STM scared to death of tearing- Help!

ymcadance · May 2015

Hi mommies and mommies to be-

I am a STM, and my labor with my first went pretty well. I was in labor for 27 hours, and had a healthy happy baby boy. I am (as crazy as it sounds) actually looking forward to labor again! It was insanely painful, but sooo worth it, and pretty much an amazing experience. The only thing I am not looking forward to is the aftermath. I had a second degree tear with Dawson, and was in agony with the stitches for quite a while afterwards. Actually, I even was in crazy amounts of pain when I first immediately after when everyone says you are in bliss holding your baby and dont even notice the afterbirth or stitches. To me, this part was so much worse than labor itself. I did have a very fast delivery itself, 30 minutes from when I started pushing. I think a lot of that had to do with the fact I used a mirror and was a woman on a mission! I am almost certain something went wrong and they kind of made it seem like everything was fine. I have such a high pain tolerance, so this was a surprise to me.

Does anyone have any advice on prevention? It seems crazy to me that this is the only part I am scared of at all round two. Any help is appreciated! Thanks Ladies!

cjstats87 · May 2015

My only advice is to relax and don't rush in the pushing part of labor...my first I tore pretty badly forward (3rd degree) and just a little back...it was horrific! With my second I tore forward again but it wasn't nearly as painful afterwards..I swear your body will do different things after each one..try perineal stretching and while pushing ask the nurse to do it then too!

Growingapepper · May 2015

I'm so scared too! I'm a FTM and that just seems like the most horrible thing. I'm going to do perineal massage starting around 30 weeks and I've even asked my husband if he was comfortable helping. I tried the technique when I first read about it just to see if I'd be able to do it by myself, and it seems doable. But help would make it so much easier. You literally hook your thumbs in there and stretch out and down towards your butt. Some lube is mighty necessary.

cjstats87 · May 2015

Agreed ^ coconut oil is the best!

ymcadance · May 2015

Thank you!!! I swear mine was 3rd degree or 100 degree lol. It was front and back and there were a lot of stitches. I am so relieved to here that your second was not as bad, thanks for the advice! I will try it for sure!

blondehairblueeyeditalianbaby · May 2015

I don't have advice but I'm right there with you. I had a third degree tear with my first. I had a very fast labor. I labored for 3.5hrs and pushed for an hr. They ended up using a vacuum to help because his heart rate was dropping. I think I had a tear because everything went so fast. I was not in excrushiating pain like you described but the scare tissue was very painful for quite some time. My fear is tearing the scare tissue. Hopefully someone has some good advice.

ymcadance · May 2015

Off to get some coconut oil! lol

Jenten810 · May 2015

I'm right there with you. I suffered a 4th degree tear and I thought my whole bottom was going to fall out. That is definitely something I could go without experiencing again!

I hope this kid weighs less than my first because I'm sure that will help prevent tearing, but I'm definitely going to consider perineal massaging just in case I have another chunker.

Mufflerlove · May 2015

Huh I had 3rd degree and all up my uterine lining and I didn't find the recovery particularly painful, uncomfortable sure. But OH MY GOD the stitching was the worst part of the entire birth. If I would have known I would have got an epi just for being stitched back up haha. I actually have no words to describe the agony of being stitched. As soon as I was stitched though I didn't feel much pain. Maybe a person can max out on pain lol

I've heard the area is less likely to tear for a second time so FX!

str13 · May 2015

I don't think I'm much help because I tore each time!! Lol I've heard wonderful things about coconut oil though, I might give it a try myself.

ymcadance · May 2015

Thank you all! That is a relief! I swear there was something wrong with mine. My recovery burning and shooting pain ALL the time, and I could not even sit down. There were so many stitches it was awful, and yes to the stitching itself being the worst part!

ymcadance · May 2015

Question part 2: Did any of you have any magical items you used afterwards that worked? I used tucks, extra witch hazel, peri bottles, sprays, sitz baths and lidocaine gel.

WDDCH · May 2015

I tore with my first two but not with the last three. Here's my advice:

-get off your back. If you're squatting or on your hands-and-knees you can reduce the risk of tearing

-lubricate and massage the perineum

-don't "purple push"

-take your time pushing

-get in the water; water birth is one of the greatest ways to prevent tears.

runner636 · May 2015

Did doctors not put in a local anesthetic before stitching you up? That's seems barbaric...

ForeverEverAfter · May 2015

WDDCH has great advice. I had extensive 2nd degree tearing with a long recovery (6 months+ before I could have sex). I was on my back, with the nurse telling me when to push, 30min of pushing. Though thankfully I did not notice them stitching at all. I didn't have pain meds, but they used freezing and did all the stitching while we had our skin to skin time.

This time I have a doula to help support me with a more natural delivery. I plan to deliver upright, and have warm compresses to the perineum around crowning, as well as taking my time when the baby comes out.

hannah88may · May 2015

.

julie+worrall · May 2015

I tore with my first delivery, ended up with 5 stitches, but then didn't tear with my second. Hopefully it works out the same way for you! And for me here too on my third delivery. I had an epidural with my first two but would like to try without this time so I'm praying this baby and my body have mercy on me! Lol

jeninaz1221 · May 2015

I had an emergency C with my first baby and didn't labor at all, but am hoping for a VBAC this time. We took a Bradley class before #1 and I remember the instructor talking about being patient with pushing and not overdoing it. Your comment of being a "woman on a mission" makes me think you were probably pushing too hard.

It seems silly but I compare it to having a BM sometimes - your body will slowly stretch to let it out, but if you push too hard to get it out you will bleed/tear. I have thought in the past that the pregnancy constipation is a little bit of labor practice.

But I may be completely wrong, like I said I didn't labor before, but it makes sense to me that you have to give your body plenty of time to stretch.

str13 · May 2015

PERI-BOTTLE!! I rinsed with a lukewarm peribottle every time I used the bathroom. I would pat with a baby wipe afterwards. I carried wipes with me for using the bathroom away from home.

KYmama9286 · May 2015

Definitely slow down on the pushing. I had super easy recoveries for #1&2.but my midwives were really good about slowing me down, helping guide my pushing (like telling me to stop pushing at certain times and telling me I needed to pant type breathing with little pushes) and I listened and no tearing either time.

#3 was a whole different story- my midwife tried to guide me but I completely ignored her and was just so ready to be done. When you say you were a woman on a mission that was me too and I definitely over did it. I only had a 2nd degree tear with a few stitches but I felt awful for weeks after, like I'd been hit by a bus. I also was in intense pain while she stitched me even with a local (I went med free).

This time around I plan to slow down again, listen to the guidance of my midwives. They slowed me down so they could ease my perineum into it and when I ignored them I just essentially blew the baby out vs a gentle guiding and stretching.

Mufflerlove · May 2015

runner636 said:
Did doctors not put in a local anesthetic before stitching you up? That's seems barbaric...

Birth was Med free. For stitches I had local anesthetic, laughing gas AND a shot of morphine. Didn't even touch the pain. There are no words.

mmd091909 · May 2015

ymcadance said:
Thank you!!! I swear mine was 3rd degree or 100 degree lol. It was front and back and there were a lot of stitches. I am so relieved to here that your second was not as bad, thanks for the advice! I will try it for sure!

I tore pretty badly, front and back, with my first as well, it was awful. I feel like my dr didn't do the best job stitching me up. It always felt weird to me. With my second i tore but not nearly as bad as my dr stitched me up so well that I hardly had an discomfort.

There is hope!

ymcadance · May 2015

Thank you so much everyone! I You are all so very helpful. 100% agree with everyone, I know I went to fast and pushed to hard. I dont think 30 minutes of pushing is very long for a first labor. They were definitely were trying to slow me down, but I seriously felt that was impossible at the time. I will make sure I slow down this time.

As for stitches for me, I originally had an epidural, but the meds wore off by the time I was pushing (which is actually what a wanted.) I kept saying I feel everything for the stitches- and felt like they were just trying to go fast and ignored me. They gave me nothing else, and afterwards they said "oh, your meds are completely out! It was during skin to skin time for me, which made me feel crazy for focusing on pain with my precious baby in my arms.

cjstats87 · May 2015

My secret for icing down there after a baby is...get a newborn diaper wet and freeze it...then put tucks across the top and stick it in your undies! I swear worlds best (disposable) ice pack!! Also frozen diapers for when your engorged is incredible too..is fits around your boobs great!

bethhart66 · May 2015

We have very similar stories for our 1st deliveries. The differences are that my labor was just shy of 24 hours total, no mirror and I had an epidural.

DS started dropping his O2 stats so they threathed the vacuum on my 16th push and while they were getting it I screamed no! And out he came from barely crowing to fully put in one push. It took about 30 minutes to repair me. All I can say is freeze NB diapers with water and get hemroid pads and hemroid cream to ease your mind beforehand. I already have stock piled mine!

They said if I slow down that should help but... I would rather have the little guys out than in distress. Good luck!

derjess19 · May 2015

Not sure if they still sell them but I tore with my first and had pads with an ice pack in them. I had found them online and they were awesome. I didn't tear with my second, I was so afraid of tearing that I refused to push when he was crowning. The nurses and my husband kept saying he's right there and I was shouting I know where he is

I guess it did the trick because I didn't tear with him

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