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July 2015 Moms
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too many visitors

brittanykal110brittanykal110 member
in July 2015 Moms
Does anyone else live away from extended family who plans to visit for a while after the baby comes? I have my mother coming for the first week after baby comes, father in law and brother in law coming for a week right after that, then mother in law for a week or so, then my step mom and dad for a little over a week, then my grandparents are coming out for a week. I feel annoyed already. This is way too many people, I just wish there was a way to tell them that I want to be alone with baby.

And on top of this, we are moving into our new house 6 weeks before I'm due so it will probably still be a mess when they all come.
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Re: too many visitors

  • asherkasherk member
    Just tell them that you want to be alone with baby, and you'll let them know when a good time to visit is. My out of state family was pretty understanding of this, but I did have to tell them to wait until we were settled in with the baby until we have visitors. Some people just get excited about seeing the baby and don't think about how overwhelming it could be for you.
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  • ktyrd007ktyrd007 member
    I'm sure your family doesn't expect you to "host" them the way you might normally do. Offer to book then into a local hotel for them to stay at, that way they aren't in your way 24/7 but you still have their support during the days. Especially since it will be a new house that you won't have set up yet!

    Typically (at least in my family/friends circle) when family stays over after a baby it's to help, not to mooch, so set the expectations now so neither party is upset or overwhelmed when baby arrives. Having many hands around to help you, cook, clean up, etc might be a good thing!
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  • CANTW82BMOMCANTW82BMOM member
    My MIL lives in SC and we live in NJ. She wanted to come up before my due date and stay until whenever because she's "free as a bird" as she likes to put it now that she's retired. This is our first baby and I want to spend some time alone with him as well. We told her that she could come up 2 weeks after our due date and stay for 10 days. (Even that's a stretch for me because I'm only taking 8 weeks for maternity leave). Anyway, she got pissed and tried to give my husband this whole guilt trip about it. Don't get me wrong, I understand that people want to see the new baby as soon as possible, but what I don't understand is why people are so inconsiderate when it comes to the wishes of the parents. I just feel like this is our time to be selfish. If you don't want people there every week for the first six weeks who can blame you? I say tell them they need to hold off until you're settled. Good luck.
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  • expletive babyexpletive baby member
    Don't be afraid to say no. Don't be afraid to ask them to do chores around the house. Set the expectation NOW that if they are going to stay in the house it's to help you and your husband, not just to coo over the baby. Ideally, they should be helping you with cleaning, cooking and other work so you can settle into a routine. But don't be afraid to use them to watch the baby when you're feeling overwhelmed and need a long shower.

    Because you will feel overwhelmed and in need of a long shower.

    If they don't like your rules, they can stay in a hotel, come over for an hour a day and bring food. Possibly beer. 

    All of our extended family live elsewhere, so I have my mom coming for two weeks right around the birth and my MIL coming three weeks later. I've learned to take advantage of these visits, especially with my MIL since she is not my favorite houseguest but can be helpful with cleaning and now wrangling the first kid.
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  • AziaNickAziaNick member
    My brother is coming first and then my parents and then my inlaws. They said they want to take turns haha, each is staying for about a week. We just told them that we appreciate the help BUT please be aware that it would be hard for us to entertain and things like that since I will be recovering and we will just be new parents. We also explained to them that we would like time with the baby ourselves and we would need helps only with upkeeping the place (cleaning, cooking, etc.) and we would LOVE there help with baby as well but be aware that we are new parents and we want to figure out some stuff on our own. :D they all understood and said that they would make it not as stressful and I trust them. I would explain to your family what you guys want and need. Explain to them that you don't want to feel overwhelmed and that you will be just moved in. I don't know if your family bought tickets or not already and maybe they can stay shorter, or come a different time (spread out More) like maybe once a month. But definitely talk to them. :D good luck
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  • ashleytiffashleytiff member
    That sounds like my nightmares.
    My MIL wants to come stay with us right away and I told my husband that I don't want any visitors because he only has a limited time off work and I want him to be able to bond with his son with out a grabby grandma around.

    Then his best friend wants to stay with us too, even though she didn't care much for me before the pregnancy.

    I don't want to be stuck at home entertaining his mom and his best friend.
    If anyone I want my own mom around.

    My mom is going to be here when my son is born but will be leaving the next day since she works. She'll probably come down for a weekend but not til I invite her because she knows I don't want to be bombarded.

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  • DrHollyDrHolly member
    ha my sister had to put the phone down on me she was so cross when I said we didn't want anyone to visit us for the first 2 months. she thought DH was trying to stop me from getting help. but it was more that we didn't want everyone else's helpful advice, while we were trying to figure things out as a new family. Relatives can be so demanding! Have now negotiated a visit 3 weeks after due date and not actually staying with us. fingers crossed there are no arguments or awkward moments...
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  • JennyJensingJennyJensing member
    I'm not sure what I would've done without my mom the first few weeks, but DH didn't stay home after baby came, so I needed the help. Other visitors, I could've cared less. I would just make it clear that you will do what you have to do while they are there and that you will not be able to entertain or cook for them, etc.
    First came love, then came marriage - Oct 31, 09
    Then came a miscarriage March '11
    Then came a baby in the baby carriage May 16, 12

    Waiting on our second little peanut!
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  • Knottie99627423Knottie99627423 member
    edited May 2015
    Ohh, you know what may help everyone? Start making a giant list of all of the things at your new house that you want to/need to get done that you may not be able to because of timing with the baby. I bet the guys especially would LOVE some specific tasks that they can tackle. Like...hang the towel rack. And maybe the ladies could do some things they would enjoy. Grocery shop for you. Pick up the items you ordered online from Target. I realize im totally assigning gender roles here but....you know what i mean...right? They will want to help you but the reality is there probably isn't a whole lot they can do as far as the baby goes.
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