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June 2015 Moms
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Helping your first born deal with new baby

Raymer2Raymer2 member
in June 2015 Moms
Ok so today my first lo opened up about how she feels. She is 5yo but feels we don't love her as much as the lo. No matter how much attention we give her she says she still feels like she is being replaced. We have reassured her we love her just the same as her brother. But... it makes me feel horrible! So my question here is how are you stm dealing with helping your first born into becoming a sibling?
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Re: Helping your first born deal with new baby

  • lisamarieheinrichlisamarieheinrich member
    I'm going to be a stm too. I don't have any answers, but look forward to seeing what others come up with!!! My lo is 3... :)
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  • pixieprincsspixieprincss member
    Siblings Without Rivalry is a great book. It really is about preschool+ children, but it gave me loads of ideas for how pick my words (and mentality) carefully from the beginning. Also, I am really excited for Laura Markham's new book: https://www.amazon.com/Peaceful-Parent-Happy-Siblings-Fighting/dp/0399168451. You can also read what she says about siblings on ahaparenting.com

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    More Green For Less Green

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  • sidebothsideboth member
    So timely of a post.  I finally order stuff for the baby and when it arrived the first question was:  What did I get?  I could see him realize that he had some competition.  He is still really excited but I am learning that we will have to tread lightly.  My son is 4.5 and it's just been the three of us for so long.

    We are planning on him giving the baby a gift and in turn his sister "giving" him a gift when he comes to meet her.  I have been trying to make sure I get him little things when I order stuff for the baby.  I bought them matching towels etc.  It's hard.
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  • Sammy KSammy K member
    Mine isn't 2.5 yet, so not nearly as aware of what's going on as a preschooler. But we've been talking about all the great things he will get to teach his sister, like how to eat cookies and playing with Legos. We stop and see the babies at daycare and we listen to mom's belly and talk to baby. We're getting him a gift from baby and we're going to have him pick something out to give her. We just keep talking about her and hope the transition isn't too tough.
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  • allicat300allicat300 member
    My son is 6 and for a good two months he was acting out and telling us how he hates himself and after much questioning he finally broke down telling us that he didnt feel included. He felt like we werent able to love him and a baby.

    So we immediately started doing a once a week outing where we wouldnt mention the baby and have been making more of an effort to incorporate him in the planning and he has really come around. I think all kids are different but talking to him and tellinv him how important he is to us and making even more time for just him and making sure he 'knew' we couldnt do this without him has really made him excited for his new sister :)
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  • Cateash77Cateash77 member
    Great advice allicat300! We have a six year old too and he's been quite emotional lately. I realised it's because he is scared I will be hurt during labor and that everyone will love the baby more. We had a good talk to him about it and now I making a point of not talking about the baby or pregnancy as much and playing with him more, just spending time talking to him. I have found that bringing out videos of him and photos of when he was a baby and younger and us all watching them has helped him realise how special he is to us. I have also bought some 'presents' from the baby to him to be given to him the day I give birth, including a small trampoline which he has never had and always wanted. I don't want t go over the top, but when they are older and have had you all to themselves for a long time, I think softly softly is the best approach, I hope it helps anyway!
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  • JessHeppellJessHeppell member
    one idea for presents from Big sibling to LO could be a toy that they made from a build-a-bear type place. they can make one for themselves and make one for LO. i dont have any ideas as what to tell you in regards to the actual question though, but i think there was a thread previously about this that you could dig up and look through.
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  • laurendutchlaurendutch member
    JessHeppell said:

    one idea for presents from Big sibling to LO could be a toy that they made from a build-a-bear type place. they can make one for themselves and make one for LO. i dont have any ideas as what to tell you in regards to the actual question though, but i think there was a thread previously about this that you could dig up and look through.

    This is what I'm doing for my boys when I go in for my c-section. They can't wait. My boys are really excited but they are twins so they have always had to share our attention.

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  • Raymer2Raymer2 member
    I'm glad I'm not the only one going through this. I think I'll try the baby pictures with her see if it helps. We've done the outing and will probably continue to do it because we do basically whatever she wants and she gets so excited. I'll definately look into getting her something from the baby. Thank you all for your input it's helped so much!
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  • seeseaseesea member
    I was wondering the same thing about being a STM with my toddler. He's almost 2 and LO is still in the NICU at the moment. I've been thinking about how my toddler is going to behave once we bring the baby home. Ideally I'd like to have a relatively smooth transition when it happens. I've asked around and got different responses. The main idea I got is that the older child may feel like they're being replaced so they're going to need a little extra love. Now while the idea of giving a gift to or from the older child is really sweet, I'm not sure my 19 month old will understand that concept.

    So far we've shown him pictures/ videos and explained how this is his baby brother. He'd say "baby" so I think he kinda gets it but the idea may still be too abstract for him. Maybe I'm not giving him enough credit? I don't know. I would just like to see what else I can do besides the gift thing.
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  • thedothedo member
    I am with you... My 15 month old knows there is a baby in mama's belly, but has no idea. She's really to young to explain it all. Maybe we'll try the gift thing. I had heard that we should get her a baby doll to feed and hold. She has one but isn't really interested.
    Nervous...
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  • agapeflower117agapeflower117 member
    I'm nervous about this too, and my hospital has a "siblings class" that we signed my almost three year old up for. They get to tour the nursery, learn how to be a helper with diapers, etc. I'm hoping it helps ease his mind a bit! And ours, too.
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  • mghershkowitzmghershkowitz member
    My son is 4 years old, and he has a small level of Autism, so he really doesn't know what's going on. He will come up to me and poke at my belly or if I'm laying down he will put his head on my tummy. I've told him he's going to have a little sister, but he just smiles back at me :( . Sometimes he shakes his head saying no, when I tell him there's a baby in there. :(
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