1st Post- Intro & tough day

jmak5 · May 2015

Hey everyone,
I've been "lurking" for awhile now and have almost posted several times. I guess today I'm finally ready. I'm 31 and my husband (33) and I have been TTC for 5 months. This journey has been much more challenging for me than I ever expected. This morning AF came and because it's Mother's Day, it feels even worse and I didn't think that was possible. I was extra hopeful this month because it fell on today. I think I went into this whole process a bit naive because all my good friends had no trouble TTC and my periods are very regular, so I figured it would be easy. Since January, I've learned a lot- thanks in part to many of you. The last three months I've used the FF app for temping and I now use OPK and Preseed. I even went as far as drinking fertility tea. One thing that has really taken me by surprise is how hard it has become for me to hear of yet another pregnancy, receive another baby shower invite, or see my husband hold someone else's baby. I'm ashamed to admit this because as a teacher who has always loved children, I'm seeing something in myself that I've never seen. A couple weeks ago a single friend from college called and told me she's pregnant from a one night stand. This hit me really hard. I'm having trouble not focusing on everything and everyone keeps saying, " try not to stress or think about it." Don't you find that challenging when your day starts with temping and charting, taking pre-natal vitamins, peeing on sticks.. etc it seems the steps to optimize conception really make it hard to "not stress about it." I've been wanting to be a mother for a very long time but wasn't lucky enough to meet my husband until I was older. My own mother never really wanted children and I'm not that close with her. I've been looking forward to starting a family of my own and finally doing things the way I wish they were done for me. For those of you TTC longer than 5 months, I hope I don't seem disrespectful by being so down at this point in the process.

Thank you for reading and offering any advice or support you may have. Those of you that are already mom's- Happy Mother's Day!
~ Jill

paigeed · May 2015

I think all of your thoughts and feelings are valid and normal. It seems that everyone has ups and downs as far as emotions about the process go.

I don't have any advice, but just wanted to say in thinking of you. And really everyone today, because this is a particularly difficult day for those who are TTC and haven't been successful yet.

Welcome to the board and jump in more often.

27alex · May 2015

jmak5 said:
Hey everyone,
I've been "lurking" for awhile now and have almost posted several times. I guess today I'm finally ready. I'm 31 and my husband (33) and I have been TTC for 5 months. This journey has been much more challenging for me than I ever expected. This morning AF came and because it's Mother's Day, it feels even worse and I didn't think that was possible. I was extra hopeful this month because it fell on today. I think I went into this whole process a bit naive because all my good friends had no trouble TTC and my periods are very regular, so I figured it would be easy. Since January, I've learned a lot- thanks in part to many of you. The last three months I've used the FF app for temping and I now use OPK and Preseed. I even went as far as drinking fertility tea. One thing that has really taken me by surprise is how hard it has become for me to hear of yet another pregnancy, receive another baby shower invite, or see my husband hold someone else's baby. I'm ashamed to admit this because as a teacher who has always loved children, I'm seeing something in myself that I've never seen. A couple weeks ago a single friend from college called and told me she's pregnant from a one night stand. This hit me really hard. I'm having trouble not focusing on everything and everyone keeps saying, " try not to stress or think about it." Don't you find that challenging when your day starts with temping and charting, taking pre-natal vitamins, peeing on sticks.. etc it seems the steps to optimize conception really make it hard to "not stress about it." I've been wanting to be a mother for a very long time but wasn't lucky enough to meet my husband until I was older. My own mother never really wanted children and I'm not that close with her. I've been looking forward to starting a family of my own and finally doing things the way I wish they were done for me. For those of you TTC longer than 5 months, I hope I don't seem disrespectful by being so down at this point in the process.

Thank you for reading and offering any advice or support you may have. Those of you that are already mom's- Happy Mother's Day!
~ Jill

Welcome. And I'm truly sorry you're having a rough day.

But 5 months is by no means trouble trying to conceive. Also, define "irregular" for your period and maybe we can help.

jmak5 · May 2015

Thank you both for the welcome; I look forward to participating in more upcoming posts. @27Alex Luckily, I don't have irregular periods, which was one of the reasons I went into the process a bit naive when we started. Also do you know how to change the avatar icon? I uploaded a picture but it only changed it on my bump log in and in the community is still a picture of a man holding a baby! TIA!

Edit: I got it to work!

angc4 · May 2015

@27alex I think it says regular.

In which case, this seems like a vent and as @paigeed mentioned, it's a very valid vent! I agree with her also that you should jump in more, having this outlet to talk about things and experience the ups and downs with people who understand and are going through it as well, has been very helpful for me!
I am also at cycle 5 and have very regular periods so I am right here with you!
Fingers crossed for you, and all of us, and hoping that your day brightens up a bit!

27alex · May 2015

Whoops! Ha yes sorry misread that!!!

That helps thing. Have you considered temping? How have you been ensuring you're in your fertile window for these last 5 months?

Mamabeagle · May 2015

Welcome! I am sorry to hear you're feeling down, but hope that you stick around! I have learned a ton here in a few short days!

kmcc14 · May 2015

Welcome! I second the recommendation for temping. My first two cycles I only used OPKs, and I'm fairly certain that we were completely missing my window because I thought we were covered by having sex on the "peak" day. Temping is great for confirming ovulation and letting you know if your intercourse was well-timed.

cattlebride · May 2015

Welcome, and your feelings are probably in good company here. The waiting and frustration are tough, I'm right at 5 months too TTC. It took us 12 months for our first lo. Temping and charting help me deal with the frustration because then you feel like, well at least I'm doing everything I possibly can. Plus the gif parties from the lovely ladies on this site help you laugh a bit

. Good luck and fx for you!

jmak5 · May 2015

Thank you all for your kindness! First 2 months, I just used a calendar app and went by CM since I'm so regular- even to the hour! Last 3 months, thanks to "lurking" (what a creepy word for it!! lol) I've been introduced to temping and using OPKs. Seems contradictory "not to think or worry about it" while doing all these things. It's definitely comforting to find you all in the same boat. It's been hard for my friends to relate since it came so quick to them.

27alex · May 2015

jmak5 said:
Thank you all for your kindness! First 2 months, I just used a calendar app and went by CM since I'm so regular- even to the hour! Last 3 months, thanks to "lurking" (what a creepy word for it!! lol) I've been introduced to temping and using OPKs. Seems contradictory "not to think or worry about it" while doing all these things. It's definitely comforting to find you all in the same boat. It's been hard for my friends to relate since it came so quick to them.

That's why you hang out with us! We all get it. I find it's better not to tell family and friends because they like to have an opinion.

CharmBombExplosion · May 2015

Hi and welcome!

mkorb29 · May 2015

I'm so glad you posted! It is a tough day, and we all get it. Like everyone else said, its a totally valid vent. 5 months isn't terribly long, and doesn't indicate any kind of problem, but it definitely doesn't make the wait any less stressful, or disappointing every time that bitch AF shows up!

Mel90412 · May 2015

Hello and welcome! You're in good company here! sounds like you're doing everything the ladies here recommend us to be doing! When you're feeling down, I think it helps to do things that maybe you couldn't do while pregnant or with a baby. AF = alcohol, shopping, pedicures, and sleeping in LATE on the weekends (for me!) I, like most of us, didn't anticipate, the whole 20% chance each month statistic. Stay with us on this journey

tabmb · May 2015

Hello and Welcome! Also very sorry to hear you're having a rough day. I'm pretty new here and am only on my first cycle off BC but the ladies here are amazing! I've learned so much already. Good luck to you and I hope your day starts to get better!

WishingHopingPraying27 · May 2015

Hi and welcome! I'm sorry to hear you're having a crappy day. Like PP said, it's totally valid, and most of us totally relate to feeling down about the process from time to time. Days like today are tough, but I second what @Mel90412 said. Drink some wine, take a nice, long, kid-free nap, and tomorrow, go do something fun like a pedicure! I just tell myself I need to enjoy things like that while I still can.

hope+joy+love · May 2015

I am sorry you are having a rough day. AF has had fun timing for me a couple times as well. Unfortunately I don't have any great advice for dealing with hearing about other pregnancies or staying positive. I am sometimes ashamed at how emotional I am over this whole thing. It's only cycle 4 for us so I know that's not along time but I can't help but think about the fact that this journey could be such a long road ahead. I have so many other things to be thankful for (cliche I know) so I try to focus on that instead and keep busy with friends and DH and working out etc. and when that doesn't work I eat chocolate drink beer and occasionally cry in the shower.

JP927 · May 2015

Welcome! Sorry to hear you're having a rough day. I'm on my 8th month TTC and I totally get where you're coming from. I started to feel depressed and worried at about 5 months TTC. As many of us succumb to doing, I was symptom spotting my first few cycles which made every BFN that much worse. Then my sis and SIL announced they were pregnant when we were 5 months into trying. That was my low point. These are some things that have helped me cope and get into a better mindset over the past few months (besides of course participating in this community which has helped a ton!). Maybe some would work for you, too:

1. Keep a journal. I especially use it when I'm having a bad day and want to vent and say all the angry, jealous things I can't speak out loud. Once it's off my chest I feel so much better.

2. I also copy down inspirational quotes and bible verses in my journal that I find uplifting and then can read when I'm feeling gloomy. We had a post about this recently, with some good ones to get you started: https://forums.thebump.com/discussion/12569180/favorite-inspirational-quote

3. Take on a fun new project, like scrapbooking your wedding photos, training for a road race, etc.. For me it was starting a vegetable garden. It keeps me busy and is very satisfying to get my hands dirty and having something beautiful come from it.

paigeed · May 2015

@JackieP927 I love your positivity in how you stay sane during the process! Great suggestions

didi0308 · May 2015

Hello and welcome! Sorry your having a tough day. Hope you find some comfort in the boards. Your feelings are valid and your in the right place!

sweetpoet · May 2015

Welcome from a fellow lurker!

Everycol0r · May 2015

Hello & welcome!!!

tinklerbelly · May 2015

Hello and welcome! I know how you're feeling, AF came for me too today. Chin up and back to the WTO boards for us!

Pmommy0416 · May 2015

Welcome! I am in tbe same boat! AF came this morning... Very unwelcomed! I am so sorry you're having a rough day. I wish you all the luck and definitely take the advice of these smart ladies!

JustLivinLife · May 2015

Welcome :-h

Thinking of you!!

Want a personalized experience?

1st Post- Intro & tough day

Re: 1st Post- Intro & tough day

Choose Another Board

Search Boards

Want a personalized experience?

1st Post- Intro & tough day

Re: 1st Post- Intro &amp; tough day

Choose Another Board

Search Boards

Re: 1st Post- Intro & tough day