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Don't want to know the sex

angpat85angpat85 member
in 2nd Trimester
i decided weeks ago that I did not want to find out the sex of my baby. I want to wait to be surprised after the baby is born. My boyfriend has been needing to know since day one and that's fine, I know he'll be able to keep it to himself BUT his family feels like they should know. They feel that I should know too for my baby shower. But no I've made my decision but I'm really letting it affect me and stress me out. I don't want to know and I don't want anyone but my boyfriend know either. I'm afraid I'm gonna snap one of these days if someone else says they want to know.
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Re: Don't want to know the sex

  • MrsN092714MrsN092714 member
    If he wants to know and you do t he should be the only one that does. That's not unfair to ask.... The family shouldn't know before you as far as I am concerned!
    Married:09/27/14 
    Baby N-Born:10/29/15
    Our Angel: EDD: 05/11/17. MC at 6 weeks
    Baby #2- EDD: 07/18/17

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  • kderhamkderham member
    I'm in the same boat. My family is being super crazy about needing to know. I have just let them know that this is my baby and the experience between my husband and I and this is how its going to need to be. If they are super concerned about the gender for a baby shower, have the shower after you have the baby! 
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  • finchfeeder80finchfeeder80 member
    I say that if you don't want to know, then no one should get to know. Because people can't keep secrets. If people don't like it they can get over it. I've had months of people giving me grief because we don't know. Someone actually thought I was keeping it a secret on purpose. This is your experience and not anyone else's. If being team green makes this more fulfilling for you, then go for it! I am actually loving not knowing. It gives me something to look forward to when I'm feeling anxious and overwhelmed at this whole becoming a parent thing.
    Diane
    First Timer!
    EDD: 6-13-15
    Me: 34 Hubs: 37


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  • delujm0delujm0 member

    Do you trust your husband to not tell his family if he finds out and you don't?  Because with the way they're pushing you, and blaming it on the "shower," i wouldn't be surprised if they get it out of him and then buy you a bunch of either pink or blue shower gifts and completely ruin it for you.  that would really piss me off.

     

    I wanted to find out but my husband didn't...our compromise was that we would find out this time and then next time it could be a secret if he still wanted to try that.  It would have been really hard for me to keep it from him if i knew and he didn't, even though i'm confident that i wouldn't have told anyone else.  SIL was team green a few years ago and people definitely made noise about it "being hard to buy gender neutral clothes" but she didn't let it deter her.  It's really not a big deal at all to wait to find out at the birth if that's what you choose - women did that for thousands of years!  For me, being able to call the baby "she" instead of "it" was important, so we found out at the anatomy scan about halfway through.

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  • KaLikeAWindKaLikeAWind member
    I'm also team green and have gotten crap from friends and my parents alike for not knowing the sex of baby. All pregnancy long a friend has complained about it, and my mom used to gripe about it constantly ("but I won't know what to buy!") but now that I'm getting near the end she has mellowed out. She ended up purchasing my car seat, obviously she was able to buy something without knowing the sex.

    Bottom line - it's your baby, its your call. If you want to wait for the surprise, do it, and family be damned. They can still buy you things for your shower without needing to know the sex. The stuff you need isn't gender specific anyway (carseat, stroller, crib, diapers, bottles, etc). Andplusalso, are you going to make all of your parenting decisions based on what family wants? What if they don't like your name? What if they don't like your parenting style? May as well establish yourselves as a team making decisions without their pressure now.

    Also, I'm all for marital harmony, so you and DH should agree on being team green or not. But I would avoid one of you knowing the sex and the other not. I really doubt it could be kept secret. He would slip to someone - say 'he' or 'she' in conversation and the listener would pick up on that, and tell others, and the secret is out. Even if it managed to be a conspiracy and everybody kept the secret, that conversational slip may happen while he's talking to you.

    Being team green is fun (for us, anyway) but it should be something shared by you both, in my opinion. Good luck, whatever you decide!
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  • BoonhildeBoonhilde member
    MrsN092714 said:

    If he wants to know and you do t he should be the only one that does. That's not unfair to ask.... The family shouldn't know before you as far as I am concerned!

    I agree.

    But I honestly don't understand why anyone would want to wait to find out. It's like having this wonderful modern technology and not using it. Like not using tampons or electricity. Okay, maybe that's a bit far, but combining sex reveal and birth of baby is like having your birthday on Christmas. I enjoy spreading out the celebration.

    Just me! Do what you will. ;)
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  • KateLouiseKateLouise member
    With DD2, we found out the sex but decided to keep it to ourselves. When people asked if we knewe, I said, "yes but we're not telling people."

    I was shocked at the number of people who begged and whined and generally tried to trick us into finding out and got all pissy about it. I don't know why it matters so much to other people.
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  • lileepaddlileepadd member
    We aren't finding out the sex of our baby. At first, I wanted to know, but my husband didn't. Since I am terrible at keeping secrets, I agreed to not find out either. My mom has been very supportive; my mil not so much. Oh well, this is our baby not hers. I also want to keep our name choices a secret -again our baby. Good luck and congratulations!!!!!
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  • sarahsnowballsarahsnowball member
    With my DS, I wanted to be Team Green and DH wanted to find out, so we found out and said we would have a surprise next time. I couldn't cope with him knowing and me not knowing, but that's just me.
    Our families actually seemed a little disappointed that we found out last time, maybe because you couldn't find out back in their day so they didn't feel it was necessary.
    I'm hoping that having a surprise at the end of this pregnancy will help give me some extra motivation during childbirth ;) that moment of "It's a boy!" Or "It's a girl!" Will be amazing.
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  • TheRedHeatherTheRedHeather member
    mellymar said:

    I'm also team green and have gotten crap from friends and my parents alike for not knowing the sex of baby. All pregnancy long a friend has complained about it, and my mom used to gripe about it constantly ("but I won't know what to buy!") but now that I'm getting near the end she has mellowed out. She ended up purchasing my car seat, obviously she was able to buy something without knowing the sex.

    Bottom line - it's your baby, its your call. If you want to wait for the surprise, do it, and family be damned. They can still buy you things for your shower without needing to know the sex. The stuff you need isn't gender specific anyway (carseat, stroller, crib, diapers, bottles, etc). Andplusalso, are you going to make all of your parenting decisions based on what family wants? What if they don't like your name? What if they don't like your parenting style? May as well establish yourselves as a team making decisions without their pressure now.

    Also, I'm all for marital harmony, so you and DH should agree on being team green or not. But I would avoid one of you knowing the sex and the other not. I really doubt it could be kept secret. He would slip to someone - say 'he' or 'she' in conversation and the listener would pick up on that, and tell others, and the secret is out. Even if it managed to be a conspiracy and everybody kept the secret, that conversational slip may happen while he's talking to you.

    Being team green is fun (for us, anyway) but it should be something shared by you both, in my opinion. Good luck, whatever you decide!

    I wholeheartedly agree with this. I think you should be able to come to an agreement one way or the other. You are about to be parents together, after all. I just see it being slipped out and you being disappointed.
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