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September 2015 Moms
BabyBugutsky
member
Is throwing your own baby shower bad?
BabyBugutsky
member
Hello all
We live away from my parents and my boyfriends moms side. Since our moms get along so well they are hosting one large shower for us down south. I'm so excited! However my boyfriends dads side will not even think about attending the shower as its down south and not near where we live.
So since they wont attend the large shower I've been told to host my own and invite his dad's family. Is hosting your own shower a bad thing?
We live away from my parents and my boyfriends moms side. Since our moms get along so well they are hosting one large shower for us down south. I'm so excited! However my boyfriends dads side will not even think about attending the shower as its down south and not near where we live.
So since they wont attend the large shower I've been told to host my own and invite his dad's family. Is hosting your own shower a bad thing?
Re: Is throwing your own baby shower bad?
Do you have the ability to move out on your own? It seems like that might help so that you can have your own space and keep your things in nice shape. I didn't know your circumstances or this was a temporary or long term situation. I think I would go crazy if I lived with any of our parents.
Right now I'm pain off some school debt to be debt free when baby arrives. So as of right now we can't move out on our own. We stay here as we have little cost but it been so hard.
I'm going Nuts.
I have said because of my very ill grandpa when the baby is born I will be gong to stay with my mom for a couple weeks as she can't come up to stay with me. He snapped and said I shouldn't be thinking about anything that will take the baby away from where we live. I'm so annoyed.
I am a proponent of setting clear boundaries with family, but I know that is difficult when you're living with them.
I wish I could offer more help... Hang in there! Focus on your overall goal (paying down the debt) as a means to an end. Once you clear that up, hopefully you can move out on your own and be free to do as you please! Good luck!
See I don't want to come across that way at all. But they are upset that the shower is so far away and my boyfriends dad insists I plan something. He said his sister might but he doubts it. Also my friends up here would like to go to something but I'm the only one with space to host it.
I can definitely just invite people to come over to celebrate the baby when he's here. Maybe that is what I'll do.
Also, you don't have to be a snarky brat and say "mandatory presents"... I dont care if my friends show up just to say hi, rub my belly, eat and leave. I love them, and dont require presents. I don't view a shower as a means to get presents, I view it as a way to see everyone before baby comes and I won't have time to see anyone for a little while.
My feelings exactly! I don't even care about gifts. The large shower is actually a BBQ and both men and women are coming! It's like a big party to celebrate before the baby arrives. That's exactly what I want to happen where we live.
A shower is called a shower because you "shower" the mom with baby items. You can't have a no gift shower.
If it came down to it I don't think it's absolutely terrible to host and plan yourself.
My group I run in wouldn't have an issue with me throwing a shower for myself!! Lol if someone says something, roll your eyes and tell them to take it up with grandpa!! Lol
I find it wildly frustrating that there is such a stigma for some people that you throw your own shower. I posted a similar question (while I did get some support) I and got a lot of the "you're inviting people over to bring you a gift" comment. It's archaic.
The suggestions for you to hold it at your place and have someone else "host" it are silly to me to. It's slapping someone else's name on the invite to a party at your home which will be obvious YOU THREW ANYWAY!! So how is that so much better?
That being said.... that's what I'm doing. UGH. If it were just close friends and family I wouldn't bother but my MIL wants me to invite extended family. Bigger crowd to offend I suppose. But I have put my SILs name on the invite that I designed put in envelopes, addressed, stamped and I will bring them to her next time I see her. She will manage rsvps. That's it.
So You could reach out to your boyfriends dads sister and just ask them to help you - specifically manage rsvps.
Alternatively send out an invite to a BABY-Q ( Because FOR SOME REASON people see this word use as its not a babyshower?!?! Who's going to show up and NOT want to bring a gift?!?!)
Anyway... you could send an invite for this BABY-Q without your registry information. However as i said before we all know that you should Anticipate a questions from EVERYONE you invite about your registry information. But as long as your okay fielding these questions then I think this is a great middle ground option. And if they dont bring a gift? That is perfectly fine too! Like others have said its totally not ABOUT people bringing you gifts, I'm just looking forward to seeing everyone. I find this so incredibly frustrating because I have zero family near me. My baby shower will be a huge backyard BBQ with no shower games but we have music, ping pong, washers boccee ball, ladder ball and a slip and slide for the kiddos.
So I'm throwing a party to celebrate my first child feeding AND entertaining 40, people (again because I was asked to make it coed and invite extended family).... but it will look bad - - - - like I'm asking for gifts?!?!?!
So what?!?!?!??!?!?
I have thrown 4 baby showers for friends. It's a pain in the a$$. I love to do it for people, but even more so people like having me do it because the party/crafty thing is totally me.
1 of those friends (bless her heart very half heartly) offered to throw my shower but she works full time as a doctor, has 2 children, doesn't really do the whole "hosting parties" well, etc.
So why in the world would I want to do that to her?
Alternatively there's my SIL. 2 states away, working full time, children and working on her masters degree. And she would want to throw one of those chocolate in the diaper parties and that's just not us.
I throw two huge parties every year at least. It's not stressful for me and I like doing it. The way I see it I'm preventing other people from having to deal with the pain that is throwing us a shower.
I really do wish that I had a loved one near by to throw this for me. I've never had a shower of any kind. But that's the military for you. In that we don't live near anyone.
I think I'm done. ;-) Again I really wasn't directing that at anyone. Just directed at the idea that we can't throw our own dang showers! Hopefully there are a couple suggestions you might find useful too!
So isn't this still saying "invite these people to bring me a gift." Only for those that feel throwing your own shower is asking for gifts.
I just don't get how throwing your own baby shower is still taboo buy we've evolved enough to be able to throw our own weddings?!?!?
If anyone wants to participate and help you do it then let them but since they requested it Id definitely do it.