Stay at home mom... need some help

Knottie16288692 · April 2015

My husband is adamant about me being a stay at home mom. Where I live childcare costs are outrageous and its especially hard to get someone to watch a newborn let alone a 3 month old. I only get 4 weeks of maternity leave at my current job and my husbands argument is that my whole check would go to daycare costs anyways. Its true... but I'm a little hesitant of letting go of my independence. I like having extra money or not having to ask for permission to buy something. He has a business from home and has mentioned I could work from home when the baby is on an appropriate schedule. He makes decent money but I worry that he's not considering the extra costs of the baby. Plus I pay all of my personal bills out of my checks. I honestly think he just wants his child in a safe environment. Don't get me wrong, I'm happy that he's thought all this through and is stepping up to the plate of "dad". But I really am just scared. I looked up legit stay at home jobs but some of them didn't look very legit to me. I've thought about going back to school... but its never been much of an option for me. I used experience and references to get the job I have now.

So my question is for the current Stay at home moms or moms who are about to stay at home ... what do you do? What are some legit jobs that can help me pull some of the weight?

Dreamingmommy4 · April 2015

First of all....Sit down and talk with your DH about your feelings. Make sure you guys are on the same page as far as budget, what bills need to be paid and maybe talk about you getting a little spending allowance each month. Staying at home is something I always wanted to do and DH was 100% on board as well so it worked out well for us. There are lots of ways to save money when it comes to baby costs if you are willing to do them, such as BFing and cloth diapering. Both take dedication but are well worth it. We have cloth diapered DD from one month old and plan on doing this one from birth.

as far as income goes, I started watching a friend's baby 5 days a week. It's not much, but it's something. We currently are living off of student loans while DH is in graduate school, so any little bit helps. I also am starting up a little photography business. It won't be much but it will be something. You could also get into one of those selling from home companies like norwex, Thrive, Doterra and other things like that. I know a number of SAHMs who make a decent income off of those. There are a lot of sacrifices that need to be made in order for a parent to stay home with a kid, but it is so worth it! I wouldn't trade doing this for anything.

good luck!

mgdunn · April 2015

I am a stay at home mom and I love it. I do think its more stressful than some jobs but definitely more rewarding. Like PP, I too started baby sitting my friends little girl. I WILL say I hate having to ask hubby for money. Usually he doesn't make it a big deal but it makes me feel like I'm less than him. I'm currently in school right now & am doing it all online. Goodluck in whatever you choose mama!

LaurenBee24 · April 2015

My boyfriend and I have decided that I am going to stay home with the baby, and that he will work from home two days a week so that I can finish school. However, I made it clear that i was not willing to ask for permission to go get my hair done etc. So, we are going to come up with a monthly budget outlining what each of us can spend on personal items each month so that I never have to ask.

anorthro · April 2015

Can you do half and half? Work part time and stay at home part time? That way you don't have to give up your personal career/independence, but get to stay home with the babe some of the time. I have a friend who does it. She sends her daughter to day care two days a week and works three. The money she makes working does mostly go to day care costs, but she gets some time be a working professional a few days a week, which is important to her.

Knottie16288692 · April 2015

anorthro I would have to find someone to watch my child because the daycares here only accept 3 months old. And its outrageous!! I'm not really comfortable leaving my baby with a stranger and I don't have any family members who could help out. I definitely want my independence, but I honestly don't think my husband would tell me I couldn't get my hair cut or couldn't have money for clothes or whatever I wanted. He gives me most of that stuff now without me asking lol Its mostly not wanting to be scammed by stay at home jobs and having extra income in case of emergency. I plan on breastfeeding and I thought about cloth diapering... but then I just started stocking up on diapers now wherever I can find them on sale. We hardly ever eat out or spend crazy amounts of money... Idk... Ive always worked and have taken care of myself. Its been a huge transition getting married, getting pregnant, and now possibly being a stay at home mom. I would love to be able to do it! I guess I'm just a worry wart lol

LATXwoman · April 2015

Can you save any money before you quit to stay at home? When I worked, I had my own checking account and id direct a small portion of my paycheck to that so I never had to answer to DH about personal expenses like clothes, nights out with girlfriends, books, etc... Now that I don't have that paycheck anymore, I still direct an even smaller portion of my savings to that account per month. It won't last forever, but it should last until the baby is old enough to be a little independent and let mom get some freelancing done on the side.

lanaloulittle · April 2015

My husband and I decided last June that I would be done working and we would start taking the steps to TTC. I'm bipolar, so it took a few months to get everything in order and I needed to work on my health before we tried. My husband also works from home so when baby comes we will both get a lot of time and help from each other. Though, I will say I grew up wanting to be a stay at home mom. I watched my mom do it for me and just knew. When it comes down to it I feel people just make it work. My parents raised 6 kids on a pastors salary with my mom supplementing through watching a neighbors kid. Good daycare is hard to find and even harder to find someone you trust. Sit down and talk about a budget. My husband does say no to a lot of things, but nothing that I ever need. I do have my own bank account that I transfer my monthly allowance, for lack of a better word, into. He doesn't have access to the account so that I can do whatever I want with it. My husband works in the youtube industry and believes strongly in the money in it, so I make crafting videos in my time to help our income. While the money doesn't come quickly that way, it does come eventually. There are a lot of legit ways out there for sahm's to make extra income, you just have to find something you are passionate about and feel comfortable doing.

StacieGle · April 2015

I stayed home when our 2nd son was born because of child care costs as well. My paycheck would really just pay for that cost so my hubs and I decided it would be more cost efficient for me to stay home. I felt the same way as you and worried endlessly how we'd make it work but it ended up working out in the end!

I own my own successful business doing something I really love now that allows me to still contribute to the household and be my extra play money.

Sometimes it just takes a leap of faith.

Saramore10 · April 2015

My husband owns his own business that i work at as well. I currently work during the day full time. Once baby comes i will be a stay at home mommy. I have already decided that i will change to night shift maybe 2 or 3 nights a week so i can get out as well and have some income of my own. I also sell on Ebay so that creates some income for me from time to time as well. Neither of us what the care of our child in someone else's hands. If you are able to stay home with your kids, take advantage of it cause not everyone can. If you're worried about your own time, express this to youe SO and make a plan to have a day to yourself a week. Or atleast a few hours for you to rejoice.

erinboehme · May 2015

My husband always makes it clear that just because he earns it, the money is not HIS - it is OURS. We have joint banking accounts, so everything is shared. If you are staying home, that doesn't mean you no longer get to use the money. There might not be a paycheck for that, but you certainly earn your keep!

Unknown · May 2015

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deanna1313 · May 2015

Maybe it's just me, but I don't know how people work from home with infants. I barely get anything done with my 11 my old and add working from home to the mix and I'd be a mess. Starting to think I'm the only one who can't manage! I don't know how some if you do it.

McRad · May 2015

Have you thought about doing a budget plan? If I was in your shoes, I'd combine all the bills-- yours and his-- along with whatever extra spending money yall feel comfortable with and see how his income covers it. If you can meet the bills and have a bit leftover, awesome! If not, maybe revisit the idea of your budgeted expectation. Then, while you're still working (I'm assuming you'll work until baby's due or however long??) put that money into savings. This will give you a flex account for any unplanned events. We don't touch it unless say the car breaks down or whatever.
Just a thought.
It can totally be done if you are committed to living a one income lifestyle. We do it and are just very aware of wants vs. needs and what can we do without. We also take 20% of his income and put it away each month for vacations and/or emergency. (vacations we budget a year or so in advance to save for)
It takes dedication but so rewarding!

Dreamingmommy4 · May 2015

deanna1313 said:
Maybe it's just me, but I don't know how people work from home with infants. I barely get anything done with my 11 my old and add working from home to the mix and I'd be a mess. Starting to think I'm the only one who can't manage! I don't know how some if you do it.

I totally get that. With watching a second kid, I still haven't quite got the hang of everything. I'm great at getting all three of our needs met, but the house and cooking?....not so much.

I haven't officially started the photography thing yet, but that will just be an occasional on the weekend type job.

deanna1313 · May 2015

@Dreamingmommy4 I'm with ya! With baby #2 coming I'm a little nervous. Is love a cleaner house and to be caught up on wash and have time to relax while being pregnant, but I feel like I have to pick one or the other.
People totally do it though and good for them! Maybe I need better organization skills! Lol
Funny because I wanted to start some photography training for about a year now to sometime down the road start a business, but with two so close in age I'm going to have to wait. Lol

eat111315 · May 2015

Like others have said, I don't think I could do work at home with a kid at home too. When they're little they're naps are so sporadic. Once they're on a schedule they need more attention when they're awake and when they're asleep you still have cooking and cleaning and showering to accomplish.

After our second, I stopped working full time. I work three days a week now in retail and let me say its a sanity saver. Obviously, I don't get paid that much so it's less about the money and more about the time out of the house and talking to grown ups. Bonus: if a kid's crying- it's not mine! I've had friends who've taken jobs as waitresses or hostesses for similar reasons. Might be worth exploring.

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