Who has/will announce on facebook?

KateLouise · April 2015

I haven't posted any previous pregnancies on facebook, and am wondering about doing it this time.

The only thing holding me back is that I have a few friends who have either experienced pregnancy loss, or fertility issues, and that's the ones I know about. So I certainly don't want to rub my happiness in anyone's face.

So what is everyone's thoughts on facebook announcements? If I did do it, I would probably wait until after the 20 week scan.

marijaa333 · April 2015

It depends on how much and what you post otherwise. We didn't even announce our wedding on Facebook, but then we're both pretty private people when it comes to online social networks. If you would normally post big events, or if you post about your kids' milestones, then it seems natural that you would post an announcement about your pregnancy and later birth.

I tend to use Facebook as a way to share articles or content that I think would be primarily of use to other people, as opposed to a communication platform with people I'm actually friends with (except in cases where it's their preferred means of communicating, in which case we use the messaging function).

niknak1208 · April 2015

I usually do post/announce on FB. But I wait until our big anatomy scan. I have a history of loss so I don't like to announce like that until I'm farther along.

It is tough when you have friends going through a loss or infertility. I have a cousin who lost a baby at almost 23 weeks last June. I actually went with her to some support groups because i lost a baby at 20 weeks and I knew she needed support. At that time, I had NO idea that we would be having another baby. So when I got pregnant.. I was apprehensive about posting because I didn't want to make it more difficult for her. Before I posted anything, I talked to her about it and made sure that she had a head's up and could unfriend me or block me or whatever she needed to do. I had to unfriend a few people that I just couldn't handle seeing it. It's hard.

xuxachi · April 2015

I announced at 20 weeks or so...very low key. All my close friends and family already knew.

KaLikeAWind · April 2015

I did a fb announcement at 19 weeks after the anatomy scan. The thing is, since we are a military family we have friends all over the US and use fb as the way to keep in touch with them. Otherwise we would have had such a huge list of people to contact individually, logistically it would have taken days. Also it could have blown back at us - someone we called day 1 would have posted something about it before I could call people the next day and then those people would be mad.
We did hear about a friend of ours who had a loss a few weeks before we planned to announce. We contacted them separately (the connection is thru our DH's) and my hubs spoke with her hubs in advance so they could have some warning.

I probably would not have done a fb announcement if we were anywhere near anybody we knew. But as its the only way to really keep in touch with the people we have met in our various assignments, it worked for us. After the announcement we have kept it fairly low key, tho. I link to my registry every now and then since no one is throwing me a shower. That's about it.

jerseygirl227 · April 2015

We announced on facebook after the anatomy scan (though close friends and family already knew). Most of my friends already have children and I'm not aware of anyone trying to conceive, so I thought it would be okay. I do have two friends from high school who posted about their AMA pregnancies about a year or two ago, so it felt okay for me to do it as well. Plus, I have friends who I know will pray for us, which is important to me.

We basically just said that since we were officially four months along and everything looked good at the last appointment that we figured it was safe to share that we were expecting our baby girl in July. The reaction was very positive, so I'm glad we did. Plus, I don't think the fiance could possibly hold it in any longer, lol.

Here's a kind of related question since we mentioned loss and announcements ... how do you handle baby showers? My sister asked me to come up with a guest list. We have one friend who just experienced an early loss about 10 days ago. They are older like us, newly married and are really hoping for a LO. The shower likely will not be until June, but I certainly do not want to be insensitive. My initial thought is to have the fiance talk to his buddy and see what he thinks. (She and I are friends via our hubby/fiance's friendship.) Any other ideas?

KateLouise · April 2015

Hmmm I don't announce every single detail of my life, or post thousands of pics of my kids but bigger stuff, like the day they were born and their first day of school, I do.

@jerseygirl227 in terms of showers, I think asking via the husband is a good idea. I think the key thing is to make it clear she's invited and that you'd love to see her, but that you understand it could be painful for her and that you won't at all be offended if she prefers not to attend.

cneiding · April 2015

i don't really use facebook so I don't post announcements or anything on it. But I don't see it as inappropriate if you do. You are pregnant and these friends will find out sooner or later somehow. I would rather find out at home , if I had recently went through a loss myself, in private than run into someone in person and see them obviously pregnant and try to be happy and not shocked, saddened etc.

mindaa · April 2015

mellymar said:
We did hear about a friend of ours who had a loss a few weeks before we planned to announce. We contacted them separately (the connection is thru our DH's) and my hubs spoke with her hubs in advance so they could have some warning.

From my time on the TTTC boards... this was generally the most appreciated approach, that it was nice to have a personal text or e-mail warning from a friend in advance (not phone or in person, so there is no pressure to fake excitement), so not to be blindsided on FB.

Otherwise, it's kind of accepted that FB PG announcements stink but aren't exactly going to go away, only dealt with by hiding, blocking and taking FB breaks.

For me, I did exactly what you're thinking. I'm not a super active FB user in the first place, so I posted once after the a/s so people knew, but pretty much kept it at that... no constant updates on my cravings, etc.

mdogan29 · April 2015

I made general announcements on my FB page, but we decided to create a private group for sharing photos and other important info that only people we invited to the group can see (as far as I know) and if they get tired of seeing any updates or photos, they can always leave the group. DH did not want thousands of photos of the baby all over the internet, he's pretty private as well... he hates those little stickers people put on their back windshield showing all your kids and some even have names above them -- hello kidnapper! Yikes! He sees FB the same way!

KaLikeAWind · April 2015

@mdogan29 that's a great idea, the private page. I may have to use that idea. I certainly am sure that some of my friends don't want to be flooded by baby photos when they come.

farahmina · April 2015

No I think posting on fb is a bad idea. You could jinx the pregnancy, I wouldn't, just announce when the baby is born, but limit pics cos they become public property the internet isn't safe, peodo's r all over the net these days. Just sayin....

HWKI · May 2015

The photographer who has taken my daughter's photos for two years wanted to do an early bump photo (small clothed bump) when we did my daughter's spring photos because she is moving and wanted to take the "first photo of my girls". I gave her permission to share it on her page when we hit 20 weeks and then I shared her post on my page. The only photos I share of my daughter are ones the photographer puts on her page. We live halfway across the country from our extended families so it was an easy way to announce and some family members follow the photographer and would he seen her post. I have several friends who have lost babies, but they know I also had a loss which oddly makes it like we belong to a kind of sisterhood and they were all very happy for me. I don't post ultrasound pics because those can be hard for people who have had a loss at that stage and I am too private to post regular bump photos which can also be upsetting to some. I cringe when I see people posting bath or baby butt pictures of their kids. Too many weirdos out there!

HWKI · May 2015

@jerseygirl227 if you feel comfortable you could ask the wife. It is nice of you to think of her feelings. Sometimes a husband will say don't invite her to protect her, but being left out can be more hurtful. One of the hardest parts of a loss is that everyone is afraid of saying something wrong so they say nothing which is worse like the baby didn't exist. One of my husband's friend's wife sent me a sympathy card even though I had only met her once and that was such a nice gesture. If you know what her due date would have been that would be a nice gesture for her to know her baby is remembered. Tell her you'd love to include her in the shower but understand if she isn't up to it.

blossom315 · May 2015

If I were the friend who had a miscarriage, I wouldn't want to not be invited. I want to be able to choose if I want to go or not. I like the idea of talking to the husband and he talks to the wife (if you're not close enough).
I had a miscarriage and I wouldn't want to be treated like a delicate flower and not told things.

Oops? New to these boards and I noticed many replied like me.

blossom315 · May 2015

Facebook cannot jinx the pregnancy. If you were to miscarry, Facebook would not influence your body's choice. Many women don't tell anyone--Facebook or otherwise and still miscarry.

MaryJo&Heath · May 2015

We announced at 13 weeks after our Nuchal translucency test. The force is strong in this one!

KateLouise · May 2015

@MaryJo&Heath that's a super cute announcement

sdnyc99 · May 2015

We also announced on FB at 13 weeks. I moved 3000 miles away from my hometown and my entire extended family and many of my friends are way too far away from me. I use FB as a way to stay connected with the people I love and rarely get to see. This way they still get to see what's going on in my life and I feel like I'm still part of theirs.
I post pictures of my teen daughter on FB. Not obsessively, but on special days or things I want to share (birthday, a play she was in, she got an award, etc). I'm not paranoid - I'm aware there are dangerous people out there in the world, but it's the same if your child is out walking around in the store. I'm not going to hide my child under wraps when we go out in public, so I feel no need to hide her on FB.
Of course, I use my judgement and don't post anything inappropriate or questionable. No bathing suit pics, etc. but really...no need for paranoia.
And as far a worrying about annoying people with over-sharing, I just ignore photos if it feels like people are oversharing. I don't need to click on every single baby photo and scrutinize it. But if it's someone important in my life, I LOVE seeing their pictures, and I appreciate them.

And there's no way that sharing on FB is going to "jinx" anything. That's just superstition, and not something I'm into. If you don't want to share just because you're a private person and you don't feel like it, that's 100% understandable. But stating superstitions as fact is just silly.

Edamama1030 · May 2015

I'm waiting til my anatomy scan, but most everyone knows because I was super sick for 10 weeks.

I have dealt with loss and infertility myself and was never upset by an announcement, but maybe that's just me. I know I had some bitter friends but I thinks it's selfish and dumb to be upset by someone else's happiness.

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