delivery room ettiquete

LittleFox2015 · May 2015

Both our families live two hours away. My dh and I want to have an intimate delivery Just the two of us. Plus a few days at home together. We arent sure how to relay this to family members who might not understand or agree with this. We know we will have some who argue with us. Would it be tacky to put some sort of expectations down to give everyone? How is everyone else dealing with this?

HaleyFaye · May 2015

It's YOUR delivery, and you should know what you want and be unapologetic about it. Your family can deal with your decision. Just for clarification, you mean you want just you two in the room, right? Can your family wait at the hospital and see your and the baby afterwards for a little bit? Either way, it's your call and you totally get 100% every right to have exactly what you want when it comes to who's in the room.

prairiedreams · May 2015

Fight for what you want, and have no regrets. My DH and I were alone for delivery - a few family and friends came the next day to the hospital for a quick visit. But the trouble started when my in-laws decided to drive three hours to see us after we got home. (There is a lot of bad history) I wish we had just said no and kept that time to ourselves.

All that to say no real advice but I blamed things on the hospital/dr and nurse suggestions as reasons to say no to certain things- like long hospital visits.

mmiller213 · May 2015

I want that too but I think once our son is born I'm not going to be able to control my husband excitement. He's going to be telling anyone that will listen lol.

LittleFox2015 · May 2015

With both of our parents having to travel down to see the baby. We were hoping to deliver just the two of us and then just the three of us at home for a day or two before the relatives descend to stay at our house.

Kimk1616 · May 2015

My parents live 16 hours away and want to leave as soon as they hear I'm going in to labor and then stay for 1-2 weeks. My mom wants to be in the delivery room. Nope, not going to happen. Just me and DH. So they might not get a call until our baby is born to ensure we have some time alone before they come. It seems kind of mean but it's also disrespectful just to show up knowing you were asked to delay your visit. Stand up for what you want!

brandimc0725 · May 2015

IMO it's not tacky at all. After giving birth I think you should be allowed to take as much as you want/need. Don't be afraid to let people know what your plans are. We are in the same boat. My DH has a very large family and when DD was born we had people I didn't even know stopping by. We also had some of his family coming to our house after they new we didn't want visitors. We decided this time around to keep quiet when the time comes (except for my parents who will keep our DDs). We have also told my MIL that we would like to hold off on visitors, with the exception of grandparents, for a couple weeks to let our toddler get adjusted so that she can pass it on to the rest of the family. Hopefully our family will respect our wishes. Good luck!

kat+1 · May 2015

We decided with DS that we wouldn't tell anyone we were in the hospital or that DS was born untill 24 hours after he was born. That way it gave us our time. Just make sure you tell all the important people that you want this time to bond. My mother threaten to show up during labour, so I told her I would have the L&D nurses on the look out for her and have her escorted out of the hospital if she didn't respect my wishes. Hopefully you won't have to go that far but be ready for those who don't understand why you need this.

Kwest1007 · May 2015

The hospital I'm delivering at, you can tell the front desk if you want visitors, a list of certain visitors or open doors. I think we may wait til baby is here to tell ppl n then only allow very few to the hospital (and be sure family is aware of this; that way we've told them ahead of time and those who don't get it (respect it), they will get stopped by desk). I've also been spreading word that once we are home, we want some time to adjust to being a family at home and prefer very little company. We don't want any random drop ins and are asking ppl to call first and to respect it if we say it's not a good time. Bringing home a little one for the first time can be overwhelming and since we get very little time with our LO before going back to work, we want that time to bond.

Shine2015 · May 2015

Dh and I have not discussed this yet, but after what happened when Ds was born, I am hoping to not tell his side of the family we are even at the hospital until after the baby is born. My family will know as I am hoping to have my mom with me again if possible. Someone else would have to be available though to watch DS.

lifesabeach85 · May 2015

As they say, it's easier to beg forgiveness than ask permission. If you think family would make a big stink or possibly go against your wishes, I'd wait until you're ready to see them before even telling them you have a baby - they'll forgive you when they meet your beautiful child.

fionalouise007 · May 2015

I'd check your hospital's policy. Our hospital only has 2 x 2hr windows for visitors per day.. So I'm not too worried about family knowing we are in labour. If anything we will say to them "Hey we are heading to the hospital because we think this is it.. We'll let you know when we have news, but if you don't hear from us don't stress.." Once the baby is here we'll let them know and they can plan to visit in the next visiting period which depending on what time bub arrives could be the next day.. (Fingers crossed for that scenario!) it all depends on hospital policy though. They can show up.. But they might not be let in!

kettlekitten · May 2015

As far as I'm concerned... This time is about YOU, your husband, your baby. Not anyone else. Anyone else who wants to be in the delivery room with you does NOT get a say. From there on in, you call the shots about who gets to visit and when. It can be a very difficult and fragile time for first time parents. I didn't have visitors (other than my parents) for a good couple of weeks. Certainly none while I was in the hospital as I was always (a) half naked or (b) crying!!

strauber · May 2015

I am having my in laws, who thankfully have a 2 day drive to get here, stay with my parents. I need time at home alone with the babe and my husband. What I don't need is hovering judgement. We all need a chance to screw this up and figure it out on our own for a bit.

Rabbi · May 2015

I agree with all previous advice. This is your time with your husband and your new baby. No one else gets to choose when they "deserve" to be there. At least you have a few hours of drive time between you and the family- all of our family (minus my sister in law) lives within 15 minutes of us. We are planning on getting to the hospital, calling me mom if I need her, and then waiting a while to call the rest of the parents so we can have time with just me the baby and my husband. You and your husband made the kid and you are pushing it out of your body....I think that your wishes ultimately trump everyone else's.

Snooches07 · May 2015

My immediate family doesn't live close to me and my in laws haven't always seen me as a peach, so when we had our first we didn't tell anyone on his side until my labor was going a little longer than we thought and we needed someone to go and take care of our dog. His mom insisted on coming to the hospital to "see" us before we had baby. I told the nurses that until I gave the ok we were to have absolutely ZERO visitors, no matter who they said they were. They placed a sign outside my door stating no visitors and the LDRP floor is locked so you do have to be buzzed in. Needless to say she didn't show up until after baby was born.

I'm curious as to what will happen this time around since we need someone to be on call for our daughter. But we are thinking of asking my cousins so that way we don't have to say anything to his family until after the baby is born.

SantistevanMommie · May 2015

My fiancé and I decided that it'll be me him and my aunt in the room so she can take pics of the special moments. But after that no one is allowed in the room for 2 hrs. After that anyone who wants to can come see baby. And I'll be making that very clear to both sides of the family.

chavemann10 · May 2015

Yahoo just had something on this. Read this article!

https://www.popsugar.com/moms/Visitors-Hospital-After-Birth-37453456

SKLLH23 · May 2015

To help the process, you should express your desires well in advance so your family aren't making one set of plans while you make a different set, especially since the two plans are likely to conflict.

There's lots of talk of birth plans, and I see nothing wrong with sharing your "First Days Plan", complete with who will be on the visitors list and when they can expect to have the opportunity to see you and the new baby. If you have a postpartum doula, she could help with fulfilling that plan, or find a rock-solid best friend who is willing to play defense ("Come stay with me. You'll sleep so much better. I insist.") if uninvited visitors start trying to show up and/or move in.

AshK1027 · May 2015

Husband and I already know what we want, however we're not sharing our "visitor" plan with either of our families until much later in the pregnancy. I don't want to have to spend extra time justifying, explaining, or negotiating!

stow2009 · May 2015

AshK1027 said:
Husband and I already know what we want, however we're not sharing our "visitor" plan with either of our families until much later in the pregnancy. I don't want to have to spend extra time justifying, explaining, or negotiating!

This is such a good plan. The more I have shared, the more I have wished I hadn't. What we think we will have them call people, how we might parent, what the nursery will look like...it's all just going to be shared as late as possible!

Starynightsky24 · May 2015

I sent a group message to both sides (different messages) when I was 36 weeks with DS that we would
Call them when we left
Call them shortly after he was here
Then call when we were ready for visitors.

I added that stress prolongs labor and I'd rather not have the stress of people waiting at the hospital.

My family understood and was fine

My inlaws though... Nope. They were mad, and said they "deserved to be there". Luckily my DH is amazing and kept telling them they had to wait or else we just wouldn't tell them.

Luckily for us my labor was so short we didn't have time for any messages other than the birth announcement. By the time we got it out visiting hours were over so we got that first night alone... Which I'm SO thankful for.

This time I'm not telling anyone at all till I want to (even if that's hours after she's born) and I don't care what anyone thinks because I know I'll never regret that bonding time with DD.

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