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May 2015 Moms
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Sad & Alone! :-(

aln624aln624 member
in May 2015 Moms
Only 12 days to go and I'm feeling very sad...

I was super sick yesterday and my husband went to bed. Not that he could've done anything to make me feel better, but some moral support / compassion would've been nice. I was vomiting and crying and all he kept saying was "you need to calm down." He yelled at me when I didn't know what I wanted to drink or what I needed. I didn't know. I was just super sick, scared I was so dehydrated and in need of some hugs. Am I just hormonal?

Tomorrow is Mother's Day and while I haven't given birth yet, again it's only 12 days from now AND I am a step mother. I think I should get some sort of recognition. Am I being unreasonable?

I'm hot and uncomfortable and wanted ice cream from the local shop, but my husband doesn't feel like going (it's 1/2 mile away). This makes me mad / sad. I've NEVER had a craving that I've asked him to go out and get me, but even if I have, who cares!?! I just want something to help me feel better. If I hadnt already changed into pjs, was exhausted and super uncomfortable I'd go myself and even get him something. Is this too much to ask for at 9:30 at night?

I want some extra love or even just some love while I go through these final weeks. I hate feeling so sad and alone. Yes, I've told him and he just gets mad and calls me mean. Help!

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Re: Sad & Alone! :-(

  • seethebakerseethebaker member
    Men are big babies. I don't think u r unreasonable at all. Men don't even know how to take care of a sick person. It's stupid. My husbands like ..."what do u need?!?!?" I'm like .."figure it out!!!" Don't worry bout him. My husband told me he was uncomfortable today. Lol. And he also said I should be figuring out a way to get him some more sleep. Lol. Obviously he's lost his damn mind too. Apparently just having a pregnant spouse is too hard for them. Happy Mother's Day. I hope he shapes up at least tomorrow for u.
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  • krislynn20krislynn20 member
    Pregnancy at the end is exhausting! I don't think you're being unreasonable at all. Some men can be absent minded. I wish he just went and got ice cream for you, that was your one and only craving?? Man your hubby had it easy. I craved things ALL the time.

    You definitely deserve recognition! Hell you're already a mother to that baby inside your womb. Just because baby isn't on the outside doesn't mean you aren't already a mother. HAPPY MOTHERS DAY :D I hope your hubby steps it up for you. If not, know that your baby will be here soon. As soon as you see him/her for the first time you'll forget all the bad!
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  • TheEATheEA member
    Men are not caregivers, period. You have to tell them step by step what you need them to do. There are a few exceptions but they are few and far between. Believe my, my DH isn't one of them! Lol! Not to stick up for him, but he's probably feeling stressed now that you only have 12 days to go. Men can sometimes shut down their emotions when they are stressed out. That being said, you deserve much more care and sympathy than what he is giving you. And you very much so deserve recognition for Mother's Day!!
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  • marijaa333marijaa333 member
    The men in my life have been wonderful caregivers, as have the men in my husband's life.  I've also spent time with men who are not empathetic and have deep-rooted problems when it comes to being generous or helping others (7 years living with one--and this was the reason I left, and I now have a coworker who is socially awkward, stingy and generally miserable). 

    So, I don't think it's the entire male gender, but rather particular individuals. I also think that it's not so easy being male in this circumstance: society tells you that you must be strong and grin and bear it, but your life is also about to be turned upside down and the expectation is that you will be the solid rock for your family to rely on. 

    My suggestion is to first  approach this patience and kindness, and have a non-accusatory talk about why he's behaving this way; you might also want to ask someone else (like a guy friend who is a great husband and dad), someone he trusts and respects talk to him as well.  It is possible that he is feeling left out of the pregnancy and may be resentful that you need help and can ask for it but he can't despite also going through a major life change. It could be that he's afraid he's going to take a back seat to you and baby. These are legitimate concerns. I don't know if you have thought about the best co-parenting strategy for you two, but asking him if he has concerns, reassuring him you're still there for him and will be long after the kids leave the nest, and letting him know you are there to address anything that comes up for either of you together might be helpful. If he has otherwise been generous and caring to you, my guess is that he might be reacting to subconscious feelings and fears, and might not be aware of the effect it has on you. 

    If he's always been clueless and insensitive, then that's a different story. 

    I hope you work this out. And I hope you get your ice cream. :-) 
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