Completely irrational "concern"

robertin · May 2015

I know that what I'm about to post is illogical and irrational, but I'm wondering if any other STM have a similar thought.

My DD is almost 16 months old and I love her like crazy. When I look at her my heart feels so full with love. It's all of those feelings that people say you don't truly understand until you have a child.

So the irrational thought - I'm wondering how in the world I'll ever be able to love this second baby as much as I love her. Like, how does my heart have that much love to give? I know that I will - I know it. I realize that I'll totally fall in love with him/her as soon as I see those eyes (really, way before that).

So am I alone? Or is this somewhat common?

mamaksweez · May 2015

I think this too!! I'm a SAHM and my pumpkin is 11 months. I wonder how I could love the next one as much as our first, but I also think what if the 2nd one comes and I like forget about the 1st or start loving her less! I know it's crazy, but I think it sometimes.

andrea0418 · May 2015

I had this thought for awhile too. Me and Ty have been inseparable these past 2yrs and I don't know how another will fit in.
I also know it's irrational and Ty's going to be an awesome big brother and they will be such good friends.

Myelhsa · May 2015

You wanna talk irrational? I started crying yesterday because I was concerned I might not love my baby as much as my dog...

darlenedlc21 · May 2015

I always think this too! I have a 6 year old and he is 100% a mamas boy! we have such a good bond and i think #1 i hope our bond doesn't go away with the baby and #2) I've had 6 years to love him how can i love another the same? But like you said I know I will! It's just hard to believe we have so much love in us!

ChelseyBels · May 2015

I had a crazy dream the other night…. my 5 year old was so sad I loved the baby more than her. Dang pregnancy dreams!

SummerOH · May 2015

Totally normal! I think most moms I know, including myself, have felt the same way!

RoxanneA · May 2015

I have four right now and my heart couldn't be fuller. I love each and every one more than anything else in this world.

DaphneMoon1 · May 2015

I think these are normal thoughts. I wonder how I will have enough time for my son when I will be taking care of a baby. Will he feel less special?

With one, I was able to give all of my time and energy to them. This obviously won't happen with the second.

I've heard that your heart grows and it feels like double the love, not love split in half. Hopefully that's true.

lemasted · May 2015

I thought about this too; more so, feeling guilty that I won't be able to give #2 my undivided attention like I could with #1. I spoke with one of my friends who has twins and she explained it to me like this: you will love each of them different because you'll have a different relationship/experiences with each, but the amount of love will be the same. I'm hoping this is true

ChipMonster · May 2015

Me! Me! Me! I have the same irrational thoughts. It just seems impossible to love more than I do right now. Will I love as much? Does the love I give the new baby come from the love I already have for my 1st born? I know it's all stupid and I'll love them both just as much but it's so hard to picture it when you're already giving all the love you have. I guess like someone previously said, your heart doubles in size!!

mollyj931 · May 2015

Yes it's normal! When #2 was born my heart just grew, nothing was taken!

I always felt the greatest gift I could give my daughter was a sibling. The love do each other and playing they do (most of the time) is so so awesome to see. That's why we are having another!! I can't wait to see the craziness the three will get in together and the bond only siblings share.

Danni7535 · May 2015

@myelsha Before I went to the hospital to have my first baby, I dropped my dog off at the kennel, and I wept like a baby. I was so worried she would feel replaced. Now, she's his little protector.

OP- I feel the same way!

kava86 · May 2015

Yes my son is nearly 2 and I'm also nervous about when their sibling arrives and how I'll feel for them. But a friend explained it like this; your first child has been here for X number of months/years and it's taken time to get to know them and you continually fall more and more in love with them. When the baby arrives you'll also love that baby but it will be love on a different level to begin with, you're still getting to know the baby and bond with it. Your older child has different needs to the baby too and you love them differently at different times. Your love for them both continues to grow and you'll wonder why you ever worried about how you would love this new baby.

sherks11 · May 2015

Just got out bfp yesterday and this is one of he first things I thought of. My husband thinks I'm crazy! I can't imagine loving another child as much as my daughter (which I know sounds terrible) but I know I will as soon as I get to meet this LO.

HH27 · May 2015

Took a nap gripping my husband's hand. Every time he tried to pull away I was jostled with a hasty pulse and kept doing the same for like 3 hours. Every time he needed to stretch, scratch, toss about I was literally bouncing and moaning in sleep that te baby's scared and that her heart is racing and she wants me to hold his finger. When he tried to switch hands I smacked his other hand.. I wouldn't let him hold me either.. I guess I feel like I'm ignoring him and that we are growin apart. With my symptoms haven't been having, I don't get enough time with him. Gosh one messed up fear. It better pass away soon!!

blessed2bemommy · May 2015

I am a stm too and have all of those same feelings...I feel bad for even thinking like that because I know once he/she is here it will be just like with our son, but my son and I have been almost inseparable for the last almost 3 years...I try and picture another baby in the mix and it seems odd. I know our son will love it though! He is at a stage that he is all about babies

wherever he sees one he always stops smiles and says awww baby! Lol it eases my concerns some. Plus I've talked with other moms that have more than 1 and they all say they had the same feelings, but when the baby is here it all feels right.

Honeyb416 · May 2015

I'm having these feelings too and this is making me cry because I think about DS and his feelings. I know initially he's going to be like WTF and there will be an adjustment period where I know he will be upset and jealous. I just hope I'm strong enough to get through that! Stupid pregnancy hormones.

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Natalieb464 · May 2015

I'd say don't be so ridiculous that all parents love their kids equally, although I better had been my parents fav outta all three.... But you do always have a favourite pet!! Haha I'm sure you will love them both equally but perhaps for different reasons; the oldest in my family was the kindest, the middle was the funniest and youngest was the smartest (and best looking) - have a guess at what one you think I was!!

jennyboom39 · May 2015

Very normal...I have 4 now and when I was pregnant with my 2nd I wondered the same. The conclusion I have come to is that I love all my kids the same...but different. They all have their own personalities...I love them all equally but in different ways. It was easier for me to go from 2 to 3 than it was going from 1 to 2.

SparklesC · May 2015

I am going to compare this to dogs because I don't have any children yet (BTW my friends LOVE it when I compare their children to my fur babies, jk). Anyway, we have two dogs and I love them both sooooo much but also so differently. I honestly don't love one more than the other. I love them for their different personalities. One is hilarious and the other is the sweet. I figure with kids it will be the same

amberrrjade · May 2015

mamaksweez said:
I think this too!! I'm a SAHM and my pumpkin is 11 months. I wonder how I could love the next one as much as our first, but I also think what if the 2nd one comes and I like forget about the 1st or start loving her less! I know it's crazy, but I think it sometimes.

This. Ugh. When I was pregnant with my first my dog was my life and once I brought my DD home I literally couldn't stand my dog and 18 months later I still don't love him like I use to. I know it's apples and oranges but I still get crazy cakes on the inside about it.

bkc92 · May 2015

I feel the same way. And I wonder if my baby boy (he's 16 months) will be confused because I'm not able to play quite as much and give him a full 100% all the time. And that makes me sad