Advice: telling your best friend and getting the opposite reaction you thought

bb89012 · May 2015

My best friend of 20 years, we are across the country from each other and I wanted to wait until THIS THURSDAY when I get my first US, to show her over video and SEE her reaction.

But today she pulled it out of me, her reaction was not what I was expecting and wanted. I'm sure this is just the first of getting less than positive reactions, but the fact that it's from my best friend I don't really know how to handle it.

She has always told me she believes my husband and I, still need to just 'wait'....

I tried to ask her to video chat so I could see her reaction, and she said she just would rather find out over message, so she can 'process' it.

*Also, she knows the process hasn't been as easy for us as we would have liked it to be.

Any advice?

sbost0118 · May 2015

Sounds like she's putting her own baggage onto your situation. Like maybe she's not ready for the next chapter. Or maybe she never thought you and your DH would make it and doesn't want you to go there with him? Maybe she just misses how close the two of you used to be and is jealous of one more thing that puts your family ahead of her in your life? You probably know her well enough to figure it out. Either way, she's acting kinda weird about it if you ask me. She needs to "process" it? She's either very self-involved or there's some history here that's got her acting weird about it.

ariyanas1mom · May 2015

Does she have kids? If not, maybe she's jealous?

Elizabella85 · May 2015

Is she in a serious relationship? Does she have kids?

Could she be struggling with infertility and not telling you (many women don't share, even with their closest friends), or she is having trouble processing because she knows your life is changing forever and she is being left behind in a way if she doesn't have kids and none in the immediate future. Just some possibilities.

I'm so sorry that she wasn't excited for you during this special time, it really hurts. Perhaps she'll come around once she processes?

yl1m32015 · May 2015

My best friend of 15 years had a very disappointing reaction as well. I told her a month ago I was pregnant again after my mc and very scared and anxious...it's been a month, no word from her. We used to talk everyday and now she hasn't said a word since finding out. It's so upsetting. I thought she'd be there for me, but apparently she is just in a different place in life than I am. She's single, hates her job and has s bad family life, so I guess it's easier for her to avoid me than be happy for me. It sucks, I totally understand that you're going through.

kmac103 · May 2015

When I told my best friend I expected her to be angry with me. (She told me that my husband and I needed to live together before we got married to be sure we loved each other so I'm used to unsupportive comments from her lol.) She's in a not-so-great marriage and with a man that hates children so she acts as though she hates children too. I was pleasantly surprised that she was actually thrilled for me! She's even bought me baby gifts already.

That being said, I am sure your friend just thinks she's going to get put on the back burner now. One of my oldest friends got a pregnant and completely pulled away from everyone. It would make me worried if one of my best friends got pregnant again because I don't like losing my lifelong partners in crime! I would suggest reaching out and talking to her. Maybe you caught her on a bad day or she needs to warm up to the idea. I don't know.. I'm sorry you have to deal with this!!

amandaluv5 · May 2015

My "best friend" pretty much wrote me off.. She and I have no contact with each other since I have become pregnant.. She Doesn't respond to half my text messages and we just got into a huge fight about it the other day and got nothing back from her and I'm not saying sorry this time I'm tired of getting the shaft because I'm pregnant..?? She also doesn't like that I have changed since being with my boyfriend.. Let's see I now have a house a good paying job and I'm saving for a new car but becaus I can't meet her needs all the time she is mad at me now.. I was down to nothing u would think she would be proud of me but no one is

nicolepaulsen · May 2015

I got a similiar reaction from one of my closest friends of 14 years. I didnt expect it, but kinda should have looking back. She doesnt want anymore kids, and the fact that i'm having more (this will be my second baby since she had her last), I think in her mind it just puts us at different places in our lives. We dont hang out or talk as much as we used to, and this pregnancy has only made that more obvious. I dont really have any advice I guess...im just gonna hope she comes around, and try not to worry too much about it right now. I could really use her support right now, but im not going to guilt her into being there for me, if she comes around, great, if not, well i'll be disappointed, but i'll be ok.

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