Breastfeeding

JStill0603 · May 2015

I am a FTM but my husband has a 5yo son. He thinks that breastfeeding is the only option. While I am open to learning more about it and trying it, I am very nervous about having to go back to work and pump. I am a manager in a retail job and sometimes can't go to the bathroom without being interrupted and/or having multiple questions waiting for me when I get back. So ideally, I would like to do both breast and formula feed and be "done" breastfeeding about the time I return to work.

Anyhow, my question is this. I was under the impression that if you don't breastfeed at all, your boobs will return to "normal" and that stopping breastfeeding can be difficult, but that it's not hard to "dry up." (Sorry if I don't have the proper terminology.) But since my husband has a child and has "done this before" he thinks he is an expert and insists that my boobs are going to be huge and engorged with milk for weeks if I don't breastfeed and that I will be "begging for someone to milk me." It's making me really irritated with him because I don't know what all happened with him and the mother of his step-son, but I do know they were not together during the pregnancy and only lived together for 5ish months after stepson was born. I don't want to be compared to her or her and his experiences. I also think he's a little off in his medical assessment. Will I really have serious breast issues if I don't breastfeed or plan to stop by 12 weeks?

Pontot31 · May 2015

You'll likely be uncomfortable for a while. It doesn't dry up overnight for most people.
You might want to take a breastfeeding class and talk to a lactation consultant about your options.

It also doesn't have to be all or nothing. You can BF when you're together and give formula when you're away. Your supply might hold up for a while doing that. But in the early days of being back to work if I went more than 3 hours with out pumping or nursing I was in serious pain. You could look into natural ways to dry up which light help a little.

JStill0603 · May 2015

I already signed us up to take the class together and I'm definitely interested in learning more, but we have already had this conversation 3 times and I know it's not over. It's making me so angry.

BlueWaffleSpeshul · May 2015

*lurkety lurk*

I stopped about two days after we came home from the hospital. It did take a while to dry out completely, but I wouldn't say I was incredibly uncomfortable. I wore sports bras most of the time, including to bed, and the compression helped. I'm sure a lot of it depends on how much you really did initially. I didn't allow a full supply to come in before I stopped, so it may have been easier for me due to that.

adcorbin · May 2015

I didn't breastfeed any of my three children and within ten days, I was dried completely and never felt overly uncomfortable. Ultimately it is your choice and don't let anyone make you feel bad for your final decision.

Elyse1384 · May 2015

I breastfed and pumped at work, but can tell you that I genuinely didn't have a difficult time when I decided to wean my son. I was never in pain or begging to be "milked". I find it absurd that a man would dare tell a woman how her lactating breasts will feel.

wedding crazed · May 2015

I can't tell you how it is if you don't breastfeed at all as I've breastfed all three of my kids, even when working full-time. When I was still working it was hard to take the time to pump, but worth it. When I went to wean my first son and didn't really know what I was doing I didn't really gradually stop so my boobs got giant on a business trip with no pump and it was very painful. As soon as I got home 3 days later my son was back on the boob for relief. With my other two I just decreased a nursing session every few days and no problems at all. I like how you are open to researching the option. Once the baby comes your whole life changes, moms whom I never thought would nurse at all nurse long-term and vice versa. I can see your husbands views being annoying and wouldn't like the comparison either, but on the upside if you do end up nursing you do need the hubby's support. Good luck with finding the best choice for your family.

JStill0603 · May 2015

Thanks for all the advice. It has made me feel a little better.

He wants me to pump exclusively. I have no idea why he has such strong views on this. I told him that I may very well eat my words once the baby comes, but I'm not planning on going back to work while breastfeeding. This makes him crazy. The thing is, his son was formula fed! They planned on breastfeeding but I think they broke up and the baby ended up with him most of the time. I'm open to either way, I just want him to feel the same and know the baby will be okay and bottle fed babies can be perfectly healthy too. (He should know this because of his son but he's so adamant!)

dogsombrero · May 2015

OP tell your husband your boobs your choice and if he knows so much he can breastfeed your child himself and see how that works out for him. I pumped for 9 months due to a latch/swallow issue I had over-supply issues so it took me a long time to wean off pumping. Just because you want to breastfeed or pump does not mean that it will work out and that's okay. You husband isn't taking into account that each child is different and each body is different. No matter how you choose to feed your child a fed child is a happy child. I would honestly tell your husband that you will not be entertaining any more conversations about your breasts or body and that you will figure out what works for you and let him know your decision.

Gapeach83 · May 2015

It's your choice. I formula fed DD1 she had latch issues and it was causing us both to be miserable. Pumping also didn't work great didn't get enough for a bottle. DD2 latch like a champ and I breastfed for a year and weanend her off. Weaning was much easier on my boobs than going cold turkey. Just remember if pumping get a good pump and even then some ladies don't get as much and hard to keep up demand.

ahowell88 · May 2015

I don't know how it will be stopping at 12 weeks (breastfed my second for 14 months & never with my first), but I think as long as you make it slow and gradual, you'd be ok. I never had any pain/problems when my son weaned. You shouldn't feel pressured to pump at work if you don't feel comfortable with that. Plus, if you're super stressed about balancing pumping/work, it will affect your supply anyways. Sounds like your DH might need that breastfeeding class lol.

lulamagoo · May 2015

Breastfeeding is hard and ultimately a fed baby is what really matters.
I guess I would ask your husband why this is so important to him. Then maybe you will have a better idea of how to approach your feelings with him.
I would also tell him that emotionally you will be dealing a lot (Hormones, sleep deprivation, an overwhelming sense of love, etc) and you will need to take breastfeeding one day at a time. Best of luck.

BlueWaffleSpeshul · May 2015

JStill0603 said:
Thanks for all the advice. It has made me feel a little better.

He wants me to pump exclusively. I have no idea why he has such strong views on this. I told him that I may very well eat my words once the baby comes, but I'm not planning on going back to work while breastfeeding. This makes him crazy. The thing is, his son was formula fed! They planned on breastfeeding but I think they broke up and the baby ended up with him most of the time. I'm open to either way, I just want him to feel the same and know the baby will be okay and bottle fed babies can be perfectly healthy too. (He should know this because of his son but he's so adamant!)

Pumping exclusive as in right from the start? That can be tough but doable. Some women have trouble building a good supply if they EP. At the end of the day, as PPs stated, your breasts, your choice. Baby will be fine as long as he's fed.

JStill0603 · May 2015

He says it's best for the baby. He says he can't believe I would consider anything other than breastfeeding because I am so concerned about avoiding all "bad" things while pregnant (ie- caffeine, not going in the grass after he fertilized it, etc). I told him I just want him to be open to the fact that it might not work out the way he's planning.

sarahsnowball · May 2015

I feel for you. The last thing you need is your SO putting on pressure to bf. You'll inevitably put more than enough pressure on yourself to do everything 'right' once baby gets here. As PPs said, they are your boobs and this should be totally your decision.

I had 6 months off work so it's not quite the same, but about 2 weeks before I went back I started to gradually swap daytime feeds for formula. We just swapped one feed every 3 days or so. It was a bit uncomfortable at first, then when my body adjusted to that (i.e. no longer uncomfortable) we would swap another day feed.
I would BF before work, he had formula during the day, then I would BF in the evening and overnight if he needed a feed. If you drop feeds gradually your body will adjust to it and you'll do just fine.

Please remember, BFing is wonderful for your baby, however long you manage it for. But formula is the very next best thing, designed to give babies everything they need. Formula fed babies do great too.

rubirubi89 · May 2015

Me and my big brother were NOT breastfed. Apparently we just refused to. My mom says it was really upsetting for her. Anyway we are pretty normal. And not prone to sickness. I am 26, he is 28. Mom finally got her youngest one to breastfeed! He seems ok too. No disease ridden mutants in our family.

prettyincamo87 · May 2015

Is there anyone on here who has exclusively pumped successfully or knows of any resources I could turn to? I bottle fed my older children because I've gone through some personal things that make the idea of direct breast feeding extremely uncomfortable. It wasn't until this pregnancy that I knew exclusive pumping was even an option.

Pontot31 · May 2015

prettyincamo87 said:
Is there anyone on here who has exclusively pumped successfully or knows of any resources I could turn to? I bottle fed my older children because I've gone through some personal things that make the idea of direct breast feeding extremely uncomfortable. It wasn't until this pregnancy that I knew exclusive pumping was even an option.

I would look into KellyMom.com. They've got great resources there. Also try your local Le letche league. You might be able to find support there.
I have a few friends who EP'ed due to match issues with their babies.
It is a lot of hard work because you essentially have to pump every 2-3 hours in the beginning. But it can be done.
Find some local support before the baby is born. They can help you form a plan.

dogsombrero · May 2015

prettyincamo87 said:
Is there anyone on here who has exclusively pumped successfully or knows of any resources I could turn to? I bottle fed my older children because I've gone through some personal things that make the idea of direct breast feeding extremely uncomfortable. It wasn't until this pregnancy that I knew exclusive pumping was even an option.

I EPed for 9 months with my son. I just stopped in February. There was suprisingly little info available out there and the LCs I saw basically caused an overproduction issue with their advice. I found a mom who EPed with her first on my other board to be my sole resource of solid information. If you have questions etc. I would be happy to share what I've learned.

Squirtgun · May 2015

FYI, if you do decide to nurse or pump for a while and then want to wean, peppermint helps a lot with bringing down your milk supply! (Peppermint tea, altoids, anything with a lot of real peppermint oil in it) Cool cabbage leaves in your bra can help with the discomfort if you do get engorged. That being said, doing what is best for your situation is what will be best for baby. As long as your child is fed, and your pediatrician is good with the weight gain, you are doing it right!!

prettyincamo87 · May 2015

dogsombrero said:

prettyincamo87 said:
Is there anyone on here who has exclusively pumped successfully or knows of any resources I could turn to? I bottle fed my older children because I've gone through some personal things that make the idea of direct breast feeding extremely uncomfortable. It wasn't until this pregnancy that I knew exclusive pumping was even an option.
I EPed for 9 months with my son. I just stopped in February. There was suprisingly little info available out there and the LCs I saw basically caused an overproduction issue with their advice. I found a mom who EPed with her first on my other board to be my sole resource of solid information. If you have questions etc. I would be happy to share what I've learned.

This maybe a really dumb question lol but bare with me.. did you pump at the hospital? Because I know with my kids they immediately handed me a bottle. My biggest fear is they're going to try and put this baby to my boob right away, I will have a meltdown, and they'll look at me like I have 3 heads..

Pontot31 · May 2015

prettyincamo87 said:

dogsombrero said:

prettyincamo87 said:
Is there anyone on here who has exclusively pumped successfully or knows of any resources I could turn to? I bottle fed my older children because I've gone through some personal things that make the idea of direct breast feeding extremely uncomfortable. It wasn't until this pregnancy that I knew exclusive pumping was even an option.
I EPed for 9 months with my son. I just stopped in February. There was suprisingly little info available out there and the LCs I saw basically caused an overproduction issue with their advice. I found a mom who EPed with her first on my other board to be my sole resource of solid information. If you have questions etc. I would be happy to share what I've learned.
This maybe a really dumb question lol but bare with me.. did you pump at the hospital? Because I know with my kids they immediately handed me a bottle. My biggest fear is they're going to try and put this baby to my boob right away, I will have a meltdown, and they'll look at me like I have 3 heads..

You can request a pump from the hospital or bring your own. I would write out your wishes in a birth plan and explain what you want so the nurses know what you're ok with.
You'll want to start pumping early to get your supply established. The hospital pumps are very good.

dogsombrero · May 2015

I attempted to BF right away and for 5 days but he had lost over 10% of his weight and we had seen 3 LCs. I then made the decision to start pumping. I would let your Dr. and all staff know your plan ahead of delivery, at check in and put it on the important notes board in your PP room. I would start pumping in short intervals from the start to encourage your milk to come in and to give baby colostrum. I started with 8 pumps a day at 5 days PP, dropped to 6 at 2 1/2 months PP, and 5 at 3 months PP. Around 6 months I was down to 4 and tapered down monthly from there because I had a huge frozen stash (over 4000 oz). I really liked the lanisinoh and honeysuckle storage bag brands (honeysuckle is by far the least expensive).

ETA: @prettyincamo87

MadBloom · May 2015

prettyincamo87 said:

dogsombrero said:

prettyincamo87 said:
Is there anyone on here who has exclusively pumped successfully or knows of any resources I could turn to? I bottle fed my older children because I've gone through some personal things that make the idea of direct breast feeding extremely uncomfortable. It wasn't until this pregnancy that I knew exclusive pumping was even an option.
I EPed for 9 months with my son. I just stopped in February. There was suprisingly little info available out there and the LCs I saw basically caused an overproduction issue with their advice. I found a mom who EPed with her first on my other board to be my sole resource of solid information. If you have questions etc. I would be happy to share what I've learned.
This maybe a really dumb question lol but bare with me.. did you pump at the hospital? Because I know with my kids they immediately handed me a bottle. My biggest fear is they're going to try and put this baby to my boob right away, I will have a meltdown, and they'll look at me like I have 3 heads..

Not a dumb question. Just give them a heads up that you do not want baby on the breast but you want to pump from day 1 and they'll hopefully be as supportive as they can.

One of the things the nurses asked when I went into the hospital was how I was planning on feeding the baby. They had info sheets on whatever method I decided on.

riott1977 · May 2015

I breast fed both my boys only while on 12 week maternity leaves then weaned them off slowly by doing formula during the day and pumping as needed and BFing at night. It worked well. Each one stopped BFing at a different pace it depended on how much they ate, how they reacted to the change, and my body.

It was really hard to handle at work and hurt the most during the day if I didn't have opportunities to pump. With my first son, I wanted to keep it up and pump using no formula when I got back to work but found it really hard to get enough milk in a bottle. I didn't even try to not use formula with my second son. I did formula at daycare and BFing at home as long as I could handle it. I think my oldest was 6 months when i stopped BFing completely and my youngest was 5 months.

I plan to do the exact same thing with this baby. I will BF exclusively for 12 weeks then wean her off at whatever speed makes sense.

My boys are now 19 and 15 and have been very healthy.

wallserve · May 2015

Well said!

wallserve · May 2015

I BF while in the hospital and then when we got home, little man was like SIKE! I continued to pump and just give him the milk from that. I started weaning him off around week 4 and by week 6, I was done pumping. Now...I was as I like to call myself a cow. I had enough milk to last MONTHS only pumping for those 6 weeks. I am a special education teacher and get called even on planning and lunch times to go 'assist' with a student. Kids are in and out of my portable literally every minute of the day. I know it's the law, but there is no way I was going to be able to pump at work.

Once I stopped, it was uncomfortable for a little bit....maybe a few weeks, but again, I had a lot of milk to 'dry' up. Hubs didn't mess with the girls, the shower was soothing, but don't let that fool you either - no stimulation at all....

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