Overly attached?

GalLaura · April 2015

My lo is 21 months. I'm a SAHM. Lately my DH thinks he's overly attached. For example, in the morning when he wakes up, he just wants me. He is not happy until he is with me and wants nothing to do with his dad. I think it's because he is use to me in the am. Is there an attachment "issue" again around 21 months?

SharonB222 · April 2015

With a boy, isn't it a lifelong thing?

Simply because of personality, my DD (3.5 yrs) is not one to be "overly" attached (like DH) - she had minimal separation anxiety, but my DS is attached (like me) and has gone back and forth between mommy (mostly) and daddy (more than I'd thought) a couple times already (1.5 yrs) and has more significant separation anxiety. My DCP is WAHM and cares for her DS in addition to other children; her DS (3.5 yrs) is very attached to her and she has him "practicing" being away from her in social groups in preparation for preschool this Fall. That said, I believe she is parenting in a healthy way so I would not call it "overly" attached - very attached, yes. Sounds great that your DS is secure and happy with you. As long as he has times to occupy himself and be with others (doesn't have to be at his most insecure time, e.g. if he's not a morning person), then it's all good in my book. If DH wants morning time with DS, then DH will have to come up with something to interesting to DS...

PrimRoseMama · April 2015

GalLaura said:
My lo is 21 months. I'm a SAHM. Lately my DH thinks he's overly attached. For example, in the morning when he wakes up, he just wants me. He is not happy until he is with me and wants nothing to do with his dad. I think it's because he is use to me in the am. Is there an attachment "issue" again around 21 months?

Your husband is acting like a jerk. There is no such thing. If your son was a girl would he worry about this? I have a sneaking suspicion because you have a son that somehow his attachment to you is a problem?

There is nothing wrong with being attached to the primary care giver. Especially if your husband is angry & scolding him half the time-- which I kind of think is happening...

rspalding001 · April 2015

My daughter is 17 months and kind of going through the same thing. She wants to be held by me a lot and is less receptive to Dad. I thinks its just because Dad is not around as much. She is definitely happy to see Dad but when it comes to being held she prefers me for sure. I honestly think its normal and dont think there is a specific age (months) to worry more or less about it. It just kind of comes and goes. Id say just try to find time where your husband can have quality time with your LO and it will work itself out eventually.

MelanieBrilliant · April 2015

GalLaura said:
For example, in the morning when he wakes up, he just wants me. He is not happy until he is with me and wants nothing to do with his dad.

Sounds like a completely normal behavior to me

Designermomma · April 2015

There is no problem with it. He's probably jealous and has hurt feelings. Is LO more receptive in the evening? Could he put LO to bed? Both my boys were the opposite. They love their daddy and reach for him whenever they see him. I think it's because he babys them. I give the medicine, trim the nails, suck out the nose etc. He just feeds and cuddles. I'm fine with it because I get plenty of cuddle time during the day. Now my oldest son prefers me because my husband is a little impatient and strict on him. It's a balance and constantly changing. If it really bothers your husband (feeling left out) see if you can modify something so he can be more involved.

gigglesgufaw · April 2015

I think all kids go through a period of preferring one caregiver over another and I totally agree that it's probably because you see him more often. My LO is 13 months and I would say for the past 2-3 months, she definitely wants me more than my husband.

My pediatrician said this was totally normal and from everything I've read, it's part of them growing up and exerting their independence and making their own choices. My understanding is that this may happen at different times and it may swing. There may come a time when your husband is the one who is "chosen".

It's important for your husband and son to do things together one on one so your husband isn't feeling totally isolated. But I also think it's tough on those of us who are preferred because we're stuck doing everything during these times. Talk about exhausting!

Keep your chin up - as they say, this too shall pass!

SharonB222 · April 2015

At the restaurant yesterday I passed my near 17-mo DS to my DH so I could pay. I was focused on the cashier (and my DD) and DH told me later than DS ran down the hall, collapsed on the ground and had a tantrum. DS picked himself up and came back to find me. What a love. BTW - My DH is very involved with the kids (he cares for them 3 afternoons a week) but I'm still momma.

spank705 · May 2015

Ya my husband used to say the same thing but I had to make him understand that I'm his mom who is always there for him. My husband is great but has to be gone for work alot. He's in the army. It takes our one year old time to warm up again. Babies thrive on routine and familiar.

cattlebride · May 2015

My dd is 15 months and is the exact same way. Babies/toddlers are supposed to be attched you, youre their mommy and they know instinctively that you care for them more than anyone else in the world

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