Did anyone choose not to share gender?

starryblue04 · May 2015

Any of you ladies find out gender but choosing to wait until the birth to announce? Reasons why? Debating if we want to tell or not!

Yiggle09 · May 2015

A friend on my bowling league is having a baby in July and they found out but are waiting until the baby shower to announce. The primary reason seems to be they do not want gender specific stuff so by waiting till the shower when most gifts are bought will cause people to go neutral. They also did not find out at the anatomy scan. They were going to wait till the birth but couldnt and begged the dr to tell them last check up!

FinalyFound · May 2015

With DD we only told the grandparents we were expecting a girl and only because we knew they could keep quiet. We decided to keep quiet because we didn't want to be bombarded with pink items, mostly and honestly, it was a little fun to torture everyone. 95% of ppl thought for sure we were having a boy so it was great to see reactions when they found out it was a girl.

missliz53 · May 2015

My DH and I are waiting to tell people that we are having a girl until after she's born. A big reason is that we want to get gifts (and I want to stress that by no means are people obligated to give us gifts) that we need vs a flood of pink newborn clothes that she will maybe wear once. We are also going with more gender neutral colors. Another reason is that it's really neat to have something special that is just between the two of us and people seem to really enjoy guessing. Also, our families are really pushy and we don't want to have all of our choices criticized before she is even born. My dad is trying to argue with me on what we've chosen for a boy name and it's easier to just shrug it off because #1 it's not a boy and #2 even if it was, he's not the one filling out the birth certificate; so he can argue all he wants and I can practice standing up to him on a moot issue vs a real one.

Claireymary · May 2015

We will be finding out Friday, but not telling a soul! It's fun to have a secret just between us--I originally was adamant about not finding out but my husband really wanted to, so this was our compromise

mriandabusto · May 2015

We chose to tell his parents and brother. I've told a cousin who I'm extremely close to. Other than that I want to wait to tell everyone, I don't want a bunch of blue gifts and I feel like there needs to be something that everyone doesn't know... And they all think it's a girl so I'm gonna love seeing the surprised look on their faces that I got my baby boy.

starryblue04 · May 2015

Thank you all!!! Seems like the major reasons are to avoid gender specific presents and also to keep a secret between you and your SO. We've kept the pregnancy a secret from everyone besides immediate family and a few best friends, and it feels so weird that everyone will know our "secret" this week!

sschwege · May 2015

Keeping the sex a secret to control what people give you as gifts just seems manipulative to me. If I was invited to a shower where the parents knew but kept it a secret to prevent guests from buying pink/blue I would be annoyed. And this is coming from someone who almost exclusively shops the registry and never gives clothes.

sschwege · May 2015

Oh and I actually know someone IRL who did this, it was a mom in my mom's group. They found out they were having a girl and didn't tell a soul. Baby was born and was very much a boy. Their families' response? "Serves you right for not telling us!" Have to say I agree with their family on this one!

TeacherMom210 · May 2015

DH and I kept DD's gender a secret and are keeping this one secret as well (but he did let me say it on The Bump.) My parents know, but they are helping us with the room (which we don't let anyone else see.) We did it for the fun of it. It's nice to have a secret and to have a big surprise when the LO is born. It also helps keep people from being nosy about the name, which is a plus.

jbettles · May 2015

I don't mean to offend anyone at all, to each your own, but I find keeping it a secret somewhat annoying, as well. Not knocking those doing it for fun, really! But I'm also very anti-gender reveal parties, so I'm probably just weird

My whole thing is that, truly, the gender is SO exciting to parents and immediate family, but very few other people really actually care. The fact that it's a big "secret" is a bigger deal to the parents than everyone else, imho. Again, NOT putting anyone down, just sharing my opinion. Since most ppl don't care, it doesn't hurt them to keep it a secret, now, does it? So have your fun!! But to answer the original post, everyone and their dog knows we are having a boy

sherbear82 · May 2015

We found out two weeks ago and have only told my mom. The reason we're keeping it a secret is because we've already gotten a lot of, "girls are this way, boys are that way. You want a boy because.... You want a girl because...." We are simply telling people that we aren't finding out. It feels weird to lie, but the conversation then goes to, "It's great either way!" Plus my mother-in-law is already off-the-rails crazy about what we "need to have" and "need to do" and it would just explode if she knew what we're having.

Also, it's no one else's business what information we have about our child, and what we choose to share, or not to share.

tpete12 · May 2015

We know the sex of our baby but aren't telling anyone. My mom is an excessive buyer of things and that is the main reason we aren't telling anyone the sex.

KERJF · May 2015

If we were keeping it a secret, we wouldnt tell people we knew. Because I think its really annoying when people do that. Same with names. If we didnt share we would just say we werent sure and leave it at that. Just me though. My cousin was SUPER annoying about this her entire pregnancy and everyone was just over her by the end and didnt care (they cared about baby, but didnt care about the super secret name or boy/girl, just was what it was)

starryblue04 · May 2015

KERJF said:
If we were keeping it a secret, we wouldnt tell people we knew. Because I think its really annoying when people do that. Same with names. If we didnt share we would just say we werent sure and leave it at that. Just me though. My cousin was SUPER annoying about this her entire pregnancy and everyone was just over her by the end and didnt care (they cared about baby, but didnt care about the super secret name or boy/girl, just was what it was)

Totally agree with you on that! My moms cousin is expecting, and after congratulating her, my mom asked her if they are having a baby girl or baby boy. Her response was "ask my parents if you want to know". Honestly what a b*tchy response. It makes no difference to my moms life what the gender of the baby is, she was just trying to make small talk and show interest in the baby!

If someone doesn't want to share that's absolutely fine, but I think people in general ask just to show interest or make conversation - not because they actually care!

Elizabeth043086 · May 2015

Oh I'd love to, but I KNOW I'd slip up and tell some one then I'd have to murder them.

soberrysweet · May 2015

sschwege said:
Keeping the sex a secret to control what people give you as gifts just seems manipulative to me. If I was invited to a shower where the parents knew but kept it a secret to prevent guests from buying pink/blue I would be annoyed. And this is coming from someone who almost exclusively shops the registry and never gives clothes.

This. I don't understand the obsession with trying to control what gifts people give you.

missliz53 · May 2015

People seem to have forgotten that when you get someone a gift, it should be something they actually want! Otherwise, what's the point?

My mil gets me a bottle of suave body wash every year for Christmas. What bugs me is that she can't be bothered to take the time to get to know me enough to pick out something I can actually use, nor can she be bothered to ask me what I would like.

@soberrysweet I'm a assuming that you are not registering baby stuff because after that that is a passive-aggressive way of controlling what people get you.

bethhart66 · May 2015

My SIL didn't find out the the last but her DH did. They didn't tell anyone until birth.

We found out with DS and shared right away.

This time we are having twins (found out at 13w and were told either multiples or incorrect due date). We tortured my mom for 2 hours before announcing baby #2 and I even told her triplets at one point. DH had so much fun with that that he wants our gender reveal to be yellow and green to mess with my mom further. We plan to tell because I can't keep a secret to save my life!

zavtra · May 2015

We aren't telling to keep things gender neutral

soberrysweet · May 2015

@missliz53 I did register. However, I recognize that a registry is a list of items that I plan on outfitting my nursery with. Not a list that my guests are required to shop from. Registries are simply there for those folks who need an idea of what to buy you. They are by no means a mandate.

What people seem to have forgotten is that they are responsible for providing for their children and how to be grateful to those spending their hard earned money on a gift.

missliz53 · May 2015

I haven't seen anyone on this site say that people are obligated to buy them gifts or that they aren't financially responsible for their own kids. But if you are going to buy someone something it should be what they want not what you want. Maybe you'll feel differently after you get 15 pink newborn dresses that your baby outgrows in a week and then have to explain to all the gift givers who want pictures of baby in their outfit why you haven't used said clothing.

Everybody has their reasons to reveal or not, they are all valid, and no one should be shamed for them.

soberrysweet · May 2015

missliz53 said:
I haven't seen anyone on this site say that people are obligated to buy them gifts or that they aren't financially responsible for their own kids. But if you are going to buy someone something it should be what they want not what you want. Maybe you'll feel differently after you get 15 pink newborn dresses that your baby outgrows in a week and then have to explain to all the gift givers who want pictures of baby in their outfit why you haven't used said clothing.

Everybody has their reasons to reveal or not, they are all valid, and no one should be shamed for them.

For what it's worth, I have 2 girls, no ones ever asked me for a picture of the outfits they gave me and I didn't get any clothes I didn't use! Newborns go through lots of clothes.

CSchoFink · May 2015

Claireymary said:
We will be finding out Friday, but not telling a soul! It's fun to have a secret just between us--I originally was adamant about not finding out but my husband really wanted to, so this was our compromise

Ours is today and I still haven't decided if I'm compromising or not! We will either not find out at all or we will ask them to put it in an envelope to open on Mother's Day with the future aunt/grandparents/great-grandmother. How did you decide you were willing to know? I've been joking that I would decide on the table but now I think that isn't a joke...

theglitteredpterodactyl · May 2015

missliz53 said:
Everybody has their reasons to reveal or not, they are all valid, and no one should be shamed for them.

I think there are definitely legit reasons to not share the sex of the baby if you know it. Having something exciting to announce afterwards, keeping things steered away from the omgpink vs omgblue... I also think there are parents out there who use it as a way to be awkwardly controlling and that gets really irritating to see. Just like sharing the names/not sharing the names, some people out there do it for the wrong reasons and it's hella annoying to be around them. Not saying anyone in particular on here falls on that side, I don't know anyone here well enough to make that call. But I do think it exists, and I think knowing why you're keeping the secret is a good way to evaluate intentions and motives. But fwiw we're team green so I'm avoiding this to reveal or not reveal entirely :-)

lemondroplife · May 2015

We are not telling anyone because we are having a girl, and we are more than likely going to try for a boy soon after this little princess comes, so we want more gender neutral things so we can use for both babies.

Claireymary · May 2015

@CSchoFink I felt it wasn't really fair that I felt so strongly one way and he the other and I be the one to decide NO. People have been asking if we are going to find out and we've told them no--so that's what we'll stick with. I'm looking forward to knowing the sex so we can prepare a little more and decide on a name--I just don't want everyone else to cash in on it too.

I really don't know why I feel so strongly about this, I suppose it's silly really. It's certainly not for gifts-I guess I just like the idea of Cody & I keeping it a secret

CSchoFink · May 2015

@Claireymary thanks for the explanation! I agree with you. We just finished our anatomy scan (it went really well!) and we've got the answer in a sealed envelope that we will open on Mother's Day. Best of luck to you and Cody as your little one keeps growing!

maryanne007 · May 2015

Keeping it a secret, has nothing to do with gifts. I don't think it's rude or annoying to keep it a secret.. It's really no one's business. My husband and I just want to keep that info for ourselves and the rest of the world will find out when the baby is born. Why should they care to know anyway? It's nice to have soemthig that's just between us. Also, I know some family members really want a boy and some really want a girl, and I don't feel like dealing with their "disappointment" especially since we are just thrilled it is healthy!

Nirolosa · May 2015

I found out because I was getting tired of calling the baby an it but we're not announcing it until the baby shower this July. I don't want gender specific stuff like overly pink or overly guyish. Babies look adorable in all things, I can happily wait a while before dressing them up in whatever. Plus all things are equal targets in the puke wars lol Not to mention I really want to try for baby 2 after a while and having neutral clothing would save us money that way.

LoveLee85 · May 2015

My DH and I heavily debated keeping the sex a secret because my parents reallllllly wanted a granddaughter! LOL We ended up sharing and nobody seemed disappointed. :-)

Now, we are not sharing our short list of names! Too many opinions and I don't want other people's opinions on the few names my DH and I actually agree on! The first thing people ask about are names and the responses is always this: we have no idea but if you have any names you like we'd love some suggestions!!!!! Because, I would never want to come off rude like 'I'm not telling you' ,type thing. Also, I really am up for name suggestions. LOL

soberrysweet · May 2015

maryanne007 said:
Keeping it a secret, has nothing to do with gifts. I don't think it's rude or annoying to keep it a secret.. It's really no one's business. My husband and I just want to keep that info for ourselves and the rest of the world will find out when the baby is born. Why should they care to know anyway? It's nice to have soemthig that's just between us. Also, I know some family members really want a boy and some really want a girl, and I don't feel like dealing with their "disappointment" especially since we are just thrilled it is healthy!

Yes, but when people keep it a secret until the shower, like some of the posters here, because they don't want anyone to gift them pink or blue clothes, it sort of is about gifts, which makes it manipulative and just ick.

maryanne007 · May 2015

I agree that does seem silly, but to each their own.

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