How to get through Mother's Day??

Jeslanky · May 2015

I lost my 49 yr old mom this last summer. We/doctors didn't know she was deathly sick until the day she passed. I've been having a hard time these last few days bc its been on my mind. I've tried to keep myself busy, but it's been hard not to be a little bitter. I have a 4 yr old DS, he & his dad bought me a dozen of yellow roses (my moms favorite color) & gave them to me this morning. Of course I am grateful but I can't help but be so emotional. My mom was a single mother for most of her life & we were very close. My dad works out of town all the time, I get to see him a few times a year (if that) I heard that he was in town (just 10 mins away at a hotel)... after days of asking his side of the family for his number (bc he changed it) so I could see him while he is here, my cousin finally gave it to me. When I called him this morning he said he had planned to bring me & my mom flowers tomorrow, I asked him how long he has been in town he said 5 days & that he is leaving on Monday!! Then I asked when & how he planned on contacting me... he said he figured I was working during the week so that's why he didn't. (He knows where we live) but says he had the wrong number. Now I am lying in my bed & the tears won't stop. I feel soooooooo angry & I literally want to take a baseball bat to everything in the house. I just need to know how to stop feeling this way so I can enjoy this time with my DS & DH (who is not good at distracting me & making plans for us. I feel lost.

carleym93 · May 2015

Holidays without a parent are hard. I lost my dad 4 weeks ago suddenly, and I am already dreading Father's Day. Maybe it would help if you could do something in your mom's honor: plant flowers, random act of kindness, etc. I'm sorry about the situation with your dad, that isn't making it any better. Try to enjoy your day as a mother and mother to be.

Someday it may be nice to look back and see that you used those days to truly honor her memory and life.

hclzmm14 · May 2015

I think it's totally acceptable for you to be emotional and upset! You need to feel what you feel so that hopefully you can let the ragey feelings go and be left with fond, peaceful memories of your mama eventually. But it doesn't have to be today. I hope you can find someone this weekend you can talk about her with and how much you miss her.

EmEeGee · May 2015

I'm sorry about the loss of your mom. My mom passed when she was 47. These next few years will be hard, and it's ok to feel sad. Think about what would make your mom happy. Take your son to a park, go out for icecream or talk with someone close to you about good memories you had with her. It's really hard to not sit and dwell about how much you miss her, but try to honor her by celebrating the day somehow.

I'm sorry your dad is adding to a hard time for you. I don't have words of advice, but hope you can find a way to get through it.

And remember, tomorrow is about you, too! Do something for you even if it's just a nice warm bath and some extra dessert!

dkizz82 · May 2015

I don't know what to say except I am so sorry.

Jeslanky · May 2015

Thank you all, I am feeling a bit better. I was able to go visit her & take her gifts & talk a while. I really do appreciate all of your support. I plan on trying to enjoy a nice day out with my DS tomorrow to get my mind off of all this.

jenandbrett · May 2015

I'm so sorry. Mother's Day can be so painful. It's ok to be hurting and angry right now. Let the tears flow. You'll make it through tomorrow. I Promise...

Chryssa-72603 · May 2015

I completely know how you feel. My mom passed 2 1/2 years ago when she was only 58, and her death was also very sudden (cerebral hemorrhage). Like you, my mom and I were super, super close. She was absolutely my best friend. During the first year after she died, I thought I had totally prepared myself to get through all the really difficult days. She died the day before Thanksgiving, so the holidays were a total blur. I thought her birthday in February would be the hardest because it is the day after mine, so I really steeled myself for that one. That first Mother's Day came out of no where. I wasn't even thinking that it would be hard for some reason. Same with my dad. My parents were high school sweethearts and had been together for over 40 years. They were the true definition of soul mates. On that first Mother's Day, my dad and I got into a HUGE fight. We couldn't even be near each other. It was awful.

For me, now I just try to focus on my son, who is 4 1/2, and we will also make a big deal about the new baby when we celebrate tomorrow. I find that I need to resign myself to the fact that holidays and birthdays are going to be extra difficult. I just keep telling myself that it's going to be bad, but I will get through it. This seems to help. Since I expect it to be the worst, it usually ends up being not as bad as I thought it would be.

I'm really sorry that your dad is making it worse, but do remember that's it's ok to be emotional and upset. Having gotten through a couple of years of grief, I can tell you that it definitely does get more manageable. Some people will try to tell you that it gets easier over time, but that's just flat-out not true, and I'm sure you already know that. BUT that sharp edge of pain does dull a bit. It does get a little more bearable. It's not really that the pain lessens, but it's more like you figure out better ways to deal with it. And you need to figure out what works for you. What has worked for me might not be successful for you. I will say, though, that my son has been a total lifesaver for all of us. DH always says that DS is the strong one. He is truly the reason that my dad, my husband, and I have made it through the last 2 1/2 years as well as we have.

Jeslanky · May 2015

I definitely hate the fact that I know every single holiday will be full of such sadness. I feel bad for the people who I share those holidays with because I know I just bring everyone down. My mom passed just days before DS' s bday so that was definitely hard to deal with. DS will be 5 in July & he knows when I'm sad it's usually about her. He's very kind about it & tells me we'll see her again. I am beyond thankful for him. 5 months after, we found out we were expecting with this sweet baby girl. She definitely helps me cope because I feel that my mom sent her to me, she has made non holidays manageable. This would be her first granddaughter & we are naming her after my mama. Thanks again for all the kind words, It helps knowing that its okay to feel the way that I do.

mjpensyl · May 2015

I'm really sorry you are going through this.

I lost my dad when I was growing up & Father's Day is an extremely hard day each year.

If I were you, I would do something to honor your mom. Write her a letter. Tell her that you miss her. Let the tears flow. Talk to DH or someone about her, if you feel up to it. There's no right or wrong way to grieve. Some people do the opposite & try to stay busy on days like this. Just do what you can to make it through the day.

As for your dad, I'm really sorry you are going through that situation. It sounds like maybe he has issues of his own. I completely understand why you are upset. Maybe give it a few days and give your dad a call and see what's up. It's extremely hard to have someone you love so much hurt your feelings, especially when we are pregnant & have all these hormones flowing!

Also, take some time for yourself! Celebrate your own little family & your upcoming baby. Start a new tradition, go on a trip with your family, make a new meal...anything to celebrate you and your close loved ones! I hope you are feeling better soon!

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