So happy to be an "older" mom

jerseygirl227 · April 2015

I had a professional development class tonight. There was a younger girl there who is also pregnant. We are due around the same time.

Anyway, she started complaining about not being able to go camping this summer and how she can't raft down the river and how it stinks and how she's gonna be big and hot in July. She also complained about the timing of her pregnancy. (We are both teachers and personally I think giving birth in July is a great time.) She just came across as, I dunno, selfish? Maybe that isn't the right word, but I just found it odd to complain about those particular things. She didn't say anything positive at all. I asked her when he due date was and she told me. She didn't ask anything about my pregnancy, though maybe she didn't realize (or care) that I am pregnant as people have been telling me I am barely showing.

I don't know it it's because she was young or not, but I just found it weird. I guess I just feel like, being older, I have less to gripe about? I thought it was interesting since we had the other thread about finding other moms our age to connect with.

farahmina · April 2015

We all have our hormonal days...I am just filled with gratitude as an older mum, I really appreciate this pregnancy more than my previous ones. When I was younger I just felt left out of fun things...

thinkpink101 · April 2015

I was just talking about something similar with a friend last night. 12 years ago when I was pregnant with my first I was the only one of my friends to be pregnant, and everyone went out a lot. Nor just on weekends but we'd meet for Happy Hour, sing karaoke, go to bars and concerts etc. I did miss out on many things that I either couldn't do or have the energy to do. I didn't mind because we had planned the pregnancy, but it was a slightly isolating experience in that sense. This time I'm also the only one of my friends to be pregnant, lol, but our lifestyle is completely different. A girls night might be scrapbooking at someone's house, dinner out, a painting party etc. Most gatherings end up being with other families.

supersarah77 · April 2015

I heard or read somewhere that the ideal time physically to be pregnant is 20s but ideal time emotionally and mentally is 30s.

This is definitely the right time in my life to have kids. I'm educated, well-established in my career, well-traveled, achieved goals of home ownership and financial stability, had lots of fun experiences in my 20s... in other words, there's nothing I missed out on prior to having kids. People always say how there's never a good time to have kids or you're never really ready. That's totally untrue for me. This is the right time and I was/am definitely ready!

niknak1208 · April 2015

I agree with you. I think as older moms we just have a little more life experience under our belts and we better understand what a real problem is. lol Sometimes I listen to younger moms and think really? can we get a real problem already because if that's all I had to worry about I would be over the mooon!

I like being an older mom actually. I feel better prepared for motherhood. I was 31 when I had my son and I liked it that way. We were settled in our careers.. in a house.. in our marriage.

cneiding · April 2015

she would probably do as much complaining if she was 40...some people just complain!!

browneyes_326 · April 2015

Oh boy... I was her! But not pregnant lol. What I mean is even at 39 I can clearly remember being so selfish in my 20's! I cringe when I think about it!
And when I hear young moms like this ... I feel a little bad for them. I am SO glad I was 33 with my first. I can honestly say I did not miss out on anything.
BTW thank you OP for posting this! I have been having a small case of 'OMG what was I thinking having another LO at 39?!' And then you remind me I wouldn't have wanted it any other way! Glad I'm an 'older' mom.

ewenner · April 2015

I partially agree with this. I definitely think that being an older when starting a family has it's advantages - like PPs have said, more maturity and stability in life. That being said, I think the complaining thing is not only about age (although it certainly could be in some cases - those doggone Millennials!). I think it's also about personality, and that may or may not change as you get older.

For me, as much as DH and I planned this pregnancy and tried for a year before we succeeded, the pregnancy itself has been a struggle mentally for me. I find myself having a very difficult time adjusting and accepting the changes in my body, the things I have had to give up during pregnancy, as well as the things I may miss out on after the baby is here. I find myself complaining frequently to family and friends, and then I always feel selfish and guilty about it afterward, because I know I should feel thankful and blessed.

I guess what I'm saying is that it's so easy for us to judge (I do it all the time!), but I am trying really hard not to judge other pregnant women, for fear that people may also judge my seemingly selfish complaints in return.

Yolypujals · April 2015

I had my first daughter at 18yrs old & I remember feeling scared, missing out on the fun, obsessing over my weight & appearance sounds familiar , I complained a lot & was very depressed plus ppl will tell me how I screwed my life up. But now that I'm having my third , I'm 33yrs I am really enjoying ,appreciating & taking in the entire experience is 10 times better I totally agree with you guys is a lot better when your older.

sonpetitlapin · April 2015

I don't think it is being selfish...maybe a little. But more mourning the life you had and the realization that things are changing, even if it is for a great and beautiful reason. Change is hard for people regardless.

I was young with my first 3. Ages 20-23 when I had them. I didn't complain one bit. I loved being a wife and mother. I had no problem not going out and doing things. I saw my future being more financially secured and more mature to appreciate life more when my kids were older and out of the house. I will be 43 when my current youngest son is 18. There were plans.

I didn't plan on getting divorce, meeting the love of my life and getting married and having a child with him at age 35. So do I find myself missing that newly gained freedom I was experiencing as a mother of teens and preteens. I find myself saying I "wish" or I "miss". I had plans for 13 years of how life was going to be. And even though it isn't and it is way different. This change is wonderful and I am so excited about having the chance of being a mother again...I am still mourning the loss of those dreams and that freedom. And Damn it, I am allowed too.

Everyone's life journey is different. And honestly as a "young" mother we are not that horrible. There are so many advantages to being a "younger" mother. Just as I am now seeing so many advantages to being a "maturer" mother. I am damn lucky to experience both.

jerseygirl227 · April 2015

Thanks for all your input. It was cool to read the responses.

Just to be clear, I have no problem with younger moms in general. Many of my friends had their children earlier in life. And I had no issues with them.

I suppose it was just this particular person that made me appreciate where I am in life. And, as many of you said, she might just be a complainer, and that has nothing to do with her being young. I have to admit that I don't really have anyone in my boat right now (outside of this board) and I guess maybe I was hoping to relate to her on some level. And that obviously didn't happen, lol.

sonpetitlapin · April 2015

Sorry. I didn't mean to come across like I did. Hormones maybe a big issue here.

I see the same thing with younger mom's too. It just drives me nuts. The perspective from both sides is really different but also the same and people can learn something new or a new perspective.

jerseygirl227 · April 2015

Oh, I wasn't offended.

Sorry if I came across that way. I actually kinda felt bad complaining about her complaining after I posted, lol.

mindaa · April 2015

jerseygirl227 said:
Oh, I wasn't offended. Sorry if I came across that way. I actually kinda felt bad complaining about her complaining after I posted, lol.

Don't feel bad about posting - the last thing we need is for this board to be any quieter, right?! It's an interesting discussion. With all the potential worries about being an older mom, it's always nice to reflect on the positives, and being a little mellower and less selfish is definitely a positive!

xuxachi · April 2015

Agree there are positives and negatives about being both - it's a nice thread to remember that being an older mom has upsides since we can all worry about some of the downsides of fertility and pregnancy, etc.

I like being an older mom because I feel more confident in my own skin...life experiences, work experiences, have all made me grow as a person. I don't have any of the drama in my life that I did in my 20s and early 30s.

beanie1977 · April 2015

I'm glad I'm pregnant now (at 37) rather than younger. I'm in a great marriage, educated, own my own business- which will allow me a lot of flexibility with childcare.

I wanted kids when I was in my 20s. It never happened. I wanted kids when I was in my early 30s. It never happened then either. I wasn't in good relationships, I was in school, starting my career, dealing with my emotional life.

Im over the moon, but I'm complaining like crazy!! I'm fussing over how miserable and fat I feel, how awful my morning sickness is, how I have no libido, I feel too sick to even go to a movie, but I still couldn't be happier! We are so excited for our little boy to come into our lives. But I am the biggest complainer ever.

Rikki_5 · May 2015

I feel like I'm finally in the right place to have a baby. In my 20s I traveled a lot and was in some unstable relationships...I'm just glad I found my husband three years ago (we married last summer) and it just seems everything is coming together for me to be a stay at home mom. In my 20s there would be no way. I'm glad I got doing what I wanted to do out of my system. I feel like I can really focus on being the best mom I can be at this stage in my life.

jerseygirl227 · May 2015

Rikki_5 said:
I feel like I'm finally in the right place to have a baby. In my 20s I traveled a lot and was in some unstable relationships...I'm just glad I found my husband three years ago (we married last summer) and it just seems everything is coming together for me to be a stay at home mom. In my 20s there would be no way. I'm glad I got doing what I wanted to do out of my system. I feel like I can really focus on being the best mom I can be at this stage in my life.

Same here. I've traveled to so many places ... Ireland, Atlanta, New Orleans, Cambridge, NYC, the Caribbean, Boston, Western PA, Las Vegas, California ... and I feel I have been so blessed to have done so! Now I feel blessed to have this new experience in my life. We still plan to travel, but it will be a little different now ... less happy hours and more "Kids Eat Free" nights, lol.

I was single for 12 years ... 12 YEARS!!! .... before I met my fiance. And before that I had some really crappy relationships. I had really given up hope of finding anyone to spend my life with, let alone becoming a mom. Sometimes I just can't get over how lucky I am. Sap, sap, sappy, I know, lol. Chalk it up to the hormones.

GalLaura · May 2015

I'm happy too. I feel like I lived my life. One of. My best friends has a 18 year old daughter. She is just now starting to live her life. It's funny seeing both sides of the coin so to speak. There was nothing more than fun than being single in nyc. Ah, good times.

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