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Dealing with nosey people while TTC

adiaz132003adiaz132003 member
in Babies on the Brain
Ok so my hubby and I are about to start trying for our first child.  Doc told me to wait until my next cycle but to make things simpler I've told my workplace that we are actively trying (note: due to the nature of my work I come in contact with ingredients that pregnant women should not touch so I had to tell them in order to stop contact with those things)  Well now, thanks to the fact that I work with all woman (it's a spa) I get comments every day that, honestly, are unwelcome.

For example, I say that "i'm tired", "I have a headache" or "I'm not feeling well" I instantly get the "OH! You must be pregnant".  Or I get questions like "So you pregnant yet?" or "Did you get your period this month?"  "When is your next period due?".  And the worst are the ladies saying "You're gonna Hate being pregnant" , "They suck the life out of you" "kiss your tight body goodbye".  If I try and tell them to back off I get snip from the Manager saying "Be nice, they're just excited for you and this is something you'll have to get used to" 

How do I make it clear that I don't want to talk about it without coming across as nasty.  The only reason they even know is because of my safety, otherwise I wouldn't have told them until I was already past my first Tri.  Please Help!

Some Background: My hubby is 26 and I'm 25 turning 26 next month.  Married for 2 1/2 years, together for 7, and have wanted to start a family but only after we got into a house (which we finally did this October, YAY) and get our dog who is arriving next week. 
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Re: Dealing with nosey people while TTC

  • FemShepFemShep member
    You told your coworkers you were TTC, when (let's be honest) they really don't need to know anything until you get pregnant; remember that it can take a healthy couple up to a year to conceive. You opened yourself up to the comments.

    It's unfortunate that you don't appreciate the comments, but you're a bit stuck. If you notice that the comments generally come from 1 or 2 people, speak with them privately, tell them that their comments make you uncomfortable, and ask them to stop, But keep in mind that they don't have to, and learn from your experience that sharing personal information at work van have consequences.
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  • jnnfrrose6jnnfrrose6 member
    FemShep said:

    You told your coworkers you were TTC, when (let's be honest) they really don't need to know anything until you get pregnant; remember that it can take a healthy couple up to a year to conceive. You opened yourself up to the comments.

    It's unfortunate that you don't appreciate the comments, but you're a bit stuck. If you notice that the comments generally come from 1 or 2 people, speak with them privately, tell them that their comments make you uncomfortable, and ask them to stop, But keep in mind that they don't have to, and learn from your experience that sharing personal information at work van have consequences.


    All if this. Also, stop making comments about being tired, etc. and that'll cut their comments down too.
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  • DesignermommaDesignermomma member
    Could you had just told your manager only and then tell her to keep it a secret? I think you could have gotten around telling anyone by wearing gloves/mask and saying you developed an allergy to whatever but it's too late now I guess. Maybe the best way to shut them up is to tell them you are having trouble and going through treatments and explain that it's painful to talk about it when they make comments.
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  • Xstatic3333Xstatic3333 member
    I agree with PPs, for your next time TTC I would definitely just tell your manager. You might ask your doctor if it's necessary to avoid these items during the TWW, or if it's fine to wait until you have your BFP. I just had to talk to my manager about TTC (my job has only four employees so she's the go-to to find out the maternity leave policy) and although she said she was excited for me, she's had total discretion about it.
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  • adiaz132003adiaz132003 member
    Unfortunately my manager can't keep a secret which I already addressed with her but what's done is done.  People have been bugging me constantly at this job about when I'll have kids because I'm the only young, married woman there in a spa full of mothers.  I did ask my Doc about avoiding these things and she said I should avoid them while trying.  I didn't want to lose my job because of the restrictions.  I felt stuck and like I had no choice but to trust the manager.  Not even my family know we are doing this.  I just need to know how to divert the convo away from me.
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  • adiaz132003adiaz132003 member
    I never got along with gossipy women anyway so that plus the fact that my secret was spilled, the questions that really are rude to ask anyone let alone someone TTC (ex when is your next period?), them telling me how painful and hard it will be AND the fact that I'm already under a lot of stress with this big decision... I guess it's just giving me insane anxiety. :(
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  • adiaz132003adiaz132003 member
    KLake42 said:

    Maybe just be up front-- you told them because you need to avoid the toxic chemicals, but it could take a while, and it could involve some emotional ups and downs, so these comments can be hard to take.  Tell them that.  Thank them for their encouragement and advice, but ask them to please stop.  


    It can be hard to set a boundary like that, but if you're kind and affirming of the fact that they're trying to be friendly, they should take it well.  

    It may be helpful to go so far as this-- "I know this can be a bumpy road for me, if I try and it doesn't happen, or if I get pregnant but have an early miscarriage, and I won't want to be putting all of that business out here.  If you say something cheerful about babies the day after I have a disappointment, it's going to be hard to take.  You've been so kind in showing an interest in this process for me. It would be a real kindness, though, if you would please stop talking about it for now.  Once everything works out and I'm definitely pregnant, I will be excited to share the good news with you!"
    Thank you.  This helps a lot.  I'm already so stressed out it was hard to step back and think of something nice to say haha. I guess that's what these boards are for.
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  • FemShepFemShep member
    Just curious... What chemicals do you work with that are so toxic that you need to avoid them even while you're trying?
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  • adiaz132003adiaz132003 member
    Retinol, BHAs and essential oils are the big ones. I know no blood is shared right away but some of these can stay in your bloodstream a while.
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  • sparklingdiamonddancersparklingdiamonddancer member
    KLake42 said:
    Maybe just be up front-- you told them because you need to avoid the toxic chemicals, but it could take a while, and it could involve some emotional ups and downs, so these comments can be hard to take.  Tell them that.  Thank them for their encouragement and advice, but ask them to please stop.  

    It can be hard to set a boundary like that, but if you're kind and affirming of the fact that they're trying to be friendly, they should take it well.  

    It may be helpful to go so far as this-- "I know this can be a bumpy road for me, if I try and it doesn't happen, or if I get pregnant but have an early miscarriage, and I won't want to be putting all of that business out here.  If you say something cheerful about babies the day after I have a disappointment, it's going to be hard to take.  You've been so kind in showing an interest in this process for me. It would be a real kindness, though, if you would please stop talking about it for now.  Once everything works out and I'm definitely pregnant, I will be excited to share the good news with you!"
    I agree with this! Be honest but be kind. It sounds like they are coming from a place of caring. They probably feel like you shared with them and they want to be excited with you. Simply tell them that you'll be so excited to share once there is big news but with the ups and downs of TTC, it's hard to talk about and you just want to enjoy working with them. You could even go so far to say that you love chatting with them at work about different stuff because it relieves the stress that comes with TTC! That way they feel like you care and are not pushing them away.
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  • adiaz132003adiaz132003 member
    Thanks ladies! I did talk to them and was kind but still firm. The questions have stopped and no one was upset!
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