STM's- DH/SO stay with you?

starrysmile18 · May 2015

So it looks like DH will be heading home after I have baby so he can go home and help DS. My sister is coming from out of town to help us with our 2.5 year old but DS doesn't know her well, and I fear that his routine will be a disaster for a few days.

I'm having a C section, and I figured my hubby can leave the hospital for the night around 9-10pm, and come back after he drops off our kiddo at school the next day.

Am I crazy for thinking this is ok? Will I really need my hubby to stay the night with me after a C section? STM's what are your plans?

TIA

jbatch · May 2015

My DH will be staying with me at the hospital. My LO will be with either the grandparents or other friends.. I don't think it will hurt her for a few nights and I want me DH at the hospital with me..

princessbmw · May 2015

We are also debating about this situation. My c section is at 9, and I have to be there by 7. I think ds(2.5) will spend the night with a family member the night before. I have anxiety about this, though, since ds is not a good sleeper and has never spent the night anywhere else. We are going to do a test run overnight beforehand, but I'm so nervous about it.

After my section I think dh will not spend the night at the hospital. I would feel better knowing ds has his regular routine back and is sleeping in his own bed. I think I will be ok with the nurses helping. I know it's not everyone else's choice, but I will probably send the baby to the nursery so I can get some rest at night.

Too many decisions!

HayesRN13 · May 2015

You will have the help you need from the nurses

try not to stress if he can't be there, and don't be afraid to utilize that call light as much as you need

HayesRN13 · May 2015

Also don't forget a section is major surgery...you will need the help so don't try to be super patient. So many say they "feel bad for bugging the nurses", don't!!

LaurenAnn0405 · May 2015

DH is planning on staying with me the whole time. DD will be with my parents and she really likes sleeping over at their house so she'll be fine. I won't be having a c-section (unless complications arise) but I like the idea of that little bonding time with just the 3 of us before our full-of-energy 3 year old comes along. It does sound like your DH will be there most of the time with you while you're awake @starrysmile18 which will allow for bonding time too-to each their own!

CateOfChicago · May 2015

I think DH will go home at night to put dd to sleep. Not sure if he'll come back or not. We will have to figure that out. I'm not too worried since there are nurses. Dd is used to others with her during the day but only us (mostly me) for night time. CS here too. I was in for 4 nights last time. Hope it's not that long this time.

starrysmile18 · May 2015

Thanks ladies! My C- Section is at 4:30 PM, and we're going to keep DS home from school that day so he can see my sister when she gets into town. (BOTH of our families are either 6 hrs drive down to WI or 6 hrs northern MN) so if DH leaves the hospital it would be late, but it would also reassure me that our nearly 3 year old would have someone at home in the middle of the night when he wakes up and can have his normal routine with daddy in the morning. GAH! So much to think about when we don't have others around to help!

Sammy K · May 2015

With DS, I sent DH home the second night so he could sleep. I figured at least one of us should sleep.

This time I'm sending him home both nights to put DS to bed and be there for the morning routine (barring any emergency /complication). LO and I will be fine on our own in the hospital.

laurendutch · May 2015

My DH is going home to sleep. With our twins he stayed with me but looking back it would have been nice if he went home and got a decent amount of sleep. I think it would have been more helpful. My parents and ILs will entertain the boys during the day but DH will do he might time routine and put them to sleep. My parents tend to get my boys out of their schedules and that's the last thing I need with a newborn! We will have the day to bond together.

vic8504 · May 2015

I am going to be having a c-section again. Dh is going to stay the first night and the following day with me. Then he will be going home and to work the next 1.5 days because I would rather have him be off while I am at home than in the hospital where I have the nurses to help me.

This is the plan for now but it is all dependent on how I feel, etc.

SweetnessG · May 2015

DH is staying with me in the hospital, but once we get home he has to go back to work. I'm a little bummed about it, but I completely understand that this is their busy season (he installs swimming pools and spas) and he can't take time off of work. Good news is, he's off work from November-April.

ksimo6 · May 2015

I'm having a repeat c-section as well and DH is not going to stay at the hospital overnight with me. I sent him home after the first night with our daughter as well. I didn't need him and he was very uncomfortable. Your plan sounds like it would work to me.

eliotsmommy · May 2015

I'm sending my DH home to put our son (2 years old) to bed. We co-sleep and he's never been away from us. I think it would stress me out more knowing DS was (most likely) having a hard night without mom & dad.

Cateash77 · May 2015

Based on my last section if your DH can stay with you for the first night at least that would probably be good. Its only one night for your 2.5 yr old, who is too young to really understand anyway. They will bring the baby into you or keep him with you rooming in and you will be exhausted and unable to get out of the bed at all for around the first 8-12 hours. I nearly fell asleep feeding my first DS about his 4:00am feed, and that was quite scary. The nurses will be there but they won't be in the room with you when you have your baby with you all the time and having someone who can easily just put baby back in his/her cradle next to the bed and make sure you can get some sleep that first night will mean LO won't have to go to nursery, because otherwise after a C Section this is what usually happens on the first night, especially as yours is scheduled so late. Getting some rest that first night is vital, it will make your recovery better and as you don't know whether you will have a settled or unsettled baby, or have issues with BF, an extra pair of hands is really helpful!

I wish I could have DH with me for the first night for my next section but our LO is 6 yrs old and we have no one who can assist us to take care of him for the night (he's spending the day with my SIL, but she can only get one day off work, and he's a little too old to deal well with the separation). It's your call but that is just my feedback based on my first CS experience :-)

mrs1374a · May 2015

I'm also having a c section and my husband will be staying with me. My mother in law is staying with our daughter at our house.

klkonwi · May 2015

As long as the nurses are available to hand you your baby in the middle of the night each time you want to breastfeed......

dancegurl1118 · May 2015

Yes the nurses are there to help you but also understand that they have other patients and cannot be 1:1 with you. If LO is crying and you can't get up or reach over in the bassinet to pick up the baby it may be a significant amount of time before the nurse gets there if they have a more pressing situation (ie medical issue). Please understand this and if possible have someone to stay with you.

TheEA · May 2015

I'm hoping for a VBAC after which my dH will probably stay at home with DS. My MIL or sister will watch DS until my husband gets home from the hospital. If I end up with a section then DH will stay in the hospital at least the first night and maybe the second

munchkinsmama · May 2015

My RCS is scheduled for the late morning. DH will spend the day and head home at night to get DS (20 months to bed) and get some sleep himself. He went home each night when DS was born as well. I exclusively breastfed in the hospital and still had them take DS to the nursery. They would bring him to me to nurse then take him back, they took care of the night time diaper changes. I would check with your hospital on their policies and procedures.

ksimo6 · May 2015

dancegurl1118 said:
Yes the nurses are there to help you but also understand that they have other patients and cannot be 1:1 with you. If LO is crying and you can't get up or reach over in the bassinet to pick up the baby it may be a significant amount of time before the nurse gets there if they have a more pressing situation (ie medical issue). Please understand this and if possible have someone to stay with you.

Bassinet right next to the bed. It's not hard to reach the baby. Even the night my husband stayed with me, I didn't wake him up to have him hand me a child that I could reach myself.

dancegurl1118 · May 2015

@ksimo6 for some people it's really tough the first night and they are scared to reach to their side because of the pain. And especially for a FTM it's really panic-inducing for your baby to be crying and not be able to get it because your nurse isn't coming fast enough. Just something I've seen time and time again -- hence why I suggested a companion overnight. Day 2 or 3 it's much easier once you've been out of bed. Level of c-section pain post surgery varies for many.

ksimo6 · May 2015

dancegurl1118 - yeah, I get what you're saying, but the conversation around c-sections always seems to lean towards the "horrible" in every one of these threads. It is not always horrible. I had a great expereience. I was up, showered and walking in less than 12 hours. I guess what I am saying is, if you're having a planned c-section, try not to go into it thinking it's going to be awful. It may not be.

ElRuby · May 2015

I am happy that DH will be there because I felt more comfortable... We were terrified of picking up our baby the first time around hahahha but I am sure we are over that fear now... I also liked that he was there to get stuff when I needed because the nurses are not always available... And I was always thirsty so it was nice to send him to refill the ice and water pitcher

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