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Second time baby shower

bunnysladybunnyslady member
edited April 2015 in September 2015 Moms
So we are having our second girl and I wanted to see how everyone felt about having a small celebration; not really a shower. Like, have everyone over the the house and just celebrate and have it on the invitation that gifts are optional, but certainly not necessary or expected. The reason that I ask is that several of my friends have recently had their second children and did not have any type of acknowledgment of the child (same sex or not). I grew up in a family that celebrated everything for everyone; but I do not want to appear tacky since this is our second girl. But I am torn since I am used to celebrating things. 
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Re: Second time baby shower

  • MufflerloveMufflerlove member
    edited April 2015
    My sister recently told me she wanted to have me a shower. She didn't realize people only have one until I told her. I would not feel comfortable inviting my friends when none of them had a second shower. I told my sister if she really wants to do something plan like a pedicure party or something. Just getting together and having fun. Maybe something like that? Pedis and lunch as a last time out before baby or something.
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  • thinkpink101thinkpink101 member
    If you are having a second "shower" I definitely wouldn't send the invite myself, a friend should be the hostess. Honestly though, a second shower when you are having a baby of the same gender and when none of your friends have had showers for subsequent children seems like a big no no. Writing "gifts optional" is worse than saying nothing IMO. In your situation I would host a sip & see after the baby is born and make no mention of gifts whatsoever. I'm sure friends and family will still bring something for the baby

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  • mmd091909mmd091909 member
    I come from a very big family (26 first cousins just on my moms side). We celebrate every baby with a shower. This is my third boy and I do not need a single thing. I have expressed this to them and they still want to have a 'shower' for this new little one. It will be very low key and just family.
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  • LaurenNewphLaurenNewph member
    I say go for it! Have a baby party/bbq it doesn't have to be a shower, just a fun celebration!
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  • mel0601mel0601 member
    I say do whatever you want! People spend too much time wondering what other people will think!! It's your baby! If you want to have 10 celebrations before their arrival then why can't you!!
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  • surprisepkg31surprisepkg31 member
    My friend threw our mutual friend a diaper party instead for her second. I thought that was a great alternative, and of course people still bought little side gifts for the baby. I could really see that with her Second she felt like no one really cared. I brought her food 2 weeks after the birth and she said I was the only person who did that this time around and I felt shocked. I think there are so many ways to do things. Food train planning, hand me down gifting, diaper parties, baby book party, regular bbq! Just a party! Skies the limit.
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  • lemondroplifelemondroplife member
    I am having another baby shower for this one but only because my first turned 9 and has a different father and this baby is my husband's first child.
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  • beckygoetz93beckygoetz93 member
    I have been struggling with this question too. But honestly who cares what other people think? If it's a no no for them then have them not come. And I would put gifts are optional. If someone put that I would truly believe they felt that way. I saw someone did a baby sprinkle on IG and thought it was a cute idea. You aren't throwing it to get gifts you're throwing it to celebrate a new life coming into the world.
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  • Kayciejoe56Kayciejoe56 member
    Honestly, I would not (and won't) have a shower for a second. If your family wants to celebrate the baby you could have a small dinner with just family. No invitations necessary... it seems to me like invitations seem more formal and would insinuate gifts. Just call close family and say you want to see everyone before baby is here and life gets crazy. I would keep it just family or maybe include your closest friend or two that know your family too. Chances are family may still bring something small for the baby, but I wouldn't have like a specific gift opening time.

    Side note: a friend of mine had a shower for her second girl, and I pretty much side eyed the whole thing, as it's pretty uncommon in our group! Although I'm not really into showers to begin with, it just seemed gift grabby to me. It was at her own home and a full on shower style: games, brunch, gifts etc. Plus her girls are barely a couple years apart.
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  • bunnysladybunnyslady member
    Thanks for the insight ladies. I do appreciate hearing both points of view. And just to clarify, I don't actually want gifts, I just want to celebrate having another blessing from above. 
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  • excited2bmommy09excited2bmommy09 member
    Until joining this board I didn't realize people DON'T have showers for second or third babies! Out here in California we apparently celebrate everything too lol. I say if you want to have a celebration for baby then go for it! I don't know how anyone could even get upset about it if you aren't asking for gifts or anything. Babies are exciting and celebrating them seems perfectly natural to me. Maybe just call it a BBQ or something if people are gonna get fired up about it :)
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  • PhoenixJewelsPhoenixJewels member
    My oldest will be 11 by the time her brother is born so I have 0 baby items left. My mother is throwing me a shower in July.

    I love parties and get togethers celebrating a new little baby. And it's 2015, a lot of those old fashioned social stigmas about showers are fading as society moves towards being more open and malleable to different situations and people.
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  • thefuturemrsdanielthefuturemrsdaniel member
    I'm not having one for my 2nd boy. I may however do a " sip n see" after he's born. This way everyone gets to meet him and it's most definitely all about him and celebrating him and doesn't appear to be about the gifts. Just an idea I was more comfortable with. I feel like more people would be more willing to come if there's an adorable baby to look at :) plus it gives you a reason to dress up and get out of the yoga pants after haha
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  • UnicornFarts1125UnicornFarts1125 member
    edited May 2015
    sschwege said:

    bunnyslady said:

    So we are having our second girl and I wanted to see how everyone felt about having a small celebration; not really a shower. Like, have everyone over the the house and just celebrate and have it on the invitation that gifts are optional, but certainly not necessary or expected. The reason that I ask is that several of my friends have recently had their second children and did not have any type of acknowledgment of the child (same sex or not). I grew up in a family that celebrated everything for everyone; but I do not want to appear tacky since this is our second girl. But I am torn since I am used to celebrating things. 

    I think you pretty much answered your own question there.  In some circles showers for STM+ are common, but in other circles they would be frowned upon.  I did not have a shower for my second or third, I've never been invited to a shower for a STM, it just isn't done.  I'm of the mind that if you have to ask chances are it's not a good idea. 

    If you decide to do it anyway, make no mention of presents being optional.  Let's be honest here, how many people are going to be comfortable showing up without a present even if it says, 'optional'.  That wouldn't really seem optional in most people's minds regardless of what it says on the invite.



    This. Also, if it's really just a small get together, I see no need for formal invitations, and hence no need to mention gifts at all. Why can't you just invite people over for dinner? Just say you want to have company before you go back into the months of newborn hibernation. That's not a shower. It's a dinner party. No gifts expected.
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  • VesperLoveVesperLove member
    Unless someone else decides to throw you something, I don't think this is something that you can really do anything about without looking tacky. It seems like in your circle of friends a second shower, especially for same sex as previous child, is not a norm. So if you planned one or had a hand in planning one, it probably wouldn't go over too well.

    If someone else decides to throw you something, I would do everything in my power to make sure 1) it was small, 2) gifts were not just "optional" but completely unnecessary and 3) something you had absolutely no part in planning/organizing.

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  • mrscate88mrscate88 member
    I'm in California same as @excited2bmommy09 so our culture sounds like it's a bit different than yours. Everyone I know celebrates every baby with a huge shower and gifts, regardless of the sex. It's never considered tacky here. My husband's aunt is on baby # 3 also due in September and her sister is throwing her a full-on traditional baby shower. If you just had a girl and you're having another girl, someone usually throws you a diaper party and everyone just brings diapers and wipes (at the very least). I had never even heard the term 'gift grabby' in relation to a new baby until I joined this forum.

    BUT your cultural region does sound a bit different considering that no one in your circles acknowledges a second baby with a party. If that were the case for me, I would consider my environment and opt out. I definitely wouldn't throw my own baby shower or party if I were in your shoes, but if someone else insisted on hosting one and doing the full arrangements, I don't think it's tacky to accept. I would not register anywhere and I would not put anything about gifts on an invitation. I would personally just keep it a small family thing and skip invites altogether, unless someone hosting it insists on sending invites.

    Ultimately, you have to do what works for you and not worry too much about what strangers on the internet think ;-)
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  • soberrysweetsoberrysweet member
    surprisepkg31 said:

    My friend threw our mutual friend a diaper party instead for her second. I thought that was a great alternative, and of course people still bought little side gifts for the baby. I could really see that with her Second she felt like no one really cared. I brought her food 2 weeks after the birth and she said I was the only person who did that this time around and I felt shocked. I think there are so many ways to do things. Food train planning, hand me down gifting, diaper parties, baby book party, regular bbq! Just a party! Skies the limit.

    She honestly felt like no one cared even though they came to a second shower for her and brought her diapers? Wow.

    How much does she expect people to do for her when she has a kid?
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