Jealous grandmas

Re: Jealous grandmas

• honkytonk_kid member

  May 2015

  This is one of the main problems with using family for childcare. Could you do something like daycare 3 days/week and each grandma gets one day?

  
  

  But honestly they need to deal. You can only do so much to ensure equal time (which is 100% NOT a right, it's a privilege) but totally equal is not realistic. We try to see both sets of grandparents frequently and I'm mindful of big events- ie my parents see them more frequently but we have gone on vacation with my inlaws, my parents kept my 4 yo overnight first but inlaws watched him while we were in the hospital having my daughter, etc. But even that is a courtesy, to be honest. 

  
  

  My main point is this- make it clear NOW that you are the parents and what you say goes, or it will only get worse. Start thinking about Thanksgiving and Christmas now so it's not miserable.

  
  
  
  

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• Christina80xoxo member

  May 2015

  I have an aunt who doesn't have any grandchildren and we are very close. My grandma is still healthy enough to babysit too. They both want my baby all week, but I'm splitting the week between both of them. The problem is I'm very close to both of them. I'm kind of glad I'm only leaving her with each of them a couple days a week. My grandma acts like if she babysits while I'm at work then she's raising my daughter, and my aunt said she is going to be her second mommy. Ugh! I'm raising my kid and she only has one mommy!
  Having family to watch our babies is a huge blessing, but it can be frustrating too.
  I realized that once I made my wishes clear in a respectful way and showed my gratitude for their help they sucked it up and dealt with it. Just make your wishes clear from the beginning and let them know you appreciate them. Hopefully they will understand.

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• SharLovesAlex member

  May 2015 edited May 2015

  My MIL gets jealous when my mom comes over, and then she decides she has to come by that weekend, too. For Easter, I wanted to take the baby to my mom's, then his mom found out and insisted we come by after on our way home. It was such a long day for baby! My mom planned my shower, so now his mom is throwing us an out of control meet and greet tomorrow...with 40 of HER closest friends. It doesn't help that she thinks she's my son's mother rather than his grandmother, second guessing what I'm doing with him and always acting like she knows why he's crying or what he needs...he's my baby, I know his cries, he's not always hungry! He's gained 3 lbs since birth (maybe a little more now) so I know he gets fed enough. It's so irritating.
  
  We haven't yet found a way to be fair, or keep his mom from doing that every time we do something with my mother.

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• secretbaba member

  May 2015

  Wer're moving halfway around the world, and part of the reason (but only 25% or so) is to be closer to my mum. His mum can never imagine leaving the country and my husband is incredibly close to my family. This really is not helping relations as her jealousy, whilst immature, is understandable and making our lives until we go quite difficult. I feel your pain, but it's your baby, your family and you are in charge.

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• chelsco13 member

  May 2015

  My MIL has to be the one to watch mine when I go back to week but only because she's closer and my parents are 45 minutes away. My MIL can be very controlling and has told me when she out I was pregnant how I should do everything even discipline my lo when she gets older. She'll even tell people it's her baby then look at me and say I know you're the one that had her but she's my baby. I don't want my baby use to being held all day long so when she sleeps or she's calm I lay her down or put her in her swing and my MIL thinks she's suppose to hold her. Ever since I came home from the hospital her and her family thought I was suppose to have her sit with me every day but I never called her to come over

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• currcurr027 member

  May 2015

  Thank you ladies! Me and my husband have arranged to have a sit down with them to get things worked out before all the claws come out! They need to know I'm the one in charge when it comes to my baby! so wish me luck that I don't lose my courage lol and I wish you guys luck! Seems like we all have the crazy moms/mil's/and grandmothers who seem to know better than us!

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