nature vs nurture and raising kids

virginiaunicorn11 · May 2015

In my marriage, it's taken DH and I this journey of almost 10 years to really learn who we are and what our needs are, and to plan our lives in a way that best accounts for our personalities (he needs routine, I need adventure) and also our life goals.

So this makes me think about nature vs nurture, and how LO will have his/her own little personality while DH and I will be projecting our own wishes on the kid... but hopefully keeping that in check.

So it's a very broad question, but what are your thoughts on this and parenting? Any STMs have a kid wildly different than you expected? Any FTMs also catch themselves imagining and already projecting LO's personality?

lovethatcolosun · May 2015

I believe in both nature and nurture. In my experience with DS I've noticed that he models a lot of his behaviors, manners, social interaction, frustration reaction etc around how DH and I do. I encouraged him to wave and say hi to strangers *gasp* and basically be friendly to everyone. The dangers of strangers can come later. I also live on a completely fenced in property and give him 2-5 minutes (depending on how mischievous he's acting that day) to explore without me calling out to him or searching for where he is. He's only pushed the boundaries of this one time, and learned his lesson. Anyway...I want a nice mix of free range parenting with some checks and balances. I want him to have the curiousity and bravery to explore and experience things without me needing to hover. Right now he has a good balance of both of us with his own level of sass mixed in. It's so much fun to watch his personality develop.

Sammy K · May 2015

What a great discussion to have! There are definitely personality traits DS has that were not taught. But kids are so impressionable, too. As long as he's happy, healthy, and kind to others, I think I am doing my job. I don't believe in helicopter parenting. My only goal for him is to grow into a good man.

I do know we can damage as much as nurture from my own experiences. So I am trying to raise my son differently than how I was raised. I think both play an important role and through our nurturing (or lack thereof) we can either bring out the best or the worst of what nature has already provided.

KaLikeAWind · May 2015

The gal who didn't know what an ewok was reminded me that I'm going to nurture the geek in my kid as much as possible. It shouldn't be too hard, since they are of course, highly impressionable - I don't think I'll have a problem getting my kid to like comic book hero's, iconic video game characters (think Link from Zelda games, etc) and its already been a tradition in my and DH's relationship to watch a Star Wars marathon every year on XMas. But I really do hope my kid loves that stuff as much as we do, and doesn't think its 'lame'

virginiaunicorn11 · May 2015

I really credit my father for driving me always to "succeed." But I would get all As and one A- and he'd be the one asking what happened with the A-. I can't decide if I like this perfectionism or if it's just too much of a burden/ cause for anxiety. I want my kid to be held to high (appropriate) standards but maybe more balance.

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