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August 2015 Moms
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spouse physically present but not mentally

cameragirl86cameragirl86 member
in August 2015 Moms
My spouse has not been mentally present in months.. he comes to my appts but he's never excited or looking forward to them. He says he is excited and looking forward to it but does nothing to show his support it put effort in, and then is angry when I start making decisions for our little man. Anyone else have this issue? I've talked with him millions of times, but nothing has changed.
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Re: spouse physically present but not mentally

  • kat+1kat+1 member
    It's hard for men to be excited it's a dream still for them. Cut him some slack he will come around.

    I had this with our first, I finally just asked my hubby if what I was feeling was real and he told me he was having a hard time with the pregnancy because he isn't really part of it.
    I asked him if he would talk to baby with his head resting on my belly so baby would know his voice. This helped and when DS kicked him in the head a few times he began to come around and see that baby was real.


    It maybe the way you are talking to him,
    When I asked my hubby I asked him if he honestly felt connected to me and this pregnancy. I left the baby out of it because I didn't want him to be defensive or think I was saying he didn't love the baby.

    I would say leave it alone let him be.
    Your also hypersensitive right now and could be feeling things to a higher degree then reality.
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  • HarleenQuinz86HarleenQuinz86 member
    My DH is like that, he is excited but doesn't really show it. I got the best reaction when I would have him touch belly when our son kicks. I think for men it's harder for them because they don't feel the things we do. For them life is like normal until the baby is actually in their arms.
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  • MrsRusty14MrsRusty14 member
    My DH is the same way.  He grew up in a family that does not show or discuss emotions. He has also told me that he will not be excited until the baby gets here. We lost our first, and he feels that if he doesn't get excited for this baby, if we lose it, it won't hurt as bad because he wasn't excited. We have had many converstations, and I tried to get us some professional help but that idea didn't go over well. I thought he would get better as we past our lost milestone, saw the baby many times through ultrasound, and the kicks, but he didn't. He has been acting so distant this pregnancy. It is very frustrating.

    I had to learn that pregnancy is so different for him than me and I can't get him to change. It is not because he doesn't love this baby or me, he just doesn't know how to handle it. I have really backed off the past few weeks and have let him be. When he does show interest, I don't criticize his ideas and I take things at his pace. He showed a lot of interest in the non-emotional aspects of the pregnancy, like the registry and nursery design.  I let him take the lead on those things so he could be more involved. I allowed him to register for items that I would not have registered for, and I did my best to hold my tounge. Same with the nursery, the design isn't my top pick, but it is just a nursery and I can handle a paint color I don't love if it is something DH is excited about.

    What are the decisions that he is getting upset about? Do those decisions have to be made now? I realized many of the things I thought needed to be decided on now, don't have to be. Try to remember that you can not change someone and his expirence is different than yours. I try to have "baby free" days, were I don't mention anyting about the baby. Those days, my DH seems much more relaxed and emotionally present. Could you try a day "baby free" to focus on just you two?

    BFP 5.19.13 EDD 1.18.14 M/C at 16 weeks 
    We will hold you in our hearts until we can hold you in our arms in Heaven.
    BFP #2 12.28.14 EDD 8.26.15
    Praying for our rainbow!

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  • Joie80Joie80 member
    My husband says he's excited. It's very hard to tell. He rarely asks about the baby, touches my belly, or initiates preparations. He was deployed for most of my first pregnancy and missed the birth. I was disappointed this time around because I thought he'd be more involved. Either way, he's a great father to DD1 and I can't imagine he won't be as great with this one. I do think he's a little weirded out by the whole process and feels a little detached. It's hard for us to understand because we're pregnant. He'll likely come around once LO is here.
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