn't stop laughing.

Also, I went to tell him I loved him mid hump & got something stuck in my throat & it came out super deep & manly.

I'm dying!

)

Babylovecali · May 2015

KaaaaaatieRN said:
When I was 7 or 8 months pregnant, my husband was going down on me and I was really into it... Then I farted. He stopped without saying a word and slowly lifted his head so I could only see his glaring eyes over my massive belly. I still laugh when I think about it. Hahaha

Hahaha girl, thanks for the laugh. That has happened to me too but I wasn't pregnant, lol. I had just eaten a huge Mexican dinner. Needless to say, my DH knows to avoid cooking with beans and cheese when he wants to try to seduce me after! ;-)

DutchLucyLu · May 2015

There was this funny noise (that we made together) and I laughed at that and DH just...shot out. I SHOT HIM OUT. That wasn't too bad in itself, but then he went "WTF!?" in the most incredulous voice ever and I just completely cracked up. We had to stop because I just couldn't stop laughing.

)

SisterMaryNapalm · May 2015

kmcconnell22 said:
These are great! We tried having sex on a dining room chair. It felt amazing, and we were getting really into it. Aaaannnd then we heard a very loud cracking noise. We totally caused a stress crack in one of the chair legs! We were laughing so hard we couldn't finish. We still have the chair, btw.

This happened to us as well. We were at the ILs through... We were dancing away and we heard this sound, paused, kept going. Suddenly, one side of the bed just dropped. DH was so impressed with himself that we'd broken a bed having awesome sex. We still laugh about it. Neither of his parents said anything to us either...

Rabbitheart15 · May 2015

When we tore a sheet. At his mother's house. (Boyfriend long time ago.)

Also, when we couldn't find the condom afterwards. Until we discovered it at the other end of the room. WTF? I still don't understand it.

SisterMaryNapalm · May 2015

Rabbitheart15 said:
When we tore a sheet. At his mother's house. (Boyfriend long time ago.)

Also, when we couldn't find the condom afterwards. Until we discovered it at the other end of the room. WTF? I still don't understand it.

Talented!

FiancB · May 2015

DH and I went across the country to visit my parents. My parents' house has no privacy whatsoever and ae borrowed the car and thought we'd find a nice secluded spot and we got it done. The car is a Mercury Grand Marquis. Couldn't have really asked for a better car to get down in.

Borrowed the car the next morning to pick up my much younger bff and go to breakfast. She got in and remarked in her ever pollyanna-esque way "Wow! There's a lot of space back here!"

HarryPotterandCats · May 2015

Queefing is HILARIOUS! DH and I very rarely are able to have sex with out laughing through some of it. We have trouble taking each other serious a lot, which keeps the fun in our relationship. We makes stupid noises at each other and just laugh. I wouldn't trade it for anything!

ShallowSeas · May 2015

HarryPotterandCats said:

Queefing is HILARIOUS! DH and I very rarely are able to have sex with out laughing through some of it. We have trouble taking each other serious a lot, which keeps the fun in our relationship. We makes stupid noises at each other and just laugh. I wouldn't trade it for anything!

I feel like if you don't laugh during sex every once in a while, you're doing it with the wrong person

mcmurray33 · May 2015

Knottie9325840 said:

We have an antique style bed that has the wooden slats holding up the box spring and mattress.... well one night he was on top and we were moving around and hadn't noticed those boards had shifted. Things were going good until the whole top right corner of the bed fell like a see-saw with the bottom left corner way up in the air! His head slammed into the headboard and mine into the wooden floor below. Lol Its not really an embarrassing story, but we still laugh about it and complete thorough bed slat checks! )

DH and I moved from our home town before our wedding, so naturally we came back every month to get things done. We would stay at my mothers house, in my old bedroom. We broke the bed every time- not because we were humping, but because the slats weren't the proper size. My mother would give me this horrible look! So embarrassing!

Alyeena · May 2015

@cattlebride

Actually the original name is Aleena. It is often taken screen name online so I switch it up to Alyeena, I did the same on my Tumblr. So I really never thought of how I would pronounce it to be honest. But I agree it does sound like a cute name lol xD I guess you could pronounce it how you wish.

LF144 · May 2015

I once broke a giant hole through the bedroom wall... With my face. Left some hard to explain bruising on my cheek and jaw ! I was on top and one thing led to another and I got startled and lost my balance and fell off the bed into the wall face first! I also cracked my bathroom sink recently when he lifted me up onto it for some fun. Oops

Quazel · May 2015

This is a great thread!!

My ex had been deployed for several months. When he got home, I flew to CA and we met at a hotel. We were naked and going at it within a minute. First someone kept knocking on the door, then the phone kept ringing. We finally stopped so he could answer the phone. Turned out they had been cleaning the curtains, there were none. We were directly in front of a floor level window on the walking path. Yeah, that kind of killed the mood!

Then there was the time I called out sick because I had been up all night with my SO. It would have been much more believable if we hadn't accidentally rolled into my phone at 1:30am and dialed my boss. He had a five minute voicemail of us being loud as hell. My boss thought it was the funniest thing in the world. I have never, ever been so embarrassed. I can laugh now, 13 years later.

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