2nd Pregnancy - TWINS! Should I make a registry?

jksears · April 2015

So, my first is about 19 months old and is a boy. We are now expecting twin girls at the end of the summer. My aunt really wants to throw me a shower because she says these could be the only twins in the family ever, plus we don't have any girl things. I really appreciate it as pretty much everything we have is boy (although I do plan on still using hand-me-downs as much as possible). Is it tacky for me to do a registry for this shower? I figure since we are having twins things are going to be a lot different this time around, but we do already have a lot from our first. What do you think? Is it tacky to have a registry? Any tips on what to avoid that you have thought wasn't classy? The only thing I especially want on the registry, but that I don't expect anyone to get for us is the second infant carseat. That way I can use the registry coupon they send in the mail to buy it.

Thanks for your input!

ktyrd007 · May 2015

I don't think there's any harm in making a small registry. People will ask what you want/need whether there is a shower or not so it will be helpful to have everything picked out and in one list.

wassuphoes · May 2015

jksears said:
So, my first is about 19 months old and is a boy. We are now expecting twin girls at the end of the summer. My aunt really wants to throw me a shower because she says these could be the only twins in the family ever, plus we don't have any girl things. I really appreciate it as pretty much everything we have is boy (although I do plan on still using hand-me-downs as much as possible). Is it tacky for me to do a registry for this shower? I figure since we are having twins things are going to be a lot different this time around, but we do already have a lot from our first. What do you think? Is it tacky to have a registry? Any tips on what to avoid that you have thought wasn't classy? The only thing I especially want on the registry, but that I don't expect anyone to get for us is the second infant carseat. That way I can use the registry coupon they send in the mail to buy it. Also, this probably doesn't factor in at all, but my husband is finally graduating from school this week - YAY - and doesn't have a job lined up, so we are rolling in the student debt. Probably doesn't make a difference, but that's our situation.

Thanks for your input!

I am of the opinion that it is tacky to have a shower for subsequent children. If people want to help you out and gift you items, they will do so without a shower invite. The only having boy items isn't really a valid reason either. There's no reason why you can't use blue items that have trucks on them for girls. And if strict gender roles was something you cared strongly about, you should have gone with gender neutral items the first time.

I would not side-eye you registering for goods because I understand registries have discounts and perks. I would side eye that registry being advertised. (Example: If your best friend asks if you registered anywhere, totally cool to be like, yes we did. Not cool if your best friend asks how the pregnancy is going and you're like "OMG we just registered at Blahblablah!")

If your Aunt won't take no for an answer on this shower, I would keep it small and family only. But I personally would skip the shower.

VOR · May 2015

A registry is a stand alone item that actually has nothing to do w/ a shower. If you want to register, then do so.

As far as a shower goes- I'm largely on the side of "for first children only", and a different sex? Not a reason at all. Blue stuff can be used on girls, pink stuff on boys. Not the end of the world.

BUT I will say that if someone I was close to found out they were having twins, I would gladly come to a shower for that. Twins is a different ball game and I would genuinely want to help. BUT, again, I stress "someone I was close to". I do agree - keep the shower small and to immediate family and CLOSE friends only. This is not a time to invite everyone you know.

KonaCoffeeBean · May 2015

A registry is fine, but not a shower. The purpose of the shower is to welcome a new parent to parenthood.

delujm0 · May 2015

KonaCoffeeBean said:
A registry is fine, but not a shower. The purpose of the shower is to welcome a new parent to parenthood.

All of this. If your aunt insists keep it very small and family only.

27alex · May 2015

Register for the completion discount.

Girls can wear boy clothes, it's not the end of the world. A shower is beyond tacky for a second child, and have twins of a different sex doesn't make it ok.

linjac1215 · May 2015

I guess I'm the odd one out. I love going to showers for 2nd, 3rd, even 4th babies (or more). I think every baby deserves to be celebrated and look at showers as more of a party rather than all about gifts. Look at it from this angle if it makes you more comfortable about accepting your aunt's offer. You can even put something on the invitation about just wanting to celebrate, and gifts aren't necessary. Although people will undoubtedly bring cute girl outfits I'm sure. Congrats on your growing family!

delujm0 · May 2015

I guess I'm the odd one out. I love going to showers for 2nd, 3rd, even 4th babies (or more). I think every baby deserves to be celebrated and look at showers as more of a party rather than all about gifts. Look at it from this angle if it makes you more comfortable about accepting your aunt's offer. You can even put something on the invitation about just wanting to celebrate, and gifts aren't necessary. Although people will undoubtedly bring cute girl outfits I'm sure. Congrats on your growing family!

There are so many things wrong with this post. it is an etiquette nightmare.

First of all, it is wrong to say "no gifts" on an invitation of any kind. if someone wants to get you a gift, discouraging that is considered rude. Graciously accept the generosity of others.

It's called a "shower" because the purpose of it is to "shower" the guest of honor with gifts. If you don't want to have a gift-giving event, just have a regular get together. Like a barbecue or something.

A baby shower's purpose is to honor the MOTHER and welcome her into motherhood. It is NOT about the child. How can you have a guest of honor who isn't actually in attendance at the party? If you want to honor the baby, have a sip-and-see in its honor after it is born.

It really irks me that people think that just because they're pregnant, everyone in the world should want to celebrate their wonderful achievement. You know that a vast majority of women worldwide have accomplished this great feat, correct? Some of them multiple times? it's not something that needs to be celebrated over and over and over.

Baby showers are a lovely gift from a host to welcome a NEW mother to motherhood. After you've already been a mother, you don't get to have another shower for any reason (twins, different sex, large age difference, etc). The ONLY exception is if the father is a first time dad - and even in that case, the only people that should be invited are the father's family and friends - no one that was at the mother's previous shower should be invited to a subsequent one. If you want to celebrate the baby, have a party after it is born. If you want to celebrate yourself...too bad, you already did that. If you want other people to buy you the things you need to raise your child...you should have thought of that before you got pregnant, and budgeted accordingly to buy it all yourself.

As i said earlier, if this is the norm in OP's family, and her aunt insists on it, i see nothing wrong with taking her up on a VERY SMALL event involving only VERY CLOSE family. But having a large shower for a subsequent baby (or babies) is unreasonable, and starkly against etiquette.

linjac1215 · May 2015

Wow. I didn't realize that your opinion on showers is the only right way. I do realize women give birth every day. And women have multiple children. I'm pregnant with my third. Every family celebrates babies differently and my family's way of doing it certainly does not compare to your viewpoint. You must have a rough time in this world if you get so upset over someone else's view on baby showers. I am astounded by how rude some grown women are on these boards. People are seeking advice, and advice is going to be different from different people. Hard concept, I know. Celebrate your baby the way you want. In my realm, showers are a celebration of the new baby, and I have literally been to over 20 showers for babies who weren't the FIRST child. Not that it matters, but you could obviously come up with a tactful way to say "gifts aren't necessary", which by the way is not the same as saying "gifts aren't allowed." And yes, absolutely could have a family oriented BBQ, or sip and see after the baby is born. The point is, whatever the host and mom to be agree is best.

I hope a different perspective helped you out jksears

just know that people will be happy to celebrate your new babies whichever way makes you most comfortable!

wassuphoes · May 2015

linjac1215 said:
Wow. I didn't realize that your opinion on showers is the only right way. I do realize women give birth every day. And women have multiple children. I'm pregnant with my third. Every family celebrates babies differently and my family's way of doing it certainly does not compare to your viewpoint. You must have a rough time in this world if you get so upset over someone else's view on baby showers. I am astounded by how rude some grown women are on these boards. People are seeking advice, and advice is going to be different from different people. Hard concept, I know. Celebrate your baby the way you want. In my realm, showers are a celebration of the new baby, and I have literally been to over 20 showers for babies who weren't the FIRST child. Not that it matters, but you could obviously come up with a tactful way to say "gifts aren't necessary", which by the way is not the same as saying "gifts aren't allowed." And yes, absolutely could have a family oriented BBQ, or sip and see after the baby is born. The point is, whatever the host and mom to be agree is best.

I hope a different perspective helped you out jksears just know that people will be happy to celebrate your new babies whichever way makes you most comfortable!

It's not hard to have a party not centered around gifts. It's called a Sip N See, and it's entire point is so people can come meet the baby.

Parties thrown before the baby comes and are called showers are all about gifts. This isn't rocket science people, it's not that hard.

delujm0 · May 2015

Etiquette isn't an opinion. Here is what Miss Manners has to say about Subsequent Showers:

Subsequent Baby Showers

Miss Manners doesn't recommend that a pregnant woman have a baby shower if she is welcoming any other child other than her first. The purpose of baby showers is to equip the guest of honor with all the items she needs to care for her first baby; once the woman is having a second or third child, it's in better taste for her to have a small, informal gathering if her close friends and loved ones insist on having a celebration for her. Setting up a gift registry for a shower that isn't for the guest of honor's first child is bad manners, and gives the impression that the honoree is begging for gifts.

Now, i don't necessarily agree about the registry - because having a registry will get you coupons to buy things for yourself. But i would agree that adding the registry info to an invitation to any event for a subsequent child is in poor taste. If someone asks you if you have one, tell them about it, but i wouldn't advertise it. Other than the registry thing, this is basically exactly what i said earlier.

HeavenBlessedMom · May 2015

No
And I can top that
I had a 16 mo DD when the triplet boys were born. Sprinkles or 2nd registries are greedy

Ps registry coupons are generally 10 or 15%. Store coupons are 20 or 25%

cseley321 · May 2015

If your aunt is wanting to throw you a shower for your twins, I see no problem in graciously accepting. Keep the list to close family and very, very close friends. There is no harm in registering, but as others mentioned I would not advertise the registry within the invitations. If someone specifically asks where you're registered at, tell them the store.

Bigboobsmcgee · May 2015

delujm0 said:

linjac1215 said:
I guess I'm the odd one out. I love going to showers for 2nd, 3rd, even 4th babies (or more). I think every baby deserves to be celebrated and look at showers as more of a party rather than all about gifts. Look at it from this angle if it makes you more comfortable about accepting your aunt's offer. You can even put something on the invitation about just wanting to celebrate, and gifts aren't necessary. Although people will undoubtedly bring cute girl outfits I'm sure. Congrats on your growing family!

There are so many things wrong with this post. it is an etiquette nightmare.

First of all, it is wrong to say "no gifts" on an invitation of any kind. if someone wants to get you a gift, discouraging that is considered rude. Graciously accept the generosity of others.

It's called a "shower" because the purpose of it is to "shower" the guest of honor with gifts. If you don't want to have a gift-giving event, just have a regular get together. Like a barbecue or something.

A baby shower's purpose is to honor the MOTHER and welcome her into motherhood. It is NOT about the child. How can you have a guest of honor who isn't actually in attendance at the party? If you want to honor the baby, have a sip-and-see in its honor after it is born.

It really irks me that people think that just because they're pregnant, everyone in the world should want to celebrate their wonderful achievement. You know that a vast majority of women worldwide have accomplished this great feat, correct? Some of them multiple times? it's not something that needs to be celebrated over and over and over.

Baby showers are a lovely gift from a host to welcome a NEW mother to motherhood. After you've already been a mother, you don't get to have another shower for any reason (twins, different sex, large age difference, etc). The ONLY exception is if the father is a first time dad - and even in that case, the only people that should be invited are the father's family and friends - no one that was at the mother's previous shower should be invited to a subsequent one. If you want to celebrate the baby, have a party after it is born. If you want to celebrate yourself...too bad, you already did that. If you want other people to buy you the things you need to raise your child...you should have thought of that before you got pregnant, and budgeted accordingly to buy it all yourself.

As i said earlier, if this is the norm in OP's family, and her aunt insists on it, i see nothing wrong with taking her up on a VERY SMALL event involving only VERY CLOSE family. But having a large shower for a subsequent baby (or babies) is unreasonable, and starkly against etiquette.

Man you are grouchy. Do you feel better being the Queen of all things baby shower related?! JFC. And no, I'm not a newb, I know how this board works but shit dude, not everyone does things the way Miss Manners states they should.

tate62610 · June 2015

My first is 20 months and we have a registry for our little boy all set up

I did not have a shower with my first due to living on a different continent from everyone so my close friends back home want to host a shower this time around. Since the guest list has been left up to me, it will be kept small and intimate meaning I'm not inviting a bunch of women from church I only speak to on Sundays or family and friends I know darn well aren't going to show up. Oh and nobody will be opening presents for me or addressing their own Thank You note envelopes lol

lalala2004 · June 2015

I don't think there is anything wrong with it as long as someone wants to host it. I would just say to not expect it for a second child. I've been to many second showers, even if the baby wasn't a different sex! At first I thought it was odd, but I figure if people want to host one and show up, they will. If people don't like it, they won't come, and that's ok, too. My SIL didn't register for her second shower, and she pretty much only got clothes (but that was fine, since she didn't have any girl clothes).

I understand why people would think it was in bad taste, but when it comes down to it, I don't see it as being a big deal.

neonpotatoes · June 2015

@delujm0 all I am going to say on your so called etiquette is that if only my husband's side was invited to a shower, for whatever reason, there best be a my side shower or there would be a lot of hurt feeling.

luziobraun · June 2015

@delujm0 Tell us how you really feel. People are so big behind a keyboard.

wassuphoes · June 2015

........ @Neonpotatoes @Luziobraun

Dudes. The last reply on this thread is June 14th. The thread is dead. Don't resurrect zombies, necromancy is not appreciated around here.

2nd Pregnancy - TWINS! Should I make a registry?

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