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September 2015 Moms
Megan&Chris2013
member
husband going out drinking
Megan&Chris2013
member
I get really upset when my husband goes out drinking with his friends (girls and boys) while I'm at home alone. Am I being unfair? I used to go out drinking a lot too before I got pregnant.
Re: husband going out drinking
I had a harder time with the first pregnancy. Nowadays I'm too busy and too tired to go out. The very thought makes me want to cry honestly.
I have my boy, my books, my Bible, my Netflix, and my kicking belly to keep me company! And as a mom who also works in children's ministry - time alone is ridiculously rare. I look forward to nights that I can put our 5 yr old to bed and be ALONE! Gloriously alone (insert maniacal laughter).
It would be unfair for any of us to tell you yes or no without doing a deeper dive look.
My husband does seem to get to go out more than I do but he makes effort to make plans whereas I'm almost always too tired (I'm a homebody). I usually do girls night every 2-3 months (and it's usually just craft night at someone's house - I'm so wild!!!).
He always talks to me before making plans. It isn't just his night that is being affected when he goes to a concert or a game or a PPV or poker night with the guys. It affects my night, too, and we're a team here. 9 times out of 10 I could care less if he goes out as it's usually just once or twice a month. I value having a quiet evening to myself after kids are in bed, to watch a chick flick or paint my nails or read sometimes.
But if it bothers me? I tell him. I would have no one to blame but myself if I didn't speak up about something that was bothering me.
I'll pick up my partner some beers and invite our friends over for a BBQ occasionally. It's a more comfortable situation for me than a pub and I don't feel left out. It's a nice compromise.
My husband has a weekend side gig in the bar industry and also goes out a lot. He doesn't want me around on nights he's working (I'm a huge adorable distraction!), but during the week he often hangs out at his bar to watch Jeopardy (we don't have a tv) and socialize with his friends and regulars. Sometimes, if I know he's there, I'll stop by right after work and have a mock tail while we works on a beer. He LOVES it when I join him, but he also knows and accepts I rarely have the energy to join him these days. It was a bit of a battle at first....because hey, baby making IS exhausting! However, we worked it out. He enjoys the pre Daddyhood guy time. He has also admitted that this is his was of coping with this HUGE change coming in our lives.
So....OP.....while you don't have to join him all the time, join him once or twice. Order a delicious mocktail.....my current go-to is pineapple juice with a splash of grenadine, so you'll feel more included than if you're just drinking water. And drive your own car, so that if you tire out, you're not stuck at the pub. Also.....if his friends get to know you, they will be waaaay more likely to push him to do the right thing when the situation calls for it.
What bothered me is that I would have to deal with a drunk guy when he got home.
SO we had a conversation and agreed that he can drink as much as he wants, so long as he drinks a full glass of water after each beer (he only drinks beer). This not only helps him to not get dehydrated, but it slows his pace with his friends ( who outweigh him by at least 60lbs and can handle a lot more beer easily one of them owns a bar lol) AND he can still be social without getting drunk:-)
This also doesn't call attention to him with his buddies because he's still drinking out of a pint glass, just filled with water every other time;-)!
I just don't believe that having children means your fun has to stop. I get angry when our friends use their kids as an excuse to not go out. Family time is important, but so is time as a couple doing adult things. My parents had regular nights out when I was younger... and sometimes they even got drunk GASP! (They were always safe and of course so were we!) I love when I look back now, and can appreciate they had a relationship of their own, seperate from us kids!