Not doing so well

allyb918 · May 2015

a ton of my friends who are new moms are posting pictures and stories about how much they love being a mom and it's the best thing ever and they have so much love for their babies and they're just so happy. Don't get me wrong, I love my baby girl more than anything, but it's just really hard. I feel like I'm the only one struggling. I feel very strongly about breast feeding but for reasons a mile long, I have to exclusively pump. It's so hard to keep this up. I feel like I'm attached to the pump and am completely useless for like 20 minutes. Sometimes if i forget to pump or don't have a bottle ready I have to sit there and let her cry uncontrollably because she's hungry and i have to pump. Another thing is that I still live with my mom and she's an amazing help. But I feel like shit every time I give my baby to her because I feel like I'm just passing her off. I already have gotten quite a bit of comments about how "easy my life is" because I still live here. It just makes me feel like even worse of a mom. And on top of everything I'm sitting here typing this crying and sick in bed because I have clogged milk ducts that are causing me to be feverish and have the body aches and chills. This is the second time I've had this and baby is only 2 1/2 weeks old. The first time was the entire first week home because I was trying to exclusively pump with a manual pump... I want to transition her back to my breast because it'll be so much easier on me but it's so hard to do because she's gotten used to the bottle but I know it can be done. I guess this is just my rant about how I don't feel the lovey happy magical bond with baby because I'm so stressed about everything else.

kaynix21 · May 2015

So sorry love! You're doing great! Everything is so new... It'll balance out soon! Having your mom take the baby for a bit is great -- everyone needs a break, whether a parent, spouses or friend is giving them a little break -- it doesn't matter!

bean8213 · May 2015

No one is going to broadcast on social media that they aren't doing well, so take those posts with a grain of salt. Everyone is struggling with something (or a lot of things).

That said, if you truly feel that things are too tough and you are really struggling, call your doctor. PPD is a real and intense thing... And can be treated pretty easily.

brookew86 · May 2015

It's only been 2 1/2 weeks. A lot of moms have a hard time with breastfeeding. I've heard of women who have said that it took several weeks before they had breastfeeding down. I tried to breastfeed the first time around, but I had issues and my DD ended up a formula fed baby. From what I understand about breastfeeding - time is what you need if you want to stick it out, and things will get better.

And I completely understand living with parents. When I gave birth to my DD I was in between my parents house and my DH's parents house (he was my BF a the time). I had a lot of help in those first few weeks from my mom, and then when I moved into DH's parents house I had a lot of help from MIL. Yes, it was much easier because I lived with women willing to help me. It's not a bad thing, though. I learned a lot in the first year of DD's life with someone there who had gone through motherhood before me - I also learned a lot of what I didn't want to do that my parents (or his) did, too.

We moved out a year and a half later and we've never been happier, but I do appreciate some of the good that came out of having family there to help me with my firstborn. Eventually, you will get into a rhythm, but it won't be for a while. You just have to take it one minute at a time, one hour at a time, and then one day at a time.

jame1380 · May 2015

I am kind of going through the same thing. My parents live 14 hours away and have been here since the day we left the hospital. I feel like I haven't really gotten that bonding time with him yet. Obviously they want to spend time with him when they can. He is 2 weeks tomorrow.

Breastfeeding....I already want to quit. We were in a pretty good routine for the first week home then it all went down hill quickly. He nurses for 45 minutes to an hour everytime on both breasts. Then an hour to an hour and a half later, he is ready to eat again. All I do is nurse him. It doesn't help that every time someone comes over to see the new baby, he wants to eat. They hold him for a bit then I go in the other room to nurse while they visit with my BF and parents. Breast feeding now makes me feel almost antisocial.

I love my son more than anything but I don't have that over the moon feeling that I am seeing from my friends and their new babies on Facebook either. It makes me feel like an awful mom! I don't think I'm PPD. I think I just absolutely hate breastfeeding but I might be a little PPD.

I know how you feel exactly!! Stay strong! One thing that might help with transitioning back to breast is a nipple shield. I need one to nurse because he tongue thrusts and can't keep my nipple in his mouth. With the nipple shield, he goes between bottle and breast easily.

klaG101 · May 2015

Don't let others happiness get you down, like PP said everyone else is of course gunna be posting all sunshine and rainbows but everyone has problems adjusting at first. Try not to stress so much about not breast feeding, even tho pumping can be a pain in the butt your baby is still getting all that good milk!!! I had cellulitis after having my daughter and I had to pump and dump because of the antibiotics I was on, it was so painful pumping with my breast having cellulitis. I hope you feel better soon!

NanSee3 · May 2015

I just had my 3rd baby and THIS IS THE FIRST TIME that I've felt that intoxicating-instant-in-love feeling. I loved my babies and enjoyed them immediately but this time it is different...stronger, faster bonding. I don't know why. My point is that the feelings will come and I don't think you can control when and how so don't beat yourself up! Also, for me, I've never been able to breastfeed exclusively but am hoping to this time. I've had to supplement with formula with each baby because they are so small. Pediatrician did tell me today to still offer her the breast first even if she screams so that eventually she will latch correctly 100% of time. I hope that helps. Ultimately, if formula works better for you and baby, then revisit that idea.

NanSee3 · May 2015

Also, I used the Lactation Consultants at the hospital (even after I came home with baby) with each baby. They really are helpful! They also have a tubing device that you could connect to your breast and then your milk supply (pumped milk) so that baby is getting milk at your breast. That might be a helpful tool for you right now.

kristaelaine86 · May 2015

Just wanted to say that I'm thinking of you. I had mastitis so bad both times I breastfed. With my third I was hospitalized like four times in the first three months from it. I cried every night from sheer exhaustion. It's awful when you're not feeling your best and trying to adjust to looking after little one as well. The good news is after about three months (for me) it just got better. Breastfeeding doesn't come without its struggles but trust me when I say it gets better. I would consider seeing a lactation consultant if that's available to you. If nothing else for the support and reassurance that you're doing ok!

lola2bee · May 2015

I could have written your post with my last child. Exclusive pumping is HARD!! For me it sent me into a mild case of PPD. Talk to your doc about this right away. Once I got some help with the PPd I was able to regroup and transition out of pumping. Hoping the same for you!!! Virtual hugs!!

allyb918 · May 2015

God you guys are so wonderful! Everything you guys said made me tear up every time I read something new! I know it'll eventually get better so for now I just need to hang in there as much as possible. Love to all of you and your wonderful families!!

ali0608 · May 2015

Everyone has given you good advice, but I just wanted to say that I could have written this same post with my first son (except my mom stayed with me for 3 weeks instead of living with her). I kept waiting and waiting for this incredible love to occur, but I was always so stressed out with pumping and trying to breastfeed. I'm not sure where it happened, but he's 5 now and I love him to pieces. I just didn't have that instant love that I thought I would have. I think a lot more people feel the same as you, but hide their feelings because it's not what people want to hear (especially on Facebook).

Do the best you can with pumping. It really sucks. I swore I wouldn't do it this time around and that formula would be fine if breastfeeding didn't work.

Gotta go! Hungry crying baby!!! Good luck!

Megaphone2752 · May 2015

Breastfeeding is hard! My mom is a lactation consultant and I've had all her help and it's still overwhelming. My DD was premature, so at first I had to feed, give her a bottle, and then pump. I hated the pumping too because I felt so tied down. I got a pumping bra after a few days and that made it MUCH better! It's still really hard to hold baby if she cries while pumping, but at least you can eat or do emails or something while you're waiting.

marthaudani · May 2015

Give it some time. That's the best advice I've ever gotten about breastfeeding.

When I had my daughter she was a late term preemie and had a hard time latching. It would break my heart when she wouldn't latch and I would feel like a huge failure every time I had to pump. Eventually she got stronger and hungrier and learned to latch well and I ended up breastfeeding her for 10 months until I went back to work.

It's funny because through the whole breastfeeding difficulty I learned to be a more patient person. Little did I know that it would be one of the most important traits I ever had as a mom. Our littles teach us the biggest lessons.

It will get easier. Your heart will get full again. Just give it time.

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