ugggggh...here we go...hospital visit topic again

kherman14 · May 2015

Oops. Wondered where my text went!
Sorry about that!
Ok, why is it that everyone seems be grumpy and selfish when I said I rather wait to have visitors until we get home?!??!?
I'm a FTM so...
But, to add their whiny reasons of feelings of being hurt. HELLO?!?!?? I definitely don't want anyone coming in and see me being in gown, grumpy, stressed and tired...knowing there would be about too many people coming in and out! Plus, I want to learn everything and be chill.

They don't realized they seem are asking too much...and I am first time mommy. I also am very LEERY about kids coming in at first to meet my newborn child. So, DH has a 7 years old brother and my sister has 3 soon to be 4 years old daughter.

Can or why not wait two or three days until we get home and I can have really good shower and nap then have visitors come over????????!

I will definitely tell nurses...no drop by visits. Only my mom because she is my mother. I think that is what set off the whole convo when they asked how and who will be in whenever I go...because my mom is a nurse so is my sister, they know more history of my health more than my DH and other members. I said my mom or sis come in if there is seriously something wrong and I need interpreters. We both are deaf. Plus, DH both parents are remarried...so it is too many people will come in and out &I don't want that.

CateOfChicago · May 2015

Stick to your guns. DHs family is very close. I had 20+ people at the hospital during my delivery. I barely had any skin to skin time in those 1st days bc of the frequent visitors. It also made breast feeding difficult. We also had visitors at the house every day for 2 weeks. I told DH I didn't want a repeat performance this time. He said he won't say no. He doesn't get it.

At my bf class, the instructor said people walk into the hospital room on the 1st day 50-75 times (including docs, nurses, food, visitors, etc ). Way too much.

fridaysdance · May 2015

It's not unreasonable. We finally broke down and said immediate family like our parents and sibling, sibling like friend for me, are welcome in the waiting room if they want. However, they have to wait until I give the ok to come back to see baby girl. Also, anybody who tells people they can come by before I say so will have to deal with the hubs. We really don't want anybody other than family, best friends, and maybe our pastors coming by the hospital for resting sake. Hubby is all for playing bodyguard.

ktbear9512 · May 2015

The children thing may be a non-issue anyway so check with your hospital. At mine, no kids are allowed except siblings of the new baby, up till 10 or 12 years old or something.

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kherman14 · May 2015

@CateOfChicago I am sticking to my guns and I plan to tell my husband...absolutely please respect if I say no...it's a no! I am just soooo frustrated. that is the thing...I would be soooo overwhelmingly with too many people coming in and out.
@fridaysdance be very careful if you have people telling others to come by...before you know it...it's exhausting! Big mistake few I know did that...
@ktbear9512 yeah our hospital just lift no kids policy from flu season...I was hoping there is restrictions for no kids coming in because now mil is using her son why it is not fair etc...he is 7 years old and I just don't want kids giving germs or holding brand new baby...a friend of friends mil son dropped her baby...imagine how shitty mil felt after bullying new mom!!!!!!
@MrsWilson830 awesomeness that you are an interpreter. We don't have a lot of interpreters around here. Just in the city of Cleveland where there is tons of deaf resides.

I am just fummmmmming...it's like how dare she give me that talk cannot believe and cannot imagine Timmy would let me say no..etc.
are you kidding me?!??!?!???!??????? Didn't you forget what it was like when you had visitors and your trying to recover?!

klkonwi · May 2015

Everyone forgets what it's like after they had the baby..... Bleeding. Once they think of a baby it's like their brains turn to mush....... Oh! No! I don't have to respect someone's privacy.....

fridaysdance · May 2015

kherman14 said:
@fridaysdance be very careful if you have people telling others to come by...before you know it...it's exhausting! Big mistake few I know did that...

I have specifically said no fb invitations to come by or specifics on where we are unless I say so. We have only given info on hospital and such to the few people who have some decent boundaries to come by the next day if I feel up to people.

We had a family member have heart surgery a few years ago and wanted nobody but family and pastor at the hospital but somebody saw what happened on Facebook and the whole church congregation tried to come by. It was exhausting telling cranky people they couldn't see her so we learned our lesson about saying much until the patient gives the ok.

My husband is super protective of me and I can only imagine he will be even more so with baby girl If people are invading our space too soon.

rklinge0 · May 2015

I am only allowing immediate family, my siblings, his siblings, my parents, and his parents. My friends were a little upset but they can come by after we are home. One way to hold off on visitors is to not tell anyone you are in labor. I am supposed to schedule my induction this Friday but I was going to give family members a 3 day period so they don't have a clue which day I am deluvering.
And I definitely get it, I would assume you are not going to feel up to visitors at the hospital. It's your time with the baby and getting to know him/her. You are not a bad person for wanting bonding time with your l/o that you have carried for 9 months.

awolfff · May 2015

Posted this on another thread on hospital visitors- it's basically how I feel on the subject and overall a decent read!

https://www.xojane.com/issues/childbirth-is-not-a-spectator-sport

katyertl · May 2015

klkonwi said:
Everyone forgets what it's like after they had the baby..... Bleeding. Once they think of a baby it's like their brains turn to mush....... Oh! No! I don't have to respect someone's privacy.....

Exactly!!!!! No one gives a crap about what you want or feel. All they care about is the baby! Like calm the hell down and give me just a few hours.
I just talked to my mom on the phone and she's insistent about being in the waiting room until we give her the go ahead. Umm fine you can sit there as long as you like but you won't be coming in for a few hours. Get comfy lady!
But my dad and step mom are amazing. They said they would even wait until we're home.
Ugh I could punch some people.

kherman14 · May 2015

I knnnnoooow... :-( I am sooo grumpy. That I don't even want to talk anymore about baby stuff! Today dh comes home his expression is a little different... I am guessing she already is asking him to hope he will say yes. If I find out he went behind my back...and to agree with his mom.................I'll be fuming.

addingon · May 2015

Assuming there is no reason for a scheduled induction or c-section, my husband and I have agreed to not tell anyone we're at the hospital until things are really moving or even after the birth. I agree with you all - I want to be able to bond, do skin to skin, work on breast feeding and have some time to regroup before any visitors. Not selfish at all!

These people (my loving phrase for "family members" haha) will have plenty of time with the baby throughout her life and I won't be pressured into thinking everyone has to meet her within the first day. Ridiculous!

LaurenAnn0405 · May 2015

I'm very lucky in the fact that my family and DH's family are both very respectful of our wishes as to when to come to the hospital. Last time everyone knew when I was going into the hospital because I had a scheduled induction at 42 weeks. DH texted his family and my family to let them know when to come and they waited in the waiting room until he went out and told them they were allowed in to see us. I feel bad for you ladies that don't have family members that respect their privacy but stand strong! This is YOUR family time and it's about you and l/o, not them!

klkonwi · May 2015

I haven't exactly kept it a great secret that I'm being induced. My family is 5 hrs away so not a big deal. DH family is 40 min away...... But they are kinda private ppl so let's hope!

mamayo26 · May 2015

We did this with our first...it did not go over well, My parents and I had it out and we did not speak until after the baby was born. this time we know more of what to expect, but have told people no visitors on day 1...too many hospital protocols and other stuff...we will have visitors for short periods starting after 12 on day 2 (scheduled c/s so I'll be there a few days). Then we will have people when we are home...I also have no problem telling people I am tired and need to sleep so GTFO.

Blame it on hormones, but you are the mom and FTM so do what makes you and DH happy.

taboullio84 · May 2015

You can tell the hospital you want it "secret" . they will need a code to even phone the room and will not tell them you are even there..

delujm0 · May 2015

This is why it sometimes pays off to live an 8-10 hour drive from your parents and in laws. No one will receive notification that I'm in labor. We will call a few hours after the baby is born which should buy us at least a half a day of alone time. :-)

britneythebridexo · May 2015

If you really want privacy don't post on social media. We made a huge mistake of doing that and some random girl I went to high school with that I had one class with showed up with her mom at the hospital... Like really!? It was quite awkward and I didn't let her or her mom hold the baby.

mrs1374a · May 2015

I wasn't as strict as I should have been with my first. All my family and friends were there by the end of the day, but I had an emergency c section so I was exhausted and in a lot of pain!! This time since I know I'm having a c section, I said only my parents, my husbands parents and our siblings can come that day. And not until my husband calls them and tells them I'm ready. No extended family, no friends until a few days later.

joyfuljenny · May 2015

I'm so sorry you're dealing with this, I'm a little worried about it as well! My MIL is wonderful in many ways and very supportive of us, and generally speaking we have a great relationship... but she was really pushy about things after my SIL had her baby (my MIL's first grandchild). Wanted to see her right away (against SIL's wishes for a little time to themselves), stayed way too long visiting before my SIL had any chance to recover, bringing other family members up to visit as well... a nightmare for a new FTM, basically. Really hoping we don't have a repeat performance of that when I deliver. My husband doesn't really understand my hesitancy for family visiting immediately and, frankly, I think is afraid to tell his mom "no." Also, I really, really do not want to have our baby passed around the room within hours after birth! I don't think it's unreasonable for only me or my husband to hold her within the first 24 hrs, but I don't know if we'll get to do that, realistically. I wish I could have a calm discussion with my MIL about expectations beforehand, but she is super sensitive and I know she would get offended and take things the wrong way. Sigh. We'll see what happens.

klkonwi · May 2015

Oh yes. Please: do not post on Facebook that you are at the hospital and then expect nurses to filter out your visitors.......... Ahhh Facebook!!!!

laurendutch · May 2015

DH and I have our plan down...well, if it goes the way we planned. Day of scheduled csection, DH and I will go to the hospital. My parents are going to take my boys to Build a Bear (they get to make a bear and one for LO) and out to eat. After I'm out of recovery and DH and I have a little bonding time, they will bring the boys over. They (My parents) will stay for a quick minute and leave (the boys) us as a family to bond. After about an hour, we will invite DHs parents to come see the baby. I'm guessing DH, ILs and my boys will go out to dinner. At that time, my parents will come visit me. After dinner, DH will take the boys home and spend some one on one time with them. Then DH will come back to the hospital to stay the night with me and my parents will watch my boys overnight. My parents know of our plans...we have yet to bring it up to his parents or his sisters. I wouldn't mind his sisters coming to visit the first day but no kids/spouses. I became sick last time and I was a mess that first night. I will be in the hospital for 4 days, so they will have plenty of time to visit me. Hoping they will just plan on coming that weekend.

aliciaspinnet · May 2015

This might be an unpopular opinion based on other replies. I can completely understand setting boundaries, not wanting too many visitors/kids and wanting a few hours with just the 3 of you following the delivery. But I'm getting the impression that you don't want your husband's parents to come visit at all until you're out of hospital. I'm sure that your in-laws are really excited about the baby, and if you're in the hospital for a few days after delivery then it's a bit unfair to expect them to wait to meet their new grandchild. Certainly you can ask them to stick to certain visiting hours, not to bring the kids, to leave the room when you need to feed or have any medical exams etc. But a blanket ban on visiting for several days after delivery just seems a bit extreme.

Heatbar92 · May 2015

I'm due in 3 weeks with my second baby. With my first I was up for 36 hours straight becuz of When she was born and such, and i had visitors all day long. I was so exhausted and depressed becuz I just wanted to hold my baby and sleep. This time around only my family can come (mom dad sister brothers) my in laws are NOT allowed to visit me at the hospital (i don't like my mil or all so they aren't allowed to see baby at all) I do no like the "pop-in" visitors. I think I just got my ornery since my first kid lol. Visitors can be fun, but they can also be overwhelming.

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ugggggh...here we go...hospital visit topic again

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