Young FTM Wants a Homebirth — The Bump
Natural Birth

Young FTM Wants a Homebirth

edited January 2015 in Natural Birth
I just joined and am a first time mom. I'm 23, and married a widower(45) with 2 young teenage boys. We've been married just over a year and I'm 13 1/2 weeks pregnant!! Yay! This was totally a planned pregnancy, but DH was not ready for my desires for labor and delivery.

Has anyone here persuaded their DH that a homebirth or birthing center is the best option? I'd like very little medical intervention of possible. But I do understand the need for it in emergency situations!! I am in a practice with OB and NM. My OB is great and is very understanding about the homebirth. I see the NM next week just to discuss the pregnancy.

DH experienced 2 planned c-sections and bottle feeding with his 2 sons, now 14 & 16. So me mentioning even a natural birth and feeding on demand(another topic for another day) has freaked him out!! Poor guy :/

He's supportive, but I'd like to hear from others some different view points or ways they discussed this topic.

Re: Young FTM Wants a Homebirth

  • MitoRachelMitoRachel member
    500 Love Its Fifth Anniversary 500 Comments First Answer
    edited January 2015
    With my first DH and I watched The Business of Being Born together. He wasn't entirely convinced because it has a clear bias towards natural birth. Later that pregnancy we went to the hospital birthing class which ended up being very pro intervention. When DH saw the videos that showed the very same cascade of interventions from the viewpoint of yeehaw for interventions, he became very pro med free birth. For this pregnancy he wanted to see reports on studies of the safety and benefits of home birth. I found a link for that in the Natural Birth Board FAQs.

    ETA- Huh, the sticky that had the home birth stats is gone!
    Married to E on June 5, 2010
    Gave birth to baby boy, I, on March 25, 2012
    Gave birth to baby girl, A, on May 20, 2013
    Baby #3 due April 29, 2015

    Recovering from mitochondrial dysfunction and Addison's/possibly very severe adrenal burn out using food, medicine, and a large amount of garden therapy.
    [Deleted User]LaurenNKMrsLindsey0619
  • The Business of Being Born is a great place to start.  I would also suggest reading "Ina May's Guide to Childbirth" by Ina May Gaskin.  I am a FTM as well.  I have several friends who have had both hospital and home births. In the stories I've heard, there were a lot of stipulations on how a woman was allowed to labor, ending up with traumatic birth experiences with significant tearing, all done under threats of a c-section.  There are, of course, some health situations that can keep you from being a good candidate for having a home birth, but good luck in your endevor!
    Married 8/29/09
    MC: 9/14
    Goober #1 born: 8/17/15
    MC: 9/16
    Goober # 2 EDD: 6/27/17
  • I agree with the above with watching The Business of Being Born, but for my husband, the big factor that made him pro home birth, was actually meeting with our midwife. Most will do a free consultation with you, and the experience is so relaxed...they spend time with you, it's not just a wam bam thank you ma'am like in a hospital...

    ...seeing all of that really brought him on board.
  • That is an awesome movie! Since your husband has 2 children already, he probably has some preconceived notions about how a birth is supposed to be, but modern hospital births have only been around for about 100 years! That's not even a blink in the eye of human history. First, listen to his concerns, not generally, but very specifically. Depending on what they are, you'll need a different approach. Maybe he's scared that you or the baby will be hurt. Maybe he's squeamish and afraid to take an active role in the delivery. Maybe he's just parroting off what he's heard everyone else do and never gave it much thought. Once you understand where he's coming from, gather some information to help allay his fears. If it's risks, let him know that for a normal pregnancy it's perfectly safe and often the risk of infection with a hospital birth isn't worth it. Give him some articles to read on the subject, making sure they're from independent studies so they're not from a "side" of the argument. If it's squeamishness, make sure that you take that into consideration with your birth plan. Maybe you'd do better to have a doula in this case so he knows that you'll have the support you need even if he can't give it. If he's just never considered it before, well, education is the key regardless. 
  • If he's into data, you can refer him to statistics that show the safety is nearly equal to that of a hospital birth, plus ALL the added benefits.  There are studies and sources you can reference in these posts to help you with your point of view.  

    I would maybe just try to discuss why he is so against a homebirth in the first place, what are his fears?  Perhaps a little more education is all he needs and understanding your point of view too.  Best of luck!  Remember, no matter what happens, you'll still have a wonderful bundle of joy that will bring your entire family even closer.

    I can do hard things
  • My husband looked at me like I was psycho for a few minutes when I asked for a home birth. But, he knows me well enough that I had done my research and knew this was going to be the option for us. Plus, if you can get your insurance to cover it - why not? The entire Business of Being Born series was very good to watch. Although clearly biased, the film maker ended up having a very necessary hospital birth and they showed that in a positive light, IMO.
    Pregnancy Ticker
  • My husband was always really encouraging, even if he didn't totally get it at first. It helps that his mom had him in a birth center and we are both just sorta hippy-ish. He went to all of my midwife appointments and saw the difference in care - our midwives became friends and the support was incomparable to when I was going to an OB. They also talked a lot about what situations they can medically handle and what happens in a transfer situation. Towards the end of pregnancy I started to doubt myself, and he reminded me why we chose this. Ultimately, we decided that the decision of how we birth our child had to be made from love not fear. 

    14 weeks and 3 days ago our daughter was born into his hands. He was the first thing she saw on this earth, and it was the best moment of his life. He is so bonded to her and still tells anyone who will listen how amazing it was. Now he is a bigger home birth advocate than I am!

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