Baby's father left at 22 weeks to go live with his new girlfriend. — The Bump
September 2015 Moms

Baby's father left at 22 weeks to go live with his new girlfriend.

My boyfriend and baby's father left with his son from a previous relationship to go live with a girl he had been dating the whole time I have been pregnant. I finally was able to talk to his ex and have found out that this is a pattern for him. I found out he is a twisted person. He even told me he had 2 other kids that were stillborn, after talking with the ex I found out they were not stillborn and they are actually alive and well. I am torn about what to do as far as child support. I am in the state of Florida and though it would be nice to get the support I am nothe sure I want to take the chance of him getting any custody of my son. It isn't that I don't want my son around him but I don't want my son to go to whatever girls house he is living with and her be taking care of my child. He works on the weekends so I know that is what would happen. I don't want my son to be seeing him with a bunch of different females. Does the court take that into consideration? Also, does anyone know how soon I can file?

Re: Baby's father left at 22 weeks to go live with his new girlfriend.

  • Oh wow I'm so sorry that he's done this to you & your having to go through this. What a pig he is. I'm not sure what advice I can give you as I'm in the UK. But I think your on the right track. Maybe go to citizens advice to see what they can implement now for you. If he has a habit of doing this chances are he will continue the pattern so your better without him. Just do what you feel is right for you & your baby. Sorry it's not more constructive advice & I wish you the best..
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  • eah325eah325 member
    You'll have to wait until paternity is established before you can try to seek child support. Paternity isn't typically established until after the baby is born. At that time, child support and parenting time is set out by a court.
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  • If you guys are communicating right not you can actual create a parenting plan and file it with the courts. He can also acknowledge paternity in said agreement. If you two can agree on things the courts will not force you into any specific arrangement.

    If it is left up to the courts you can always advise that he works weekends. His visitation does not have to be scheduled on weekends at this time. That only becomes an issue when the child is school aged as to not interrupt their school schedules, but for a baby, the day of the week wouldn't matter as much.

    Don't go into this blind. Seek out a family law attorney. They can range in prices. Check out avvo.com for reviews and to ask questions of licensed attorneys. Also you can check your local bar association to find an attorney. Good luck to you my darling. Be strong for your baby. I'm so sorry you are dealing with this. Happy Mother's Day!
    hatchback4g
  • It's unfortunate that you have to go thru this. However, you can't control who he brings your child around just like he can't control who you would bring the child around.

    Unless he is proven a danger to his other children or to your child at some point in the future, I suggest giving him a chance to be in the child's life and let his actions once your LO is here dictate the next steps. The fact that he left with his son to me shows something.

    The relationship with you is over, but it's too early to tell what his relationship with the LO will be.

    Regarding support, I would also look into the state enforcement laws and how they pertain to other states (i.e. If either of you leave the state).
  • Yea seek professional advice sooner than later and sadly you cant control his girlfiend issues which is sad that your baby might have to be around that. Be strong for your baby and you. You be the great example of what a parent is so your baby can see the difference. And also child support doesnt determine visitation..get it as soon as you can. Money will become an issue at some point believe me. I went through all that with my first
  • I'm so sorry this happened to you. That's an awful betrayal.
  • mlindonmlindon member
    State laws may differ so I can't speak for florida, but where I am from child support and visitation are two separate things. Your boyfriend can file for visitation after proving paternity regardless if you file for support. However if you receive any kind of state assistance the state will file for support against him.
  • I don't want to be judgemental but you didn't know any of this before getting pregnant? My husband has 2 baby mama's that are beyond ridicules and unfortunately I have no choice but to deal because it is what I signed up for. I find it odd you could have gone into this so blind. That being said we have custody of all of my husbands kids and I have custody of my son from a previous marriage. My ex also left me while pregnant because he decided he didn't want a family. States are much more pro father at this point so you have to be careful about slandering your ex while trying to fight for custody. It isn't an ideal situation but much like I tell my ex we wouldn't have these wonderful kids if we didn't have these exes in our lives. Each other is a piece of all their parents. See how the next half of your pregnancy goes involving him and make sure you write everything down. How he helped how he didn't and what appointments he missed and such. Seek legal advice and be prepared to have to share your baby with whoever he bring into their life. It is so hard and I feel for you but my best advice is be strong and not bitter. You got a wonderful gift and now protect them by making sure you know all your rights. Child support is a must... He wants the credit then he needs to support his baby!!!!
  • What a horrible place to be, and what a scumbag. I'm really sorry!

  • hatchback4ghatchback4g member
    edited May 2015
    While you may not be able to stop him from bringing other women around your children you may be able to stop him from leaving your child with them. In a friends custody agreement they had a stipulation that a child care provider had to be approved by both parents what way neither of them could leave baby with some random person or even thier new bf/gf. Like a PP said if you are talking to him, you can write up a visitation agreement on your own between the 2 of you and file it with the court. Usually support is a seperate issue but I'm not sure how that works in Florida. You may be able to include that in any agreement you two write up if you guys can agree to something.
    Editted to add: I'm sorry you're going through this :( It's awful when people aren't who we thought they were but you will get through this and move on to bigger and better things in your life with your child! Happy Mothers Day!

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  • I'm so sorry you're going through this.

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  • I am so sorry you are having to deal with this! I have posted elsewhere on this subject because I have strong feelings. People do change but you can't bank your child's health and safety on it - especially when it doesn't seem he has any desire to change at this point. I urge you to consult a lawyer and get the father to sign termination of parental rights forms. In the future if he wants to pay child support and be in the child's life you can evaluate his fitness and the choice will be yours.

    God bless you and your baby. Florida is a wonderful state and if you want details how I was witness for my friend and how she is surviving pretty well in Florida please PM me. I haven't figured PMimg out on the bump yet but I will! :-)
  • I just wanted to say I'm so sorry!!!! This situation sucks.
    But I bet you're tough. You will do whatever you have to. You will be there for your child. Praying for you- strength, determination, good judgement, fierce love for your baby. I'm so sorry you're in this place right now. You'll get through it.
    verveine407
  • I don't want to be judgemental but you didn't know any of this before getting pregnant? My husband has 2 baby mama's that are beyond ridicules and unfortunately I have no choice but to deal because it is what I signed up for. I find it odd you could have gone into this so blind. That being said we have custody of all of my husbands kids and I have custody of my son from a previous marriage. My ex also left me while pregnant because he decided he didn't want a family. States are much more pro father at this point so you have to be careful about slandering your ex while trying to fight for custody. It isn't an ideal situation but much like I tell my ex we wouldn't have these wonderful kids if we didn't have these exes in our lives. Each other is a piece of all their parents. See how the next half of your pregnancy goes involving him and make sure you write everything down. How he helped how he didn't and what appointments he missed and such. Seek legal advice and be prepared to have to share your baby with whoever he bring into their life. It is so hard and I feel for you but my best advice is be strong and not bitter. You got a wonderful gift and now protect them by making sure you know all your rights. Child support is a must... He wants the credit then he needs to support his baby!!!!

    I have a question. How would his attendance of appointments have any bearing on anything? Not every father can attend appointments maybe due to work or they just don't want to unless there is a medical concern. I have family and friends who's husbands/SOs/FIs that didn't attend some or every appointment. So I'm curious as how in this case it would factor.

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