So my MIL called again...

LEGALLYblonde86 · May 2015

My lovely MIL called to talk to me about the baby shower. She had some reasonable questions and then when I asked her if she needed me to order the cards for the registry or if she needed to know where I was registered, she informed me that she will not be telling anyone where I am registered. I just said "Oh ok, I just know my aunt wanted to know so thought you might too". She explained to me that she thinks it is rude to have a registry, and that people should be allowed to buy what they want not what you ask for. Then went back to the whole cloth diapering and baby wearing thing to inform me that she doesn't want the family to know that I am doing that because they might think its weird. Plus, if people buy me stuff that I also get at my family's baby shower, then she can just keep it at her house so we don't have to worry about doubles, plus then she can set up a room for the baby at her house.

So we are having a baby shower for you??? And please tell me where you are going to have a nursery for the baby that will NOT be staying with you when you live in a 3 bedroom and all the rooms are taken by either you and FIL or my two 20 something BIL's?

There was the last straw for me, you will now have to talk to your son, I am officially ignoring your calls, texts and will ignore your facebook messages.

hclzmm14 · May 2015

I would just tell her it's YOUR shower and if you want people to know where you're registered they will. The nerve of some people. It isn't rude to tell people where you are registered and people expect it. Honestly it helps to relieve "gift giving anxiety" for a lot of people. And keeps people from texting you ten times a day "what do you want for baby?" I would be so annoyed if I were you too. Like you said, just let hubs handle her.

Rabbi · May 2015

Do I have a twin? Because, I'm pretty sure that my MIL is the person you're talking about. Down to setting up a nursery in her house (that my kid will not be staying in.ever) and buying/keeping doubles of things for her home. Sigh. At least our husband's make it worth it.

leighalou91 · May 2015

@LEGALLYblonde86 Is she the only one planning your shower? If not, is there is anyone else who could step in and take over the invites? It's hard if she is the only one planning it because then it's really up to her at this point. But I do agree that that would be very frustrating because I agree that most people I know would not find that tacky but actually helpful.

Ambermom043 · May 2015

Wow, so many MIL problems on here! Yeah, I can't blame you... There's nothing worse than an over-intruding MIL. Why don't they understand that it's NOT their baby to be making all of these decisions/assumptions?! My poor sister was in a long relationship, 3 months from being married and the future MIL caused a huge mess and it actually ended her engagement! Boy, I would tell her off, I'm sorry.. Are you wanting to cloth diaper? A lot of people want to know what the mom-to-be wants and needs, so they don't end up getting the same thing as someone else, or something she won't even use. You're gonna get duplicates that will go to her house, when you could have had something else you could use at your own house, where your baby will actually be, 95% of the time! (Call me selfish, but I can use all of the help/stuff I can get!) Lol I happen to know my friend is planning a surprise baby shower for me, but since I know, and it's a surprise, I can't suggest anything lol. I'm just glad she's thinking of me, and is hosting one! I appreciate her a lot! My husband and I live 12 hrs away from all friends and family, so it'll be when we visit in June. Anyway, best of luck to you!

love4yourlocks · May 2015

I mean it all depends on your relationship with her and her relationship with your husband but I would find a very polite and non confrontational to let her know that she is making it about her and what she wants.

sjra1028 · May 2015

I'm so thankful I don't have a MIL(may she RIP.) I wouldn't be able to handle it.
I don't think it's rude for people to know where you're registered. I'm the main one buying from it, but my friends and family are using it as a reference. They know I only listed things that we'd need and definitely use. As for cloth diapering, you're the mom. She had her turn and now it's yours, so they're your decisions to make. I say more power to you for it!

Starynightsky24 · May 2015

I'm glad you're ignoring her.

I'd take all duplicates back for store credit. Lol. And not even tell her about it.

KrystalP2286 · May 2015

Some of our MILs would be best friends! Mine preceded to tell me she bought a crib and was so excited to pick out the bedding for HER nursery that's she setting up at her house. (He will never stay with her due to her mental instability.) She also has bought a high chair, bouncer, swing, AND car seat with base. It's like it's her own child... Very bizarre. My husband just says to let her waste her money- we know he won't be with her. Also, she informed me she already told her job she'd be taking time off when he's born... I'm at a loss lol.

cjollyrn · May 2015

We are planning on going back to California toward the end of my Maternity leave to visit with family so everyone gets a chance to meet the LO. My MIL suggested that we leave the baby with her (oh she'll "share" with my family) when we go back to Ohio so that we can "focus on work"...

And my husband keeps trying to tell me that this is a thoughtful gesture, and that I shouldn't take offense to it, even though he agrees that we couldn't possibly live over 2000 miles away from our newborn son.

Robin910 · May 2015

Starynightsky24 said:
I'm glad you're ignoring her.

I'd take all duplicates back for store credit. Lol. And not even tell her about it.

This and I would add that (I've been old from STMs) if you live in a 2 story house, it's nice to have duplicates of some things (Bobbys, etc) so you aren't constantly lugging them up and down the stairs with baby.

ChristyM87 · May 2015

Regardless of the fact that your MIL is crazy, if I didn't know that you are cloth diapering, I might be picking up a pack of disposables for you, since diapers are a common gift.

Oh and I don't think baby wearing is that out there at all

Ambermom043 · May 2015

Let's all make a pact to not turn out like our MILs! It must be a hard thing to let your daughter-in-law raise your grand baby, based on the fact that so many MILs can't get their big foots out of the door, lol. Lord please don't let me turn out that way! Ahh!

jorstad1 · May 2015

She can't keep doubles
What is she going to do come to your house and see what doubles you have ??
Weird

lifesabeach85 · May 2015

@cjollyrn you can't be serious!!!! I'm laughing so hard at the idea that you'd just leave your baby in Cali like you'd leave him at daycare!!!! What a nut!

abmommy15 · May 2015

Wow your MIL is a piece of work. I personally think that not providing registry info is rude. When I am invited to a shower (baby or bridal) I want to get a useful gift and I certainly don't want to walk around a store for hours second guessing if you need or want something. Also in my experience people tend to get embarrassed if they give a duplicate gift. On top of all of that a baby shower is meant to give the parents a hand at stocking the baby nessecities not to stock Grandmas house. If I were you i would reach out to a close friend, give them the invite list and ask if they would communicate the registry info.

Stephaniemariebuck · May 2015

All of these posts make me so thankful for my MIL... For reals.

LEGALLYblonde86 · June 2015

@leighawilson91 as far as I know. We aren't terribly close with my DH's family, for a reason. Which is so odd to me because I come rom an extremely large family and we are all up in each other's business at all times...and happily so.

IttyBitty2b · June 2015

My MIL is planning a shower and didn't even tell us the date :-/

LEGALLYblonde86 · June 2015

IttyBitty2b said:

My MIL is planning a shower and didn't even tell us the date :-/

Oh yes, mine is a "surprise" even though we live 2 hours away. I would like to at least know when going up if I should be dressed a little nicer than usual or something. She is obsessed with surprising people. My husband and I decided for our wedding we were just going to do a courthouse wedding, we didn't want all the stress that our families would have caused us. They insisted on us getting married at the beach, when they were already on vacation and that they would pay for a luncheon afterwards. I wish I would have known how much stress THAT decision would have caused before we said ok. They wouldn't tell us or my family where the luncheon was. They wouldn't tell me what time it was at so when our photographer started taking pictures on the beach, my FIL came over to us and was like "You're going to need to hurry up, we have to get to the reception" (We got there 2 hours before lunch was served...they just wanted to hit the bar!) I begged them one thing....Please NO balloons. When we walked in, you would have thought I begged her or as many balloons as possible. Again, the décor was a "surprise" too. My MIL and her sisters went over the night before to decorate. I was told I was allowed to invite 15 people, which kind of sucked or me because I am 1 of 8 kids, so I couldn't invite any friends or other close relatives...they invited 40 members of their family. I could go on and on about my in laws.

MouseMama817 · June 2015

@legallyblonde86: Your MIL seems to have well-meaning intentions. I think the idea of a surprise shower is a fun and sweet idea however, the logistics are stressful for the mama to be. I think I would be on pins and needles feeling like I needed to be prepared any moment for a bunch of people to jump out at me lol. And the pressure to constantly look my best just in case....ugh. Sweet idea but maybe not for an 8 months pregnant woman lol.

Edit: I meant as far as the surprise party aspect. NOT the way she is handling the rest of your shower. She would've received the full wrath of my pregnancy hormones!!

aseajack · June 2015

Stephaniemariebuck said:
All of these posts make me so thankful for my MIL... For reals.

I was thinking the exact same thing!! The craziest my MIL gets is getting onto me if she sees me try to pick up anything heavier than a gallon of milk or stretch to reach something, although it's a little annoying sometimes it's nothing compared to these other MILs and I know she means well so I can live with it.

Dajart4 · June 2015

I would have DH talk to his mom. My MIL is a sweet lady but occasionally she makes an awkward comment or says something I rather she had kept to herself. So I usually give her the benefit of the doubt. I really believe some people don't realize what they are saying. One of my bestfriends told me her and another BF discussed my shower and they hope all my guest don't show up. I can't understand their logic since the only thing they are doing is table cloths and centerpieces. Everything else is being covered by other people. If I didn't know they are true friends for almost 20 years I would be really aggrivated. People don't realize what they say sometimes. You and your MIL are just from two different worlds. Keep ignoring her if it bothers you and talk to DH.

AshK1027 · June 2015

I don't even know what kind of advice is appropriate. All I can say, is I feel for ya & I HOPE that she gets a reality check.

mwest1264 · June 2015

If she brings up keeping the double gifts again you should say "of course Grandma needs some stuff too, here MOM (your own mother) take these home with you!" Not only have you shown how ridiculous she has been but your mom can give them back and you can get store credit.

tarheelgirl8 · June 2015

I'm sorry that your MIL is so difficult! If it helps, make sure to register at one of the big name places. Babies r us or target for example. If I got a shower invite that didn't include registry info the first thing I would do is search those two sites to see if the couple had one. We recently went to see family friends and they bought us a gift off our registry even though we had never told them where we registered.

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