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Birthday Frustration (long)

lhathhornlhathhorn member
in School-Aged Children
My only child's 3rd birthday is coming up next month and it's the first birthday that she really "gets" how special it is when it's someone's birthday. She's talked for weeks about when her friend had a birthday and was so excited for her daddy's. Even telling him he couldn't have any of his leftover birthday cake "cause it's not your birthday." She even refuses to eat it because "it's not my cake." She asks every morning if it's her birthday yet.... So yeah this is going to be a big special day!

Now I get an invite from my cousin for a combo birthday party for 2 of his 5 kids (neither or which even have a birthday in the month of May).... On my daughters birthday! No I haven't mailed her invites yet- her birthday is still just over a month away. But we have a huge celebration every yr. ON her birthday. He simply said "oops I didn't know." Grrrr.

It's a huge drive for us to celebrate with my family, so it's not like we can schedule on a different day (even though I don't think we should have to.). My whole family including parents are drastically closer to my cousin's kids because they all live in the same town & he heavily relies upon them to help raise his kids. They feel like need to be at that birthday rather than my daughters. So I'm frustrated.

How do I tell her that her day isn't so special to any of my family? How do I tell her that her grandma & pa are going to her cousins non-birthday birthday party?

Has anyone else had a similar scheduling problem (or idiot cousin)? What did you do?
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Re: Birthday Frustration (long)

  • kmcc14kmcc14 member
    Sorry, that is a frustrating situation.  I personally have not had this issue, but you might get more responses if you post this on the Birthday Parties board.
    Me: 30 DH: 35 
    TTC #1 - Jan 2015
    BFP on 5/13/15
    DD born 1/24/16
    TTC #2 - Jun 2017
    BFP on 8/24/17
    Anniversary 
    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker


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  • neverblushedneverblushed member
    That's frustrating and seems inconsiderate of your cousin not to think about other family birthdays.

    But don't despair!  You can still have an awesome celebration that meets all of your 3 y/o's expectations for a "birthday party."

    Decide if there are guests who you MUST have attend the party (relatives, other kids, classmates, etc.)  Clear the date with them. If your parents can't make it on the actual birthday because of the other family party, and you want family members to be there, you'll have to pick another day and start laying the groundwork with your DD now.  Present that she'll have TWO birthday celebrations: a little party on her actual birthday with just Mommy and Daddy, and a bigger party on a different day with others there.  Stay positive.  If you present this as a good thing, she'll think it's good.  If you reveal your frustration and disappointment, she'll be disappointed and sad.  Don't do that to her.

    All you really need for a successful 3 y/o "birthday party" is decorations, a cake with candles, singing, and presents. Trust me when I say that a 3 y/o will be satisfied by these key components, even without grandparents and lots of other guests.

    I know you were just venting, but you do NOT tell your child "Hey, your birthday isn't special to grandma and grandpa!  They'd rather go to your cousin's non-birthday party."  You say NOTHING about them.  If the only "guests" at her party are you and her dad, she'll probably be fine with this.
    High School English teacher and mom of 2 kids:

    DD, born 9/06/00 -- 12th grade
    DS, born 8/25/04 -- 7th grade
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  • lhathhornlhathhorn member
    Thank you for the replies. I didn't see a birthday parties forum. I do appreciate the advise & reassurance that all will be fine though. I was just venting; I don't let my daughter see my disappointment but I am concerned as this is kind of typical of my family. I know my daughter will have a great birthday & we will make it special whether we have a family party or not. Thanks again.
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  • DesignermommaDesignermomma member
    Is there no way your cousin will reschedule their party? Could they turn the cousin party into a 3 kid celebration to include your daughter? We usually just have grandparents over for birthdays until about 4. Then we have kid parties and invite the whole class. We celebrate with family (cousins etc) separately. Like we have a March/April/May get together and exchange gifts for all the birthdays. Then there are 4 November birthdays we just pick a date to all get together, give gifts, eat cake and sing a long list of names happy birthday. It makes it easier to not book every weekend with a party to break it up into groups.
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